Brave

ursaeregina:

“Not at all. I merely wish to sit and converse with my husband,” she said easiy. Maybe it was a lie? Ursa honestly couldn’t be sure, but after having spent the latter part of her life as a brainwashed Joo Dee in Ba Sing Se, and having only just recently reacquired a sense of herself…Maybe what she wanted was a reminder. A reminder of who she had been before. Of the woman who had finally managed to break out from under whatever spell it was which had latched her to Ozai’s side for so long and free herself when her son had been threatened.

A lot of good it had done them all in the end, though.

“You might think that you didn’t choose me — and maybe you didn’t,” she pursed her lips, almost nonplussed, “but I certainly chose you. I chose to say yes to the arrangement of our marriage, and I chose to cast my lot in with yours once I’d seen everything that you could do…All of your potential. I’ve returned to reap the rewards of that choice, one of which is having conversation with my husband in his cozy little jail cell while our son sits on the dragon throne.” A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“Do I honestly need another motive to be here?”

For a moment, he did nothing but glare at her, loose strands of hair falling in front of his vision.

And then, he grinned.

It wasn’t a happy grin–it was a snarl, an animal declaring victory.

“My, Ursa,” that voice, that voice was some corrupt mixture of a purr and a growl, eyes sparking with the intensity of a glare even as he continued smiling. “I have to say, I much prefer this side of you. This ambitious, petty, vengeful side. The side willing to kill, willing to sneer in the face of your enemies. Where was this woman when we first got married? Think of how much further we could have gone, if only you stood by my side from the beginning.”

#Little Secrets #famesardens #rp

“She was there already,” she said, voice calm, smooth. Perhaps another woman would have been frightened by this turn in Ozai, the way he seemed to come unhinged in his...joy? She wasn’t so certain that was what she’d name the emotion which had come over him but it was something like that — “You simply chose not to see her...And I confess she was far more innocent to the machinations of court when she first arrived in Caldera. Lan Shan is hardly the height of sophisticated society. I had to find my footing first...Which you made rather difficult, as I recall.”

Ursa watched her husband still through the bars, lips parting briefly as she took a breath in through her mouth.

“And I did try reaching out, but you often rebuked me. So really whose fault is it that we didn’t go further from the beginning?”

ursaeregina:

“He is?” She affected surprise, amused by this turn in Ozai’s mood, and the obvious annoyance he was currently suffering at her hands, “I thought something was different about him, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen him I thought maybe it was just that he’s older now.” Her mouth tugged down at the edges, as it would if she were being shown some banal toy or trick presented by a small child wishing for her praise and she was obliging them.

“Well then, Agni be praised. I shall be married to my true love in the morning!”

If the glib sarcasm dripping from her words was not enough to make her husband realize that she was mocking his self-pitying words and the very idea that she should ever get the taste for marriage again after him…Well, then there really was no helping him, was there?

“However would I have been freed if it weren’t for your grand insight, husband?” Ursa smiled at him, self satisfied and amused.

Ozai glared.

Pure and simple, that was the only word for the expression he shot her. He was extending his aid to her…

And, what?

Mockery and attitude.

What else was new?

He didn’t dignify it with a verbal response, merely glared at her, willing her to get the hint to leave him the hell alone.

Ursa did roll her eyes this time.

Of course, Ozai had never been able to take a joke, why would he start now? She stared back at him steadily, unintimidated.

“So I’ll have to spell it out for you then,” she said into the silence that he’d created between them in his anger, “I don’t wish to be married to someone else. There is no one that I am in love with, and honestly remaining married to you is a rather convenient excuse to turn away other suitors. I like things as they are for now, which includes being your wife. As a matter of fact, I might even remain quite fond of you despite all.”

“So...” she turned from the cell, dipping to pick up her abandoned cup of tea, “I’ll return tomorrow, and maybe you’ll find yourself in a better mood.” She swigged the last of the tea from the cup and swallowed, setting it down again, her skirts gathered in her free hand.

