What’s Your Pleasure?

[wastedtalents]

It hurts all over……

[wastedtalents]

Lyrics

Sometimes they're in a bottle

Sometimes a pair of high heal shoes

Some come rolled in paper

Some have six strings and only play the blues

Once you meet the devil

There's no way he'll let you be

When I'm not chasing demons

There's demons chasing me

Skeletons in closets

Ghost underneath the bed

They hide out in pictures

And in words better left unsaid

They hang around like perfume

And haunt me like an ancient melody

When I'm not chasing demons

There's demons chasing me

There's things I can’t leave alone

'Cause they won't leave me alone

What I want ain't what I need

Still I reach for the things I crave

Better try to runaway

Maybe I'm afraid of being free

When I'm not chasing demons

There's demons chasing me

So roll one up and light it

Pickup my old guitar

I'm playing crossroads

Drinkin' whiskey from the mason jar

There's heartache at my front door

Says she needs my company

When I'm not chasing demons

There's demons chasing me

There's things I can?t leave alone

'Cause they won't leave me alone

What I want ain't what I need

Still I reach for the things I crave

Better try to runaway

Maybe I'm afraid of being free

[wastedtalents]

I don’t know where to go from here, it’s messy.

Vanessa comes back for a night, I don’t remember the circumstances that brought her back. She walked in and she took what she wanted, ohh struggle.

She moved a few states away shortly after. I think it was a goodbye, a final farewell before starting a new life somewhere else?

She left her bra behind, it’s on the floor next to my bed…. Another keepsake.

My sister asked for it a few months later. She and my mother chuckled about it in the kitchen. Apparently this person that’s been taking advantage of me all this time. We are a topic of conversation among the family. These two are the two with the keenest senses, the two females that should have seen my childhood abuse. They chuckled about it in my mother’s kitchen all these years later.

Thanks I really appreciate not being able to trust anyone. Thanks for allowing, thanks for watching, thanks for turning a blind eye on the sexual abuse. Your the best and I’m sorry but I tossed the red lace bra.

That was the end of all of it.

I grow just a little colder knowing that they know, knowing they knew all that time,

It’s funny now?

You knew about him too, didn’t you…..

fuck both of you. I’ve spoken to my sister maybe 10 times since, same for mother. She watched as I slip away and just let me go. I don’t really talk to you anymore either. I’ll call you on Christmas and your birthday…. Most of the time but not for a long time.

I still have this crack in the floor, I still have this little vine growing up the back of my leg. It’s slow to grow, I do notice it, I watch it and I nurture it but I’ll never be able to love it.

The plant in my cement room with double thick walls. We spend 13 years together, it takes 8 years for you to get me to marry you. I’m sorry I never loved you, I really don’t even remember either of us using those words.

I do love though, I love our daughter. I’m going to change my whole everything around her, I’m going to be the best person I can be for her, I’m going to protect her from that evil out there and keep the predators away.

I’m not a very good parent. I’m still working on it, I try every day to be better than the day before. All this still ends in tragedy.

Baby girl is drawing pictures now, she draws a panoramic view of our kitchen one day and it’s got a vodka bottle in it. It’s her mother’s vodka bottle and something changed inside of me.

I can still see the kitchen and I can still see the bottle in the picture. I keep it on the file with all my alcoholic memories from my childhood.

[wastedtalents]

Lyrics

I move on like a sinners prayer

Letting go like a levee breaks

Walk away as if I don't care

Learn to shoulder my mistakes

I'm built to fade like your favorite song

Gettin reckless when there's no need

Laugh as your stories ramble on

Break my heart, but it won't bleed

My only friends are pirates

That's just who I am

I'm better as a memory than as your man

Never sure when the truth won't do

I'm pretty good on a lonely night

I move on the way a storm blows through

I never stay, but then again, I might.

I struggle sometimes to find the words

Always sure until I doubt

Walk a line until it blurs

Build walls too high to climb out

But I'm honest to a fault

That's just who I am

I'm better as a memory than as your man

I see you leaning, you're bound to fall

I don't want to be that mistake

I'm just a dreamer and nothing more

You should know it before it gets too late

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel

You never know where they're gonna land

First you're spinning, then you're standing still

Left holding a losing hand

But one day you're gonna find someone

And right away you'll know it's true

That all of your seeking's done

It was iust a part of the passing through

Right there in that moment you'll finally understand

That I was better as a memory than as your man

Better as a memory than as your man

[wastedtalents]

I consciously commit is the correct answer.

The quiz on the hospital wall.

