sick-o

sick of them pretenders

[urcinnamonnnn]

okay, so susulitin lang namin ni boyfie ang long weekend, 3 nights na kaming puyat kaka valo

[urcinnamonnnn]

maiba lang, so ayon.. mejo natutuwa ako sa work ko today pero syempre may kasma na katamaran pa rin naman. hahahahaha di naman ako ganon ka tamad na mangagawa noh.. natutuwa lang ako everytime na nakakalearn ako new things. and nakakafeel ng achievemen from something scrap i made. hahaha and just got approved by the high ups... wala lang nakakaproud lang hahahaha oki bye

[urcinnamonnnn]

so ayon na nga, lately i've been a mess... i was so fcukin messed up. was lost and literally silent about everything.. the only person i talk to is my bf and no one else about these things that im currently on..

i rrly cant trust anyone anymore after that incident..

hindi naman sa dahil hindi ko tinanggap mga pasermon nya, it's just it's not her job to demand me of those things.. it's like she made me look like im not capable of doing things on my own, that i was being toxic for her and for our friends.. one little mistake i did then everything i did for her, for them, was all for nothing..

i hate the fact that she insisted that she's on the right side of the tracks.. that what she said was true and she lit came out as the "matured" one because of her sermons and so called words of wisdom.

that for her i was the doomed one.. i was useless and worthless and doesnt know how to prioritize things... hahaha lol fucking lol.. hey girl, do you even know how i deal with my demons everyday just so i can keep a cool and peaceful friendship with you all??? do you even know, how i deal with my everyday life just so i can survive?? no.. of course no..

you think im telling u everything?? hahaha u assuming little fuck..

i may be look like weak as hell but u dont know my demons.. i accepted u as my friend, as family.. but all i got from you was invalidation and being gaslighted..

of all ppl, you gave me the heaviest wound i didnt even see coming..

and i dont think i can forgive you for that..

maybe someday.. some time, wounds will heal.. but one thing is for sure, i will not be the same anymore.

[urcinnamonnnn]

if bein a btch is what they want, then i'll give u a btch then

[urcinnamonnnn]

thanks to those frnds that rlly do care

thanks to their undying support, that never invalidates what i have

[urcinnamonnnn]

wow. i rly dont know how to put this into essay or smthn.. but i rly got bad war with a "trusted" friend and urged me to just archive our conversation on fb messenger and ig.. for the first time in 3 months, i ranted on twit again. it sucks and it rly hurts how she said things about me as if she didnt know where i really came from.

i got a lot of flaws and i know what those are, i admit im not the perfect frnd ul ever have... but i got feelings too. she rly hit it damn straight at me, and i fucking hate it.

this got my heart so hard, it made me archive our innocent frnds that doesnt have to do anything with this matter..

i feel like im done with the shits i made and the shits they keep on giving me.

damn great pretender who pretends they always care, but cant handle them mouth to shut when it doesnt needed to be opened.

swore to myself that i wont be coming to any of those friends anymore. i wont be explaining myself to them anymore. i'll be cold as hell and protect my sanity from those ppl who keep on feeding on me. i'll keep myself out of those suckers of luck.. i'll remove mysefl from their goddamn lives.. they dont deserve me and i dont deserve them.

this hate just keeps on growing..

i am finally saying that i wont be needing ur back anymore, what went out from ur mouth only proved that ur rlly that not worth it

i wont end this so called friendshit but i'll keep my silence louder than any of our memories together..

i'll make you regret you said what u said.

i'll make you taste your own shit in a different way.

im so mad, i fucking dont know who am i anymore

[urcinnamonnnn]

feeling ko mag iisang taon na akong walang facebook hahahahaha!

ig and twit nalang ako active pero yung pagka active ko mga 2-3 days bago ako mag open ulit ng app.. hahaha and babalik loob na rin ako sa tumblr

yea, nabawasan rin naman ang pagkatoxic unlike nung active pa ako sa fb

[urcinnamonnnn]

i want to dye my hair right nowwwwwwwwww

[urcinnamonnnn]

SOBRANG DAMI KO NG POST DITO DI KO NA MASCROLL HANGGANG SA FIRST POST KO HAHAHAHAHAHA

[lyjerria]

no but in all seriousness, don’t force relationships and don’t force friendships. if these things aren’t flowing into your life naturally, you can do without them until they do.

[urcinnamonnnn]

so what if mag self love na rin kaya ako? hahahaha

[urcinnamonnnn]

ilang beses ko ng kinaligtaan at dinelete tong tumblr acct ko pero binabalik balikan ko pa rin. first love never dies, totoo nga :)

[urcinnamonnnn]

wer ma friends at?

[urcinnamonnnn]

An open letter to myself

Hi!

I know you've been through a lot these past few years and months and I've seen how hard you pushed yourself through 'em. That's good. The feelings and misery you are going through now may seem endless but, hey, you'll eventually pass through them. See how you've grown now, maybe a little bit slower but that's a good start.

Don't let your bad experiences ruin your happiness right now. Those are lessons for you to keep. Forget the things that keep you low instead let them be your mile stones to become the best version of you.

This may seem "gasgas na" but don't give up yet! I know you can do it!

Loveyou Self!!!

[urcinnamonnnn]

I always fucked things up. I always do. That's what I'm good at.

[urcinnamonnnn]

angas vs pabebe haha de ah

[urcinnamonnnn]

paiyakin niyo yung hagulgol sana kasi gusto ko na ilabas yung sama ng kalooban ko kaso parang nasanay ako nv malakas ako kaya di na ko umiiyak kaso taena di na kaya yung bigat i need to cry but can not