“You really should try the tea, it’s quite delightful,” she announced, marching to the door of the little room and knocking sharply. The guard on the other side opened it onto the gold-lit hallway beyond. Ursa didn’t look back as she swept away, putting on the mask of Zuko’s regal mother once more.

famesardens:

ursaeregina:

“I…don’t…think that’s how the law works. I’m married to you, the sages haven’t put us asunder, and you’re not dead…So you’re my husband and I cannot have another,” Ursa pointed out almost too light-heartedly. In all truthfulness she’d never wanted to remarry. Not after Ozai, certainly, and then she hadn’t been herself…for ten years or more. And now? Well, she still couldn’t imagine being married to a man other than the one stood before her.

Even if he had been brought rather terribly low.

“At least that was my understanding of it.” Ursa let her gaze fall to Ozai’s feet for a moment, and then she had looked up again, eyebrows raised, a pantomime of excitement, “Perhaps I was wrong. I shall have to consult someone.”

Ozai took in a sharp breath, not resisting the urge to roll his head, irritation deepening the lines on his face.

“Your son is Firelord,” he stated, an intentional slowness to the words, as if he expected her to not understand.

Which, honestly, after being married to him, how had this not occurred to her?

“He can do whatever he wants. If you want the marriage annulled, I’m sure he will oblige.”

“He is?” She affected surprise, amused by this turn in Ozai’s mood, and the obvious annoyance he was currently suffering at her hands, “I thought something was different about him, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen him I thought maybe it was just that he’s older now.” Her mouth tugged down at the edges, as it would if she were being shown some banal toy or trick presented by a small child wishing for her praise and she was obliging them.

“Well then, Agni be praised. I shall be married to my true love in the morning!”

If the glib sarcasm dripping from her words was not enough to make her husband realize that she was mocking his self-pitying words and the very idea that she should ever get the taste for marriage again after him...Well, then there really was no helping him, was there?

“However would I have been freed if it weren’t for your grand insight, husband?” Ursa smiled at him, self satisfied and amused.

ursaeregina:

For a moment she thought perhaps she’d won Ozai over somewhat, but his mercurial mood swung in the other direction. The muscles at her eyes twitched but she managed not to roll them this time. Ursa pursed her lips.

“Mm, ever the sour-puss,” Ursa said, sighing yet once more. She drew her face away from the bars, disappointed. She’d known it wouldn’t be easy though, to get Ozai to speak with her at length or particularly openly. He was quick to give a disdainful word, to dismiss her, or anyone. It was as though they’d been freshly married once more and she had never made headway with her husband or his confidance.

“We could be happy,” she tried, tone light, “you could be happy…Surely you’re bored? No books, scrolls, nothing to pass the time but your thoughts and your propensity for dwelling on the wrong-doings of others…”

“I’ve never been happy.”

It’s a declaration. A fact. There’s no emotional attachment to the true statement.

He wasn’t made to be happy. He wasn’t born to be happy. He was born with a duty, a Nation to lead and guide. He was fairly certain that Azulon too had never been happy, and neither have Zuko or Azula.

“You’re wasting your time.” And Ozai didn’t understand why. “Surely you’ve found a new husband by now? Someone who can actually love you?”

“I...don’t...think that’s how the law works. I’m married to you, the sages haven’t put us asunder, and you’re not dead...So you’re my husband and I cannot have another,” Ursa pointed out almost too light-heartedly. In all truthfulness she’d never wanted to remarry. Not after Ozai, certainly, and then she hadn’t been herself...for ten years or more. And now? Well, she still couldn’t imagine being married to a man other than the one stood before her.

Even if he had been brought rather terribly low.

“At least that was my understanding of it.” Ursa let her gaze fall to Ozai’s feet for a moment, and then she had looked up again, eyebrows raised, a pantomime of excitement, “Perhaps I was wrong. I shall have to consult someone.”

ursaeregina:

“My son is the Fire Lord,” she said frankly, “and though certainly he would be delighted, as you’ve said, honestly he simply doesn’t have the time…Besides which he has a wife of his own now. I shouldn’t be so cruel as to pull him away from her…” Ursa let her cheeks press against the bars, watching Ozai where he stood with his back to her, his head bowed.

“And before you suggest Azula, she would much rather run to Iroh’s teashop in the city and live there than spend even a moment alone with me…” She tried not to pout, though the thought of it made her feel rather petulant. She’d heard that the girl had complained of not being paid any mind by her before she’d been found and liberated — And now that proved to have not been the case. She’d rather hoped that she would finally be able to bring Azula under her wing, with Ozai gone.

