Wade's Way

In May of 2009, God woke me at 2:00 AM and told me to go to Brazil. He did not say how, when, or why, just that I was going. Now it is 2013, four years later, and this blog is the story of my adventures thus far.

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The Most Optimistic People I Know Are Pessimists

The most optimistic people I know are pessimists.

Think about it.

The people I know who bounce back from adversity the best, who can see the positive side of any negative, are the people who are most likely to expect the negativity in the first place.

After a few years of observation (and a lifetime of experience), I can’t help but think it true. The most optimistic people I know are pessimists.

Nothing really troubles a pessimist because a pessimist expects trouble. And if trouble never comes? What an incredible experience!

Optimists, on the other hand, are forced to live life on the wrong side of smashed expectations, constantly riding the wave of disappointment. And when something actually works out to match the optimists rosy expectations? Simple sufficiency. How titillating!

The best example I can conjure up is travel. When I travel, I expect plane delays, missed connections, and screw-ups when we arrive. I am pessimistic about anyone being able to do their job and anything ever fully going right. My wife, on the other hand, expects things to work as designed. Planes should be on time, reservations should be honored, and everything we planned should work out - because, after all, we planned it.

So when the flight is delayed, the accommodations are screwy, and the dinner reservation disappears, which of us is the optimist? The original optimist is frustrated and aggravated. The original pessimist is unaffected, as the entropy of life has finally shown itself in the itinerary. So the pessimist (me), now consoles the optimists and says things like, “Everything is going to be fine.”

What a rosy outlook. Just what you’d expect from a pessimist.

Counterintuitive as it may be, the most optimistic people I know are pessimists.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass was half-full or half-empty. When it’s gone, it is the pessimist who has lost less.

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“When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of your future.”

- A church billboard

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Going Back

Recently it has been put on my heart that I will soon be returning to Brazil. And it will be a completely new adventure because this time I’ll be married and have a baby girl going with me.  He has told me “soon,” but ‘soon’ could literally be years down the road. It could also very well mean tomorrow. I don’t pretend to know anything of the timing.

To be honest, for the past few years I had accepted the fact that maybe the one trip I went on was all that I was to do, and that by going on that one trip I was being obedient to His direction of, “Go.” I went, I saw, and it changed me. I came back with a new outlook on life and all the things here we take for granted. The past three years I have been just living American life to the best of my ability; I’ve been hurt, I’ve grown, I got married and conceived a child. A lot has happened during these past three years.

At this moment in time I am simply waiting and listening obediently. I thought I was supposed to go back three years ago, and that didn’t happen. But if there is one thing I have learned through all of these experiences, it’s that God takes his time and expects me to wait on Him. I have to be patient, and in the meantime I’m going to keep living like I’m staying here until the day He works everything out and once again says, “Go. Now is the time.”

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The words this man is speaking are profound. I don't think I could have said them better myself, even if I tried.

