I'm letting you go...for the last time.
I regret trying. I regret giving in to the voice inside my head urging me to stop running away and just give us one more chance.
For the first and hopefully, last time, I've blocked you - in every form of social media and in my life.
Don't get me wrong - I did miss you. A lot.
But it hurt that you told me to stop making a mess of your life after that long fight where no one won and no one wanted to back down.
In the middle of all that anger and annoyance, I finally realized that you knew me but you also didn't.
You knew my traumas, you knew my heartbreaks, you knew the me that loved you.
Yet, you no longer know me. The me who overcame that and became an adult. My new jokes, my adult sense of humor, my new responsibilities and dreams, my K-pop idols and what they mean to me.
Because if you did, you wouldn't have asked me to move in with you - to leave the city I'm in, quit my job, and choose you above anything and everything else - or to choose you over Chanyeol.
The blue eyed baby thing I may understand a bit, but my idol?
In the end, I was right. You never listened to me, did you? You just heard what you wanted and that's why we never worked out - not then and not now.
When I said that I was choosing myself now above everything else, I should have known when you conveniently ignored that in the middle of that fight.
You want someone to choose you always and over everything because you said you'd do the same but...that's not how life works.
I've learned it the hard way.
Sometimes, people will choose you with other things and you won't always be the number one but that's okay. Because life is not just about romantic love anyway.
So, I don't regret saying that he will always be my number one because it's true. He was there, EXO was there, my source of comfort on my darkest times, when no one, not even you, could stay.
My love as a fan saved me amongst other things, yet you wanted me to let that go.
So, I am letting you go for the last time.
gummygunk
jimmyeatworldofficial
gracieabrams
ellievsbear
blakekathryn
