vivpoop

hihi i'm viv :) https://www.twitch.tv/vivpai

[langleavpoetry]

[pyokki]

by kamifusen

[vivpai]

struggling

i’ve always struggled with my body. i grew up being called fat during high school. i was treated differently. i ignored and internalised everything for so long. 

i’ve dieted. suceeded. lost weight. went into a relationship. gained a lot of weight. went through a breakup. lost weight. lost and gained more due to covid, depression and medication. 

i’m sitting in my chair. full of food. hating how i look. my belly rolls. how my hips and thighs don’t fit in my favourite clothes anymore. how swollen and chubby my face look. 

i want to scream and cry. i don’t think i’ve ever felt comfortable in my skin. i long for that feeling. but i’m terrified of letting go.

i just want to accept that my body will change, that i can and will eventually lose the weight. that these things take time. that i can’t expect to get to my goal weight in a few weeks. that i deserve to eat and enjoy life. 

:(

[trevortriano]

[recoverr-a-deactivated20210530]

in case you need to hear this today:

you don’t need anyone’s permission to exist.

it is okay to eat. it is always okay to eat.

progress isn’t linear and you’re doing better than you think.

you have changed someone’s life for the better.

sometimes, not being liked is a blessing in disguise.

[lemonada]

samswhurld

[lofeel]

@mokyofuckyo’s archive

[aoca]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAdgSXfBADp/

[vivpai]

to my community

i hate being emotional and sappy.

but whoever reads this and watches my streams, i want to say thankyou from the bottom of my heart for supporting me.

all my life i never really believed i deserved good things. i never believed that good things would come to me. i always thought life was unfair, that my pessimistic views were going to be hard to change. and it still is.

streaming gave me a purpose. meaning. a reason. 

who knew that me... a shy girl who hated being the centre of attention... could love streaming and putting myself out there on the internet. knowing that the internet can be a scary place.

but i met some amazing people. generous. kind. supportive. funny. genuine. the list goes on. who knew ‘strangers’ on the internet could be some of the greatest people i know. and i am forever thankful for that.

i know i complain a lot about my negative experiences. but if it weren’t for them, i would not be who i am today. it would not have lead me to streaming and the twitch community. now my days i spend happily supporting my twitch friends and i would not change that. ever.

so thank you. i love you. keep being you.

[slfcare]

forgive yourself. you were doing the best you could with the experiences and resources you had at the time.

[ari-kanon]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CE_ZhrMAlTH/

[matchagirl]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEPV1CfpgXh/?igshid=1dz9331g3nqkt

[flowinghly]

ig: xeniaadonts

[healingusoftly]

even at your worst you still deserve to be loved.

[ablednt]

RSD check

Your friends don't secretly hate you

You're not a bad person for things you did and said months or years ago that you now recognize as bad

You aren't cringe for being excited about things

You don't talk too much

If you feel sick from intrusive thoughts/rsd please sip on some water, get a blanket or plush to cuddle, put on some music or a video that makes you feel happy

You are loved <3

[warmandwelcome]

something to remember: sometimes people will misunderstand you.

sometimes it will make you look bad. sometimes it will be your fault, sometimes not. sometimes you won’t get a chance to clarify your intentions. sometimes people will still think negatively of you even if you do.

it’s okay.

it’s not the end of the world, it doesn’t mean everybody hates you, and it doesn’t mean you’re bad or dumb or incompetent. it happens to everyone and it’s a normal part of human life. you learn what you can from the situation and move on. it’s okay.

[shwetaofalltrades]

The challah from the previous post! It was heavenly. :)