hello

[filthy-rat]

when it’s 3 am and you’re alone with your thoughts

[idksrc]

Home.

[is-a-prompt]

“You’re the grim reaper? You look so… cliché.” “I manifest differently to each individual based on their expectations; in other words, you’re the simple bitch, not me.”

[w0rdsbysam-blog]

8•10•18

*Adele singing voice* Helloooo.... it’s me...

I can’t believe it’s been almost a full year since I posted on this blog. Re-reading my posts has me nostalgic for what felt like easier times. I was so in love with this blog when I began it, however I clearly have slacked. I’ll catch you up:

I officially changed my studies: I am now expected to graduate in the Spring of 2019 with a Bachelors in General Psychology and a Bachelors in English - Professioanl Writing

I gained 10 pounds... stress drinking, fast food, and falling out of love with running is to blame

My boyfriend and I adopted a puppy and had to re-home it a week later. Long, long story cut short: 1) he attacked our kitty 2) I apparently was mildly allergic to him and 3) we realized we wouldn’t be able to give him the life he deserved.

I lost financial aid since I am in my 5th year now - a huge financial setback that I am scrambling to figure out

I chopped off my long locks and got front bangs (say whhhaaaaat?!?!)

I rekindled some old, healthy friendships while simultaneously cutting off awful friendships

I got very serious about meal prepping and cutting out unnecessary sugars

I hit some crazy writers block for my book (DO I WRITE IN 1st PERSON OR 3rd?!?!?!)

And finally...

I went through, and am going through, the worst and longest episode of depression I’ve had since I was 14

It’s weird looking back at my old posts and watching myself experience the beginning of this depressive episode. I knew I was starting to drink too much, I knew I was starting to slack off in school & exercise, I knew the dark thoughts were becoming more frequent and harder to fend off. I saw the signs, but didn’t realize how bad it would be.

Flash forward, it’s now August of 2018. I am still fighting my way out of this rut, slowly but surely. When I look back at my old posts, I see a few common themes: restrictive eating, beating myself up for not working out enough, beating myself up for not writing enough, over-analyzing my body and looks, etc. I wanted to be perfect, I thought I was being disciplined and holding myself accountable for meeting my goals, but I was just beating myself down.

So what has changed? I’m trying to focus on being kinder to myself before I start getting myself back on track as far as eating, exercise, writing, etc. I need to love and have compassion for myself first. I’m trying to look in the mirror and like what I see, regardless of if my stomach is toned or if my face is clear.

I want to fall back in love with myself.

I want to end this post with “and I’ll be posting much more often!!” But... who knows? At the end of the day, I’m gonna do what’s best for me.

[idksrc]

Studying is much more bearable with this little cutie by my side

[w0rdsbysam-blog]

Remember Me?

11•15•17

Wassup wassup tumblrsphere!

It’s ya girl, crawling out from her cave to bless your dashboard!

But in all seriousness, hi. What have I been up to in the month that I’ve been MIA?

Crying

Drinking too much

Drowning in homework

Finishing finals for my accelerated classes (86 and a 95 BTW!!)

Not running or being active

Being depressed as fuck

Things are getting a little harder for me lately. I’ve been struggling with my depression as it continues to intensify. I have run once in the last month which is so unlike me. I have been drinking every day and having trouble cutting back.

So basically, I’m not doing so hot.

But!!!!

I’m optimistic. This never lasts forever and I always get out of this funk eventually. I have been making an effort to eat healthier and drink more water. Any advice is welcome, as always!!!

[televisionseries]

[recovery-is-waiting-deactivated]

[gentle-reminder]

gentle reminder

‪some days are harder than others, sometimes things get to you that usually don’t - that’s okay, you can get through, you got this

[w0rdsbysam-blog]

10•15•17

Today was nice

[flash-art-by-quyen-dinh]

Old vs new Www.parlortattooprints.com

[w0rdsbysam-blog]

me: let's do something productive

brain: too stressed, can't focus

me: ok, then let's do something enjoyable first

brain: can't do that either, feeling too guilty for not being productive

[melodicmarc]

Yo just a reminder

That willpower is a muscle. You can exercise it and get better at it. So even if you fail at stuff, you’re still making progress because you’re getting better at willpower. So keep at it!

[liftingwayoflife]

[dirt-legends]

Wyoming

[bookscallingproject]

[wnq-writers]

1. Don’t rush. If there’s something you’ll miss, it will be the time you have now. 2. Stop wasting time blaming yourself and blaming others–things happen for a reason, even if the reason will make sense ten years down the road. 3. Don’t stay around toxic people just because you’re afraid of being alone. Being your own best friend has its perks, and there’s no one else you’ll spend more time with than yourself. 4. Be yourself, unapologetically. It may be embarrassing now, but you will learn that there’s nothing more interesting than someone true to themselves. 5. Don’t be afraid of voicing your thoughts, don’t be afraid of calling out people that hurt you. 6. Write. Write. Write. It will help you clear your mind and also distract yourself when you’re anxious. Writing will be your best friend. 7. Learn all you can, and enjoy it all you want. Knowledge is the only thing truly yours. 8. Be the friend you need, the friend you want. 9. Read all you can. You’ll find the words you can’t say in the lips of others, you’ll find shelter. 10. Love yourself. That’s the only love you will have, constantly, and the only one that will stick with you even if you fail.

Ten things I wish I could say my younger self // Flowerybooks. (via wnq-writers)