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@unpluggedtruths-blog
I passed my national test!!!
So ready to start volunteering for the Fire Department. Just gotta pass the demanding physical test but I got this.
Classes, learning, challenging myself all has been really fun. I’m getting better at Spanish too so I certainly see the hard work that I’m putting in. I just have to adjust better and work harder and smarter.
spanish words of the week
mucho gusto
Encantada de conocerle
hay una escuala de paramedica en venuezla
why do you like to study medicine
un poco
me mudé a nueva york cuando tenia 20 anos
naci
trabajo en tecnologia Quiero ser un doctor
de quien (whose) estoy estudiando para la escuela de medicina
dame
que pasas haciendo
se sentía como en casa
nunca me sentí tan feliz
proyecto ecológico
destruyen
conservan
naturaleza
amable
carinosa
voy
fui
como
casi
apagar
estaba
la selva
animales
plantas
conseguir
tome
espiritu
vi
traumas
intelectual
tierra
probado como la tierra, como barro
no vomite, un
I won’t forget what that love felt like.
the night fills me in...
i experience an overwhelming feeling that sweeps into my core, it highlights the areas I tend to ignore...
I am trying so hard. I walked away from six figures to pursue something completely unconventional. Two years ago, I told myself that at 21 I would be making 6 figures- that was my dream. I came close, I hit that figure during my last month before I turned 22. The only thing I truly aspired to. I made that dream came true. I signed an incredible offer for the job that I moved out here for in LA but it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It truly made me feel empty. I know I feel way better now but...
I am scared. I am so scared. This is almost like the same uncertainty I had when I ran away in the middle of the night with only three bags two and half years ago. It was the darkest period of my life. I broke down every day, a lot of my friends stopped talking to me, I hung out with so many negative people. I was so damn hurt. But so much light came out from it. I grew so much. I met positive people. I fell in love again with Nature and myself. And that’s precisely what I am doing right now. I’m falling harder for the world, myself, and others. I suppose this is a good thing at the same time because I’m finally feeling again. Even though it’s a bit painful.
I recognize that so much now and I’ve come along away. I am scared shitless but I know I have to do this just like I knew I had to leave my house. It’s a lot of work but I can’t let that weigh me down.
I can’t wait for Ecuador and Colombia. I’m going to learn so much. I miss Peru, my heart literally aches but I know I’m finding my home.
I have to keep trekking like Mother Ayahuasca showed me. I need to be more patient. I need to trust.
como el viento
estaba libre en Peru, en Latin America. Volvere.
core feeling: gratefulness
I feel so different. I’ve been working very hard to achieve a core feeling of gratefulness despite whatever the day throws at me and a core feeling of joy. I’m appreciating my science classes more and expanding my scientific reasoning skills more. I’m not rushing through the class just because I need it for medical school.
Although some days I feel like working, taking classes, focusing on my Spanish, and doing physical training is a lot, I have to remind myself that I am just getting use to this schedule and over in the summer when I was taking an accelerated EMT class while working, some days defeated me too. By recognizing that, I feel better and know that I can’t quit. I must go on.
Even with that going on, I am trying better to manage my time and I think this feeling calls for another test. I’m going to sign up for the Boston Marathon since it falls near my birthday and I’m already starting training now.
I am getting stronger thanks to all the blessings (lessons) that I have experienced. Muchas gracias Madre Tierra.
I was reflecting back to this person that I met not too long ago. He is probably the first guy I genuinely wanted to kiss without having any alcohol/weed in my system.
I didn’t kiss him. But it still was a great feeling.
I’m proud to say that I no longer smoke nor drink alcohol. I feel strong. I don’t have the need to get fucked up every Friday night like I use to a couple months ago (well at least with weed) and then a year ago with alcohol.
Maybe one day we will meet and it will happen. Nonetheless it was still great. And I appreciate that moment. It’s something that I am going to use a standard. I am willing to wait.
When my ex first kissed me when I was sober, I just couldn’t. It was so weird. He’s attractive (well not anymore because of his personality) but if I were to just see a picture of him, yeah he is pretty hot. I even told him it felt weird. Should have listened to my instincts.