“But anyway, I don’t want to have civil and intelligent conversation with them; I want to have it with my husband.” Ursa leaned a little heavier against the bars, “With you, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“If she’d prefer Iroh over you then you’ve certainly messed up.”

It’s… some sort of…

Perhaps not a joke, but, an attempt at humor, however poor it is.

There’s a snort to go with it. He would like to sit down, but he refuses to, remaining where he is.

“You get me as I am, Ursa. You’ve given me no reason to give you civil conversation, considering all you’ve done since arriving is belittle me. I don’t want your little offerings, and you should know me better than to think I’ll give in to those.”

Foolish.

Absolutely foolish.

#Old Scores #rp #famesardens

For a moment she thought perhaps she’d won Ozai over somewhat, but his mercurial mood swung in the other direction. The muscles at her eyes twitched but she managed not to roll them this time. Ursa pursed her lips.

“Mm, ever the sour-puss,” Ursa said, sighing yet once more. She drew her face away from the bars, disappointed. She’d known it wouldn’t be easy though, to get Ozai to speak with her at length or particularly openly. He was quick to give a disdainful word, to dismiss her, or anyone. It was as though they’d been freshly married once more and she had never made headway with her husband or his confidance.

“We could be happy,” she tried, tone light, “you could be happy...Surely you’re bored? No books, scrolls, nothing to pass the time but your thoughts and your propensity for dwelling on the wrong-doings of others...”

ursaeregina:

“I had been prepared to bring you creature comforts,” she answered simply, tracing Ozai’s movements with her gaze alone. He was desperate to sound as though he had been in the right. Nevermind that people so very rarely fought Agni Kais anymore, even when Zuko had been a thirteen year old boy. Nevermind that it would have been fine — from what Zuko had told her of the event, he had refused to raise a hand against his Fire Lord. His father. That would have been reason enough for him to refuse the sacred trial. What good and loyal son would obey his father’s demand to battle him in a fire duel?

No; no matter what Ozai told himself, he had wanted to hurt Zuko badly enough that he had insisted. A grown man wanting to make an example of a little boy. A bully. Ursa was certainly not faultless herself. She was self aware enough to know that.

She rose slowly, hands curling around the bars of his cell as she leaned forward, “In exchange for civility and — intelligent conversation.”

“…Why?”

The word came out far softer, far more vulnerable than Ozai would have liked. Body chilled to the core for touching the wall, he pulled his hand band, withdrew it into his sleeves.

His head remained bowed. Eyes shut.

“Surely you can find civility and intelligent conversation elsewhere. I’m sure your son would be… delighted to provide it.”

There wasn’t anything left in his voice. Just exhaustion.

A void.

“My son is the Fire Lord,” she said frankly, “and though certainly he would be delighted, as you’ve said, honestly he simply doesn’t have the time...Besides which he has a wife of his own now. I shouldn’t be so cruel as to pull him away from her...” Ursa let her cheeks press against the bars, watching Ozai where he stood with his back to her, his head bowed.

“And before you suggest Azula, she would much rather run to Iroh’s teashop in the city and live there than spend even a moment alone with me...” She tried not to pout, though the thought of it made her feel rather petulant. She’d heard that the girl had complained of not being paid any mind by her before she’d been found and liberated — And now that proved to have not been the case. She’d rather hoped that she would finally be able to bring Azula under her wing, with Ozai gone.

“But anyway, I don’t want to have civil and intelligent conversation with them; I want to have it with my husband.” Ursa leaned a little heavier against the bars, “With you, in case that wasn’t clear.”

ursaeregina:

“You should not have challenged him to an Agni Kai at that age in the first place.” Her voice cracked like a whip in the space between them, cold, unyeilding. But Ozai was right. It was done, and in the past. Ursa smoothed her hands over her skirts, making a show of being unaffected by Ozai rising from his seated position, drawing to nearly his full height.

“But these sorts of things are only unacceptable when visited by your family upon you, right?” For a man who had spent so much of their time together complaining of the injustices that his father had visisted on him, he had in turn spent a lot of time visiting injustice on his own children. Zuko specifically.

