arabella. @wannabc - Tumblr Blog

into-wonderland-caroline

archbudzar

ur perfectionism is holding u back

migatito

i post from here

reikacchan

don't give up

mornington-the-crescent

archbudzar

we cant go back and I cant remember

lizormianillustration

whatever was left, that was ours for a while.

sunrise - louise glück

selfhealingmoments

deadwatered

“call this love, say it’s meant to be. tell me it’s all in my head, kiss my hand. slumber in my bed of roses, but don’t come up for air. I say you’re a liar, you tell me not to be a martyr. so lie to me again, but we both know. you were never mine, so never mind this sanctuary. never mind the ruins, let them fall with the sun.”

—

deadwatered

“HOW TO SURVIVE A HEARTBREAK SURVIVAL GUIDE:

You sit in front of the ocean, eyes glued to the horizon. You always hated the sand, but this time there was something so comforting about the way it tickled your skin. Day one, you find poetry in the way the waves wet the sand. Day two, you watch the sunset. Day three, you wonder if he was doing the same. You develop a coping system. Drink rum punch, cry. Sometimes a margarita, cry. Other times Flor de Caña, eat half your body weight, gain ten pounds. Drink whiskey, see, whiskey was the killer, tell everyone how much you want to die, gain another ten pounds. After all is done, a whole bottle of wine at a birthday party that isn’t even yours. Cry in the bathroom, fix your makeup, step out. Everyone tells you that they knew. You cry more about silence than over anything he ever said. You begin to blame yourself. You burn the polaroid of you two. You don’t look at anyone else. You couldn’t. You delete his number. You cry until you don’t. You fall out of love. He haunts you. You don’t cry when you hear that song anymore. You delete the text thread. You find yourself. You lose yourself until you find yourself again only this time come up with fuller hands.”

deadwatered

“to the people I loved: i. you were the first light I knew. the only love that didn’t hurt. I told you that if I still believed in God, you would be my guardian angel. you held me like I was made of glass—I was—and you knew. we were never built to hold one another, but we did anyway. ii. loving you felt like walking on thin ice, praying it didn’t crack. I tip-toed, praying I wouldn’t fall in. we both overindulged in one another, selfish and toxic. latching onto one another violently. it was in loving one another that we both found ourselves—I grew up with you. I’ll always love you. iii. I said you were my north star, but it was always me. loving you was my second taste of suicide. I didn’t know which way was up. you taught me that better days come after a broken heart. after a broken mind, I realized I don’t break, I bend. after you left I finally fell in love with myself. I never told you. you never deserved to know.”

—

deadwatered

“i. she asks me if he loves me and I say I don’t know. I tell her he sacrifices me at his altar, breaks me in halves, it’s cyclical, like a serial killer, sinks me into his mattress and steals me, takes my heart, and shatters it when he promises not to.

ii. does he love me? I think he does, I say he calls me and it’s intoxicating, he tells me he cares, but those are only words, he kisses me like we’re almost there, like it’s almost love and he holds me in his arms, his heart beats a mile a minute, with my head on his chest, he says it’s because of me.

iii. do I think he loves me? I think he doesn’t, he’s so careless, but he’s so careful, he brings me to life, then he ends me, he’s my sunset when I need him to be my sunrise, then he takes everything when I have nothing left to give, I’m a giver of love and he’s a taker, like a vacuum ‘till I’m feeling like I’m not enough.

iv. if I have to question it, doesn’t that mean that everything we’ve been and everything we are fades into the background, like a regime without a ruler, I fall alone into the silence, we dissolve and pollute the earth around us like everyone who almost loved.”