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Loneliness

  The most difficult challenge I will face during my journey abroad will most definitely be loneliness. As I sit here and count down the days to my flight, I remember how it felt when I was in Rio for my first three months; amid all the excitement from all the new sights, sounds, ams experiences there was also an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.   Thank God I had Joel as my room mate. Without him, I don't think I would have managed quite so well. I had him to talk to when the strange world that is Rio became too much for me, but even though he understood my words he couldn't quite understand my feelings. He had a small idea because he and his family had switched states to come live in the slums of Rio, but he could not understand what it felt like to go to a totally new world, one with a new language, new customs, and a totally new way of life.   I'm accustomed to being able to drive myself when I need to get somewhere-in Rio I had no car and couldn't figure out public transport. If I was hungry I raided the fridge-Brazilians don't stock food in the fridge like we do.   Sleeping was difficult as well. I'm used to being cool or cold and snuggling under blankets in a bed that's my size (I'm six foot, three inches), and in Rio I had a bed that I didn't quite fit in, and a ceiling fan with no A/C that had two settings: "slow," and "I'm gonna detach from the ceiling and murder you in a freak ceiling fan accident."   And to add to the feelings of loneliness, I'm constantly asked by many of the people I know to stay here; "Why can't you work with disadvantaged children in the States?" "Why do you have to go thousands of miles away when there are issues at home?" "Why would you want to live in a 3rd world country?" "Why Brazil?" "It's for the foreign women, isn't it?" "Well, you already went, so, maybe that was all you were supposed to do?" I hear that one VERY often.   Typically when someone asks me one of those questions, I can brush it off and not care. But when someone whom I truly believed understood asks one of those questions, it cuts me. Deeply.   I can't give a definite answer to all of these questions; I don't know the answer. All I know is that I was instructed to go to Brazil. The rest of the details are up in the air. God may have a great plan for me; or He may simply want me to live in a slum and love one person there. His will is not really mine to question. Though I often do it anyway.   This post is not meant to complain, nor to have people think, "Oh, poor Wade..." I don't want pity, nor attention. This post is a small lament, but one that I will bear with regardless. We all have a cross to bear, and compared to the one Christ bore for me, mine is nothing.   If nothing else, I want it to be known that even though there will be hardships, I'll get over it. We were not promised comfort, we were not promised a life of ease. In fact, we were promised that if we choose to follow Christ, we will get the opposite; difficulties and crosses and persecution. But if one life is changed-if one soul finds its way to Heaven at least partly due to my "suffering,"-that is worth it.

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Giving

As part of my training and preparing for my upcoming journeys, I have been required to study about finances and giving. I have finished reading the book, 'The Treasure Principle' by Randy Alcorn as part of my required reading for my upcoming orientation in December, and this book has been life changing. Alcorn challenged me to adopt the mindset that my finances are not my own, but instead belong to Christ; that I am merely a manager of His money, and He has entrusted me with a certain amount. So, with this new mindset, I have been striving to live on a set amount from each paycheck, and the rest of my paycheck goes to tithe and other financial offerings and gifts to others. One thing I have noticed: less stress. Why? I'm no longer buying video games that I'll never play, I'm not worried about whether I'll have enough for some new gadget I want AND gas/food money to get through the week because I decided I'm not gonna buy that gadget. Having less to spend has been an incredible blessing, as it had forced me to appreciate what I already have and find ways to entertain myself with what I've got. Another thing Randy is big on is storing treasure in Heaven, not here on Earth. So, as a personal thing mostly because I am going to be doing a lot of traveling, I have gotten rid of most of my non-essential possessions-the one remaining-non-essential would be my PS3, which I still use frequently, but with better time management-and I now have so much less to worry about; I don't have to worry about packing, about how everything will fit, about maintenance for all my stuff, and special care, because most of it is now gone. And what I haven't gotten rid of will probably stay behind while I continue on with my life journey, because it is just not necessary for where I am going and what I am doing. The author of this awesome book is also always reiterating the importance of reaping what you sow; the concept that if you give much, much will be given back to you. Well, i definitely want to receive a lot, but not so much for physical pleasure, but because with what I receive I want to be able to help others. Whether that be financially, emotionally, spiritually, or in some other physical way. But in order to accomplish this, I know that I first have to change the way that I give, trusting that God's promises will follow.

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Who Would Want to Live There?

My aunt, uncle and two cousins visited me this weekend. While there, the subject of my upcoming trip naturally found its way into the conversation.

  During the visit, my uncle made the comment that he doesn't understand why someone would voluntarily decide to live in a third world country. I thought about it, and decided not to respond; if you don't understand, there's nothing I can say to help you understand. It's something I myself don't totally understand, though for me, it begins with obedience. I was instructed to go, so I go. I still am fuzzy on the details as to why I'm going, but that doesn't stop me.

