BEATEN DOWN

& so they gathered the remains of those who had been lost to the god of war and re - assembled them , the strength of men , the pain of loss , the resurrection of faith , & the triumph of a battle won . and from the ruin came a boy - his name was julian reid .

[warbruise-blog]

PSA  FROM  AN  IRRELEVANT  :  julian  is  my  favorite  character  to  ever  exist  .  what  a  boi  .  anyway  ,  hey  .  just  dropping  in  to  say  whaddup  .  i  start  a  full  time  job  on  monday  ,  pretty  sure  since  it’s  a  job  in  a  field  i  have  absolutely  no  experience  in  ,  i’m  going  to  need  to  work  my  ass  off   .  however  ,  down  time  MAY   be  spent  developing  julian  because  he  is  my  son  ,  and  my  most  favorite  ever  creation  .  i  know  it  isn’t  busy  around  here  but  o  well  .  i’m  going  to  spend  time  with  family  over  thanksgiving  ,  but  i  will  have  downtime  too  .  maybe  i’ll  be  around  ,  mayb  not   .  no  1  cares  anyway  lmaaaao  .  being  an  adult  a  thousand  percent  sucks  ,  but  regardless  i’m  hoping  to  find  my  way  back  to  writing  soon  .  life  definitely  is  not  the  same  ,  nor  as  happy  /  complete  without  being  able  to  exercise  my  creativity  .  

and  i’m  used  to  doing  it  here  ,  wahoo  .  

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

he found it impossible to contain those slivers of laughter that still rung out of him every other second,    little ripples of happiness that were rather disorienting over his character.     someone so revered for his capacity for resilience and immunity to irrationality,    his laughter was anything but professional or even delicate.     it was reckless,    young,    and beautifully careless.    it tinted his cheeks pink and left heat over his ears,    delight warring with shyness in every intimate way that it could.    julian’s prompt does not stop him either;    he finishes the remnants of the bottle and lethargically abandons it by the foot of the table side,   before trudging his weight over to the other side of the couch in a tangle of clumsy limbs.     drunk,    and sat over julian’s thighs,    he continued to smile in that bewildered fashion.

❛❛        i think,        ❜❜     he starts,    but weighs in the value of his words in seconds.   quietly,    his fingers find the perimeters of julian’s jaw before he presses his nose into the soft side of the boy’s cheek.      a slow hum,    bordering tone that was almost musical    -    he adjusts himself so that his head found rest over julian’s shoulder and his body slumped carelessly against his chest.    for the drunken devil that he was,    he continued.       ❛❛        i might have missed you.     a little bit.     sort of.        ❜❜ 

how  simple  it  was  -  how  easily  he  lured  the  man  of  his  dreams  over  to  his  lap  .  if  he  didn’t  have  this  ,  he  wouldn’t  have  anything   .  hands  that  were  not  full  of  ken’s  golden  curls  ,  of  his  maroon  shirts  or   even  his  cape  at  work  --  they  were  empty  ,  meaningless  without  the  boy  who  lounged  so  comfortably  upon  his  lap  .  it  was  terrifying  ,  but  it  had  been  this  way  since  they  had  started  .  he  would  have  done  anything  to  keep  the  summer  boy  within  his  grasp  .  the  corners  of  his  mouth  curl  up  into  a  silent  grin  ,  finger  tips  tracing  random  words  of  affection  across  ken’s  bare  fore  arms  .   ❛❛       yeah  ?        ❜❜   the  word  is  honey  on  his  tongue  .  

the  centurion’s  weight  is  so  comfortable  upon  his  own  .  if  ken  moves  away  now  ,  he  may  feel  as  if  he  had  lost  a  limb  .  that  ,  or  some  other  piece  of  him  that  would  be  impossible  to  retrieve  .  something  in  whatever  was  left   of  the  soul  that  he  had  .  he   had  given  so  much  of  himself  to  kenneth  vareck  ,  trusted  his  life  within  the  glowing  hands  of  the  son  of  apollo  --  &  he  could  have  died  happily  there  ,  in  his  arms  .  he  closes  his  eyes  ,   savoring  the  simplicity  of  their  contact  before  pressing  his  lips  into  the  side  of  ken’s  neck  .  he  can’t  help  it  ,  now  .  he  will  place  kisses  wherever  is  exposed  ,  fade  into  oblivion  and  never   look  back  .    ❛❛       i  never  stop  missing  you  .      ❜❜  &  it’s  true  .  even  with  him  glowing  ,  sitting  lazily  and  drunkenly  over  his  lap  ,  ken  could  never  be  close  enough  .  he  wanted  all  of  him  , forever  .  and  nothing  else  would  suffice  .  