Ursa sighed heavily, feeling weary already.

“You are not the only one with the ability to suffer, Ozai, and you are not the only one whose family caused him to suffer. I had hoped that we could perhaps reconcile, in a way, but it’s becoming very apparent that you’re not interested. Too bad, since I had thought that it might be a path to…giving you more freedom. Of a sort. But I suppose you probably don’t want my help anyway.”

He thought about the words, mouth twisting with a certain peel.

“Why not?” Ozai countered–with a milder sort of voice. “He was old enough to understand what he did. He was old enough to understand the trail he was involved in. I would not have–”

He frowned, thinking his words over.

“I would have gone easy on him. An Agni Kai only goes on until one is burned. He would have lost, he would have been shamed, and the debt would have been settled.”

He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wanted her to understand so badly. Perhaps it was the madness of this cell. “I didn’t want that to happen–but when he refused–despite my warnings–in front of the entire noble court–”

He cut himself off there with an aggravated sort of noise, head bowed.

“I did not suffer, Ursa,” he corrected, lips pressing together as he let out another noise. “While I disagreed with how my…family did things, I am well aware that my father was within his right to do whatever he pleased.”

He turned away now, one hand coming to rest on the cold wall.

“I am not foolish enough to believe you will release me from this cell, even in temporary shifts. I would much rather you state plainly what it is you seek than to try to play such games.”

#Old scores #famesardens #rp

“I had been prepared to bring you creature comforts,” she answered simply, tracing Ozai’s movements with her gaze alone. He was desperate to sound as though he had been in the right. Nevermind that people so very rarely fought Agni Kais anymore, even when Zuko had been a thirteen year old boy. Nevermind that it would have been fine — from what Zuko had told her of the event, he had refused to raise a hand against his Fire Lord. His father. That would have been reason enough for him to refuse the sacred trial. What good and loyal son would obey his father’s demand to battle him in a fire duel?

No; no matter what Ozai told himself, he had wanted to hurt Zuko badly enough that he had insisted. A grown man wanting to make an example of a little boy. A bully. Ursa was certainly not faultless herself. She was self aware enough to know that.

She rose slowly, hands curling around the bars of his cell as she leaned forward, “In exchange for civility and — intelligent conversation.”

ursaeregina:

“If I’d been myself I might have returned after what you did to Zuko,” she answered with no uncertainty, “and torn you apart for it. Unfortunately, fate had other plans.” Ursa almost grimaced at the memory, but managed to keep general control of her features.

“I was detained in Ba Sing Se.” Even that much was perhaps too much but she thought she ought to reward Ozai for answering her question, even if it had only been to make another attempt at insult. Her husband, as he had ever done, had a very poor opinion of the intelligence of others when compared with his own. Oh how things remained the same even as they changed.

“What I did to Zuko. You mean, sparing his life? I could have killed him too, you realize. Disrespecting the ritual of Agni Kai is not a minor offense.”

But, he was tired of debating this, especially with those that didn’t listen to him. (Everyone.)

He rose in his cell–with reluctance, it let the heat escape, but he needed to get the point across–shoulders hunched, not quite standing straight as he stared at her.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s done and in the past. Besides, I’m sure everything, in the end, worked out just fine for you.”

#Old Wounds #famesardens #rp

“You should not have challenged him to an Agni Kai at that age in the first place.” Her voice cracked like a whip in the space between them, cold, unyeilding. But Ozai was right. It was done, and in the past. Ursa smoothed her hands over her skirts, making a show of being unaffected by Ozai rising from his seated position, drawing to nearly his full height.

“But these sorts of things are only unacceptable when visited by your family upon you, right?” For a man who had spent so much of their time together complaining of the injustices that his father had visisted on him, he had in turn spent a lot of time visiting injustice on his own children. Zuko specifically.

Ursa sighed heavily, feeling weary already.

