Vancouver Ang @vancouverang - Tumblr Blog

It would have been my sister's 40th birthday on the 13th. Since then I have not been able to stop thinking about her. Mainly at night. I have been having random dreams where she is alive.

I feel guilty because I miss her the most. I feel like I should miss my niece more (her daughter), but I really miss my sister. Maybe it's just I had more time with her and we had more history.

I am regretful for my niece more, because she was so young and never got to live.

God grief is weird.

So I've lost 5 lbs in the last 2 weeks by just adjusting my diet. I know I need to start the exercising bit soon but I figured I'd get a handle on my diet first.

I have been counting my calories with the Samsung Health App. Jeeeeeesus... I swear I was consuming upwards of 3 to 4 thousand calories a day, before I started tracking.

I knew I was over eating but I never really realized how much no wonder I have gained weight.

So I have been consuming more vegetables and less processed foods. As well as portion control. I have also realized that I am not a have 1-2 candy type of person. If it is there if is ALL of it. I brought a bag of skittles (the king size) home from the movies and ate them all.

I have no self control.

So my starting weight is 154.2 and currently am at 148.8. Mygoal is 135. I'm 5" 4 so its reasonable

I had today off and honestly didn't do too much. Started watching "V Wars". I did manage to walk the 2.5 km to S's school in the snow.

I haven't really done a lot of snow walking since we moved here, but as we have it almost 6 months of the year I thought I would give it a go. Was ok but was pretty careful as I slipped and fell in front of our garage yesterday. Like flat on my back fall.

My eating better has been going ok this past week. I think I may have had a few too many chocolate orange slices tonight. But I am still learning and as long as I am not gorging I think km doing well.

I still haven't talked to my mom. She texted me Happy New Year and I replied but that's it.

I would call it my New Year's Resolution, but I have been needing to do this for a while.

I weigh 154 lbs and am officially overweight. I'm 5"4 so I'm pretty short.

So I have started using the Samsung Health App to be accountable. I'm not hungry but I'm crabby because I used to eat when I was bored.

So I am watching what I eat and hope to lose at least 30 lbs

So I have been suspecting my mom has been abusing her pills for a while now. We have had some unfortunate visits with her, my brother got to watch her have a full breakdown in front of his kid. We are 100% sure at the time she was fuller doing coke the night before and was coming down. She says it was a mental breakdown, but my brothers roommate slowly became a full blown addict when they were living together, so he knows the difference.

Anyways on top of all that, she has been a shit mom always putting partying and her friends first. So when she got pulled over by the police and given a 24 hour suspension on her license for drug use, and she missed S at Christmas it was the last straw.

*my mom takes opioids for her chrons, in her my mind this means she doesn't abuse them. She 100% does. She took 2 doses instead of one and the police thought she was having a stroke.

So here are the text exchanges:

#family

that-phat-chic-deactivated20200

This is the Baby Money Yoda, reblog in the next 60 seconds of seeing this to receive a blessing from our green bean prince.

shankss-magnificent-ass

And I just got paid!

2019 has been a tough year. The last 3 months in particular. I lost my sister, my niece, C's Dad was diagnosed with 2 types of cancer and is now in the hospital with pneumonia.

Christmas was a calm quiet one. My mom was supposed to come for the morning, but got a 24 hour suspension on her license for taking too much prescription medication.

We have suspected she has had a problem for a while but this sort of confirms it. I spoke to the Constable that pulled her over and they thought she had a stroke.

Honestly after everything I have had to deal with this is just the icing on the fucking cake. I'll post the whole text convos and background after.

I hope 2020 is better

Nov 14th my niece passed away. She is the daughter of my sister who passed away 2 weeks ago.

I'm numb I don't know how to feel, what to think or do.

She was also addicted to heroin. We are not sure how she passed but she had been in the hospital over the summer from a blood infection which had ravaged her heart lungs and kidney, due to intravenous drug use.

She was 20 years old and she had a pacemaker put in she left the hospital and within 6 hours was doing drugs again. This was back in August.

I'm assuming my sister dying (her mom) pushed her over the edge.

#drug addict #addiction

I have been in a weird headspace lately which is why I haven't posted.

My older sister passed away today! She was 39. She suffered from addiction issues since she was 15. My family tried everything to help her get better and for a while she did. She then fell back into it.

She didn't OD which was my first question... she died from complications from an infection from injecting drugs.

I honestly don't know what to think, do or feel.

We were close growing up but grew distant when I got pregnant, because I didn't want to be around all the shit that comes with addiction.

Peppers, broccoli, garlic, watermelon, cucumber and lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, more peppers, potatoes and mint

Its been over a year since the big move. I like living in Prince George. I like the people, I love my house, my back yard. I have started a mini garden with hopes to expand next year. C suggested I see how it goes before I dig up our backyard. I have a habit of not following through with Hobbies so I can see his point.

I'll spam garden pics in a bit.

The one thing I'm not enjoying is my job. I've never been at a job where I have felt like I was failing all the time. And I know I'm not the only one because I talk to my colleagues and they feel the same way I don't know if it's the company or its the processes but I'm not enjoying it. I actually put my resume into a different company today just to see what they had to offer it's different than what I've been doing but I'm in such a niche market that I feel like I need to Branch out a bit.

My Grandfather got the pacemaker put in and everything went well. He is still in the hospital but is doing well and should be discharged soon.

The past few days have not been good for my grandparents. I guess I shouldn't complain too much as I am 35 and still have all my grandparents so I can't complain all that much but when it rains it pours. And it is Pouring with their issues.

My paternal grandfather (farfar) had pneumonia 2 weeks ago and was hospitalized for a few days. Last night he had an episode and fell at home. My grandmother took him to the hospital and it turns out his heart rate was 30 BPM. Well below normal.

So tomorrow he has to have a pacemaker put in. He's 86 so who knows how it will go.

My Maternal grandfather had a pimple like mark on his forehead which turned septic. Turns out he has shingles. Luckily the can treat him in outpatient. He is 82.

My Maternal grandmother (divorced from my grandfather and I don't have much of a relationship with her) is having back issues.

I don't even know what to think!

I guess C'est la vie!!!

Happy Mother's Day... today was a good day. Honestly we didn't do all that much just hung out and got the yard summer ready but it was just one of those days where it was so relaxed and nice.

I haven't been posting here since probably January just because I haven't really felt like I have anything to share. I don't know why I'm writing this now, who knows if anybody even reads this anymore but I'm back and I figure I should probably have an outlet to get my thoughts out. 🤷‍♀️

I'm back... yah its been a while but it was the busiest time of year at my work and I just didn't feel like posting.

Life is trucking along. There is still a ton of snow on the ground which is weird for this girl!

Good news is at the end of the month I'm going to Vancouver for a week to visit family.

Its -28 here and being originally from Vancouver its fucking cold

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