behold, second chapter of my crossover fanfiction
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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@vallianttreedreamland
behold, second chapter of my crossover fanfiction
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The fact that this is completely incomprehensible to me makes it funnier than if I could understand it
skill issue. i understand it completely
i only understand the first part and that was due to alan becker
my name's cougar but my friends call me mountain lion and my mama calls me puma and today's my first day at big cat high. i'm so nervous i hope they don't realize i'm not panthera >ܫ<
emo cheetah jughead smoking behind the school: it's hopeless, catamount. they'll never see us as 'real' big cats... us outcats gotta stick together -ﻌ•
not pictured is the goth clouded leopard girl who bought the cigarettes w her fake id
The knights
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DAY 4: FAVOURITE WEAPON
SNIPER RIFLE
Sofa sitting positions
I found it
This has to be like an ancient relic or something
Happy 10th anniversary to ‘Ian have you ever been on a fucking sofa’.
A few more decades
what the fuck
Nobody seems to appreciate the gentle urgency of it
@vocabulary-altering-posts
WIZARD COLA
So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.
So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"
But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:
And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)
Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.
And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize
They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy
PHRASE ADDED!
"They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy"
CHARACTER ADDED!
Shamu (No, Not That One) (Against Tumblr Guidelines For Some Reason?) (Got A Hysterectomy)
you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000
😍fuck
PHRASE ADDED TO INVENTORY!
PHRASE ADDED!
BONUS!!! BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!!!
LIVE SLUG REACTION
Just so you all know, my tumblr glitched egregiously so now every time someone reblogs this from me, tumblr takes me off of my dashboard or search results and forces me to see this post again
WHY DID SOMEONE ADD AN INCINERATOR ????
I STILL HAVE TO SEE THIS BTW. ITS BEEN YEARS.
PHRASE ADDED!
CHARACTER ADDED!
BONUS!!! BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!
HORSE PLINKO
HORSE (FROM THE PLINKO)
man door hand hook car door is honestly still the best story i’ve ever read
BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!
i just woke up from a dream where i was being interrogated by a bunch of people asking me if “furbies are kosher” firstly…. im not jewish. secondly……..what the fuck
please stop sending me asks pertaining to the kosher status of furbies. i really do not know. this was just a manifestation of my subconscious. im assuming that they are not kosher because furbies aren’t even food. but who knows! ask a rabbi, if you must.
Jew here! Furbies are actually worse than unkosher–they are not permissible as food, even for gentiles. This is because the Torah teaches that it is forbidden for any human to eat the meat of an animal that is still alive, and the Furby cannot die.
hi this is the most ominous description of a furby i have ever heard
PHRASES ADDED!
“Are Furbies kosher?”
“The Torah teaches that it is forbidden for any human to eat the meat of an animal that is still alive, and the Furby cannot die.”