“You are not the only one with the ability to suffer, Ozai, and you are not the only one whose family caused him to suffer. I had hoped that we could perhaps reconcile, in a way, but it’s becoming very apparent that you’re not interested. Too bad, since I had thought that it might be a path to...giving you more freedom. Of a sort. But I suppose you probably don’t want my help anyway.”

ursaeregina:

“You misunderstand,” Ursa said, feeling heat rise in her cheeks despite herself at all of his accusations as they pelted her from where he sat in the cell, huddled away from her, “I am very well aware of the fact that you don’t kill for the pleasure of it, but I could easily have come out and told everyone that you poisoned him. My continued…life was a libaility to your reign, but you chose not to terminate that liability, and I always wondered why.”

Perhaps she was fishing for any iota of sentiment that might lurk in her husband’s character. Maybe she really didn’t know him completely, even after all of this time. Regardless, she’d be interested to know. Let him throw insults at her and claim that she hadn’t wanted the children, that she wanted her reputation to be pristine in their eyes (and what mother didn’t).

She wouldn’t let him get under her skin.

Ozai scoffed. Or, perhaps, it was a laugh. Either way, he tossed his head back, forced the hair from his eyes.

“If you have to ask that question then you fail to understand the very nature of the Fire Nation.” The words grew gravelly and he grew tired of talking.

“You could have. And then you would have been killed for your accusations.” To accuse such things…Of course, the nation would side with their leader. The Firelord was always right, for better or for worse. It was brainwashing on a massive scale–the entire nation convinced to believe in one sole person.

Besides.

Ozai was convinced that it was no secret that he had killed Azulon. He fully believed it was one of those things that lurked beneath the surface. Those things people talk about with their eyes, voices too terrified to bring it to life.

His gaze fell back upon her–some curiosity of his own. Eyes narrowed. Silence for one second. Two.

“So, why didn’t you?”

#Old Wounds #famesardens #rp

“If I’d been myself I might have returned after what you did to Zuko,” she answered with no uncertainty, “and torn you apart for it. Unfortunately, fate had other plans.” Ursa almost grimaced at the memory, but managed to keep general control of her features.

“I was detained in Ba Sing Se.” Even that much was perhaps too much but she thought she ought to reward Ozai for answering her question, even if it had only been to make another attempt at insult. Her husband, as he had ever done, had a very poor opinion of the intelligence of others when compared with his own. Oh how things remained the same even as they changed.

ursaeregina:

She rolled her eyes again. Maybe it was unlady like, but years away from court and the pressures of palace life – of nobility – had changed her just a little. She no longer cared what it looked like when she dissented.

Besides which, she didn’t exactly have to hide the contempt she felt for him now. He had no sway over her life anymore.

Amusement chased itself over her mouth.

“It brings me a little joy,” she said finally, “watching you squirm.” Chuckling, Ursa finally turned to pour a second cup of tea, scooting up to the bars of the cell and sliding it carefully through the slot where he would usually have received his meals from.

She stayed closer than she probably should have dared, hands folding in her lap.

“Actually while we’re talking about the past I did have a question for you – one which I find often plagues me when I can’t sleep at night…” And that was often enough.

She had escaped Ba Sing Se and her captivity with the Dai Li, but she so often dreamed that she was back in the catacombs under Lake Laogai, the green glowing lantern swirling around her in a dizzying haze of light while her programming was reinforced.

I’m Joo Dee, welcome to Ba Sing Se. There is no war in Ba Sing Se, there is no war, there is no –

Ursa took a deep breath, not having realized it was held tight in her chest.

“You could have had me killed the day that I gave you the poison for Azulon – should have done it, even…Why didn’t you?” The question was matter-of-fact enough, unemotional, filled with more curiosity than ire.

Ursa wondered if the neutrality in her tone would even matter to her husband and whether he would deign to give her an answer.

“Squirm.”

Ozai repeated the word, eyes locked on the tea but making no movement towards it.

He did not squirm.

He did not pout either, even as his mouth twisted with distaste.

“Why would I have?” he countered, slowly lifting his gaze, expression still curt, sour, bitter. She claimed to understand him and then proved with her very next words she did not.

“I do not kill for the pleasure of it, Ursa. Especially not those that could be considered close to me.” That bitterness still persisted through his every word, and he paused a mere moment to ask himself–about what? The circumstances? Ursa’s continued opinion of him?

“If I had truly felt your actions were treasonous, I wouldn’t have went through with it. No–in that moment, you were right. Azulon’s affections for Iroh were endangering the entire Fire Nation. Iroh had no interest in the throne. The punishment was unnecessarily harsh.”

