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moon talks (chapter nine)

story summary: You thought the school year was going to be like others: boring, lonely and detached. But life had other plans for you... And coach: Mr. B

tw: very big age gap, coming of age, student-teacher dynamic and difficult home situations.

author note: here is it!! im running out of stickers so i'll probably repeat some.

wc: 2.3k

previous chapter: ephemeris breaks (chapter VIII)

next chapter: you make me feel (chapter X)

ao3: ultraviolencecore masterlist

The day passed, and your phone felt heavy in your hand. You knew what you had to do, what he told you to do, but somehow his chat now felt more taboo than ever. You knew what you did, what he followed, and part of you didn’t regret that at all, but then his face after he pulled you away came to mind, and the heavy sight that followed it stabbed the little confidence you had left.

But you had to. That’s what you kept telling yourself, and a Saturday afternoon seemed a good day; that way you didn't need to see him the next day. After you left school yesterday afternoon, the air felt drier than ever. Jess texted you, asking you what happened. But could you tell her? Each time you thought about it, whenever you crossed him in the hallways or were near him on the trainings, you reminded yourself that he could get in trouble. You were the one who kissed him, and even if things were better with Jess now, the words wouldn’t leave your mouth each time you tried to open up.

It was decided: you had to text him. You grabbed your phone with shaky hands, and before you could regret it, the message was sent. It was nothing: a shy “hi.” But you knew what it meant. He read it instantly, and it comforted you to think he had been waiting for this as well. You closed the phone and put it face down on the mattress when you heard the soft buzz. “Hi, I’m glad you reached out.” He texted. “Hey.” “Of course.” You took a deep breath. The chat went silent for a minute; you barely reached to close the phone when it buzzed again. “How do you want to talk?” You felt your heart race; you knew this was the real reason, but it was really happening now. “I don’t mind.” “You could come over and visit Jack and stay a little when he leaves.” His house, he wanted you there again. You smiled before noticing and bit your lip, trying to sound as casual as you could, but somehow you still felt like he could notice how nervous you were throughout the screen. “Sure, what time?” You reread it before sending it. “Six it’s okay?” You nodded in real life and sent him a quick okay, before starting to get ready.

You were at his door five minutes earlier. You got your phone in and out of your pocket a few times before decking to finally knock. He opened with a radiant smile, as if you were just there to hang out instead of talking. You could hear Jack upstairs, probably playing with his toys, but he walked you to the living room first. “I’m glad you could come.” He smiled and sat, looking up to you as if he was waiting for you to do the same. “Yeah, I don’t usually have many plans.” You pressed your lips together, regretting saying anything. “Well, lucky me then.” He said before silence filled the room. “I should go say hi to Jack, no?” You pointed upstairs, and he stood up with an apologetic smile. “Of course, my sister is picking him up in half an hour. I’ll be down here if you need anything.” You nodded and went upstairs. The big smile on Jack's face calmed any nervousness you had, and you stayed playing with him, feeling so comforting every time you could make him laugh.

It seemed that only a few minutes had passed when you heard a small knock on the open door. Mr. B was standing there, he was leaning against the door frame which made you think that he had been there longer than you thought. “Mum's here, kid.” He said, acting with some mockery, but his grin faded into a soft smile when he saw Jack’s pouty lips. He hugged you goodbye, and clung to your leg until Mr. B had to pull him away to carry him downstairs. His mum was waiting at the door for him. Her eyes lighted up when she saw her son, before turning her eyes to you. Mr. B noticed and hurried next to your side. “This is Sarah, Jack’s mum. Sarah, this is the best babysitter you could find.” She smiled and shook your hand slightly, with a care that made you feel safe with her instantly.

After they small-talked a little, you hugged Jack goodbye and smiled at his mum before waving a little goodbye. Mr. B closed the door behind them with a content sigh before looking down at you with a little smile. “So, do you want anything to eat or drink after all that playing?” He nodded a little to the side, and you walked to the sofa. “No, thanks…” You looked around a little before sitting down next to him. “So, how do you want to talk about it?” You cringed at your boldness, he raised his eyebrows and broke eye contact for a long second. “Yeah. Right, talking,” he hawked before looking back at you. “I just wanted to apologize, I took advantage of the situation and I shouldn’t have let anything go this far.” He said it without breathing between words as if he had been practicing before you even texted him. Your hands relaxed on your lap, with some mixed disappointment. He tried to catch your eye, seemingly picking on that disappointed. “You didn’t do anything wrong… It was me, doll. I promise.” He presses his lips at the pet name. That wasn’t practiced. “I didn’t mind it…” You tried to explain, ignoring everything on you that was telling you to stop talking and just nod. “I liked it, actually.” you confessed in a whisper. He sighed, and it clenched your heart when he did. He rubbed his face, letting them fall on the back of his neck. Your eyes start to water a little, he looks defeated, with his eyes zoning out probably trying to figure out how to deal with this. With you. “You shouldn’t like it. I’m too old, doll.” His hand falls on your knee, his eyes glaze over it for a moment before taking it off. “I know, but…” You couldn’t find the voice to talk, and your throat felt too tight for the words to come out. “I should go, thanks for apologising even if you didn’t need to.” You stood up so quickly that it made you a little dizzy. He grabbed your wrist slightly. “Wait, no. Talk to me.” He softens his voice. You let him move you until you're standing between his legs, he looks up to you and reached to take a small tear that had fallen from your cheek. “I know you’re right, and it was wrong but… It didn’t feel wrong.” You leaned your face onto his hand before he took it off to take both your hands in his. “I know, but we can’t. You're so young and I shouldn’t.” You sat again next to him, and he faced you completely.

