It’s November 13 and a lot has come into play. I️ am realizing so much about myself. And it’s very overwhelming. I️ need to find my purpose, I️ need to know people are like grass that withers. I️ need my own direction. I️ need my own. That is really having an affect on my stance in my relationship. I️ rely too much on my partner for my happiness. I️ love to be around him and I want to be.. but when I’m not or when I’m not getting that attention I️ fall. I️ drown in emotions and that is toxic. I️ pray doubtlessly everyday that God heals me from this. It’s harassing my growth. When I️ think about my growth individually I️ also get so stressed. What am I️ doing? Am I making the right choices? Is this where God wants me? I️t becomes a game of questions that never ends and I️ get so filled with confusion that I want to close the door on my self development. I’m in a sticky messy place and I️ don’t want to clean it. Scared to clean I️t... bc I don’t know if I can. Lord, I️ want to have the strength, confidence.. FAITH to know I️ can clean my life.. I️ can have clarity of your purpose for me. I️ won’t let people come and messy it up.. I️ won’t let comparison come and messy it up, people’s opinions, my family’s standards for me. My set standard for me. Allow me to be open to what you have for me. Clear me of distractions, clear me of doubt, fear and insecurity. Allow me to work my hardest, make me feel good about I️t.. like there’s reason so I️ can give it my all. I️ want to finish something and know I️ did my best at I️t. I️ want to be a better Jennifer Lord Jesus. I️ come to you with all my problems.. all my weaknesses.. they will be made strong. Lord my trial is temporary. Your word is forever. Help me get through this in Jesus name.
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