I loved and I loved and I lost you - Part 7
Gif originally posted by lastwordem
Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 ,Part 7
A/N: Damn I’ve been away quite some time, sorry for that I just did not get any sentence on the ‘paper’ so hopefully now we’re rolling again.
Waking up in someone’s place, not my own was a known feeling. Waking up at someone’s place without a headache, but different clothes was new. The first night I had spent with Luke didn’t end in sex, but as he had repeatedly told everyone, I had been to drunk. So there was an unknown bed, a guy and the headache at least. This morning there was no hangover, no sex, no guy. There was a bunch of pain all over my body, a sore throat, pulsing lip and throbbing cheek. Sitting up my eyes wandered next to me to the empty space Luke had left behind. Gazing at the alarm clock on the nightstand it only appeared natural, it was past noon and in the board daylight the spots on my skin only appeared worse turning purple and black. Curiously my finger pressed onto a flower shaped bruise on my thigh.
Jupp that hurts. Who would have expected that, idiot?!
Scowling myself, I got up and into the living room that was as vacant like the rest of the place. Maybe he was out for work, whatever it was he did. Had he ever told me what he earned his money with? Had I ever cared enough?
I felt lost and dependent on Luke which annoyed me, standing there alone in the middle of his apartment. On top of that I had been week the night before, coming here, telling him what happened, for god’s sake I had cuddled with him. Well at least not all secrets were spilled. Dropping onto the sofa my mind started to wander again, what was the plan here? Staying here until happy ever after, never leaving…sure that’ll work, my mind mocked me. Those bitches would hardly stay at my complex 24/7. Maybe I should simply return, pretending like nothing’s happened. Last night’s cool pack, was nothing more than a squishy bag leaving a small puddle on the coffee table, while I pressed my index finger onto it softly. I should leave. I deserved what happened. I should leave and let Luke be, he had enough trouble with me already. It was a miracle he didn’t slam the door in my face last night. Why didn’t he anyway?
Either way I should leave, standing up again I winced at the pain in my body. I didn’t want to drag anyone else into my mess, I shouldn’t drag anyone into my mess and drama seemed to continually follow me around. Luke and the others surely didn’t need that, so I’d better take my stuff and get going. Heading for the bathroom to get my clothes which now were more or less dry and changed into them, finally peeking into the mirror for the first time since the attack. It really looked like I had run into a wall with my face and then fell down not one, but two staircases. The reflection looked like a messy art project. Pulling up the shirt slightly to see how bad my torso was, revealed another colourful work of “art”, even the nasty scar on my hip had a new shade of red. Gently my fingers wander along the skin as I heard him again.
“What are you doin’?”, pain filled his voice, ”You need take better care of yourself…”
I was used to hear him in my dreams, sometimes when I was totally wasted, maybe even imagining to have him touching me while I was with another man, but being sober in the light of day… I must be going insane.
“Seriously Y/N, maybe you should visit a hospital.”
“I’m going insane…”, shaking the head to get rid of my delusions, I take a step back from the sink. “…must’ve hit my head harder than I thought”
“All the more reason to go to the hospital”, now it felt like he was mocking me.
“I’m not talking to you!”, my voice rose anyone looking into the bathroom seeing the scenery would most definitely say that I was insane.
“Oh but just now you did love”, he giggled, it had always annoyed me when he had me cornered getting tangled up in my own arguments and him being right.
“Seriously you should see a doctor.”
“Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up”, Screwing my eyes shut, pressing my hands over my ears didn’t help at all; I heard him like he was right beside me.
“You are talking to a dead person while being wide awake…”
“SHUT UP TOBEY!!! DEAD PEOPLE DON’T TALK!!”
No response of him followed, allowing me to cautiously open my eyes and releasing my ears, looking around the bathroom realising a very confused Luke standing in the doorway. He was out of breath, his blue eyes wide open looking around the room to see just the crazy me standing there.
