So my guess was right. Cheol-yun is going to marry Eun-a. Before reading the manhwa, just from the prologue, I thought Cheol-yun married Eun-a because he genuinely liked her. But after reading it, I hate that guy.
He's the one who developed feelings for Yoon-jung while tutoring her. He's a college student, and she's a high school student. 😐 Yoon-jung also started developing feelings for him. This guy was the one who sparked the whole thing, but when his family told him to marry Eun-a, he simply accepted it.
Poor Yoon-jung. She was working hard to meet him in Seoul, just like Cheol-yun told her to, and then he cowardly accepted the marriage. Yoon-jung needs to forget that asshole and focus on her dreams and her own life. Cheol-yun doesn't deserve her.
And Eun-a? I don't like her either. She has had a crush on Cheol-yun for a long time and dreamed of marrying him and having his children. When their families proposed the marriage, she accepted it immediately. She knows that Yoon-jung likes Cheol-yun, yet she didn't say anything. Now she's acting like Yoon-jung is making a big fuss for no reason just because they weren't officially dating.
In my opinion, both Cheol-yun and Eun-a are trash.
Now I understand that Colorless light (bl manhwa) was showing future events from the manhwa. There are two boys with the same white hair. One seems to be Eun-a's son, and the other appears to be Yoon-jung's son.
My question is: who is the father of those boys? Please don't tell me it's Cheol-yun. 😐
If Cheol-yun and Eun-a got married and had a son together, then why would the story also make Yoon-jung have a son with him? I really wouldn't like that direction.
And if Eun-a dies, I still don't want Yoon-jung to end up marrying that asshole, Cheol-yun. He didn't even fight his family when he supposedly had feelings for Yoon-jung. He just accepted the arranged marriage. So why should Yoon-jung accept him later?
Girl, please focus on your own life and dreams. Don't marry him, and definitely don't have his kid if that's where the story is heading. After everything that happened, Cheol-yun doesn't deserve her.
N. B. I haven't read Colorless Light yet, so I don't know what's happening in it
my senior english teacher told me that any scene with a woman in a cornfield in every piece of literature ever is about her journey to womanhood/pleasuring herself in the field and i just.... believed her
GIVEN | The PECULIAR link between Paternal Idolisation and Music
I have noticed a peculiar link between a Given character's mental health and their relationship with their father, or lack thereof, and how that directly impact their approaches towards music and ability to bond with other people.
Within Given, three character tropes seem to apply:
1. Characters with a musical father tend to follow the path of music because some part of them idolised their father.
2. Characters without a father tend to idolise another male figure, regardless of whether it is appropriate to do so or not.
3. Given characters who have displayed an overt depression from a young age tend to use music as their only form of expression and emotional outlet for their pain.
I'll be referring to these throughout this blog so please keep them in mind!
For this meta, I'll be looking at specifically Ugetsu and Yuki.
But these tropes seem to apply to all the other characters as well so I’ll be sure to touch on them in future metas.
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Ugetsu
Let's start with Ugetsu since we have more concrete knowledge on his character. So the first bit of family background we get about Ugetsu is through the metadata Chapter 21.5.
Although Ugetsu's father is alive and presumably well, his father is a diplomat and doesn't seem to be very present in Ugetsu's life at all. We also get a sense that from a very young age, due to growing up in a cold familial environment without tender-loving-care (TLC) from his parents, Ugetsu already had the early signs of depression, like what kind of kid "wants to die" and "was already chasing the feeling of dying"???!! From the looks of it, Ugetsu couldn't be more than 6-7 and he was already having thoughts like this???!! MY GOODNESS that poor child. 😭😭😭
So in according with Point 3 of the character tropes,
Ugetsu's depression and paternal abandonment was an overwhelming pain he had to deal with since he was a kid and it was through this Paul Simon's song that he discovered music. It was through the violin that he was able to admit to himself that
"wow, I want to die."
he is really depressed.