There is a sign, written on the wall. It has perfect timing to where I am in this story. My story, I consciously committed to not altering any more lives. I committed consciously to just look the other way when I’m the room with female. It works perfectly, all that stuff they carry bubbles up to the surface when you deny them. Using their defenses they push it off on me…… bye…..

Sometimes I catch a glimpse, I see how you are looking at me and yes baby, yes!

Come get it ! As I look away.

If you want it, walk up and own it. It’s really very easy. You have to be stronger or more determined than my level of broken.

I’ll reject you of course but you don’t have to take no for an answer. A soft touch with a determined look is mostly, everything you need. Push closer….. I won’t resist.

I’m not sure how long I stayed down and out. I’m a good recluse, quiet and I’ll slip out the back door before you notice I’m in the room. I’ll build a wall as fast as you can climb, don’t bother your just going to plummet to your death.

I never expected someone to climb up from underneath the wall. Shallow foundation, cracks in the floor and you slipped right in.

You pull up in a G body

Montecarlo SS, it’s that car she always wanted. You bought your monte?

She’s standing there with her purse clenched in both hands. She just smiles, no words at first. Her trademark.

It’s a very well maintained car. Looks nice, you look good too how are you?

How have you been?

The car apparently is less than perfect and needs a little bit of love.

So is the new owner, the one that just popped up in my cement room, found a crack in the floor and sprouted.

She wants to be serviced…. I mean she wanted the car serviced, check it over please? Change the oil ? Tell me if you find anything wrong?

Oh and I’m broke…… I spent everything I had buying it.

Ever seen a 6 foot lollipop before?

Ask and I’ll send you my selfie…..

T is back and she relentlessly grew in my space. She had enough information to take what she wanted.

It’s been 4 or 5 years since or time together. Since I first denied her.

I’m not the same person, but she’s not willing to just walk away.

[wastedtalents]

I’ve thought about this endlessly. That point in my life and everything that brought me there.

Everything on this blog, whatever blog means. It’s what brought me to that point. I’ve never put it all in the same place like this. It’s a lot of fucked up. I’m pretty fucked up, I’m aware of it. I’m now the the monster making the decisions that alter lives of those around me.

I took basic psychology in high school for a couple years. I took a college course along with my photography. I have this desire to understand how things work. My first year of psychology talked about early childhood development and childhood sexuality during development. Basic stuff but very relatable, the development of children in alcoholic families set the hook. But it’s high school, I’m no shrink. I’m learning about my fucked up.

It’s how I look at things from both sides as a third party.

Psychology is my tool, black and white, right or wrong. Keep it simple stupid!!

I’ve completely shut down inside

I’m drinking as usual but I show a good presence on the outside, dead on the inside.

I’m building cars. It was my childhood dream to design cars when I grew up. I’m hooked up with a local speed shop and they are sending me work.

I ended up with a pickup truck, sad story behind it. Kids dad builds truck and died, kid drove it and killed it. I bought it for $1500 and slowly brought it back to running condition.

It was perfect timing. I couldn’t drive that F body anymore. Every time I got in it she was in it. It was almost completely done. It was in primer ready for wet sanding. The stereo was top of the line 16 speakers, (2) 12 inch subs (2) batteries to keep it working. Full roll cage. No back seat, 400hp engine custom-built transmission etc.etc.

Race car spelt backwards is race car

It ended up sitting in my driveway for 5 or so years. So many thousands of dollars.

I stripped it, sold most of it off and crushed it, 8 years of work.

It’s the first time I can remember that I associated a female with a vehicle. It’s the first time I’ve ever put that into words.

Nobody knows.

Don’t tell ok.

[wastedtalents]

It’s 7:30 am on Saturday morning, your sitting in the smallest room in the hospital with a needle hanging out of your arm, bloods flowing.

I consciously commit? I commit consciously ?

[wastedtalents]

System of a Down

Toxicity

Track 61 of 433

Chop suey is the song for this one.

Turn it up, stuff those buds in deep

Turn it all the way up…...

I’ve always been such a sucker for a damsel in distress, or any other female at this point. Always…

I was taught young how to take care of a female, no matter what the cost I guess.

In the alcoholic family dynamic I’ve equated myself as the lost child.

Vanessa gave me a soft spot for females, It’s something that is so incredibly hard to wall up. Left unguarded the two combined, it’s a downfall that has the ability to destroy a village like the Black Plague or maybe Hiroshima….. but slower.

One day I’m at work,

I’m running the fuck out of this gas station. I’m good at this, I get a call out to the gas pumps to help a customer.

It’s a small town, small town service. Clean your windshield with every fill up and can we check your oil? Hmmm bmw…..

I’ll go get the dipstick….

He’s in the shop fix’n stuff.

Oil’s good and everything looks fine

Have a great day and a safe weekend!