“Wha- What happened? Are you okay? I heard your screaming.”, the tall blond came closer slowly holding out one hand, as if to tame a wild animal. What was wrong with me? Or rather was there anything right? How should I explain this to Luke, something I couldn’t even understand myself? So I stood there starting a hundred sentences and not a word leaving my mouth, hands dropping beside me, looking into this confused blue eyes with nothing to say without spilling every ugly bit of my soul.
“I-…..I’m sorry…. I don’t…..I….I can’t…….I….I’ll leave…..”
Stammering I take a couple of steps forward, seeing how he shifts, getting angry again at my act. And I get it, I keep on using him, keep on throwing stuff at him not explaining anything. The next step feels like I’m drunk, or the world shifts, my face prickles, sickness creeps up on me. I tumble, Lukes expression changes. The world gets foggy, but his expression got me focused on his face. It looks like worry and maybe realization. Oh it’s fear…
With that the world dives into nothingness, as my body goes limp.
Her shouting had surprised him, her behaviour had confused him, her lack of explanation had infuriated him, but her body going limp right before him, catching her last minute, had scared him to no end. Luke called her name but she didn’t wake up, so he called an ambulance.
Now he sat in a hospital unable to decide how he felt while she was getting treated. She had talked to that Tobey in the bathroom, she had called him dead. That would be a reason why she avoided the topic of him by all means. Tobey was her dead boyfriend, of course that would mess someone up to some extent, but why did it feel like she was blaming herself? Lost in his thoughts he jumped as a doctor touched his shoulder asking him questions regarding Y/N’s state. Luke explained what had happened as far as he knew, bending the truth a little, earning a small speech about how he should have brought her in last night already. Why was this his fault all of a sudden? He wanted to take her, should he have thrown her over his shoulder like a caveman and bring her here?
Nevertheless, they let him into her room under the false pretence that she was his girlfriend, waiting for her to wake up after all the medications they had given her. Resting his elbow on the armchair and the chin on his hand he watched her. That woman was way more trouble than any girlfriend had ever been to him. And yet he was here waiting for her to wake up, only so she wouldn’t be all by herself in this hospital. Muffled noises came from her bed as her eyes slowly opened, looking around and tearing up at an instant.
“I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry.” Y/N kept on apologizing over and over again with tears soaking the pillow, her hands unable to stop them.
“I’m so, so sorry. If I hadn’t driven ….. if I hadn’t tried to avoid the deer……. “, sobs broke in between her words. He had never seen her so desperately, so broken, so fragile. She had been strange, yes. Sometimes cold, but that person he saw in the hospital bed was simply a shadow of that person he had believed to know. He embraced Y/N trying to calm her down but she kept on going.
“If only I had died instead of him! I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to kill Tobey. Please believe me!!! I am so sorry….”
Her fingers clenched around the fabric of his shirt as if she was holding onto him for her dear life. At least now she made sense to him, not wanting to get too close to anyone, avoiding going home for the reunion. She blamed herself for the death of her beloved. He felt her getting calmer, only whimpering how sorry she was, her grip loosened up and exhaustion took her over again. His fingers combed through his hair, she was trouble, a mess. He didn’t want any of that, really, she’d been interesting, mysterious, but now his illusion was shattered. He couldn’t and wouldn’t save her or heal her. Maybe pretending like he didn’t knew was the solution. Who knew if she even remembered what happened just now?
He had his own issues, his own reasons to be sleeping around. Well at least I don’t have a dead girlfriend. Lukes phone buzzed in his pocket.
Calum: Hey Luke you were supposed to be here an hour ago, where are you mate?
He wanted to meet up with the guys and it was already evening. The blond felt torn, he wanted to get away from her and her drama but at the same time wouldn’t it be cruel to leave her behind all alone in here? Who could abandon a hurt puppy?
Luke: Y/N was hospitalized after she collapsed at my place. With her right now.
Calum: The hell happened?