This directly parallels Mafuyu's experience of him not being able to admit to himself that he is lonely but only when he's finally on stage and singing, he was finally able to say to himself "I am lonely." Music is an emotional outlet for both Ugetsu and Mafuyu where they can be honest with themselves. This is actually a good thing though!
Being honest with oneself is actually the first step to healing!
Even though it took me a second to understand what was going on in that panel, it made me realise that the fact that Ugetsu is able to express his pain through music is how he has kept himself from going off the rails!
While music is essential to Ugetsu's survival, I'm almost certain that
Ugetsu picked music as his career as some form of a rebellion against his father as well.
Actually, it was @a-voice-of-my-own who brought this to my attention with his meta on Akigetsu. One clear sign is considering how Ugetsu comes from generational wealth, he absolutely doesn't have to live in his parent's basement, BUT HE CHOSE to do so as if to spite his father and grandfather for abandoning him.
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I previously said in my Mirrors in Given Headcanons EXPLAINED blog that Ugetsu didn't idolize Akihiko but is just emotionally enmeshed with him. I'd like to retract that statement. Upon further revision, I actually think Ugetsu did in fact idolize Akihiko because
Ugetsu not only saw Akihiko as a lover but also as a paternal figure.
The moment Akihiko did this, Ugetsu felt this overwhelming love that he has NEVER EVER, presumably, received from his father or grandfather before. So not only did he seek a romantic love from Akihiko, he also started to become spoilt in the TLC that Akihiko provided for him.
You gotta realise that Akihiko and Ugetsu were both teenagers when they started dating. So Akihiko also being essentially a kid, enabled that behaviour and didn't call Ugetsu out because he also idolized Ugetsu. So even after they broke up, these old habits just kept carrying on into their "situationship".
According to our current frameworks of psychology, The Child-Parent Role partnership is incredibly toxic for relationships because there is an IMBALANCE OF POWER. For a relationship to work, both individuals have to have a good sense-of-self and be able to function independently as healthy adults while also be able to rely on each in times of need. Prolonged power-imbalance dynamic can lead to resentment from both partners. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
So in relation to my Point 1 and Point 2,
Ugetsu took on the role of the child while Akihiko took on Paternal Figure even though they are both the same age.
Ugetsu's idolisation of Akihiko took form in the sense that he held Akihiko to an inappropriately high standard as a partner.
Ugetsu wanted to receive an unreasonable amount of TLC while he also wanted Akihiko to measure up to his violin skills so that Akihiko could truly understand Ugetsu and receive Ugetsu's expressions of love through music. But poor Akihiko was dealing with his own demons and suffocating under all of this pressure. Akihiko was just a kid.
Ugetsu, being incredibly enmeshed with Akihiko, seeing how much Akihiko was suffering, then in turn couldn't freely express himself in his music, having to hold back. That's why he says
"I want to be with him, I want to be with him, I want to be with him, but I'm in love with music."
From my standpoint as a musician, it's this loop of wanting Akihiko's TLC so bad but knowing how toxic his musical standards are for Akihiko are but also feeling suffocated by Akihiko's love for him. He was afraid of being loved by someone with such intensity because Ugetsu has been alone for so long, that's why he said in Chapter 16, "I should have just said I was happy." He also knew how much Akihiko was suffocating in their relationship cocoon now that Akihiko was completely dedicating himself to Ugetsu whilst also feeling inferior to Ugetsu. He himself was suffocating without being able to let out his emotions freely through music because he was enmeshed with Akihiko's negative emotions. I go into more detail about this toxic cycle and music in this meta about Akigetsu and Thaikovsky's Concerto in D.
