This is really difficult to type out.
For about three years now, I’ve been suffering from stress and depression - or at least, I’m pretty sure its depression. My doctor, my therapists, have been incredibly vague and it hasn’t done me any favors.
This has brought a load of trouble with it, not the least of which is that I dropped out of university and, more recently, quit my job. I am currently living at home, and have been for almost a year. My current plans are to start university again, but it’ll be another four months before I even know if I got in.
The worst part about it all has been the insomnia. Some of you who’ve followed me since I started this blog last year will know that over the entire summer of 2015, I just didn’t sleep. I eventually needed meds, and also started therapy - it all helped. I felt better. I slept better, even though I’ve always been a bad sleeper. ‘Bad sleep’ is still better than ‘no sleep’ trust me.
My insomnia’s back. It’s not as bad as it has been - I’ve still moved that far, but it is still the most terrifying thing to me, and I don’t feel equipped to handle it at all. My depression’s spiked recently, because I was so unhappy at work, and it’s shown in my activity on this blog: I’m not here, and when I am, my heart isn’t in it the way it used to be.
So I’m putting this blog on hiatus. Maybe forever, I don’t know. I feel guilty, for not getting to my replies, because I do really want to write with you guys: I’ve loved starting this blog and being a part of this community. But right now, doing RP is too big of a stress-factor and I need to stop it, because it feels more and more like a chore the more depressed I get.
I’m really sorry to everyone I have threads with. Just drop them all, because I won’t be back for the forseeable future, I don’t think. That sounded way less harsh in my head - it’s been so much fun, it really has, and I’m glad this community has been so accepting and kind to me. You’re all amazing, and a part of me will always want to do this, write with others and not just for myself. I just need to put my own health before what I might want.
Now I have no idea how to end this. Um, stay safe?
