lost in wanderlust @virtualworldotaku - Tumblr Blog

Why they alway thought that i opposed your action. I am just asking. Not oppossing.

August 20, 2022

The lie keeps hunting me. Still not confident about us. Still hates myself. Why can't i just be honest to myself first. I know that telling the truth will ease my mind, feelings and life. But i am afraid about the consequences.

Just wanna die. Just wanna run away. Just wanna fade.

I hate my selfishness. I hate being greedy. I wanna feel satisfied for just what i have that i know i might lose sooner.

Can i just keep these thing to myself. I think i can't handle it anymore.

My whole life was a lie.

Go wild. Let other think what they want to think.

Dumadating na naman ako sa punto na...

Sayang ang tiwala na binigay ko sayo. Hindi naman kita masisisi kasi una sa lahat pagkakamali ko yun na nasabi ko sayo.

Salamat sa mga honest na tao. Salamat din sa mga taong fake, now i know kung sino pagkakatiwalaan.

Lie Alert

Feb 22, 2020 shit. SHIT. SHIT. Sana hindi ko nalang nalaman na may issue na ganun. I mean 3 years na ang nakalipas pero hinahabol pa din ako ng takot na isang araw iiwan ako ni Sky. Na hindi ko man lang kayang idepend ang sarili ko dahil sa isang maling mali na kilos. Parang gusto ko nang mamatay ngayun palang. Sana nawala nalang ako nung May 18, 2019. Bakit kasi ang tanga tanga ko noon. Bakit masyado akong marupok. Bakit sinabi ko pa sa iba. Bakit parang ipinagsabi na nya.. manyapat nasaktan sya sa ibang lalaki, idadamay nya ako. Iniwasan ko naman na ang mali mula noon. Please. Keep my deepest secret on the deepest part of my mind and her mind and forget it.

Kung kelang sobrang mahal na mahal ko na yung tao tsaka pa mawawala saken. Shit talaga.

kuro--majo

December 27, 2019

Dear Mahou,

I know you're not still good. You don't achieve anything you wanted to. You're life still don't have direction. You're still a failure.

Now, you might lose another which you thought the only right you do in you're life. Maybe being in the sky is too high to keep. Falling is failing. You fail to keep you're relationship strong. You're trying but why do you felt something is wrong. Yeah, you're happy being with him. But why do you feel his not happy. Why do you felt he is just doing things for the seek of you're so called relationship. Everything was forced.

Why do you felt you're being push away not only by him, but by everyone.

Are you too selfish? Are you too bad for you to felt like that? Or you're feeling or overthinking everything you observes?!

Okay, maybe they're right. So what now? Leave them? Let them? Stay away? Or keep going?

If you keep on going, why do you feel like everything will be fake. It feels like you're only doing what they think is right just to keep their company. But, if you choose to leave and stay away, you know yourself, you're gonna be lonesome again though you'll have the freedom to decide whatever you want. But are you okay with that? Are you ready for that?

You better choose!

hakujiin

work place struggle

that feeling na you're not needed. yes, they're giving you schedule yet, not fair from others. yung feeling na napilitan lan sila magbigay ng sched, for the sake na part ka pa ng company,

2nd job lost

i dont know, but there were things na kahit anong pilit mong i-keep, hnd talaga para sayo. sa ngayun, parang sa sobrang immune na ng emotion ko sa ganitong sitwasyon, numb na. para na kong bato, matigas na puso, manhid, wala na maramdaman. it would be the second time i lost something precious, something i start on giving an effort and passion, tsaka pa mawawala. tska pa ako iindianin. yung umasa akong ito yung stepping stone para sa stable life na gusto kong maachieve yun vision ko in the future. hay im just letting my frustration here. #040316