Itās November 13 and a lot has come into play. Iļø am realizing so much about myself. And itās very overwhelming. Iļø need to find my purpose, Iļø need to know people are like grass that withers. Iļø need my own direction. Iļø need my own. That is really having an affect on my stance in my relationship. Iļø rely too much on my partner for my happiness. Iļø love to be around him and I want to be.. but when Iām not or when Iām not getting that attention Iļø fall. Iļø drown in emotions and that is toxic. Iļø pray doubtlessly everyday that God heals me from this. Itās harassing my growth. When Iļø think about my growth individually Iļø also get so stressed. What am Iļø doing? Am I making the right choices? Is this where God wants me? Iļøt becomes a game of questions that never ends and Iļø get so filled with confusion that I want to close the door on my self development. Iām in a sticky messy place and Iļø donāt want to clean it. Scared to clean Iļøt... bc I donāt know if I can. Lord, Iļø want to have the strength, confidence.. FAITH to know Iļø can clean my life.. Iļø can have clarity of your purpose for me. Iļø wonāt let people come and messy it up.. Iļø wonāt let comparison come and messy it up, peopleās opinions, my familyās standards for me. My set standard for me. Allow me to be open to what you have for me. Clear me of distractions, clear me of doubt, fear and insecurity. Allow me to work my hardest, make me feel good about Iļøt.. like thereās reason so Iļø can give it my all. Iļø want to finish something and know Iļø did my best at Iļøt. Iļø want to be a better Jennifer Lord Jesus. Iļø come to you with all my problems.. all my weaknesses.. they will be made strong. Lord my trial is temporary. Your word is forever. Help me get through this in Jesus name.
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