veronal

23 ♡ estradiol addict

[cherrypillowzz]

familiar deal

[salamanding]

at least some of these haven’t been posted here yet.

[salamanding]

story of an alien abduction

[crysulda]

another horse drawing since its horse year and it’s starting to get a bit warmer here hehe :3

[seasonofhorror]

GINGER SNAPS

2000, dir. John Fawcett

[cosmonautroger]

[tricky-pockets]

[unfunny-trans-girl]

It's normal to genuinely want to be a floret, right?

It's normal to ugly cry because it or anything similar won't ever happen, right?

It's normal to not want to be a person because the positive parts of the human experience don't feel worth the bad parts, right?

It's normal to not want to have meaningful thoughts and emotions, right?

It's normal to not want any agency or have to form an identity of my own, right?

It's normal to want to have someone take control of me like a puppet, for that someone to take care of me, and be someone who can only love me because I don't have the capability or agency to do anything meaningful, including doing anything to wrong them, right?

It's normal to fantasize about being lobotomized, right?

It's normal to break down into tears when I think about having to be a human, and that I'll never get the chance to be anything else, anything... less, right?

It's normal to feel scared of and even a little disdain towards the idea of being independent, right?

right...?

r-right. . .

help...

[verokero]

I just want to stop running and have a break and be able to breathe, I want to be overwhelmed with love.

[cherrypillowzz]

mental notes

[hdgprom]

Beware the pipeline!

[squawq7]

Can't you also feel anything but your own only pulse right now?

[verokero]

everything i am right now is the culmination of 20 years of being told i'm fine when i never was and being ignored followed by an immediate 5 years of busting my ass so hard that i hollowed out whatever remained of a desire to live to just be able to stop thinking of only survival 24/7. I never had enough time to stop and ask what I was doing it for and spite is not a good enough reason. It feels so pointless and edgy but I don't want this anymore I don't want any of it anymore.

I feel like I'm going crazy, nothing feels safe, I'm scared all the time and I just keep trying to numb it all out but it just leaves me colder and more hollow. I feel like I'm only ever happy when I'm not sober. That's not any kind of life and this world isn't made to get better and neither am I maybe.

[cherrypillowzz]

sorry i can't stop myself

[hdg-lorets]

Meiwneowmeowmeowmreowmeowmeiwmeow

[verokero]

have spent an hour looking for blades unsuccessfully

[verokero]

A unique experience that I feel I have is that for me working is the most I'll ever get to like a college or school life. I have a lot more freedom I think but maybe I don't. I know now for certain my life would've been dramatically different had I been allowed to go to high school like I wanted, or if I got to go to college the way my siblings get to, but I'm not as bothered by it anymore as much as I just wonder what its like for people who did have decades of stories and friends and events in their lives. I feel like an isekai protagonist.

It's like I got dropped into reality randomly at one point, I was alive before but everything felt hazy and unclear and when I try to look back on stuff it still feels like looking in the third person at someone else, I don't remember my childhood well, I don't remember my teenage yesrs well either. If you showed me proof I was a robot made four years ago I'd be inclined to believe you.

[arielandotherpoems]