  I am not particularly thrilled that I am giving up every part of my life here, but another part of me doesn't mind. This life is temporary, and I was not meant to spend it in luxury. I was meant for messier, less glorious things, and this is my lot in life. I'm ok with this.

  That is not said to downplay me or my life; I will experience wondrous things in my own right that others won't, and that is a reward in itself.

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My knees are dusty orange, stained by the soil into which they press for hours as I beg God for the mercy and strength to continue. My tears flow in puddles that do not soak into the red, parched earth of Uganda. The puddles and the color of my knees remind me that I was not to leave this life unstained or unscarred. Even Jesus kept His scars after the resurrection. My stains are beautiful to Him and as I become dirtier and more beat up, I am becoming more perfect, transformed into the image of the One who made me. And I am thankful.

Kisses from Katie - page 258

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We aren't really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that. We are just called to love with abandon. We are called to enter into our neighbors' sufferings and love them right there.

Kisses from Katie - page 214

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I have often wondered since reentering the United States why I feel such great culture shock. How can I feel such a disconnect with the place I was born, raised, and for eighteen years called home? How can I feel that my real home is a place in which I have spent just over a year? I have blamed it on many things. American extravagance. The grocery store that almost sends me into panic mode due to the sheer quantity and variety of foods. People who build million-dollar homes. The lack of understanding and a lack of thanksgiving on the part of all of us. The ease with which we receive medical care. The amount of stuff that just clutters our lives. All these things make it difficult to readjust, yes. But what has been the,biggest shock to my system, the huge disconnect, is that I have stepped out of my reliance on God to meet my needs. I "miss" Jesus. He hasn't disappeared, of course, but I feel so far from His because my life is functioning without Him. By "functioning," I mean that if I am sick, I go to the drugstore or the doctor. If I am hungry, I go to the grocery store. If I need to go somewhere, I get in my car. When I need some advice or guidance, I call my mom or go plop on my roommate's bed. If I want to feel happy, I get Brad, my little brother, or someone else to make me laugh. I keep forgetting to ask God first to heal me, to fill me, to guide me, to rejoice with me. I have to set aside "time to pray" in the morning and at night instead of being in constant communication with Him. In Uganda, because I was so physically "poor," I was completely dependent on God and spiritually as wealthy as ever. As I sit here writing, I am frustrated with my own stupidity, my human willingness to step back into dependence on stuff and these places I swore I detested.

Kisses from Katie - pages 121-122

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Despite the obstacles, I felt a surprising level of comfort living in Uganda most of the time. I felt I was born to be there, and in many ways, living there seemed more natural than living in my native country. I had the unexplainable feeling, a settled knowing, that I was where I was made to be. I knew deep in my soul that I was home.

Kisses from Katie - page 20

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Not a single person around me understood ANYTHING about my life, my culture, or my background. Their frame of reference was so different from mine that even the most detailed explanation hardly helped them understand or relate. Most of the people around me didn't speak my language, nor did I speak theirs. This communication vacuum left me feeling isolated and forced to work much harder to build meaningful relationships. In addition, everyone around me was either much older or much younger than I was; I had no peers... The absence of people my age caused me to feel even more alone.

Kisses from Katie - page 19

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I'm not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I'm just here to love.

Kisses from Katie - page 16

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I left Uganda in tears at the end of our trip, the country and the people now a part of me.... I was forever ruined for comfort, convenience, and luxury, preferring instead challenge, sacrifice, and risking everything to do something I believed in... My heart found its joy as I served the beautiful people the world calls 'poor' but who seemed so rich in love to me. I have no doubt God was preparing a longing in my heart for Uganda many years before I could even fing this country on a map; there is no other explanation for the instant love I felt for this place and these people.

Kisses from Katie - pages 4-5

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For years before I went to Uganda, I had fantisized about doing something incredible for God and others; what I have learned is that I can do nothing incredible, but as I follow God into impossible situations, He can work miracles in and through me.

Kisses from Katie - pages 1-2