notes: now adding to my insanely long list of wip’s is a hans landa fanfic… i fucking hate this guy so fucking much i need to curbstomp him so bad but he’s unfortunately attractive (thanks christoph waltz) so here we are. have a prologue while i figure how the fuck i’m going to write the rest of this.
summary: the roths, a family of german jews attempting to pass as gentiles, have been hiding a family of french jews in their home. unfortunately, their secret is found out by hans landa, feared SS colonel, as their daughter, eva, listens to the whole encounter in fear while hiding. both her parents and the family they’re hiding, the sarfatis, are shot and killed.
content/warnings: nazism, hans landa is enough of a content warning, murder
"Eva, I need you to go hide upstairs in the attic."
Eva swallowed nervously as she looked at her mother, who was staring out the window of their small home. "Why?" she asked.
"Don't ask. Just hurry. They're coming."
They're coming.
That was the only explanation that she needed. Outside, a convoy led by a black vehicle was on its way towards their home. A Nazi convoy.
For the past years, Eva's family, the Roths, had been attempting to blend in and pass for gentile to escape detection. Considering they were German Jews, this meant trying to be no Jew, just German. However, when they moved to France, they befriended a French Jewish family, the Sarfatis, and were now hiding them beneath the floorboards of their home, only putting the Roths in even more danger, especially now that Nazis were on their way.
This wasn't a good sign.
Right as Eva was heading up to the attic, she heard sound coming from downstairs — the opening of a door, and someone stepping inside. It didn't take much to realize the footsteps she heard belonged to jackboots. A Nazi had most certainly had just entered their home.
"Schöner Tag, nicht wahr?"
Fine day, isn't it?
A man spoke in German, asking a question that was awfully casual coming from a Nazi that was speaking to a Jewish family.
"Ja, Standartenführer," Eva's father answered politely.
Standartenführer. Just hearing the title was enough to make Eva want to throw up the dinner she'd recently had tonight. It wasn't just any Nazi that was in their home right now.
It was the much-feared Colonel Hans Landa of the SS, also known as der Judenjäger, or the Jew Hunter. Every Jew knew that as long as you weren't Aryan, if you crossed paths with him, you were fucked. He was considered to be Hitler's best agent for a reason; nothing could escape from under his nose or past his all-seeing green eyes. One way or another, he'd always find out.
"Ah, I could've sworn I thought you two had a daughter. Eva, yes? Is she unable to join us tonight?"
Upon hearing that, Eva quickly resumed to scrambling to the attic. Beneath her, the conversation continued.
"She's in Marseille, visiting a friend," her mother lied. Smart move.
"Ah, pity, because it would be an honor to meet her."
"What brings you here, Herr Landa?" she then asked.
"Nothing that shouldn't take up much of your time, Vera," Landa answered with a friendly smile. "I'd just like to discuss a few things."
That was one of the most frightening things about Landa. He could seem as friendly as he could be, talking to you like the two of you were neighbors, all while planning to have your life ruined. He almost always had an ulterior motive. He sounded so calm and nonchalant in the way he spoke to Eva's parents, despite the fact that a Nazi in a Jew's home was never a good thing.
Landa knew damn well why he was here.
"Would you like anything?" Vera then asked. She was ever the hospitable one, but in this situation, she was using it to her advantage. Maybe if she played nice...
"A glass of wine, please," Landa answered, removing his Totenkopf cap and smoothing out his short hair, which was a shade of dirty blonde graying at the temples. Nodding to Vera, he then addressed her directly, "I hear that you make some very fine wine! I'd like to try it for myself."
Vera smiled, then went to retrieve a bottle of her wine. Meanwhile, Eva's father gestured to the dining table. "Please, Colonel, make yourself comfortable."
Landa grinned at that, pulling out a chair for himself and taking a seat, placing his cap on the table as well as a black leather briefcase. "Friedrich, such a nice man you are."
Eventually, Vera returned with a full glass of wine, placing it on the table in front of the man. He drank it, then let out a pleased exhale. "So, the rumors I've heard are true. Fine wine is born here, and you, Friedrich, have a very wonderful wife."
Rumors.
"Before we begin," Landa continued, "I just wanted to be sure you both know who I am. I'm fairly certain that you do, but then, I've been shown such hospitality."