[warbruise-blog]

HAPPY  BIRTHDAY  AIDEN  !!!    

we  have  been  friends  for  .... what  ,  two  years  now  ?  minus  maybe  a  few  months  ,  but  you  have  been  a  consistent  blessing  in  my  life  .  i  can’t  tell  you  how  much  light  and  joy  you  bring  me  ,  and  i  know  this  year  ahead  of  you  (  20  !!  )  is  going  to  bring  so  many  wonderful  things  to  you  ,  because  you’re  such  an  angel  and  anyone  who  knows  you  is  beyond  lucky  to  .   i  hope  that  your  day  is  amazing   ,  i  hope  that  you  have  fun  ,  and  i  hope  that  sadness  does  not  touch  you  at  all  today  .  there  is  no  room  for  negativity  ,  anxiety  ,  or  pain  on  your  special  day  .  you’re  the  most  creative  ,  caring  ,  and  open  -  minded  person  i  believe  i  have  ever  met  ,  &  even  though  you’re  growing  up  ,  please  never  change  these  beautiful  aspects  of  you  .  i  love  you  so  much  !!!    here  is  a  playlist  that  i  made  for  juliken   ,  since  i  haven’t  made  a  new  one  in  a  while  .  xx  

i . animal  -  troye  sivan   ii  .  the  few  things  -  jp  saxe  feat.  charlotte  lawrence  iii  .  just  the  same  -  bruno  major  iv  .  hey  lovely  -  chance  peña  v  .    vi  .  next  to  me  -  nick  wilson  vii .  what  a  heavenly  way  to  die  -  troye  sivan  viii  .  part  iv  -  sam  pinkerton  ix  . carry  you  -  novo  amor  x  .  no  way  -  lauv  feat  julia  michaels  xi  .  all  my  love  ,  acoustic  version  -  imaginary  future  xii  .  turning  page  -  noah  guthrie  xiii  .   first  time  -  seven  lions  ft  slander  ,  dabin  ,  &  dylan  matthews  xiv  .  light  me  up  -  rl  grime  .  

[warbruise-blog]

so  ,  fuck  depression  &  anxiety  lmao  .  

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

if philosophers conspired to understand the duality of kenneth vareck,   they would be shattered over the disruption of his laughter.    a thing so rare and ambiguous,    one could suspect its existence.     it was evil and yet,   wholesome;    something netted together like songs and lyrics,    a musical tantrum,    while fitting a call to poisonous basilisks.    julian’s stunt had backfired and had directly,    because of kenneth,    caused him petty pain as his elbow struck against his lower half.    now,   of all things,   this makes him tremble with a laugh    -     as musical and cruel as it was,    hoarse around the edges,    scratchy and priceless,    unpracticed,     and all the more reason to suspect it was real.    quickly,    his hands come up and wound around his mouth to stifle the hiccups of laughter,    a flush of heat over his cheeks with the luxury scent of the bottle of wine so close to his nose.     a grin wrought his face from ear to ear,    heart hammering before he took those few lethargic steps away,    until his back pressed softly to the couch and his eyes became glossy.         ❛❛       you’re a disaster.        ❜❜ 

he  wanted  to  capture  that  moment  and  replay  it  in  his  mind  whenever  he  needed  the  purity  of  it  .  this  moment  ,  in  its  exact  clarity   .  &  maybe  he  would  .   after  all  ,  ken’s  laughter  made  him  want  to  hold  his  breath  ,  but  it  was  too  contagious  and  julian  ended  up  smiling  back  at  his  lover  before  releasing  a  few  stifled  hums  of  laughter  himself  .  he  straightened  out  as  ken  backed  into  the  couch  ,  simper  still  tugging  up  the  corners  of  his  mouth  and  face  tinted  that  familiar  blush  color  that  julian  had  recalled  during  his  darkest  times  these  past  two  months  --  a  memory  of  nothing  but  happiness  ,  authentic  and  unburdened  ,  even  if  just  for  a  moment  .  he  was  staring  ,  and  he  appeared  just  as  drunk  on  the  cadence  of  his  lover’s  happiness  than  he  could  have  been  on  the  wine  .    at  ken’s  next  words  ,  he  feigns  exasperation  ,  picking  up  a  throw  from  the  couch  and  placing  himself  on  the  furthest  cushion  from  his  boyfriend  --  however  ,  his  facade  boke  the  moment  he  spoke  .   ❛❛      come  here   .     ❜❜  he  wanted  the  other  closer  ,  for  a  while  .  he’d  spent  too  long  wishing  he  would  have  ken  back  in  his  hold  ,  and  even  though  his  wish  had  been  granted  by  the  gods  --  or  perhaps  maybe  just  their  own  sheer  force  of  will  ,  he  still  couldn’t  be  entirely  satisfied  .  not  unless  ken  was  closer  .  

[persephonememes]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 /  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠.