I am so happy I am embracing my instincts and trusting my body. The other day a guy from my EMT class wanted to hang out with me- well he has been wanting to but I just get this weird feeling that he just wants to hook up. I actually made plans to go hiking in the AM before the sunrise but I woke up at 6 so we didn’t go. Oddly enough I had a nightmare that he was basically assaulting me. It was so frightening. Whether I was right or wrong, I blocked him because of the weird feelings and this dream. It felt so good to be strong in my decision. No looking back. I’m finally understanding what mate will be good for me. It’s pretty powerful. We are going to make a strong fucking team.
I just booked my flights to Ecuador and Colombia.
science.
I’m taking three science classes this summer for my pre-reqs before I go to medical school. It’s only been a couple of weeks but it’s been such a drag. I detest this way of reductionist thinking.
There is so much to this world that we cannot understand but simply need to appreciate. The over-engineering of this toxic culture that we are living in has hurt us and will continue to hurt us. When will we learn?
I just have to get past these 4 classes (organic chemistry next) and then I’m out of the USA, out of this dominant, toxic culture.
In the meantime, I’m trying to make the most of this situation by adding little things to my life. I created a small little garden in my room and I’m going to continue this for our rooftop garden. I realized how much plastic I am using as well with just consuming plants....so fuck it, I’ll grow it myself. It’s such a freeing feeling to know you grew something and it just tastes so goddamn good.
Don Lucho you really inspired me to go back to my roots! I am getting there, it’s going to be a process. At least I know I am not lost.
my third ceremony.
I was getting stronger. I felt it in my presence, in my bones, in the way I walked, in my core. Each stride became more purposeful and confident so much so that the bad spirits that I dwelled with before were in a way jealous and recognized immediately how bright I became. Their cries became louder, some even made me jump in my stride, but I continued on. Although some of them were tempting, I knew I could not entertain the thought of them. The jungle noises became more distinct, I could sense which animal noises were a part of my family, the ones guiding me to this higher intelligence. This higher intelligence was represented by the fundamental root- shaped like a very long winding uterus. It was what I painted a couple days before. I was connected to it, it was a gateway to this other dimension occupied by interesting creatures that encompassed so much wisdom.
I continued to follow the pattern of the shaman’s chants and took deep breaths when it became very intense. I saw myself as a wolf trekking from Los Angeles to South America and then to Cuba where I would stay for medical school. It was so sure, so confident, I knew I was on the right path.
The shaman’s love filled me so softly once I accepted it- I was very hesitant to accept it but once I did- it was something I never felt before. It was so powerful, so good, so warm, so giving.
At one point, I was recognizing and learning my internal instinct that I have ignored very deeply and fundamentally. For some reason, the person that was laying next to me in the circle represented very good energy and I was drawn to him. I knew I could trust him. I felt so incredibly safe. Something that I never had in a relationship.
At one point of my ceremony, I had such intense pain and I shortly learned that I was pregnant. Never in my life have I wanted to be pregnant because of the childhood traumas that I experienced. My mother neglected me- I did not know what it was like to have a mother nor did I think I could ever be a good mother.
There was a presence next to me who was holding me with such love and compassion that the pain went away and I strongly believed that I could surpass the pain. The person next to me in the circle represented this energy.
It freed me from my darkness that I have been carrying with me. I’ve been so positive about it that I neglected to heal those wounds because they were so painful to deal with.
When the shaman came around to me to close the ceremony- I wasn’t so stuck in my trip. I was present, mindful and although it took a lot of energy to sit upright since my body was experiencing all kinds of feelings (I thought I was going to die also or at least layers of my old self were shedding) I did it and that signified something so powerful.
I found a family. A true family. I know that it’s possible and that I deserve one and that I’m not going to actively deny the very essence of what I need. I felt what it was like to have a true man by my side, a man that did not cheat, did not make me feel like I was walking on spikes, a man that worked on himself and that was spiritually guided. I was strong not timid and whimsical. I stood with my values and beliefs. It was beyond powerful.
lol I just love the background.
Ruby!!
sunset.