The blond filled him in on the details, leaving out the dead boyfriend for now. It was bad enough that he had to deal with that. And as far as Y/N was concerned she obviously didn’t intend to tell anyone about this.
Calum: Will you be ok with your dad and all?
Luke: Yeah as long as I show up tomorrow mornin’.
With that he shut off the phone screen, leaning back in his chair looking at her. Yes, he had a whole bunch of problems her aside, so what did it matter if he stayed here. His father only cared for his appearance whatever Luke did in his free time? The old man couldn’t care less, Hemmings senior was more of a business partner than a dad and he had been for a long time. So Luke had found another way to receive love, or well something like that and there had been plenty to give. But honestly he had never been in a real serious relationship in his life and never felt like he missed out on something. He had girlfriends, well something like that, plenty of girls had asked him out and he was quick to agree, but rapidly dropped them after a short period of time. Because they either got to clingy or troublesome, to call that a relationship would be overexerting. As Luke grew older he dropped the entire relationship act and moved on to friends with benefits, which worked out fine to the present date.
But at least no dead girlfriend. A small sight left his lips as he got up to grab himself a bite to eat. Maybe he should call her family, not that he had a number, her phone surely would have it saved. On the other hand, why should he call them without her permission? Where was her phone anyway? As he pressed the buttons on the vending machine the phone in his pocket buzzed again with an incoming call. Grabbing the sandwich, the tall guy made his way to the exit to take the call, without disturbing the people inside. Under the canopy, safe form the once again pouring rain he took the call…
The room was empty, white and smelled just like all hospitals smelled, way to sterile. My head felt dizzy and my eyes puffy like I had cried, aside from that sure there was the pain from my bruises but nothing that felt like a reason to be in the hospital. Gathering my thought, trying to recreate my last… my eyes twitched towards the clock, my last 5 hours. What the hell happened? I had decided to go back home had an insane conversation with my dead boyfriend and then? I wasn’t sure, somehow Luke had come home and that was it. Nothing after that.
“What on earth happened…?”, it was more a question to myself, not expecting an answer I flinched as I received one.
“You collapsed due to a head trauma, caused by yesterday’s up beating. Should have gone to the hospital like I said.”, Luke crossed his arms standing in the door eying me from his spot, continuing before I could ask anything. ”Now you’ll have to stay for a couple of days, they gave you meds so you should be okay. To be sure they will monitor you.”
An eyebrow rose slightly, once again I had caused him trouble, why was he still here. “You stayed?”
“Yeah? Thought you might wanna kown what was going on.”
Finally he stepped inside, taking his place in the chair next to her bed once again continuing nonchalant
“I cancelled my plans. They tell you to get well soon.”
“Had to don’t you think?”
Silence rose again between us, for some reason he stayed, even though he brought me up to date and could leave.
“Thanks for taking care…. But you don’t need to stay. I’m fine now.”
Again an eyebrow rose, but I said nothing.
“I think I’ll stay. Whenever I leave you alone bad things happen to you and those things keep me way to busy. I’ll stay the night and come back tomorrow afternoon. Ash will look after you in the meantime.”
“Wha- ? Seriously I’m not a child and what should happen to me in here?”
“I don’t know but I’m sure you could figure something out. Like running into a table of scalpels or something.”, a chuckle snuck between his lips, causing me to smile myself.
“C’mon I’m not that much of a walking disaster!”, we’ll I was but babysitting a women mid-twenty in a hospital was more than overprotective. “I’m okay Ash doesn’t need to come around there are plenty of nurses, who properly know better what to do if I run into some blades.”
Another chuckle: ”If you say so. Either way I’ll leave in the morning and be back by 5. Should I bring you some stuff? Or maby you should call your folks so they can tak-“
“NO! God no! You didn’t contact them did you they are le last people who need to see me like this! Seriously!”
I didn’t realize that I let him be the only one to help me but since I went to him in the first place last night it wasn’t that much of a surprise.
Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 ,Part 7
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