❛ Sometimes you don’t get another chance, you know,  to-to fix the mistake. ❜

❛ I moved the earth and the water for you. ❜

❛ I can’t help but love you. ❜

❛ Oh my God, we’re going to do this again, aren’t we? ❜

❛ I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face. ❜

❛ You’re pregnant? ❜

❛ I love you. ❜

❛ There is always risk. At least when you love someone it’s worth taking. ❜

❛ I find more peace with you. ❜

❛ You are so beautiful, it hurts sometimes. ❜

❛ I didn’t want you to fight alone. ❜

❛ Why are you telling me this? ❜

❛ I love you, thorns and all. ❜

❛ You promise? ❜

❛ I want her to be happy. It’s worth sacrificing myself. ❜

❛ I believe in you and as long as we’re together I know that’s nothing we can’t do. ❜

❛ I hope to see you again sometime soon. ❜

❛ Can you just stay through the night? ❜

❛ I will be here with you. ❜

❛ I’m always gonna love you. ❜

❛ Would you ask me out for dinner, already? ❜

❛ How’s forever? Does forever work for you? ❜

❛ Whatever you choose, you’ve got my support. ❜

❛ It’s okay, I can be alone with you here. ❜

❛ I know I love you. I know that you love me. ❜

❛ I stayed up to talk to you. ❜

❛ Never far from you, my love. ❜

❛ I love you. Now save me. ❜

❛ You were worth the wait, and I don’t just mean tonight. ❜

❛ It’s always been you. ❜

❛ We can have any future you want. ❜

❛ Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. ❜

❛ You make me want to be a better man. ❜

❛ Would you just stay with me? ❜

❛ I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you. ❜

❛ Most of my life I felt alone, even when I was with people. That was until I met you. ❜

❛ We’ll always have Paris. ❜

❛ Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? You’re the love of my life. I can’t leave you. ❜

❛ I’ve been in love with you for, ever. ❜

❛ Do not die. Do you understand? I can’t live without you. ❜

❛ I’ve always been in love with you. ❜

❛ I love you, and I’m not going to stop loving you. ❜

❛ I love everything about you. Even the things I don’t like, I love. ❜

❛ I’m not going anywhere. ❜

❛ My world is a better place with you in it. ❜

❛ I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us. ❜

❛ If you were going to die, I was going to die with you. ❜

❛ I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you. ❜

❛ You are my salvation. ❜

❛ She’s mine. And if any of you lay a hand on her, you lose that hand. And then lose your head. ❜

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

to avoid taxing his darling’s irritating reservoir of patience,   he compensated by attempting to appeal to julian’s primary and perhaps natural want:     the subtle,   albeit admiring,   touch of a scorned little devil.    it would be enough to whisk julian’s newfound irritations elsewhere and substitute it with something a bit more pathetic,   like affection.    at this conclusion,   his body sighs into the other’s hold with a dramatic melancholy.    julian pronounces a select few kisses to tufts of his hair,   adoring him as if he were a dove.        ❛❛       pitiful,       ❜❜    he mumbled.    and though he craned his head into the touch,    a feverish heat found his cheeks as his heart stumbled to come up with a response.    the bottle remained protectively tied to his chest.        ❛❛       who raised you?      ❜❜      within seconds,   he wiggles himself loose in julian’s hold enough to chug a few more sips from the bottle.   quarter of a way down to empty,    and he found his vision blurring.    it was this transparency that made his instinctive inclination for shyness unfocused,   hence the reach:    on his toes,   still with his shoes over julian’s,   he tried for a kiss    -    only to stumble,   fumble,    fail,   frown,   and resort to a disgruntled sound.         ❛❛       why have you reminded me?     i would rather forget these two months.       ❜❜ 

there  wasn’t  any  room  to  take  ken’s  cynical  timbre  personally  ,  not  when  he  was  blushing  .  his  glow  was  dangerously  close  to  his  companion’s  subtly  shifting  form  ,  words  mumbled  and  eyelids  low  upon  glittering  irises  .  after  another  few  sass - heavy  comments  ,   he  was  leaning  up  to  kiss  the  son  of  mars  but  missing  ,  releasing  a  sound  of  dismay  as  a  result  of  his  failed  attempt  .  julian’s  fingers  catch  his  wrist  ,  tugging  him  gently  back  in  order  to  careen  his  head  down  and  place  his  mouth  against  his  lover’s  anyway  .  the  kiss  only  lasted  a  few  moments  before  he  attempted  to  take  the  bottle  away  from  ken  in  a  playful  wrestle  once  more  --  but  the  plan  had  backfired  .  the  centurion  of  the  first  had  been  clutching  the  bottle  so  tightly  during  the  kiss  that  julian’s  attempt  at  theft  simply  caused  ken’s  arm  to  shoot  out  and  hit  him  (  in  the  worst  possible  place  )   .  he  doubles  over  ,  feeling  a  wave  of  nausea  as  a  groan  escapes  his  mouth  .  however  ,  it  doesn’t  hurt  long  --  not  as  long  as  it  has  before  when  similar  injuries  have  happened  .  regardless  ,  he  almost  wanted  to  continue  the  dramatics  --  because  the  look  on  ken’s  face  was  priceless  .  

