Displacement in a place I call home.
Three and half weeks back in Sydney I find myself at home on a Friday night doing uni work and watching travel documentaries with my mum. How things have changed since Spain! By now I have caught up with most of my friends, am well into the first semester of my final year of university studies, have started working (though am still anxiously awaiting my first pay in over a year!!) and have jumped back into dancing, swimming and yoga in a vain attempt to lose the Europe fat that has been sitting on my round figure so comfortably over the last few months.
Probably the most common question asked by those who I’ve encountered since my arrival would be “So how does it feel to be back home?” I tend to respond (depending on who’s asking!) with any (or all) of the following responses:
“Good to see friends again!¨
“Weird. Nothing has changed”
“Man, forgot how shit is EXPENSIVE here”
“I miss Spain.”
I can honestly say that not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about my amazing life in Europe, which now only seems like such a faraway dream. I have been self-diagnosed with ‘Post-Erasmus Depression’ - constantly comparing what I have to what I had, dealing with ‘reverse culture shock’ and feeling a general sense of displacement.
I originally thought that my ICS year in Spain would serve as a time to get the travel bug out of my system. That I’d return home more focused and determined to finish my degree, start my career and start concentrating on grown up things like relationships (lol), financial stability and my future. But alas, I’ve come back confused not really sure where the hell I want to go in life anymore.
What a poster child for first world problems!
Which opportunity do I want to take? Do I want to start a career/full-time/grown up job? Do I want to be a corporate slave? Or do I want to work in the not-for-profit sector in an overworked/underpaid yet probably fulfilling job? How important is money to me? How I just want to say ‘fuck that!’ and pursue my travelling dreams? Is there a way for me to realistically and feasibly pursue a life of travel, happiness, learning, knowledge and sharing experiences?
To finish off, I love this quote “Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it’s inspiring.”
So now, where do I go from here?