Beneath the floorboards, the Sarfati family were quivering with fear, trying to hold their breath.
"We're well aware," Friedrich answered his question.
Landa grinned at that, seeming to take a perverse sort of delight at this information. "Well?" he asked enthusiastically. "What are you aware of?"
"You're der Judenjäger," Vera answered. "The Führer's best agent, we've heard. You round up Jews that are either in hiding or in disguise."
"Perfect!" Landa exclaimed with a gleeful clap of his hands. Then, he opened up his briefcase, producing a somewhat-thick folder. He opened it, taking out a document that contained information on a family, which also provided a list of their names.
"Now, onto the topic of why I'm here, as the two of you are probably wondering. There have been reports that a certain Jewish family, the Sarfatis, have gone missing. I'm sure you understand what that insinuates; they've either somehow managed to escape, or are being hidden, and hidden very well, I'll say. Are you familiar with them, by any chance?"
The fate of a family was in Landa's hands, and yet he spoke in such a casual manner as though it were just another day.
Vera and Friedrich were briefly silent, showing a hesitation in answering. Of course, they could just simply lie and say no, but Landa was too intelligent for that. A half-lie could potentially do the trick.
"Yes," Vera finally answered. "However, we haven't seen them in a while. We don't know where they've gone specifically, but we've heard rumors."
Landa exhibited a disturbing amount of glee at that, eagerly clapping his hands. "Rumors! That's wonderful."
The pair glanced at each other, questioning who the hell exactly they were talking to, because he seemed far too eager and friendly for a conversation dealing with such a serious topic.
"You know," Landa continued, "rumors can be more reliable than plain facts, because they, unlike facts, can reveal something valuable. Rumors exist for a reason, and it's easy for somebody to say anything and claim it to be a fact. So, please, I encourage you to tell me what you've heard."
Friedrich and Vera hesitated again, exchanging uncertain glances.
Landa drummed his gloved fingers on the table. "Go on."
"We've last heard that they were attempting to escape to America," Friedrich then said. "Seeking out refuge in New York City."
Landa hummed in thought, intrigued by the possibility. "America... interesting. I've heard that any attempts to escape there often result in failure."
He then pushed forward the document containing the information on the Sarfatis. "Could you confirm that these are the members?" he asked, gesturing to the listed names and ages. Friedrich looked them over, then nodded.
"Yes, those are them."
Landa nodded, placing the document back inside the folder. "Wonderful. However, there's another question that I would like to ask."
His demeanor had noticeably changed. He wasn't smiling anymore, and even his voice sounded slightly more serious.
But that quickly changed with what came out of his mouth next, as he smiled again.
"Let me ask you this. If one were to compare the Germans to a kind of beast, what do you think it would be?"
Silence. Landa answered himself, anyway.
"A hawk. Jews, on the other hand, can be compared to rats. Of course, to a hawk, rats are a source of prey. Unfortunately, hawks do not have a very keen sense of smell. In order to hunt, they rely entirely on observation through sight and hearing..."
Under the floorboards, there was suddenly an audible gasp for air. Landa's smile gradually vanished.
"Did you hear that?" he asked. He didn't seem friendly anymore.
Vera swallowed nervously, looking at Friedrich before they both nodded.
"That is funny, because I've heard rumors that the Sarfatis have been hiding beneath a family's floorboards. In fact, a recent visitor had reported that information."
Beads of sweat were beginning to collect on Friedrich's forehead.
"Are you aware of the consequences of sheltering enemies of the state?" Landa asked. "More importantly, are you aware of the consequences of being enemies of the state, and pretending not to be?"
The couple nodded.
"Is it true that the Sarfatis have been hiding beneath your floorboards, and are there right now?"
Hesitantly, they nodded again.
Landa then rose from his seat. "Well, the wine was much appreciated, but unfortunately, I cannot let the two of you go free."
Up in the attic, Eva vomited in a corner as she listened to Landa shoot her parents dead and call in his men before ordering them to shoot up the floorboards, killing the Sarfatis.
"Unfortunate that the girl will be coming home to the corpses of her parents," Landa commented with faux disappointment.
Academy Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus, when a German meets a real life Sigfried, that's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda.
Christoph Waltz as Dr. King Schultz in Django Unchained (2012, dir. Quentin Tarantino)
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