Reus Voluptatibus

They Call me --V | She's a mixture of everything you don't want to taste. She's like the moon and there's a part of her that's always hidden away. A mixture of Gentleness and chaos. Nymph Free Spirited Adventurer Self Proclaimed writer Wanderer Professional Dreamer.

[vveniversum]

..ang lungkot lang na nandito ako sa tumblr ko ngayon, at sumusulat ako ng  tungkol satin kasi isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun.. medyo hindi ko na kaya. hindi na tayo katulad ng dati. yung masaya lang, hindi ko na nga maalala yung huling beses na napatawa kita ng sobra, nakakamiss lang siguro yung dating saya, yung nagkukulitan lang, laging magka chat, magkausap ng matagal tanda mo ba? hinihintay mo pa nga akong makatulog dati na magkausap tayo kasi alam mong hirap akong matulog, o kaya kahit nakatulog ka na, basta magising ka i’ chatchat mo ako or tatawagan mo ako para i check kung nakatulog na ba ako,  dati sobrang bilis mong mag reply, ang saya saya mong mag reply, pero ngayon iba na din, halos hindi mo na nga ako ichat, dati isa ako sa priorities mo, pero ngayon hindi ko na alam kung nasan ako, siguro nga kasalanan ko, kasi sobrang needy ko, sorry. Palagi mong sinasabi na wala akong tiwala sayo, pero sana alam mo kung anong pakiramdam ng paulit ulit kang naloko ng mga taong malalapit sayo. hindi lang isang beses, hindi lang dalwa, hindi lang simpleng boyfriend girlfriend ang nangyari sakin pero pamilya, kamag-anak. pinipilit kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko sa twing ang dami dami kong naiiisip, pero after moo akong hindi replyan ng magdamag, hindi ka sumagot sa mga tawag na dati nagagawa mo naman, ang sasabihin mo lang sakin nakatulog ka, dalwang beses kang nag sinungaling sakin, wala ka man lang magandang paliwanag, tapos sasabihan mo ako ng wala akong tiwala? okay. Sabi ko ayokong ma attach sayo, ang reason ko dahil ayoko ng palagi mong pinararamdam sakin na dati hindi mo naman ginagawa sakin, inisip ko baka pag umagwat ako sayo hindi na ako maging needy, hindi na ako masyadong  clingy, mawawalan na lang ako ng pakealam, Pero kabaliktaran, ikaw ang nag enjoy sa detachment ko sa’yo, in the end kasalanan ko pa din, kasi ako ang humiling nun. Nasasaktan lang ako na parang sabi ko, gusto ko ikaw na, sigurado na ako sa’yo. pero habang tumatagal nauubos yung mga bakasakali ko. Pero gaya nga ng laging sinasabi nila mam Lab, ako naman nga ang mali, ako ang laging nanakit, ako ang masama, ako ang may problema. siguro nga nasakin naman ang problema. Nadadamay ka lang. Hindi ko alam kung babalik pa tayo sa dati. gusto ko lang isulat to, para kahit papano may memory ako na minsan mo akong naging priority. 

[vveniversum]

To my home.

She was hurt.

But for her, there’s no room for regrets.

She gave you all that she has,

And all that she can offer.

But maybe it wasn’t enough.

Maybe it’s not what you needed.

Maybe she’s just really one of those cup of coffee girls that you only need in the morning when you can’t function right.

Or your shot of vodka on your sad nights.

It’s fine and she understands, but for her, you’re the blood that makes her alive.

She wants to thank you for making her feel things she haven’t felt for the longest of time.

and for the love.... that never was.

Those days were short, but were sweet and salty at the same time.

All in all, for her it was worth it.

She will always remember you as her happy place, and your heart as her home.

But now, that home is no longer hers to occupy.

Thank you and I wish you happiness.

Always,

Valerie ♥️

[vveniversum]

My friend’s message after she sees me having my episodes. Gulat na gulat sya at hindi sya makapaniwala.

Anxiety.. depression has a lot of faces. Not because someone is so outgoing, happy and carefree doesn’t mean that they’re emotionally and mentally well. I love how my friend reacted to what she saw. No judgments. Sabi ko na lang sa kanya she don’t need to apologize for not knowing rather she needs to understand that we exist. All we need is acceptance, understanding and support. :)

[vveniversum]

Sobrang sakit.

[vveniversum]

I wanted to be the hand that taps your back,

I wanted to be the shoulder that catches your tears.

