Emile Coetzee

Cape Town x

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My girlfriend inside my home 2025

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February 2022

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Apartments, Goodwood - Cape Town.

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Digital Eye shot on 35mm Kodak Gold 200

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As I watch the smoke from my cigarette twist together, dance together and disappear together. I think of us doing the same.

My arm begins to shake, my body twitches. These involuntary movements I cannot control, these involuntary thoughts I cannot contain. I breath them out. I let them form their own shape like the shape of the smoke from my cigarette.

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As I sit on my window sill two storeys up. Smoking this tobacco as I stare at the yellowish stars we’ve made here on earth . Blocking out the real stars in the sky, oh how faint the real stars have become. May the kids see through the street lights and begin to stare at the great lights in the sky. 

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The paralysis takes over my mind

I study the movement of the enemy in order to overcome it

The obsession takes over

In attempt to fight the enemy. I, myself, become the enemy

The obsession takes over

This fight is not with the physical but with spiritual wickedness

I wait for dawn but the fracture of my mind keeps breaking

I try to run but the paralysis won’t let me

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Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head

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in a house full of mirrors, you always facing yourself

revealing your image, forced to accept

in a house full of mirrors, don’t ever get offended

looking over your shoulder

what happens in the house of mirrors stays between you and you

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please dont get involved because I don’t want you helping. 

It is not my fault, that I dont want you helping.

So I run away.

Aint nobody gon find me, patience everyday.

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I’m forcing myself to write more. I squeeze these thoughts like lemons to get them out. I’m laying on my back looking at the ceiling. My mind runs away, i never chase it. I observe, from under a tree, I watch. Theres someone at the door. A few knocks and at lightening speed I’m back. I open up. 

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