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise‌ .

the ill spirits that had suspended julian for the following week or two of his return had prompted the construction site of kindness,   if briefly,   from the indispensable suspicion that made up kenneth vareck.     he watched over him,   and inspected with a great bit of scrutiny the paleness of his face,    the tiredness of his hands and the shiver in his chest.    he had made his own hands suitably warm,    pressed them carefully to the boy’s face and placated his nightmares for many sleepless nights with an absence of complaint.    today,   it appeared julian had visibly recovered in one way or another    -    his eyes were a shade more keen and his feet did not drag against the floor when he pushed himself through the rooms.    like the go of a traffic light,    kenneth ventured into the kitchen to pick out his selection of celebrations:   a now half-empty bottle of wine,    clutched into his hold and pressed languidly to the beat of his own chest.    intoxicated,    he looked onto julian and felt his face stifle in rejection.    coldly,   he swept the bottle out of the boy’s reach.    seeing as he had recovered his health above the mark of fifty percent,   kenneth’s kindness was abruptly out of service.        ❛❛      my wine.    you deserve the punishment of water.      ❜❜       the mismatched colours of his eyes united into a pointed stare.     they brimmed,   bristled,   and glimmered   -    a swing of the drink,    and he paddled his way over to a boy,   stood on his feet and latched an arm shakily around his torso in what was a weak attempt to reattain his balance.    with a grunt,    he thanked the gods for his drunken bliss.        ❛❛       now,   you will say:    but ken,   i suffered.    the issue here is,    you suffered by some third force.    not by my doing.   therefore,    it does not count.        ❜❜ 

his  boyfriend  was  the  devil  .  it  was  something  he  had  concluded  long  ago  ,  but  little  instances  like  this  were  keen  reminders  .  he  loved  the  devil  .  more  than  anything  --  enough  to  take  him  in  his  arms  and  offer  a  gentle  squeeze  ,  a  sign  of  affection  regardless  of  his  evil  words  .  now  that  he  was  done  taking  care  of  julian  ,  the  son  of  mars  would  no  longer  get  the  softest  side  of  kenneth  vareck  --  but  he  would  ,  apparently  ,  be  seeing  a  facade  of  true  venom  (  facade  ,  because  the  son  of  apollo  was  quickly  becoming  drunk  ,  and  he  held  no  real  acrimony  for  julian  thomas  reid  )  .  at  least  ,  it  was  clear  he  didn’t  --  not  with  his  physical  outreach  .  unless  his  reach  drifted  up  to  julian’s  throat  . he  blinked  ,  feeling  as  if  a  new  sort  of  drug  had  been  released  into  his  veins  .  he  didn’t  mind  not  drinking  ,  not  now  .  it  felt  like  he  was  already  on  something  else  .  a  different  brand  of  poison  .  leaning  down  ,  he  places  a  kiss  to  ken’s  temple  ,  making  a  playful  attempt  at  the  wine  while  his  lips  are  still  pressed  to  tawny  waves  --  it  wasn’t  a  real  attempt  ,  just  something  to  annoy  the  shorter  boy  tangled  in  his  limbs  .  ❛❛       you  know  i  enjoy  suffering  a  thousand  times  more  when  it’s  being  dished  out  by  you  .        ❜❜   his  voice  is  velvet  ,  floating  onto  the  earlobe  of  his  lover  &  shaped  by  a  knowing  smirk  .  

[warbruise-blog]

@sunbruise

a  week  ,  and  ken  had  taken  some  time  off  to  watch  over  julian  --  though  he  was  capable  of  taking  care  of  himself  ,  his  random  bouts  of  spacing  out  and  spurts  of  pain  that  came  in  odd  intervals  would  hinder  him  from  moving  from  their  bed  for  hours  at  a  time  .  he  was  capable  of  surviving  it  on  his  own   ,  but  ken  wouldn’t  let  him  .  eventually  ,  the  cats  (  effie  ,  more  specifically  )  became  irritated  that  julian  would  not  pet  her  when  she  approached  his  tired  frame  ,  and  ken  ,  noticing  that  julian  had  more  color  to  his  cheeks  by  the  end  of  the  week  ,  had  taken  it  upon  himself  to  pluck  a  bottle  of  wine  from  their  cabinet  and  pop  the  cork  off  .  wine  night  .  he’d  dreamt  of  it  since  he  was  on  the  quest  ,  of  a  drunken  ken  with  a  pink  blush  that  carried  all  the  way  up  to  the  tops  of  his  ears  .  he  averted  his  stare  from  the  ceiling  ,  flexing  his  fingers  and  not  finding  an  ounce  of  pain  .  he  had  energy  .  he  felt  that  his  wounds  might  have  completely  healed  --  but  it  had  only  been  a  week  .  how  was  this  possible  ??  the  quiet  was  only  interrupted  by   the  sheets  ruffling  and  the  gentle  pad  of  julian’s  feet  against  the  flooring  before  he  headed  into  the  living  room  ,  drowsy  but  better  looking  than  he  had  been  in  a  while  .    ❛❛      wine ?     ❜❜   and  for  the  first  time  ,  the  softest  of  smiles  graces  the  son  of  mars’  face  .  however  ,  once  ken  realized  that  he  was  feeling  better  ,  his  soft  disposition  seemed  to  wane  .  his  gold  and  amber  glare  was  steely  ,  and  he  was  clutching  the  bottle  as  if  to  say  ‘  none  for  you  ,  asshole   ’  .

