USE HEADPHONES 🌅

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@unlitdreams
USE HEADPHONES 🌅
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
— The return. (via: @unlitdreams)
“I hope you lie to me.”
— Lie To Me by: 5 Seconds of Summer | probably a song I like from their new album and I’d loop in one week because I can relate a bit. (via: @unlitdreams)
“I won’t. I can’t promise, but I won’t.”
— words from the broken. (via: @unlitdreams)
“We are less than something but more than nothing” // We almost made it happenings pt.2
Dreams.
Do you frequently get dreams?
I do, and it’s kinda one of the things that make me incredibly down. We all know that when we dream, it can be our own thoughts and maybe that is what’s happening inside my head as I dream.
Few people on here do know that I can remember most of my dreams so they’re quite fascinated by the idea of that but sometimes, dreaming can be exhausting. Too exhausting, for a matter of fact for those of you who do not experience or seldomly dream.
But yea, the reason why I am writing this is because I’ve just woken up like thirty minutes ago from a dream. I need to go early therapy today so it’s best I keep being awake for the time being.
My dream consisted of me sitting on a chair at the far most right corner of the room. Casually scrolling down through my phone when I heard a sudden knock on the door. I came to see who it was, a bit shocked as to who will be the visitor. As I opened the door gently, it was Alice. I raised my eyebrow as to why she was visiting but I let her in with the appearance of confusion.
I let her sat down and asked if she wanted some coffee, she declined and said she’ll just be really fast and just wanted matters to be discussed. So I sat down in front of her and tried to listen to her words intently.
For the words she said, I will keep that to myself. I guess it was either what she really wanted to say to me in real life, my consciousness telling me, or we’re somehow in the same dream as Alice— I doubt the latter.
I got a sudden message, which was also weird since no one really messages or texts me for the past two weeks so I picked up my phone to see the notification and saw that it was Leo. My heart plummeted into a pool of euphoria the moment I saw a message pop up from my screen but was quickly replaced with an ache that I couldn’t really describe. My dark brown eyes stared at the screen, asking myself what to do in a situation like this. I closed my phone and went back to the matter at hand which was talking to Alice.
Alice’s nose was already on her phone when I came back and the look on her face had the emotion of disgust. I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t in the place to ask such things so I asked her for some water.
She looked up at me with the same disgusted expression and stood up. “You know what, no. You need to learn how to give up sometime soon.”
I was really surprised by the sudden tone of her voice. She picked up everything, looked back at me and softly said, “Do it.” And walked away from me, closing shut the door.
I was, in most cases like this, still in the state of surprise. I want to believe that it’s something related to what’s happening right now, but there’s something in me telling me that it’s not that. Gut says it is.
People did say to always trust your gut feeling, so I’ll go with my gut feeling.
I’ll go back.
Back to where it started.
“No one knew what she was going through since no one wanted to ask her.”
— she’s going back, but going back to solitude means she will truly find herself. (via: @unlitdreams)
“Shutting you out was hard. But what’s harder is opening up for anyone else ever again,”
23:40 - I can’t face the idea of letting anyone that close to me again (moondustanddreams)
“But she knew that he was much more happier without her.”
— The sad truth part II (via: @unlitdreams)
And it’s crazy.
He was never happy with her.
The sad truth part I. (via: @unlitdreams)
Breakdown #1.
Why yes, it’s my fault.
I never really knew that I’d be writing this at 2 in the morning while talking to someone who’s got their own problems to deal with but still manages to comfort me in the simplest of ways. Let’s call her Lynn, she’s been a friend of mine all the way back. Well, I wouldn’t call it as friends but she and I were well acquainted since we have mutual friends.
Time skip for around the tenth grade when we started talking again. She was kind and almost too nice for me. She something incomprehensible, indescribable. But situations got the best of us and we went our separate ways now.
Being thrown in a dark place by someone you love is something that can traumatize you for a long time. Seeing someone you love go back to the person whom you thought you trusted, but slowly broke you, shatters your heart into millions of pieces and you start to choke to keep the tears from flowing out.
