let me see redemption win

victoria marsden. 26. dictrict five. victor of the 63rd hunger games. i wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that’s dead inside can be reborn

[samrathbone]

“Don’t worry, we got plenty of time and I will do whatever we need.”

[victoria-marsden]

Damn straight you will. I’m too big to move.

[samrathbone]

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve done my part and I’m not leaving you again, promise. There’s a lot of things that need to be done, like a baby room and stuff.” 

[victoria-marsden]

...Yeah. There’s a...there’s a lot to do. I’ve been...kind of overwhelmed,not a lot’s been done.

[samrathbone]

“I missed you too.”

“The regular slave stuff, foot rubs, getting you food, rubbing your back when it’s sore. You know, the shit you make me do anyway.”

[victoria-marsden]

Not allowed to leave again, ‘kay? At least not until this baby’s out...being pregnant alone is shitty ...I’ll take it. Deal.

[samrathbone]

“I’m here now and, I know, I can’t stop the morning sickness and I won’t let you smoke but… I can bend over for you and I’ll be your pillow and… We get a baby. You do all the hard work so I’ll be your slave for the next few months. And after that too.”

[victoria-marsden]

And this is why I missed you. 

..Slave though? What all does that entail? 

[samrathbone]

“So you’re obviously super happy about this?”

[victoria-marsden]

Oh, yeah. Morning sickness is all the time sickness. I haven’t been able to bend over for the past two months. Sleeping is hell. Everything is just overall not comfortable And I can’t smoke. It’s great. But I mean, I get a baby out of it so I won’t complain all that much.

[samrathbone]

“You’re very pregnant. Like super pregnant. Unless you swallowed a planet?”

[victoria-marsden]

Oh, fuck off.

[samrathbone]

“You’re WHAT?” 

[victoria-marsden]

Well, I’m not gonna say it again if that’s how you’re going to react. 

[samrathbone]

As terrible as it sounded, he was glad that Victoria was the one he would be mourning with. At least she understood what this pain felt like. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it or be told things were going to be okay when they didn’t feel like it would. Following her lead, her laced his fingers with hers as they walked to her room. “I just want to cuddle.” He said, voice sounding strained. With his boots kicked off quickly, he didn’t bother changing before going straight to the bed. Somehow he had began to understand why Toria wanted to sleep all the time. It felt like he could close his eyes and never wake up. 

[victoria-marsden]

Victoria nodded and toed off her own shoes, sliding into the bed with him. "Cuddling I can do." And really, she wanted the comfort as well, even if she knew that he needed it more than she ever could. She eyed him for a moment before moving next to him, curling into his side. She pressed a kiss against his jaw before pulling back just slightly to look at him. "Are...you okay? I mean..no, dumb question. I mean, is this okay? Or...?"

[samrathbone]

"Ma and pa are…" He doesn’t really know, everyone was quiet and numb when he left. Augustus was the sunshine of the family, the baby. It was hitting them all hard. "They’re coping. Rita’s taking it the hardest but Mazel promised to look after her. There wasn’t much else he could say without his throat tightening up, making his chest ache. His fingers threaded through her hair, kissing her for just a moment. "Just for a little while. I need to…" He just wanted the contact. 

[victoria-marsden]

Victoria only offered a nod, not wanting to speak anymore, knowing he was having trouble talking about it. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, reaching for one of his hands to bring it to her lips. For the moment, she was almost glad that she'd experienced similar loss - it kept her from the cliches of life goes on and things will get better, because she had been told those and more and they only made her feel worse. "However long you need," she repeated, slowly pulling away to lace her fingers with his and lightly begin to steer him to the direction of her room. "I don't care how long it is, okay? And if there's anything else you need just..tell me and I'll do it."

[samrathbone]

He stayed silent because she was right. There was nothing okay with this, the war or even the games. Everyone experienced loss and for the longest time, Sam had believed himself to be lucky. He had sacrificed his body to the Capitol, hoping and praying that he would satisfy the Capitol and everyone he loved could live. The war was the necessary evil but in an attempt to make things better, he lost his little brother. He wasn’t even eighteen. Hands cupped her cheeks as he kissed her gently, trying to placate her with actions instead of words he didn’t have. Toria was the only one who could know how he felt right now and that’s why he came straight to her. “Can we just…” He couldn’t think of the words, his mind a mess. “Bed. Cuddle?” 

[victoria-marsden]

"How is everyone else?" She remembered how it had been for her family after Ryan's death, but Gus' was even more unexpected. She wanted to ask more questions but decided to silence herself, not wanting to re-open wounds that were still so fresh. Victoria figured he would offer information once he was ready, and she could wait until then.  "Yeah, absolutely," she murmured, easing onto tiptoe to kiss him again. "For however long you want."

[samrathbone]

When he had heard the news, they had allowed him extra time with his family. Most of his tears had been shed but they still welled at the corner of his eyes and it took a hard swallow to suppress them again. “It was.. Gus.” Even saying his brother’s name hurt. His entire chest ached with the loss and there was nothing he could do to change it. He clung to her small frame, allowing himself the moment of weakness before he had to pull himself back together. “It’s okay… you didn’t do anything. And… and there was nothing we could do to stop it.” 

[victoria-marsden]

"It's not okay," Victoria mumbled, shaking her head. "Nothing...nothing about this is okay." She didn't even know what to say, but half-knew that there was nothing to really be said. When she lost her brother, she didn't want anyone to say anything because nothing made it better. She peppered kisses across his jaw and cheek, turning to physical affection rather than struggling to think of something to say. "Fuck this war," she finally mumbled, unable to help the thickness of her voice. "Fuck...fuck everything about this." She shook her head and pulled back slightly, eyes searching his. "What can I do...? I..crap. I know how you feel and I know nothing is going to make you feel better, but I want to help somehow.."

[samrathbone]

With his arms wrapped around her, he finally felt glad that he was back. It was five, it didn’t have the trees or his family but she was here. Something was going on with her and he hated being away but now he had to deliver the bad news and he hated that even more. Resting his head on top of hers he held her even tighter. “It was… we won the district.” He paused there, trying to figure out what to say. “I had to stay because… peacekeepers raided the victor’s village. Your parents are safe but… the caught my brother and he’s… they killed him.”

[victoria-marsden]

Before Victoria could say anything about winning the District, he began to speak again and the news didn't feel real. She shook her head and pulled back slightly, feeling the burning behind her eyes already but blinking tears back as well she could. This was his tragedy, even if she felt like she'd been punched in the stomach, and not her own. "No. No, oh my -- E-ezra? Or...or Gus?" She almost didn't want to know, and swallowed hard. Her hands moved to his shoulders, thumbs rubbing soothing circles, and shook her head. "Sam, I'm -- baby, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.."

[samrathbone]

Just now. I just got back from Five.

[victoria-marsden]

She nodded once and idly fidgeted for a minute, hands in her pockets. She abruptly moved forward, face burrowed against his neck as her arms wrapped tight around his middle. I missed you, she mumbled, words muffled as she refused to move her face. She seemed to ignore the fact that he'd walked in on her screaming into a blanket, anything to muffle it, doing whatever she had to to stop the shakes she couldn't quite control anymore. How was home?

[samrathbone]

What are you doing?

[victoria-marsden]

When did you - when did you come in here? 

[victoria-marsden]

[rtjukebox]

Visit Original Link

[koltonbarton-blog]

  It could get your mind off it, at least.

[victoria-marsden]

I started smoking when I was fourteen it's not that easy.