#kapitari

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I can not believe this is the city I call home. I rarely get to see it from a view like this. Much love to @theheavypedal for keeping me kitted up to the T. Sneak peak of the new Kapitari Kit. 🌴 🌴 🌴 #cyclingkit #cyclingapparel #kapatarikit #kapitari #theheavypedal #heavypedal #womenscycling #cyclingsandiego #sandiego #sunsetcliffs #sunsetcliffssandiego #bikesandiego #sandiegocycling 🎥: @notmattlingo (at Sunset Cliffs, San Diego)

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I love Don Lucho. He really changed my life in Peru. Along with everyone else. 

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my third ceremony.

I was getting stronger. I felt it in my presence, in my bones, in the way I walked, in my core. Each stride became more purposeful and confident so much so that the bad spirits that I dwelled with before were in a way jealous and recognized immediately how bright I became. Their cries became louder, some even made me jump in my stride, but I continued on. Although some of them were tempting, I knew I could not entertain the thought of them. The jungle noises became more distinct, I could sense which animal noises were a part of my family, the ones guiding me to this higher intelligence. This higher intelligence was represented by the fundamental root- shaped like a very long winding uterus. It was what I painted a couple days before. I was connected to it, it was a gateway to this other dimension occupied by interesting creatures that encompassed so much wisdom. 

I continued to follow the pattern of the shaman’s chants and took deep breaths when it became very intense. I saw myself as a wolf trekking from Los Angeles to South America and then to Cuba where I would stay for medical school. It was so sure, so confident, I knew I was on the right path. 

The shaman’s love filled me so softly once I accepted it- I was very hesitant to accept it but once I did- it was something I never felt before. It was so powerful, so good, so warm, so giving. 

At one point, I was recognizing and learning my internal instinct that I have ignored very deeply and fundamentally. For some reason, the person that was laying next to me in the circle represented very good energy and I was drawn to him. I knew I could trust him. I felt so incredibly safe. Something that I never had in a relationship.

At one point of my ceremony, I had such intense pain and I shortly learned that I was pregnant. Never in my life have I wanted to be pregnant because of the childhood traumas that I experienced. My mother neglected me- I did not know what it was like to have a mother nor did I think I could ever be a good mother. 

There was a presence next to me who was holding me with such love and compassion that the pain went away and I strongly believed that I could surpass the pain. The person next to me in the circle represented this energy. 

It freed me from my darkness that I have been carrying with me. I’ve been so positive about it that I neglected to heal those wounds because they were so painful to deal with. 

When the shaman came around to me to close the ceremony- I wasn’t so stuck in my trip. I was present, mindful and although it took a lot of energy to sit upright since my body was experiencing all kinds of feelings (I thought I was going to die also or at least layers of my old self were shedding) I did it and that signified something so powerful. 

I found a family. A true family. I know that it’s possible and that I deserve one and that I’m not going to actively deny the very essence of what I need. I felt what it was like to have a true man by my side, a man that did not cheat, did not make me feel like I was walking on spikes, a man that worked on himself and that was spiritually guided. I was strong not timid and whimsical. I stood with my values and beliefs. It was beyond powerful.

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Ruby!! 

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Plants are gods.