You know it’s getting worse when you start to keep being away for nights, just thinking about every single mistake that you’ve done. It’s getting worse that your insecurities are falling perfectly into place like the flawed person that I am. It’s getting worse when every single day that passes, all that’s in your head is how he told you that it’s all your fault. That it will never be.
Never. Be.
Deep down, I hope that if I fall asleep right now with puffy eyes and a bleeding heart, it’ll be my last and eternal slumber. Maybe I’d choke on my own food, somewhere along the line of life if ever my wish of sleeping eternally will not be granted. Maybe have a heart failure much more earlier than expected and no one will have to deal with my loss. I am merely some troubled guest in the unfair world and I’m sure as hell I’ll most probably be alone in the end.
I’d have that. So no one would have to suffer.
And that ends this, uhh, text post. Kinda wanna write sad shit so that’s gonna be up in around a few hours.
Take care of yourselves while I’m gone and just be happy.
Bye.
She’s better.
— I’m not. (via: @unlitdreams)
gentle reminder
it’s okay to feel down sometimes, just take your time and use that time to focus on yourself, because you’re important
Escape.
We all need some kind of escape from life.
Hey there, Dodie here. I just wanna tell y’all about how my week is going but before that, I want to ask how you guys are doing. How are you feeling? Are you doing okay? Is everything alright? If ever there is something the matter, something that’s bothering you, please never hesitate to DM me. I’ll try lending you my ear to listen.
Moving on with the main topic of this post, it’s around like, 9 in the morning and I haven’t got any sleep because I binge watched MatPat and like, Love, Rosie and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. So if it may seem that my thoughts are all around and isn’t clear, it’s because of the lack of sleep I have.
As some of you know, I am currently going to both therapy and review classes. I haven’t had any sort of interaction aside from the therapy people, kids and review kids. For outside of that, I don’t have anyone to talk to which is kinda sad but I’m getting used to it. It’s always been this way, I am a temporary person to everyone’s life- you talk for a short time and then the communication fades away.
For the past week, I’ve been going home late, too late as a matter of fact. Around 11, I go out of the house to go to my therapy. This kid, let’s call him Joseph, he is the sweetest most nicest person ever. He’s like the epitome of being a gentleman. He always opens doors for me when we’re together, keeps a distance when talking to me, and says the nicest things to me. He told me that he likes to have a distance with girls so that people won’t get the wrong impression of us and that was great. He has a girlfriend, I practically love someone whom I haven’t talked to for a week or two and I want to believe that we’ll be good friends.
Therapy was fine. Name, age, why we’re in therapy.
Uhh, hi I’m Dodie- that’s my nickname from other certain people. I’m 17 years old, the time of going to prison is slowly becoming a reality, and I’m diagnosed with a lot of things that I’d rather keep to myself.
Then the leader, or the doctor, would always ask us how we are doing after our short introduction. We’d all say we’re fine, but there were days everyone was down and we’d comfort each other.
Right after therapy, I go to my review classes where I’d rather sit alone at a table and just listen to what the teacher’s got to tell us. At times, a kid would joke and they’d all laugh while I’m just there, smiling. These past few weeks, I’ve also noticed that my ability to laugh slowly faded away. I noticed that I don’t laugh at videos. I don’t laugh at jokes. I don’t laugh at anything funny and I don’t know if it’s something good or something bad, my facial expression is limited to a smile but other than a smile, nothing more.
It’s around 6 or 7 when the classes are over and I can go home.
But that’s the thing, I don’t go home right away.
I go to wherever my feet takes me. I usually go to malls and such but I was just walking aimlessly. There was the urge of drinking. There was the urge of going to some sort of high parking and just sit there, looking at the city lights in both awe and disgust but I resisted myself.
Since I commute, it takes time for me to get on a jeep. I don’t do cars, they’re too expensive for my taste. I’ve been pretty lucky for the week, my phone and wallet is still with me so that’s something. There are just times that I go to this internet cafe and just play League until I’ve got no more money left (except for the commute money ofc). There was this one time I went home around 1. I was even debating whether or not I should go home and just ask people if I can just stay at their house.
But yea, that’s how my weeks are going. I’m kinda in the middle of debating whether I should play or sleep, but maybe I’ll take my first choice since I have therapy later.
Hey, take care of yourselves. You’re rad.
Bye.