[v1perfang]

there is rain at my window

it's raining outside

I can hear it at my window, and the thunder in the distance.

We've seen the clouds outside for days, felt the moisture in the air.

The humidity grew suffocating combined with the heat.

It's easier to exist when it's raining.

Like the constant storm in my head is finally outside, tormenting the world instead of me.

Every worry I had is a raindrop, every thought a gust of wind

The screams I haven't let out are lightning, and the thunder is every deep pool of depression

But all of it is just noise.

It'll all pass.

It'll calm down and fade, and I'll go back to worrying.

It'll come back eventually, and leave all over again.

It's a game we play, where i plead for it to stay

And it laughs as it moves on, a smile on its foggy face

there's no more rain at my window.

[gracehasaspacesuitquestion]

Please read this because it is EXTREMELY important me (a transgender man) and to other trans individuals.

The US Government is currently trying to pass an incredibly dangerous national law for trans youth called HR 2616.

This bill would ban all Federally funded schools from teaching about gender identity or sexual orientation, prevent teachers from using the correct pronouns and names for trans students, remove books with any trans representation in them, and even go as far as to prevent teachers from acknowledging trans identity AT ALL.

Any school that does not follow this will lose all federal funding. This bill would also require teachers to forcibly out trans students to their families, which would be fatal to any trans student with a transphobic Family or just hateful family in general. Trans people are already a group that already has some of the highest rates of being victim to suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault.

This bill actively makes teachers put those innocent children at such a big risk. This bill has rapidly passed the house this week with support from all 209 republicans, as well as 8 democrats. But, it's still being voted on in the senate, which means there is still time to help stop this.

To help stop this, you can visit 5calls.org (look up 2616 in the search bar), one of the most top issues filed Oppose Attacks on LGBTQ+ Students. Once you put in your general location, it will pull-up contact information for your senator, and give you a script for calling them.

If you are a minor and/or do not feel comfortable doing this, PLEASE repost this on here, or any other platform you are on/can find! This needs to be heard and fought against.

Thank you for reading this, my lovely people!

(My moots/friends that I'm tagging: @syrupppppppppp @s4pphicfurryr4ve2769 @starstarstarrystar @histrynerdss @billiloveyouso @ultimatebikergangleader69 @trixthemagemain @otlantispearlxox @jaxwithabow)

[v1perfang]

names & titles & meanings or something

what is it in a name that holds so much meaning?

how can a title, a word, a collection of sounds turn into barbs of bramble clawing at all that is you?

how can simple syllables melt like honey, holding you gently and keeping you safe

What is a name?

A word.

A sound.

Something you respond to.

Something to call you.

But if that's all that's in a name, why does this false title hurt so much?

If a name is a sound, how can it be sweet birdsong and nails on a chalkboard?

Call me something.

Call me everything.

Call me nothing.

Refer to me.

Never acknowledge my existence.

Call me the wrong name. Rake those burning claws over my heart again until it doesn't hurt anymore.

It's not like I'll say a word.

My silence, my unwillingness to acknowledge, says all you need to hear.

The name must not be the problem, if i can't be bothered to share the right one.

Maybe it's me.

Because what is a name?

A name shouldn't be the problem.

The name doesn't matter, it shouldnt.

So, maybe.

The problem is just me.

(something about names, after a long, long week.)

[v1perfang]

So, it doesn't matter.

I can talk all I want about my name, I can say everything I want to about names, and you can't understand.

And I'll be polite and agree, and pretend it doesn't hurt like hell.

I'll pretend like it didn't take so much to talk to you about it for it to just get shut down.

I can't change my name because you picked it. Because it's an homage to someone we both care about. Because, because, because.

Does that make you a bad person? That you feel hurt by this? By me wanting a name that's actually me?

People might say you're a bad person, but I see where you're coming from, I hear every word you say, and I understand.

Do you understand me, though?

I think it took a lot longer than it should've to tell my friends that my name wasn't mine, that I was changing it to find myself, to not feel burnt and hurt all the time.

And even with all the time in the world, I told what, ten people?

Half of which probably forgot.

Half of which use nicknames because I'm too indecisive (thank you so much, genuinely it's infinitely better than the alternatives)

I talked to my own mother before I talked to my gay, neurodivergent, D&D friends. I don't even know if half of them realized I'm nonbinary.

Why is it so scary? It can only go so badly?

Do I even care if they'd talk behind my back now?

Do I give a damn if they'd leave over this?

Maybe it's just the scariest alternative, the most likely. I tell them, and get ignored. Maybe they humor it a few times, and then they forget more and more and more.

i hate names, I think. They always seem to just cause problems for me.

I think I should just give up on it.

I'll pick up that bouquet of shriveled lilies and keep walking even when I feel more like a shadow than a person.

At least you can't burn a shadow. Shadows certainly aren't hurt by words.

[v1perfang]

i am drowning in the ocean, and you're tying me to a rock and calling it an heirloom

you're watching me sink with a smile on your face because i won't let go of it, even if i want to

i'll drown out here if it makes you happier. If it aligns with your views.

The water is unforgiving, but I don't want to let go of this weight and have to apologize.

[v1perfang]

names & titles & meanings or something

what is it in a name that holds so much meaning?

how can a title, a word, a collection of sounds turn into barbs of bramble clawing at all that is you?

how can simple syllables melt like honey, holding you gently and keeping you safe

What is a name?

A word.

A sound.

Something you respond to.

Something to call you.

But if that's all that's in a name, why does this false title hurt so much?

If a name is a sound, how can it be sweet birdsong and nails on a chalkboard?

Call me something.

Call me everything.