“But, would you want to… repeat it?” He sighed and shook his head to himself. “That doesn’t matter.” He whispers. “It does to me,” you insisted. And stay closer to him. He looked at you again with a pained look that gave the answer away. Your whole body felt on fire when he was so close, reaching to you even if he was still so far away. You couldn’t help it but look down at his lips and back up, silently asking for permission. He went closer, almost brushing your lips again before pulling away with a pained groan.

“It’s late, I should take you home.” He whispered, disappearing to the hallway. You sat on the sofa, alone now looking straight to the small TV in front of you. You could see your reflection on it. Likewise, you saw your wide eyes open still in shock from his sudden flight. Your parted lips and the tears building up on the corners of your eyes. He came back with a dark brown leather jacket on and his car keys in his hand. You didn't wait for him to tell you anything and just passed carefully not to brush him on your way out. He opened the passenger door for you and whispered to you to buckle up. But you didn’t look back. The ride was silent. He asked you to put music on and a few other questions, but you stared out of the window and replied with yes or no. The trees were moving due to the small wind outside and the moon could be seen between them. Your fingers went to your own little moon hanging on your neck.

The car stopped a few streets before yours, and you unbuckled, ready to leave as fast as you could. He looked at you, you wished you could read his mind. His gaze was soft, but you knew he was thinking about a million things right now. A million things you won’t ask for. “Wait…” He started. “You don’t need to apologise for anything. I already told you.” You answered dryly, because “I don’t want to apologize. I want to know what you’re thinking.” He moved his hands closer, but stopped it midway, just inches away from touching you. “You probably already know. You always know everything.” You said, staring up to the moon with a resigned tone. He sighed. “Don’t be like that.” Your teeth pressed against each other and the small tears came back. “I should go.” You turned to open the door. And he reached you. His hands curled around your arm, and he pulled into a small hug. “Goodnight, doll.” He let you go, and you whispered back to him before disappearing to the back door of your house, a few streets higher than where he parked.

When you got home all the lights were off, the only sound you could hear was the small and far away mumbling of the neighbour's TV. You put on your earphones and didn’t even change clothes before getting in bed. As much as you tried, sleep didn’t come to you, and it just made you twist in bed, making the sheets feel heavy on you even if you were closer now to autumn that you were to summer. You liked the cold, it was comfortable because, what could you expect from it? The sun made you shy. It made you act carefully because you knew his warmth wouldn’t last forever, but you were afraid you would forget it. Lose yourself in it.

No matter how much you tried there was no way, so you got up and lit a candle. You weren’t ready for big lights yet. Coffee wasn’t the smartest option right now so you made some tea and stayed close off to the dim light. It was strange to have this silence. It didn’t disturb you, but there was an off-putting sense about it that you didn’t appreciate. When the coffee was read you grabbed it and sat on the porch. Cuddling in a pilling blanket that was older than you.

You used to find so much peace in these nights, the moon was the only thing aware that you were awake, and she kept her secrets well hidden. But now there was buzzing in your head, his voice was the only thing you could hear right now. You frowned at the darkness outside, you shouldn’t be mad, it's his job. The breeze made you curl tighter into the blanket. He wasn’t innocent either, he created the fantasy but was afraid to take the last step to make it a reality. You sighed and looked up, trying to clear your head. And turned the volume up trying to calm your thoughts. It must have been long since you got out to the porch but when you woke up the sun was already making itself notice.

There was finally noise inside the house, the off-putting feeling went away as soon as you got out. You folded the blanket and picked up the half drank tea to head inside and finally make the coffee you’ve been craving since last night. When you reached the kitchen, your mum’s face was all you needed to see before approaching quickly, letting the blanket fall down to the floor. You hugged her quietly, and she stayed still in your arms before letting her head fall a little onto the top of yours. “He’s…” You didn’t need her to finish the sentence. You knew. So you took her hand and sat her down on the couch, wrapping the blanket that had comforted you around her. You kissed her forehead and made some coffee for both of you.

“I’m sorry, mum.” You sat next to her and cuddled close. She cleared her little tears and blinked twice before reaching for the coffee. “It’s okay, baby.” She pecked your cheek and handed you your coffee. “Let’s watch a movie together, alright? Girls day!” She reached for the remote control and started searching for a movie. The room fall into a comfortable silence, the only thing now making a sound was the horror comedy on. And even if you both loved the genre, none of you were watching it.

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thats all babes, I replay enjoyed writing this chapter!! tell me if you want to get added to the tag list

next chapter: you make me feel (chapter X)

tag list: @johnwick7663 @blueeorchidd @gnawing-at-my-cage @pips222 @alyssasprivatediary @yourfineshytbelieber

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