almost is never enough | lionscot
Simba holds Merida close as they spin slowly around the dance floor. Heās in his best tux, custom fitted just for today, and sheās in a dress thatās absolutely perfect for her. Understated, sure, and maybe a little short for the occasion, but still completely beautiful, and still completely her. They meet eyes and smile shyly and he feels a dull ache in his chest. The pain isnāt as white-hot as it had been once, but it still hurts, and he knows now that it always will.
Itās Simbaās wedding day, and heās dancing with the love of his life. But she isnāt his bride.
There had been a time when he was sure this day would take place with Merida meeting him at the end of the altar. Merida next to him at the sweetheartās table. Merida hiding in his chest from the embarrassing family toasts. Thinking about it now just leaves an empty feeling in his stomach, forcing him to remember how different everything was then. How impulsive heād been. How naive.
It seems so long ago now, although he knows only a few years have passed. They were inseparable then, almost attached at the hip. If he tries hard enough, he can still see it all as if it were yesterday. The way her whole face lit up when she laughed, the flush of her cheeks when they kissed, the special glint she would get in her eye when she was ready to do something adventurous and stupid. He knew her like the back of his hand then, which only makes looking at her now feel even worse. Sheās a stranger, the person in his arms, but her face is still so familiar. He thinks that, more than anything, is what makes him say it.
āI had this all planned out for us, you know.ā
It slips past his lips without a second thought and for a moment he thinks heās ruined everything. Thinks sheās going to walk away and leave him in the wake of her whirlwind, just like before. But she surprises him--she always does--by smiling softly, meeting his gaze with kind eyes.
āSo did I. You were going to wear a kilt.ā
He laughs then, a real belly laugh, and it hurts but itās a good hurt. A hurt he can recover from.
āI guess I couldāve worn a skirt for you. I always thought youād wear a short dress, though.ā When she asks him why, he chuckles again. āA compromise with your mom. Figured itād be the only way to get you into a white dress.ā She gives him a wry smile and he knows he was right. He also knows her mother forced her into a huge tulle princess dress on her wedding day, but he decides not to bring that up.
āI was also dead set on a chocolate cake.ā She makes a face at that and he smiles. āI know you donāt like it, and youāre wrong by the way, but I figured itād be the only thing either of our mothers would let me have a hand in choosing.ā
She doesnāt respond then, just gives him a fond smile. He returns it with one of his own and for a moment theyāre happy not saying anything. Just being with each other is enough. She squeezes his hand and when he meets her eyes again, the sentimental look on her face is gone, replaced with something that he hasnāt let himself feel in a long time. Her voice is low, but thereās no mistaking what she says.
āWe were so close, werenāt we? So close to having everything.ā
He takes in a deep breath, his next words laying heavily on his tongue. Theyāre true, they know that now, but it doesnāt soften the blow any less.
āIt wasnāt enough.ā
Their eyes bore into each otherās, and he doesnāt even think theyāre swaying to the music anymore, just standing in the middle of the dancefloor with the weight of their past sitting in between them. For a wild moment, he thinks about kissing her, just one last time. But almost as soon as the thought enters his mind, Eric and Nala are next to them. Heās asking if he can steal his wife away and Simba feels himself nod.
He knows somewhere in his mind that they switched partners, that heās now holding his new wife by the waist as she leads him around the dancefloor (heās always had a thing for strong women). He knows that Meridaās been whisked away to God knows where. He knows that everything is different now. He knows that too much time has passed. He knows all of this, sure, but he feels like heās 19 again. He feels like he wants to run and never look back.
Nala rests her head against his shoulder, pulling him into a comforting embrace. She whispers softly in his ear, turned away from the crowd so it onlookers will think theyāre enjoying a romantic moment together. He registers cameras flashing around them and heās struck by just how wrong it feels.
āIām so sorry, Simba.ā
He sighs, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment as he squeezes her tight. This isnāt what he had imagined when he was younger, but heās glad he has his best friend to face the future with him. Nala is concrete. Sheās solid in a way that heās never been and he loves her so much for it. She and Merida were different in that way. Nala was always. Merida had been...
āWe were just...almost.ā