[warbruise-blog]

i’m  seeing  so  many  grisha  trilogy  blogs  pop  up  and  it’s  making  me  wanna  re  -  read  those  books  ...  i  love  that  series  sm  :’  )  that  ,  and  soc  .  i’m  really  tired  today  and  slightly  busy  tomorrow  with  even  MORE  travel  so   i  won’t  be  replying  to  memes  or  anything  until  after  tuesday  when  i  go  home  (  if  my  grandma  is  not  on  my  case  ,  i’ll  be  busy  anyway  bc  i  need  to  move  )  but  mostly  i’m  going  to  be  doing  brain  dead  things  to  keep  myself  sane  and  julian  +  plots  deserve  more  than  that  !!  so  i  won’t  be  writing  on  here  for  a  while  .  feel  free  to  ask  for  my  discord  if  you  wanna  chat  abt  things  .  : )  i  should  be  around  when  i  settle  into  my  new  place  soon  .  xoxo   

[warbruise-blog]

dark  core  personality  test  .  

Egoism: “Excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.” (Weigel et al. 1999)  /   Machiavellianism:“Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014)   /   Moral Disengagement: “A generalized cognitive orientation that differentiates one’s thinking towards unethical behavior.” (Moore et al. 2012)   /   Narcissism: “An all-consuming drive towards ego-reinforcement and an egotistical interest in, or admiration of, one’s self.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014; Smith 2017)   /   Entitlement: “A stable and pervasive sense that one deserves and is entitled to more than others.” (Campbell et al. 2004)  /  Psychopathy: “Deficits in affect and self-control (i.e. callousness and impulsivity), as well as a lack of remorse, antisocial behavior, and volatility.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014; Smith 2017)  /  Sadism: “A tendency to humiliate others via cruel or demeaning behavior, or the propensity to intentionally inflict physical, sexual, or psychological pain on others in order to assert power or for pleasure and enjoyment.” (O’Meara et al. 2011)   /   Self-Interest: “The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.” (Gerbasi & Prentice 2013)   /   Spitefulness: “A tendency to engage in behavior that would harm others but would also entail harm to oneself.” (Marcus et al. 2014)

tagged by : @sunbruise tagging :  everyone  who  wants  to  do  it  !

[warbruise-blog]

1 :)

what  would  completely  break  your  character  ??  

a  few  things  actually  already  have  .  first  ,  is  when  he  realizes  that  he  cannot  heal  mental  wounds  or  scars  from  those  he  loves  .  his  mother  and  ken  ,   more  specifically  .   he  was  broken  after  he  realized  the  depth  of  his  mother’s  internal  pain  ,  and  almost  even  more  so  upon  actually  seeing  memories  of  ken’s  shared  with  him  through  their  empathy  link  .  actually  being  able  to  see  the  things  that  his  most  beloved  has  endured  in  front  of  him  and  not  being  able  to  stop  it  was  more  unbearable  than  anything  .  still  ,  this  break  was  not  as  large  as  having  his  soul  halved  by  a  nymph  in  order  to  save  ken’s  life  .  his  decision  was  final  and  he  had  no  regrets   ,  but  ken’s  anger  upon  figuring  out  what  julian  did  had  julian  breaking  /  crumbling  at  ken’s  feet  .  that  stems  from  his  fear  of  losing  ken  in  general  ,  from  doing  something  unforgivable  .  however  ,  they  are  now  past  that  –  and  will  deal  with  the  repercussions  of  julian  halving  his  soul   until  they  both  do  actually  die  .   mostly  ,  what  breaks  him  during  his  life  time  is  losing  those  he  loves  by  death  .  he  almost  does  when  ken  is  stabbed  by  his  father  ,  the  god  of  war  ,  with  his  own  weapon   .  but  he  refused  to  let  this  happen  .   however  ,  seeing  ken  dying  was  very  damaging  .   (  unfortunately  ,  it  is  julian  who  dies  first  –  so  he  does  not  have  to  endure  the  true  death  of  his  soul  mate  )  .  he  does  have  to  endure  the  death  of  his  mother  after  he  retires  ,  which  really  ,  really  breaks  him  .  but  being  broken  has  never  stopped  the  son  of  mars  !!  he  always  heals  ,  always  finds  a  way  back  and  is  usually  repaired  by  those  who  care  for  him  to  the  best  of  their  abilities   .  

[warbruise-blog]

i   s2g  ken  &  julian’s  lives  just  keep  getting  crazier  .  

