at lot of you wont like this.
A lot of you wont like this post because you will probably think I am insensitive. I am not insensitive. Before reading please bear in mind I have the utmost sympathy for every ailment, trouble, and malaise in the world. No, I haven't been fighting a lifelong battle with cancer. Or even a slightly hard battle with cancer. I have been fighting a an absolutely grueling battle with my own immune system. Sjorgens, SLE, Rheumatoid, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Lichen Sclerosus, Raynauds Phenomenon, Vertigo, Hyperthyroidism, Adrenal Fatigue........I'll stop there for now. Its kicked my butt more times than Id like to admit. Surprise surprise but I take almost all the same medications as cancer patients. I have all the same problems. Hair loss, fatigue, vomiting, nausea, a general feeling like I cant do anything. I can die and if my c-reactive protein, ANA, and anti-nuclear DNA don't get under control, then no, I wont live till i'm 85. Id also like to point out, for the past 6 years I have been unresponsive to treatment. Only slightly responsive. Nothing good enough to keep things under. I dont have an immediate looming date or percentage for survival looming over my head. At 15 I had to accept the fact I would suffer in pain everyday for the rest of my life, with no choice. I would have to treat the illness(s), if I wanted to live normally and not be crying in pain. But it wasn't and isn't going to kill me right off. Treatment or not, Ill still be in agony for at least the next 10 years before I can think about whether or not I should stop treatment and let myself go peacefully. I, as a patient of autoimmune disorders, would not like to die, would not like to have cancer and can't even imagine the pain of suffering from those or having a death sentence looming above. I, as a patient of autoimmune disorders, do see the peace in death. The peace that comes with being able to choose. I, as a patient of autoimmune disorders, do suffer daily. More than you can imagine. I, have learned to hold myself so that people mostly can't tell. Because I have no choice. I am desperately in need of funding for research, medication, and general global awareness. Autoimmune disorders kill, they just don't make the front page because its a slow process. So, Im sorry. Cancer sucks. But who is to say that Lupus doesn't deserve equal attention.

