I wanted to be that someone who stays by your side saying “ cry now, cry harder, eventually you’ll get through this, emotional pains are forever, but we shouldn’t get stuck here, life goes on and so must we”

But things are different now. I can’t do that anymore, you don’t want me there, I’m not the one you’re needing. But I hope you still remember when I said that I’ll always be here, just around the corner. In case you need me, I’m just one call away.

[vveniversum]

I can feel the world is up for something surprising.

[vveniversum]

Fantasies.

Just when I thought I forgot about someone. He eventually popped out of my dreams, reminding me of our love affair and how painful it was and how I was willing to feel the pain over and over.

This moment I have to remind myself that he’s a nightmare, not a dream.

[vveniversum]

To my strong girl,

We’ve been through a lot, ups, downs and everything in between. We are the strong girls we are not allowed to be weak, we are the strong girls and no matter how miserable we get.. everyone still sees us as —the strong girls. But we are just us, no matter how strong we are, no matter how strong they sees us, we still fall, we break —we also need comfort, we also need love. Thank you for allowing me to be broken, thank you for embracing my soft side, thank for allowing me to be fragile while everyone is expecting me to be tough. Thank you for being strong when I’m breaking. Thank you for being you, and trust me! What ever happens, I will always be at your back picking up your broken pieces, wiping your tears, embracing your imperfections, pushing you to be the best you can be, loving you and your soft side and be your wonderwall whenever you feel like you are collapsing. The world is a battlefield, it challenges its best warriors, the world may break us, other people may try to break us. But whatever happens, we are us, We are the strong girls, and we are each other’s strong girls..‘till the end.

Love,

Your friend.

[vveniversum]

Convo of a lifetime.

Friend: if you’ll be given a chance will you choose not to break up with your ex boyfriend?

Me: partly yes, but I guess the best thing i should have done is I should have given my heart a proper time and way to heal. I have never done that, I always thought that concealing and finding someone to ease the pain is a good idea. The aftermath, I was never healed I’m still the same broken girl I was 7 years ago, and the saddest part is I made someone suffer too, I have given someone a false love, a love he does not deserve, I broke the heart of the man that tried to heal me and it breaks my heart even more. I was never healed, and I’m continuously breaking.

—friend and me talking after finding out that my ex boyfriend and my cousin is getting married soon.

[vveniversum]

Someone will walk into your life randomly, will make you feel something you’ve never felt before, when it happens never confuse it with love, or affection. Most of the times they are just angels sent from heaven to give you a nudge, a wake up call, a new beginning, But babe just a word of advice, never ever confuse these angels to be your demons.

V

[vveniversum]

Bakit ganon? Bakit pakiramdam ko hindi ako pwedeng sumaya? Hindi naman ako masamang tao.

[vveniversum]

Nandito pa rin kami sa parehong lugar, kasama ang parehong kaibigan, inoorder ang parehong pagkain sa loob ng maraming taon. At hanggang ngayon parehong kwento pa rin ang pinaguusapan namin. IKAW.

[vveniversum]

Ang sakit lang nung ikaw yung Una, pero hindi ikaw yung huli.

V

[vveniversum]

Kahit gaano kaliit ang mundo, kung hindi pa nakatadhana... hindi pa kayo magkikita.

[vveniversum]

I was browsing over my “memory” page on facebook, and Voila! Today is october 13th, supposedly our 103rd monthsary. —oh and just now someone’s plugging on the teli their new movie entitled “FIRST LOVE” what sorcery is this? Does this day have something to do with my dream (i mentioned in my previous post)? But the Big question is— why?, Lord I’m begging for answers. 😫

[vveniversum]

Gentle signals.

Distaster, that was last night, I have gotten over the fact that we are on our separate ways living our separate lives, but last night, I saw you, you gave me the stare I haven’t seen for a long time —a stare full of love, but that didn’t last long, it was replaced by a stare full of Why’s and full of pain. But regardless of those, we still spent the night together, just how we would spent it before, full of laughters, happiness and all the wonderful things in the world. You brought me back to where we were, what we were and who wo we were 8 years ago. Last night was the happiest night I have spent since the day that we parted. Just when I thought that every broken pieces of starts to hea, you broke the moment with “it’s too late, we can never be together”. The next thing I saw was you in your suit, you look so fine, you’re smiling, it’s a different kind of smile. Maybe happy, maybe not. I wish it was me you were waiting. But I believe I’m not. My heart is pounding vigorously.. the next thing I remembered was me opening my eyes, seeing the walls of room. It was a dream but it feels so real. I have forgotten about you, I have made myself believed that I no longer love you. But God why? World why? :(

[vveniversum]

Mahal pa rin ata kita.