[sagamemes]

crucial muse development questions.   send a number in my inbox to find out more about my character as a person  ( because often, the most important things about character development have nothing to do with their shoe size or netflix queue ).

what would completely break your character?

what was the best thing in your character’s life?

what was the worst thing in your character’s life?

what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

does your character work so they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

what is your character reluctant to tell people?

how does your character feel about sex?

how many friends does your character have?

how many friends does your character want?

what would your character make a scene in public about?

for what would your character give their life?

what are your character’s major flaws?

what does your character pretend or try to care about?

how does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

what is your character afraid of?

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

kaz was wise to minimise his interruption.    it was just enough to prompt kenneth to perk his head up from julian’s chest,    fatigue ridden eyes casted towards the flap of the tent in suspicion.    ultimately,   the peace they had shared was just the beginning of a reconciliation that he knew would last up until they reached home.    quietly,   he collected himself up to his feet and restored any ounce of vulnerability left back inside him.    simultaneously,   he reached a tough hand out to help julian too,   pulling the boy carefully until he could stand and running his hands down to inspect any immediate injury or bone fracture.     once they were stood outside,    he stood by jorgen and scrutinised the map in his hands,    subconsciously aware of julian’s presence gravitating towards him    -    where their fingers brushed together,   or when the warmth of his lover’s shadow covered his own.    the walk wasn’t easy:    he had to stall his breathing through the coughing fits from julian,   the shaking muscles,   bewildered looks and the cold sweat.     the exhaustion over julian’s face wasn’t simple,    but hazardous.   it reminded him about their peace,    and how it would not last long,      perhaps,    and that he had much to learn about the whereabouts of julian reid these past two months.     the raiders trudged on ahead,    a second of privacy in which he turned his chin back to the son of mars.    a softness twitched around his eye,    his frown gentle with its characteristic violence amiss before he pushed himself forward,    a hand stalled over julian’s chest.    he left a kiss by julian’s chin,   before trudging on after neerav.      eventually,   the walking took its toll.

❛❛      neerav’s car is just up ahead.      ❜❜       turning,    he shot a look to kaz.    without a mumble,   the younger boy moved swiftly behind jorgen’s frame and slide himself to julian’s side.   he picked up his arm,   hissed at resistance,   and slung it over his shoulders.     then he turned to neerav,    who assured him with a single nod and broke into a jog up north.    a short walk later,    they found the asphalt of the nearest road and waited,    until neerav’s black ford fusion pulled over.     he jumped to shotgun,   with neerav behind the wheel.   kaz shuffled into the back and helped julian to the middle,    while jorgen dropped off their supplies in the trunk.   he joined them again behind kenneth’s seat,    before bolting off to the highway.     it seemed almost forever had passed on in silence until the car screeched to a stop in a street that was all too familiar,    even in his dreams.    a minute passed of quiet breathing before kenneth kicked the door open and snapped his fingers.    kaz shifted,    plucking the door away in its arc and yanking julian out with him.    he left him by the concrete before hopping in again,    and at the clap of kenneth’s hand against the car’s built,   neerav sped away.     when he looked up,    he found himself staring at julian.      carefully he picked his way to him and pressed a hand to the side of his torso,    surveying the odd thinness of his frame before he looked up.         ❛❛      we’re home.       ❜❜

the  familiar  street  was  a  blur  .  he’d  been  in  and  out  of  sleep  as  they  drove  ,  the  lull  of  the  car  engine  and  quiet  atmosphere  of  the  car  was  enough  to  make  his  head  fall  to  his  brother’s  shoulder  .  luckily  ,  his  sibling  was  kind  enough  to  let  it  stay  there  .  stop  lights  glowed  brightly  in  the  approaching  dusk  ,  a  light  fog  misted  the  windshield  of  neerav’s  car  .  san  francisco  was  always  cold  ,  always  foggy  around  this  time  of  night  .  a  shiver  wracked  him  before  he  was  being  tugged  from  the  car  by  kaz  ,  who  lightly  pushed  him  into  a  lazy  standing  position  on  their  apartment’s  sidewalk  .  ken  approached  him  slowly  ,  and  julian’s  low  eyes  drift  to  his  lover’s  visage  .  he’d  been  physically  affected  by  his  worry  ,  by  his  grief  .  did  you  mourn  me  ,  angel  ?  he  reaches  up  ,  heavy  limb  brushing  hair  away  from  ken’s  eyes  .  as  ken  regarded  his  frame  ,  he  regarded  ken’s  .  they  had  both  lost  weight  .  ken  didn’t  eat  when  he  was  stressed  or  angry   --  and  he  must  have  been  a  lot  of  both  when  julian  was  gone  .  they  walked  up  the  steps  ,  julian  with  bated  breath  and  ken  ,  slowing  himself  down  to  match  his  lethargic  pace  .  it  had  been  so  long  since  he  had  seen  the  cats  ,  since  he  had  seen  the  familiar  plants  and  the  color  of  the  clean  walls  .  crisp  white  ,  cosy  decor  .  he  could  have  collapsed  on  the  floor  right  then  --  but  he  stops  in  the  doorway  ,  hearing  the  door  shut  behind  him  as  he  takes  all  of  it  in  with  glazed  eyes  .  it  almost  felt  foreign  now  ,  but  in  his  memories  it  was  all  so  clear  .  just  the  same  .  he  was  a  black  smudge  in  the  middle  of  their  home  .  he  swallows  a  knot  in  his  throat  ,  quietly  letting  his  eyes  trace  the  shapes  of  the  room  in  front  of  him  --  passing  over  the  kitchen  ,  and  then  down  to  his  feet  ,  where  effie  trotted  past  him  and  to  ken  .  his  hand  shoots  to  his  side  ,  rubs  gently  at  the  wound  as  his  absent  minded  expression  stares  at  his  shoes  .   ken  could  have  said  something  ,  but  it  didn’t  quite  register  .  