So he tried to break up, he really did but ultimately couldn't because in a way for Ugetsu, pushing away Akihiko is akin to a child forcing himself to reject his loving father. And the pain Ugetsu felt was just too much so the toxic cycle began when from time to time, he couldn't help but come crawling back to seek Akihiko's comfort. Isn't it funny how the way Ugetsu behaved in the "situationship" were similar to repetitive rounds of childlike tantrums? Ugetsu was trying to do something that meant well for Akihiko, but he was never taught HOW to securely attach or detach from another human being. T_T
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Many studies have shown the detrimental impacts on the absence of paternal figures and TLC in a child's life. Psychologist Edward Kruk Ph.D. summarises some keypoints and I think it'll be interesting to check that with Ugetsu's attributes:
Diminished self-concept and compromised physical and emotional security: constantly feeling abandoned, episodic bouts of self-loathing. - Ugetsu is completely in disarray without Akihiko Ugetsu overtly says how much he hates himself ✅
Behavioural problems: a persona to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness - Ugetsu is literally facade on top of facade ✅ Once again, he was putting Akihiko down to get Akihiko to hate him and leave, but deep in his heart he totally thinks very well of him.
Promiscuity: early sexual maturity - using sex as a way to feel needed by others, even after "breakup" with Akihiko ✅
Drug and alcohol abuse: Fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood - ??? unsure about this one but he definitely smokes and drinks, not sure if he abuses them
Mental health disorders: anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. - duh ✅
Future relationships: Father-absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier, are more likely to divorce or dissolve their cohabiting unions - Ugetsu has anxious-attachment style where he feels abandoned but is also afraid of people getting close to him. Akigetsu literally moved in together straight out of highschool which is crazy early. ✅
Also this is very interesting, Akihiko and Ugetsu actually recall different versions of events. Ugetsu said this in Chapter 17 implying that Akihiko initiated the cohabitation arrangement:
It's not about who's version of events are right, but I found it interesting that both perhaps did not want to admit that they were so incredibly enmeshed with each other and toxic for each other, both idolising but also wanting to blame one another for how things turned out at this point in the story. There was a lot of love-hate. This is why by Chapter 27, I am so incredibly proud of them because they were finally able to let each other go. Akihiko said sorry and thank you while Ugetsu decided not to grab Akihiko, not to give into his own toxic reflexes (grabbing him then throwing him away), Ugetsu let him go for good.
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Yuki
We actually know very little about Yuki's actual persona because as I mentioned in post about why the Given fandom is hung up about MafuYuki, the majority of the information we receive are second-hand recounts from other people of Yuki. (we probably won't know for certain until the Yuki-Ueno song). However, it's no coincidence that Ugetsu and Yuki are musical mirrors and foils of one another.
-> Of course, from here onwards in the meta, please be aware that what you will be reading is what I believe went on Yuki's head. These are MY INTERPRETATIONS based on the clues that Kizu has left us in the manga. <-
Yuki is actually fatherless and it's heavily implied that his father died at the hands of depression and suicide in Strawberry Swing Chapter 02 (ch 32.9),
Yuki's mother seem to imply that Yuki suffered from some sort of intergenerational transmission of depression. This is a real thing! Recently, more medical studies have shown that genetically, you can actually pass on depression and children of depressed parents are more likely to suffer from mental health disorders.
Cup Ramen 🍜 and Yuki's family circumstances
Both Yuki and his mother must have been relying on her single-parent income since Yuki's father died. We don't exactly know when it happened but from what I gathered, it must have been earliest before Yuki was born, latest when Yuki was still in primary. Since Mafuyu and Yuki have a very similar family set-up and according to Mafuyu's meta-data, he is from lower-middle class income family, I am assuming that Yuki is also around the same social-economic circumstances. I don't think it was a coincidence that Kizu had Yuki's mother mentioning that the day after he passed, Yuki's cup ramen orders came through. I think Kizu meant for the cup ramen to symbolise this 1) inexplicable weird sense of normalcy when one's dealing with grief while simultaneously showing 2) how frugal of a lifestyle Yuki and his mum led.
We gotta realise that not only was Yuki dealing with his own depression, but the moment that his father died,
Yuki felt like he had to step-up and become the man of the household for his mum.
