summary: After Rick's disappearance and assumed death, the grief hits Daryl harder than anyone expected. His relationship with you takes a hit and eventually you can't help but think that he doesn't love you the same anymore.
a/n: "Love Is Gone" by Slander feat. Dylan Matthew. When I listened to this song, I imagined it about Daryl x reader after Rick's death. I know it doesn't fit perfectly with the lyrics but this is why it's my take on this.
warnings: NSFW! Smut! Daddy Dixon, pregnancy, growing up without a daddy.
word count: 1500+ words
"Don't go tonight,
Stay here one more time,
Remind me what it's like,"
The moment Rick Grimes had been presumed dead from the explosion on the bridge, you'd barely seen Daryl Dixon. He was distant and distracted, always outside the walls of Alexandria doing God knows what. You wanted to see what he was getting up to so you followed him once. He was sitting in an abandoned wooden cabin, cozy and cute but not his home. You had argued with him, throwing curses and swearing like a drunk man, afraid of what he wasn't saying. What he didn't realise was that you were also hurting.
It had been getting harder to keep his mind from his brother and his death. It felt like you were losing one of the best things that had ever happened to you.
"Let's fall in love,
One more time,
I need you now,
By my side,"
The next day, Daryl had decided to hold off on coming to bed with you. There had been a time he couldn't sleep without you next to him, but now it was common occurrence that he stayed on the front porch under the stars alone. You weren't sure exactly what time it was, 3am, 6am... It didn't matter either way. Everybody in Alexandria were still sleeping except those of guard duty and you could not sleep this night without Daryl.
So you ventured down and watched him from the kitchen window for at least a good ten minutes, seeing him just staring into the dead of night. Dressed in only his leather vest and a pair of dark jeans, you wondered if he was feeling the coldness of the coming winter. You silently left your home, although Daryl always heard you, and you draped a tartan patterned blanket over his shoulders. He didn't look at you, not even when you bent down in front of him.
You wondered if it was the grief or if he had just fallen out of love with you after so long. Men could be fickle and you had known that before this shit storm. Not Daryl, never him. He had been constant, caring, always by your side through everything except this. The loss we had endured had not been enough to break him until Rick.
"It tears me up,
When you turn me down,
I'm begging please just stick around,"
You allowed salty tears to run down your reddened cheeks as you pushed forwards and pressed your quivering lips to his. He didn't kiss back which disappointed you, left you wondering what the fuck was going on. Your arms wound around his neck and you pulled yourself up toward him with your body. It took several more kisses before he eventually gave in and harshly gripped your shoulders and roughly kissed you.
His blanket slipped from his shoulders onto the chair he sat in as he pulled you up until you were both standing. The rushing feeling of happiness, of relief hit you all at once and you felt accomplished in your mission of finding some kind of passion from him once again.
"I'm sorry,
Don't leave me,
I want you here with me,
I know that your love is gone,"
He pushed you into the home you shared, his hands fiddling around the hem of your shirt before he pulled it over your head, breaking the heated kisses, then resuming once more. His rough fingers pushed at the clasp on the back of your bra, trying to help you out of a contraption he thought women didn't need. He seemed like he really needed to release the tension built inside of him and you were only too happy to oblige.
Once your bra had been discarded, you made sure that Daryl's leather vest followed into the pile of clothing. His chest was stocky and hard, muscular and toned, even for the obvious age difference between you both. Who said older guys couldn't look sexy? You pawed at the button on his pants, feeling the rather large package he usually hid so well, desperate to feel it between your legs. It was an ache you needed satisfying and there was only Daryl able to do that.
"I can't breathe,
I'm so weak,
I know this isn't easy,
Don't tell me that your love is gone,
That your love is gone,"
Once his pants and your shorts had been ripped from you, underwear strewn somewhere in the house and his boots kicked off in the kitchen, you found yourselves slowly making your way to your bedroom. Once there, you both wasted absolutely no time in finding the right position and allowing him to slip in between your thighs. It had been long since you felt him, you wanted to savour every second again. You wanted to remember the feeling, reminisce about the memory, know how it felt to be touched by Daryl just in case.
It didn't take long before Daryl came but he kept going. If that didn't show you any love, you wondered, what else would? It was like he was trying to savour the moment as well. He didn't want it to end, you thought. Minutes passed before you both came to your finishes, him again, and he collapsed beside you. Sweat beaded on his chest and forehead, his dark hair sticking to his skin. You brushed it away and planted kisses on his cheek, clearing enjoying it.
"I'm sorry,
Don't leave me,
I need you here with me,
I know that your love is gone,"
But weeks had passed and you hadn't seen Daryl since that night. People said you had to give him time as Rick meant a lot to him, and you knew that and respected that, but you needed him too. The original group you'd been with for years before Alexandria had all but gone, dwelling in different communities and passing each other in the streets with one of those forced smiles you gave people you didn't know or people you didn't like but you didn't want them to know that. Life was different and it was only getting more different by the day.
Then Judith remarked to her mom about you acting weird when she brought you your favourite sandwich, pickles and tuna. It prompted a long and frankly scary conversation with Michonne about pregnancy. She wondered if it was that guy, Brodie, who seemed to be hanging about you lately since he met you during a shift swap on guard. Truth was, you had once considered sleeping with Brodie when it was late and he had walked you home, but Daryl was imprinted on your head and heart and you sent the boy packing. Nobody could come close to that redneck asshole.
But months passed and a bump formed and you didn't even know where Daryl was to tell him the happy news you wished you could share with him. You hoped for a girl; Daryl had always expressed that if he was to ever have children, he'd want a little girl and he would name her Betsy. You weren't sure if Betsy was after someone important to him or if he just liked the name, but it made you always wish that you could give him that.
"I can't breathe,
I'm so weak,
I know this isn't easy,
Don't tell me that your love is gone,
That your love is gone,"
The front door opened, much to your surprise, actually scaring you that much that you picked up the frying pan hanging on the rack. Not one face could shock you as much as Daryl's did the day he walked into that house. He sheepishly stood there, as if waiting for you to make the first move. He wanted to know if you could forgive him for leaving you for the past seven years alone.
You remarked about how he looked like shit, he said you had never looked more beautiful. Even after so long you melted at his words, grinning madly and falling for him all over again. Before he could apologise, a little dark haired girl ran into the kitchen, shouting about how RJ had stolen her toy train and pulled her long hair. You explained to her that sharing was caring and that she was meant to be under aunt Michonne's supervision.
"Mama, who's that man?" she asked.
You glanced up to Daryl, who's eyes were wide through his bangs, most likely wondering why a child was calling you 'mama'. He also looked sad, wondering when your new fella would walk through the door and greet his girls. He couldn't believe that he'd let it all go. You bent down to your daughter and smiled.
"Darling, this man is who I tell you about in those bedtime stories I read you."
The little girl smiled, a missing tooth between her lips, and giggled lightly. Daryl looked ever more confused at this. You talked about him at bedtime? What did you say?
"Daryl, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Betsy."
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