His lips puckered as his eyes drifted down to the tea once more. Still, despite the dryness of his mouth, the coldness in his bones, he refused to take it.

“What do you think would have happened if I hadn’t banished you?” he posed instead, eyes narrowing to regard her. “We were already bickering over every little thing. The children were already uncomfortable in our presence. Azula had already felt unwanted by you. Do you really think you could have changed anything if you were here? You didn’t want to be here. How long do you think–before that seeped into our every interaction? How long before the children caught on that you didn’t want to be here? Didn’t want them, at first?

“No, Ursa.

“I banished you. Which forcibly took you away from them. I saved your reputation in their eyes.”

#Old Scores #rp #famesardens

“You misunderstand,” Ursa said, feeling heat rise in her cheeks despite herself at all of his accusations as they pelted her from where he sat in the cell, huddled away from her, “I am very well aware of the fact that you don’t kill for the pleasure of it, but I could easily have come out and told everyone that you poisoned him. My continued...life was a libaility to your reign, but you chose not to terminate that liability, and I always wondered why.”

Perhaps she was fishing for any iota of sentiment that might lurk in her husband’s character. Maybe she really didn’t know him completely, even after all of this time. Regardless, she’d be interested to know. Let him throw insults at her and claim that she hadn’t wanted the children, that she wanted her reputation to be pristine in their eyes (and what mother didn’t).

She wouldn’t let him get under her skin.

famesardens:

ursaeregina:

Ursa snorted into her cup, and then set it aside.

“You’re not as incomprehensible as you think you are,” she deadpanned. She did have no doubt, however, that Ozai did not understand her. And how could he? He had never been equipped to do so.

“For instance, I know that you were no happier on the throne than you are now, or were before you had it.” She didn’t even bother to check and see if she was right, because that would simply invite him to dissent out of spite.

“And I know that you ruined the children – but especially the girl.”

Somehow, those lines in his expression grew even deeper.

No one had ever sought to understand him–merely snapping at him when he didn’t understand them and never even noticing that they we making no effort themselves.

The comment about the children was bait he refused to rise to. He had given the children everything they had needed to succeed. It wasn’t his fault that one betrayed him and one broke under the pressure.

It was rather pathetic, really.

Instead, he merely glanced away, cocked his head, even as the irritation remained on his face.

“Does it bring you joy to perpetually drudge up the past? Or do you enjoy torturing yourself by dwelling on that what cannot be changed?”

She rolled her eyes again. Maybe it was unlady like, but years away from court and the pressures of palace life -- of nobility -- had changed her just a little. She no longer cared what it looked like when she dissented.

Besides which, she didn’t exactly have to hide the contempt she felt for him now. He had no sway over her life anymore.

Amusement chased itself over her mouth.

“It brings me a little joy,” she said finally, “watching you squirm.” Chuckling, Ursa finally turned to pour a second cup of tea, scooting up to the bars of the cell and sliding it carefully through the slot where he would usually have received his meals from.

She stayed closer than she probably should have dared, hands folding in her lap.

“Actually while we’re talking about the past I did have a question for you -- one which I find often plagues me when I can’t sleep at night...” And that was often enough.

She had escaped Ba Sing Se and her captivity with the Dai Li, but she so often dreamed that she was back in the catacombs under Lake Laogai, the green glowing lantern swirling around her in a dizzying haze of light while her programming was reinforced.

I’m Joo Dee, welcome to Ba Sing Se. There is no war in Ba Sing Se, there is no war, there is no --

Ursa took a deep breath, not having realized it was held tight in her chest.

“You could have had me killed the day that I gave you the poison for Azulon -- should have done it, even...Why didn’t you?” The question was matter-of-fact enough, unemotional, filled with more curiosity than ire.

Ursa wondered if the neutrality in her tone would even matter to her husband and whether he would deign to give her an answer.

famesardens:

ursaeregina:

Old Scores | Closed RP

con’t

@famesardens

“Mm…” Ursa trailed her way toward the bars, toward her husband’s curled up and thinned form. He looked like a shadow of the man she’d known. The man she’d allowed to become the father of her children, the man with whom she’d plotted so much before she’d been used up and spit out by him anyway.

