shibs writes poetry about emotional abuse (whats new?) 07/19/24
y’know, i’ve spent a long time lettin people know
like, “be careful with me, my big deep flaw
is that i will give it right back. I’m too
weak to leave and whatever you do,
i will just turn right into…”
im coming to terms with it myself
my malleable, reflective nature which i have
long known as something just as true about
myself as my curls of my height or my
wideset hips which can’t be escaped.
my therapist asked, “don’t you think if
you were the pillar you’d spent so long wishing
to be that you wouldn’t be receptive to
feedback from loved ones if you needed it?”
in encouragement toward viewing both as
neutral traits that have positive and negative
aspects, neither being proof of one’s
goodness or badness inherent to their nature
“why do i turn into a monster who i am
ashamed of when i don't feel treated right,
why can't i be that pillar, unaffected by
the words and actions of others?"
"do you think it goes the opposite way, too?
are you able to meet people equally and
fulfilling when they treat you with love
i'm sick of people telling me that i
am good to them, i'm sick of people crying
and begging for me to "just leave you" every time
i'd admit what you did after an hour solid
of them grilling me about it and saying
they can tell i'm keeping something from
them and they know me and they know
my history and they know i'm lying when i
tell them that i said that, behaved
this way, all of it over nothing
please, baby, won't you tell me one more time?
i'll repeat it right after you
yes, i should change my body to prove my devotion
yes, i am a child who you're responsible for
yes, all the people around me would agree
if they knew how i really am
yes, you're so right to put me down because i am
all these things and unreasonable and no one
could possibly love me any kinder because i am
you're so right about me and as thanks for
your kind honesty, i'll prove you right as to
not insult your intelligence, because i am so
stupid, just like you told me, see? i listen!
i'll break under sound reason
i'm thinking a lot about poison, not venom
how useless people find it to be
c'mon, it's okay, sink your teeth in
you can have my poisonous blood
i won't deny you, i'm yours,
have me, have me, have me
for the poison in my blood
how can you help it? yes, i am so pathetic
but despite my desire to bludgeon myself to death
in attempt to prove my humanity to you,
i know i am not the pathetic wretched thing you've
not just because i say so,
to all those who love me so well and so constantly
that i flourish in their light
blakekathryn
kianamaiart
gummygunk
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
jbbartram-illu
ellievsbear