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

he felt a kiss to his temple.    somehow his body had convinced it he didn’t quite remember what that felt like,    as if two months away were enough to make his skin cold again.    perhaps it was understandable   -    a boy of his stature and experience didn’t reply on warmth to keep him alive,    but as of late,   with julian so close to him always,    he had gotten use to it.    loving him felt less like a hearth,    he was reminded,    and more like burning.        ❛❛      i’m not going anywhere.       ❜❜      his eyes flutter to a close,    julian’s fingers clasping his jaw ever so carefully.     the flood of relief kept him still,   enough for julian to kiss him.    when he did,   kenneth’s eyelids blinked alive and a flush of pink quickly reached up to the tips of his ears,    his heart once again hammering away without pause.    silently,    he kissed back,    pressing softly to the corner of julian’s mouth before his hands come up and push julian away and onto his back.    he sat defeated and by his side,    watching the exhaustion that marred the boy from every inch of his face as the coldness of his own body thawed under light,   regaining the sheet of warmth that so often covered him.    he leaned down again and pressed a second kiss to julian,     and only briefly allowed his fingers to thread through his hair.    it was gentle,    far too innocent for aggression,    and genuine. 

❛❛      you’re not leaving my sight again.       ❜❜     because whatever cruelties had kept him away had gotten past kenneth,   somehow.    he couldn’t begin to understand it now,    his mind beginning a hurtle towards a glass wall with confusion and barely contained rage any time he was reminded.   he tightened his hands into fists over julian’s chest,    the tension over his shoulder sending echoes of pain through his torso and to his head.    a wounded sigh,   before he drops his head carefully over julian’s stomach,    like a widow grieving for her lost husband.      except he had little to grieve,    and a lot more to wonder and inspect,   a tally mark for every bruise on julian’s body that he would return,   tripled,     to whoever had hurt him.    for now,    the soft thrum of his lover’s heartbeat was enough to placate the animosity in his chest.    he hefted another sigh,    content,    and dipped his nose into julian’s shirt and felt his voice crack.        ❛❛      come home with me.     please.    just come home,    after this.    i just want you home.        ❜❜

❛❛      i  won’t  .       ❜❜   and  he  wouldn’t  ,  not  unless  it  were  for  simple  things  --  there  was  already  an  anxiety  that  stirred  in  every  atom  of  his  body  ,  a  fear  of  separation  that  overcame  any  fear  he  had  endured  during  his  quest  .  he  didn’t  want  to  leave  ken  even  if  it  meant  they  both  had  to  eventually  work  in  separate  parts  of  camp  again  .  but  he  wouldn’t  think  about  that  --  not  now  .  his  hands  carefully  brush  against  ken’s  shoulders  ,  fingers  tangling  in  sunlit  strands  as  he  closes  his  eyes  .   ❛❛      i’ll  go  anywhere  you  ask  .       ❜❜   but  home  was  ideal  .  home  was  something  he  had  been  dreaming  of  since  he  had  walked  out  of  the  door  that  day  .  he  couldn’t  even  remember  what  they  had  been  bickering  about  --  and  he  didn’t  bother  trying  .  they  remained  this  way  in  the  tent  until  the  careful  voice  of  kaz  slipped  into  the  tent  ,  signaling  them  that  it  was  time  to  leave  .  it  could  have  been  hours  they  had  been  laying  there  ,  considering  the  sun  was  now  rising  and  there  was  a  freshness  in  the  air  that  he  hadn’t  breathed  since  he  had  carried  that  axe  .  ken’s  friends  were  right  not  to  peek  inside  --  they  would  have  been  greeted  with  a  knife  in  the  eye  for  peeping  in  on  such  a  personal  moment  .  