Call me nothing.

Refer to me.

Never acknowledge my existence.

Call me the wrong name. Rake those burning claws over my heart again until it doesn't hurt anymore.

It's not like I'll say a word.

My silence, my unwillingness to acknowledge, says all you need to hear.

The name must not be the problem, if i can't be bothered to share the right one.

Maybe it's me.

Because what is a name?

A name shouldn't be the problem.

The name doesn't matter, it shouldnt.

So, maybe.

The problem is just me.

(something about names, after a long, long week.)

[v1perfang]

So, it doesn't matter.

I can talk all I want about my name, I can say everything I want to about names, and you can't understand.

And I'll be polite and agree, and pretend it doesn't hurt like hell.

I'll pretend like it didn't take so much to talk to you about it for it to just get shut down.

I can't change my name because you picked it. Because it's an homage to someone we both care about. Because, because, because.

Does that make you a bad person? That you feel hurt by this? By me wanting a name that's actually me?

People might say you're a bad person, but I see where you're coming from, I hear every word you say, and I understand.

Do you understand me, though?

I think it took a lot longer than it should've to tell my friends that my name wasn't mine, that I was changing it to find myself, to not feel burnt and hurt all the time.

And even with all the time in the world, I told what, ten people?

Half of which probably forgot.

Half of which use nicknames because I'm too indecisive (thank you so much, genuinely it's infinitely better than the alternatives)

I talked to my own mother before I talked to my gay, neurodivergent, D&D friends. I don't even know if half of them realized I'm nonbinary.

Why is it so scary? It can only go so badly?

Do I even care if they'd talk behind my back now?

Do I give a damn if they'd leave over this?

Maybe it's just the scariest alternative, the most likely. I tell them, and get ignored. Maybe they humor it a few times, and then they forget more and more and more.

i hate names, I think. They always seem to just cause problems for me.

I think I should just give up on it.

I'll pick up that bouquet of shriveled lilies and keep walking even when I feel more like a shadow than a person.

At least you can't burn a shadow. Shadows certainly aren't hurt by words.

[v1perfang]

i wonder if my deadname will end up on my gravestone, or in some other monument or article dedicated to my life/death. That's gotta be some sort of cosmic humor at play.

[v1perfang]

guilty is the child

Inhale guilt, exhale problems

I'm tired. People are exhausted, worked to death, studying all night, no time to rest.

I'm sad. People are depressed, suicidal, put in mental hospitals, abused and ignored.

I'm dysphoric. People are getting killed over their identity and their views.

I hate having a body. People are starving, disfigured, disabled, chronically ill.

I feel like shit.

People are feel worse than me, people are dying, and I'm wasting tears and breath over the tiniest of issues.

[v1perfang]

a trolley is rapidly approaching.

you're holding Chekhov's gun.

on one track is a box that may or may not contain Schrodinger's cat, and that cat may be dead or alive.

on the other track is Occam's razor, the obvious answer.

what do you do?

[v1perfang]

names & titles & meanings or something

what is it in a name that holds so much meaning?

how can a title, a word, a collection of sounds turn into barbs of bramble clawing at all that is you?

how can simple syllables melt like honey, holding you gently and keeping you safe

What is a name?

A word.

A sound.

Something you respond to.

Something to call you.

But if that's all that's in a name, why does this false title hurt so much?

If a name is a sound, how can it be sweet birdsong and nails on a chalkboard?

Call me something.

Call me everything.

Call me nothing.

Refer to me.

Never acknowledge my existence.

Call me the wrong name. Rake those burning claws over my heart again until it doesn't hurt anymore.

It's not like I'll say a word.

My silence, my unwillingness to acknowledge, says all you need to hear.

The name must not be the problem, if i can't be bothered to share the right one.

Maybe it's me.

Because what is a name?

A name shouldn't be the problem.

The name doesn't matter, it shouldnt.

So, maybe.

The problem is just me.

(something about names, after a long, long week.)

[v1perfang]

elf that goes by she/her pronouns, call that a shelf

[v1perfang]

hi guys, I'm maybe back from the dead. I'll respond to the asks from my dear friends soon, don't worry besties <3

Anyways thoughts on me posting little bits of writing on here? I have a new idea I'm working on for a story, and I want to share it with more than just my close friends :D

(p.s. The story idea is a sci-fi space thing, I'll post a fun summary later)

[v1perfang]

so like what's the name of the goober you respond to my questions to?

I hope they have a name.

Unless they don't

-🍃

Unfortunately no, they have yet to be gifted a name. Their primary function was to be a drawn for reaction images, so I wasn't too focused on details like a name lol. Maybe I'll give them one eventually

[v1perfang]

What's your favorite animal?

-🍃

Bug. Birb. Reptile. Fishh. Can't decide

(I <3 animals, if you want a longer yap about some of my favorites i will happily oblige :D)

[v1perfang]

i'm back

-🍃

(I think I'm leaf)

politely inspecting you like a little bug under a microscope

[v1perfang]

Tired of defaulting to KYS when you need an insult? Try some of these out!

*(all of these have been tested, but satisfaction is not guaranteed.)

**((the font I used is difficult to read, please ask for clarification if you need it!))

[v1perfang]

i haven't had any humorous ideas in a hot minute, but I'm cooking some up now, just you wait

[cressi-photography]

I could scroll through our texts...

[v1perfang]

DON'T. DO NOT. NO.

[v1perfang]

i haven't had any humorous ideas in a hot minute, but I'm cooking some up now, just you wait

[v1perfang]

Praise be to the card holders above! They may lead me astray, but never for too long. I grant my blind faith to their blind fate!