*Vespera Paine* @vesperapaine - Tumblr Blog

I need to lose 30 pounds this summer. And it's ACTUALLY going to happen. I'll post before and after pics when it does.

I guess tumblr is sort of like my diary. Wonderful. All of my followers can hear me rant about my life. Which frankly isn't bad, but oh well.

Why can't anyone ever look at me and think "wow she is so pretty." Or why can't I be someone's conversation of oh.. That girl... She's so cool, sweet, funny, outgoing and beautiful. Oh yeah, that's right. It's because I'm worthless.

Someone asked me to chose one word that describes me... It's replaceable. No matter how hard I try, how much I care, or how much I put into whatever I do. I WILL ALWAYS BE replaceable.

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the fact that I was born, I'm sorry am such a burden to you. I'm sorry I am not your ideal woman, and most of all I'm sorry I was and never will be special to anyone in this lifetime. Life is such a curious thing, and I'm not sure what to do or expect. Other than the fact I am so numb and alone. I just want someone or something.

I just want to die. I just want to kill myself. I don't have anyone or anything. What is the point of trying, or of living if I have nothing to live for. My dreams and aspirations are nothing to me without someone. As of tonight I will disappear into thin air and my parents will not see or hear from me again. I'm so isolated and alone, yet I cannot even have a dog to keep me company. Isolation is, and will always be my fate and my destiny.

I just feel terribly alone and empty. No matter what I do, there is this gaping hole inside of me that nothing can fill..

More than anything I just want to find my soul mate, my lover, my world. But I don't have anyone out there, nor will I ever. There is absolutely no one. I'm so sick and tired of people saying oh, just wait.. He will come around. No he won't. He never will, and I will be alone and sad the rest of my life.

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I think at least once in your life you need a heart break. A break that makes you realize that there’s other things in this world then love from just one person. A break that helps you find the love you have for yourself.