that  moment  was  over  --  but  even  though  they  weren’t  big  on  physical  displays  of  affection  ,  julian  found  himself  being  eager  to  stand  close  enough  to  ken  to  feel  his  glow  .  he  let  his  hand  drift  over  as  they  walked  out  of  the  forest  ,  just  to  touch  his  companion  and  make  sure  he  wasn’t  an  illusion  --  he  was  still  really  there  .  the  walk  was  halted  when  julian  flew  into  a  fit  of  coughing  ,  shivering  on  and  off  from  the  cold  .  jörgen  asked  what  had  happened  to  him  to  make  him  heal  so  slowly  --  to  poison  him  enough  to  keep  him  sick  ,  but  julian  couldn’t  come  up  with  an  answer  other  than  ‘  something  that  broke  everything but  my  humanity  ’  .  and  he  said  it  with  such  a  short  ,  snappy  timbre  that  no  one  bothered  asking  any  other  details  .  when  they  finally  reached  a  road  ,  they  began  walking  along  the  side  --  julian  couldn’t  quite  tell  where  they  were  .  he  had  stayed  within  the  woods  for  a  long  time  ,  more  confused  and  manipulated  by  each  passing  hour  of  the  quest  .  to  realize  how  close  they  were  to  a  road  --  it  made  his  head  spin  .      ❛❛      can  we  all  fit  in  the  gray  sisters  cab  ...  ken  --  fawkes  ?       ❜❜     any  way  to  get  home  but  walking  more  .  

[warbruise-blog]

sunbruise· .

for a long minute,    he didn’t quite let himself feel the hands that were reaching for him.   stubbornly,   he held on to his beliefs of betrayal and found it easier this way to look julian in the eye without the entirety of his body shattering down to the last glass.    julian had long since entrusted kenneth with his own vulnerabilities.   it seemed,   it hadn’t quite occured to julian that kenneth had learned to do the same.    what the sun,   rome,   the raiders and the legionnaire’s would never see is the way kenneth vareck’s lip twitches,    weighed down by the grief suffocating his chest.    it’s also in the way his eyes glimmer with a bit of life,    glossy and foggy with anger,    confusion wrangling him bit by bit until he appeared somewhat harmless,   lost at best.    julian’s tears could enable the strangest parts of him.   parts that were unusually sensitive to every hiccup of discomfort from his lover.     his shoulders carefully dwindled down from their hostile hitch,    the strength he had known only minutes before quickly collapsing one after the other.   then he felt julian’s hands touch against his skin    -   he’s reminded again,   two months.   like an echo.    two months,   two months,    two months.    two months of being separated.    two months of worry and grievances.    two months where the second half of his bed had been cold and brittle and empty.    breakfasts that had gone cold late into the night.    how badly he had done with taking care of himself when julian wasn’t around,    when he felt drained of any joy he had allowed himself to feel.    grief   -    grief made him lull his head,   placated against julian’s shoulder,   his body becoming small and inattentive with a quietness that could stretch for miles.     

violence had been a necessary comfort.    with the world,   certainly.    but with julian,    there was little need for comfort when he had trust.    it’s what prompts his hands to suspend their aggression over julian’s collar,   enough to slip down and hold his torso,     forehead pressed to his lover’s shoulder as if he were balancing the weight of a headache,    of paranoia and sadness and relief,    the sort that made him glad he could touch.    julian was alive enough for it,    half of his soul gone but it was still somehow enough to warrant kenneth vareck’s just barely tangible empathy.        ❛❛      stop.     just let me    -    take care of you.       ❜❜

his  fingers  brushed  through  golden  hair  ,  relief  flooding  him  and  easing  the  physical  and  emotional  wreckage  that  had  been  wracking  his  frame  .  ken’s  hold  was  like  the  strongest  of  drugs  ,  the  feeling  of  his  arms  around  julian’s  torso  made  him  want  to  fall  back  into  the  floor  of  the  tent  and  slip  into  nothing  but  bliss  .  he  wanted  to  stay  like  this  forever  ,  to  ignore  the  rest  of  the  world  and  live  within  the  arms  of  the  sun  bruised  boy  .  ken  had  given  his  world  ,  and  had  simultaneously  become  julian’s   .  he  didn’t  notice  he  was  shaking  until  ken  spoke  again  ,  halting  julian’s  explanations  .  his  mouth  met  ken’s  temple  ,  and  the  tears  kept  coming  even  though  they  were  no  longer  laced  with  sadness  .  he  could  breathe  again  ,  he  could  feel  something  other  than  fear  and  isolation  and  betrayal  .  he  could  feel  nothing  but  pure  light  .  just  let  me  take  care  of  you   .   right  --  his  wounds  were  still  not  healed  ,  he  was  still  healing  underneath  his  bandages  and  despite  ken’s  desire  to  detach  himself  in  order  to  take  care  of  his  lover  ,  his  lover  didn’t  want  to  let  go  .  he  tightened  his  hold  ,  trembling  fingers  guiding  ken’s  jaw  up  so  that  he  could  look  at  his  face  once  more  .  he  just  wanted  to  kiss  him  quick  ,  to  kiss  him  sweet  because  he  had  wanted  to  so  badly  for  two  months  .  so  he  did  .  and  when  it  ended  ,  (  he  didn’t  want  it  to,  )  he  conceded  and  loosened  his  hold  .    ❛❛      stay  .  until  we  have  to  go  back  .  stay  .      ❜❜