In Chapter 7, while it may seem like he was just investing to buy a guitar (to Hiiragi and everyone else), I think the moment Yuki reached an appropriate working age, he was trying to help his mum pay the bills.
*Isn't it so interesting that in Strawberry String 03 (Ch 33.9), we see the cup ramen 🍜 getting referenced again. Of course, most people would make the instant connection to Yuki,
and that 1) connection is the most obvious one that Kizu wanted us to pick up. We could even take it a step further that because both mums, as Hiiragi said in Chapter 6, acknowledged MafuYuki's relationship, it could have been something that Mafuyu's mum and Yuki bonded over. In addition to that, I truly think it was also Kizu's subtle way of 2) highlighting the parallels between the two families' lower-middle income backgrounds.
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Now, referring to Point 1 and Point 2 of the character tropes, I theorise that
Yuki idolized Mafuyu and may have seen Mafuyu as a paternal figure!
Let's refresh Point 1, Characters with a musical father and tend to follow the path of music because some part of them idolised their father. Point 2, Characters without a father tend to idolise another male figure, regardless of whether it is appropriate to do so or not.
Of course, Mafuyu and Yuki are the same age, so it is inappropriate for Yuki to see Mafuyu as a paternal figure. But Yuki couldn't help it. It was Mafuyu who started randomly humming tunes.
"You were often humming songs. That guy was always paying attention."
The flashback showed that the childhood squad were still in their middle-school uniforms when Hiiragi recalled this quote! And then Hiiragi in Chapter 9 pointed that it was only when they entered highschool that himself, Yuki and Shizu officially started to play music.
So I honestly believe Yuki decided to learn music literally for Mafuyu! 🤯🤯🤯
Fuck I'm gonna cry T_T
While Ugetsu's harsh, ironclad facade in the "situationship" was to instigate Akihiko to leave him, Yuki's facade was different. Yuki knew that Mafuyu has dealt with an abusive father so Yuki's paternal idolisation and enmeshment with Mafuyu comes in the form of
wanting to keep up a perfect facade for Mafuyu and those around him.
Yuki probably didn't want Mafuyu or anyone to worry about him so he felt like he HAD to be strong for everyone, including Hiiragi and Shizu.
In reference to Point 3,
Yuki, just like Ugetsu, uses music as a form of expression. Through being part of the band, he discovered that he can process his depression through his music and that's when Hiiragi became enamoured by Yuki's musical abilities. But of course, paired with the need to uphold a facade, he couldn't share his songwriting processes with Mafuyu. It's not finished, it's a vulnerable part of him, he couldn't show someone he idolised and loved so much something imperfect, something flawed.
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Now let's talk about something interesting. What causes Yuki and Ugetsu to uphold a facade for different reasons and act differently towards their respective partner is actually because of one key thing.
💰MONEY💰
Kizu is so fucking brilliant.
She constantly highlights how social-economic circumstances of Given characters affect the way they behave.
Ugetsu comes from generational wealth. Ugetsu kept up a cheerful, nonchalant and ironclad facade to everyone else because he didn't want anyone, especially his father as an act of rebellion for abandoning him since he was kid, to find out how depressed he actually was. Then Akihiko saw through that facade. Ugetsu then couldn't help but seek Akihiko's TLC because literally money can buy everything else.
Yuki's facade came from wanting to be the pillar of social and familial environment he operated in. He wanted to provide the best, first experiences for Mafuyu. His lower social-economical background meant that he had to mature and take care of himself a lot quicker than most kids while his mum had to go to work. But the poor thing, Yuki is taking on a lot for a kid! Also notice these Yuki parallels with Akihiko? They are both kids having to assume too much financial responsibility from an early age, having to mature too fast, too soon.
Of course, Yuki the moment he entered high school, became more absent because of work and the band, and this caused Mafuyu to feel an incredible sense of abandonment. It was further exacerbated by Yuki, Hiiragi and Shizu being in a different school and being in a band together and it festered until Mafuyu snapped.