She sat carefully, sinking to her knees on the pillows provided for her comfort outside of the bars of Ozai’s cell, reaching for the still steaming tea pot which had been set up for her as well. Her son was always so careful to care for her wellbeing – as he should be, of course.

Nevermind the lingering guilt which still plagued her for leaving the children to Ozai’s care when she had known that he would not be a fit guardian.

“It certainly felt that way, the day that we parted,” she admitted, pouring herself a cup of tea, watching the barely visible tremors in Ozai’s form out of the corner of her eye, “but then you were always a jealous bastard where I was concerned and I had to think – that must have been the way you showed love. Even if it was misguided.”

Ursa tipped the rim of her porcelain cup against the full swell of her lips and then paused, thoughtful, her amber eyes lighting somewhere on the wall above Ozai’s dishevelled hair.

“Well…maybe it was just lust.” She let her gaze slip downward, fixing on Ozai’s face.

“But you know…Foolish as it was, I did always love you in my way.” The motion of her hand finished, and she took a sip of the jasmine tea with a delicate slurp.

Ozai stared.

There wasn’t much in those eyes, at least not right now, but his gaze did not falter, empty, shattered broken pained bitter hateful, and most of all, wondering why.

It wasn’t like she would understand. It wasn’t like she’d try to. None of them did.

How could she understand his bitter protectiveness of what was his, after growing up with Iroh and Azulon so often taking anything of his?

How could she understand that anything Ozai ever said was disregarded, shoved aside? He was shoved aside. Unwanted, unneeded, even when the purpose of his birth came to pass.

Lips quirked into a snarl, eyes darkening.

Lust had to be one of the most laughable suggestions yet, but Ozai wasn’t laughing.

He didn’t understand her either.

They were incomprensible to one another.

His hands clenched around his arms.

Not for the first time, he wondered why he was born like this. An anomaly. Incapable of basic humanity.

“Let us simply agree that we do not understand each other.”

Ursa snorted into her cup, and then set it aside.

“You’re not as incomprehensible as you think you are,” she deadpanned. She did have no doubt, however, that Ozai did not understand her. And how could he? He had never been equipped to do so.

“For instance, I know that you were no happier on the throne than you are now, or were before you had it.” She didn’t even bother to check and see if she was right, because that would simply invite him to dissent out of spite.

“And I know that you ruined the children -- but especially the girl.”

ursaeregina:

All of the bitterness and anger that had built in her husband over the years that she had known him – the years before that too, she imagined – seemed to brim at the edges as he spoke. His opinions on his older brother especially had not changed.

It was ironic, Ursa thought. Ozai’s favourite child and Iroh were actually very alike. The tea drinking ‘buffoon’ that Iroh had become…He was a different man than the one whom Ursa had met upon arriving at the palace.

She found it interesting that Ozai had never been able to see as much.

Then again, wasn’t that the lot of siblings? Zuko had hardly ever seen the work that Azula put into everything she did; it would take them more time yet, despite her son’s best intentions, to get to know one another better – to be a support system to one another rather than another source of enmity and danger.

“Iroh reminded him of Sozin,” Ursa said aloud, decisive in her words, “you reminded him of himself…Which I think was very difficult for Azulon. He wanted to push you harder because he thought you needed it…Which sounds rather familiar, I should think.”

Ursa took up her teacup and sipped daintily.

“After all, Zuko reminded you of yourself, surely. That’s why you were always so hard on him and not Azula.”

“What do you want, Ursa?”

Wasn’t that just like him, too? He didn’t want to talk about his children, didn’t want to talk about his father; most certainly didn’t want to compare them, and so he changed the subject, gaze slowly lifting to look at her through the fallen strands of his once pristine hair.

His rage and bitterness was finite. Sometimes, he was just tired.

“Are you expecting me to admit I was wrong? Apologize? I think we both know better than that.”

Sure, Ozai could apologize. He could say a thousand things and still say a thousand more. But, what did it matter if he didn’t mean them?

His eyes sparked–even through that exhaustion, that age-old cunning, ambition was still there, still laying in wait.

If Ursa truly wanted something from him, after all, they both knew how she could get it.