Mafuyu asking for more time together of course meant Yuki couldn't stop working because presumably he still had to help out with the bills so music's got to give.......
When Mafuyu said those angry words,
"Would you die for me then?"
For literally anyone else with a clear head, they would have known that those were angry words and not something that Mafuyu actually meant. However, Yuki's paternal idolisation of Mafuyu + his ongoing pressure uphold a perfect facade + with his own depression + a toxic amount of alcohol -> his thoughts processes might have been:
Yuki started music to impress Mafuyu
Music became Yuki's only emotional outlet for depression
Then Yuki, amidst his depression interpreted Mafuyu's angry words as having to "choose" between Mafuyu and music.
But the thing is it's always been Mafuyu. He started music for Mafuyu.
Yuki couldn't believe that all he worked for in music made Mafuyu wish he were dead so if Mafuyu was happier with him dead, then so be it. It was like Mafuyu finally gave him permission to go through with the suicidal thoughts he had always had for a very long time....
I honestly believe this is what went on in his head. 😭😭😭I think in due time, it'll be interesting to see what more Kizu will reveal to us about Yuki and I'm keen to see how much of my interpretation will match up to what Yuki's actually like.
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Can I just say that I am not the biggest fan of Saeko-san, Yuki's mum..... It's a lot of pressure to put on a back then, 15-16 year-old Mafuyu to be Yuki's anchor like my goodness....But ok ok, Saeko did admit her mistakes and you just never know with these things so I'm gonna try and not blame anyone.....Depression is hard to navigate.....
Let's check Yuki's attributes with Psychologist Edward Kruk Ph.D's summary points....oh wow he fits like a glove T_T:
Diminished self-concept and compromised physical and emotional security: most likely ✅
Behavioural problems: a persona to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness - facade city for sure ✅
Promiscuity: having intercourse before the age of 16, early sexual maturity - Kizu strongly hints MafuYuki began a sexual relationship in early middle school ✅
Drug and alcohol abuse - sobbbs ✅
Mental health disorders: depression, and suicide - sobbbss ✅
Future relationships: Father-absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier - MafuYuki definitely had some sort of a relationship really early perhaps as early as when they were 12-13 I reckon. They couldn't help but search comfort in each other. ✅
In Conclusion,
1. Ugetsu idolized Akihiko and wanted Akihiko to desperately be on par with his violin skills. Yuki Idolized Mafuyu and I honestly believe started music to try and impress Mafuyu.
2. Their idolisations of their partners are inappropriate because they are basically kids who are all the same age and it created a power imbalance in both relationships, causing all parties to feel disconnected, suffocated and or abandoned. But it's not like something that they themselves were aware that they were doing. The lack of paternal presence paired with early onset depression caused them to project this idolisation onto their respective partners.
3. Ugetsu and Yuki both used music as their only form of emotional outlet. In front of basically anyone else, they upheld a facade. But they upheld a facade for different reasons and the way they bonded with their partner is also different because of their different social-economic circumstances.
@morievna also wrote a great comparison between Yuki and Ugetsu, it is totally worth checking out!
So now knowing all this, I have a theory...
Did Hiiragi perhaps see Yuki as a paternal figure?
more on that another time!
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If you like what you read, all I post is basically Given analysis content. Give my blog a follow to be notified of future posts! #metapotato
I was scrolling through and saw the Given OST, and that’s when I remembered that I had stopped reading it around the part where Ritsuka was trying to finish Yuki’s unfinished song. The chapters hadn’t been released at the time, so I completely forgot to continue reading it. Now I searched for the manga, and it says it has ended.
This is the panel that popped up first, and it gave me déjà vu bcz it reminded me of Yuki and Mafuyu
I used to color their panels, so they’re still fresh in my mind. It makes me cry. Time really flies....I totally forgot about this manga, and now it has already finished😭