No thank you…... tip the gas attendant…..he works Harder than me.

Service with a smile.

I stand up and there’s a baby blue IrocZ on the corner of the lot. Chevy’s version if my Pontiac TransAm, I’m looking at the car, I’m sizing it up. I just built a custom small block 400 hp++

I don’t like the nose on it he Chevy but they are both F bodies. So I’m looking…….

Stock rims, I’m running aftermarket, interior looks light, not a huge fan cuz I’m a little messy.

Curly long blonde hair and this sparkly blue dress…. Wait two sparkling dresses and a blonde, brunette duo in the front. Nice!

I started to walk back inside and I heard my name.

The baby blue F body with the light sparkly interior called my name? Who the hell is this?

She wasn’t there for gas.

She’s all grown up. The last time I saw her was 7 or 8 years ago. Just when I was starting to be molested….

Jesus really, that memory again.

It’s Johns niece, her brothers long lost children. Mom took them away a long time ago. For reasons I think I understand.

It’s my mother’s ex boyfriends grand daughter and she latched on to me.

We hung out for a few weeks here and there. She was a bad girl, free from her parents. She was staying with a friend several towns away away from home.

I didn’t really care to ask and she wasn’t interested in talking about it.

She’s really very attractive, a few years younger and has a tendency to be pretty aggressive at times, physically. Tom boy I guess is a good definition but more like a hockey player.

We made plans to go out,

She’s dressed to impress and somewhere along the lines her head ends up in my lap as I’m driving.

We did not go clubbing, we did something very different.

So no in fact, in my infinite wisdom.

I slept with my mother’s ex boyfriend’s grand daughter who is also Johns niece. John being the one who started sexually abusing me when I was 13.

This is a very stupid situation I’m in but we had sex on more than one occasion.

Yeah,

Dumb ass…

Turns out she’s running from her family and her boyfriend. I found this out one night after she was thrown out of her friends house. She landed In a motel, I helped her move her things there. Her boyfriend also showed up that night and our relationship was over.

Sorta…

She was pregnant, she had two men that she slept with. She told me she couldn’t get pregnant because of a medical procedure gone wrong, she said she was suing the gyno.

She went full term with the baby. She caught chicken pox from a family member. There were complications and she died giving birth. No paternity test was ever done. We will never know who the father is. Her grandmother raised her and has since moved to another state.

This is the first time I’ve put all this in the same place, nobody knows the whole story. I’ve always accepted full responsibility and I blame myself every day for her death

[wastedtalents]

So all that shit you see in the movies and listen to in music about that bottle of sleeping tablets by their head.

Yeah not so much.

I’m literally living proof.

True story, the cops found my shit in a parking lot. Drinking as always, the cops took me home (that’s what they used to do) and the next day I paid $350 for the tow and impound fee.

Nobody noticed, nobody knows, nobodyspecial427@yahoo

I failed at this too….. so badly that I was cast off as anything but suicidal.

I can’t trust anyone, I can’t get close to anyone so I really start focusing on building automobiles, I have every since. I find different cars, trucks etc and I find different sources of inspiration. It’s to this day what keeps me in check.

I see my son on weekends that are convenient for her and we continue to be a vortex of suck.

This continues for a year maybe. I’m quietly building toys keeping to myself, not destroying anything around me. I land a job as manager in a gas station. I’ll run the shop the owner runs the gas and things start to look better than I can remember.

I’m still drinking constantly but I’m a highly functional drunk.

My mother, I stopped by her house one day and she asked me “ what’s wrong? “

Nothing……… I’m thinking to myself, I’m sober lol. Wake up !

Yeah, at this point people don’t know the sober side of me anymore. I’m not sure if I know the sober side of me either.

[wastedtalents]

Warming up for a spectacular sunset. A flooded cranberry bog

[wastedtalents]

The band Parra For Cuva is playing Luhya

In the background….. yea, I like music.

If you set something free and it doesn’t come back.

It was never yours to begin with.

I’m a firm believer in fate, karma and destiny.

I believe that everything is black and white,

but nothing is ever written in stone.

Keep it simple stupid.

I don’t know what I did in my last life but this is dumb.

It’s getting cold in here, you may need a blanket.

The next few years are a blur.

Lots of alcohol for nothing, I wish I knew better but….it’s amazing how fast you can re-alcoholic.

doc says keep two cold beers on it.

You do what you know.

It’s hard to put into perspective the time line so I’ll just harp on the lives of people I altered, created and destroyed.

Suzy,

Sorry I couldn’t get an erection, sweetheart I promise it wasn’t you. Trust me you were better off.

T,

Her brother in law, my co worker introduced us. God she was so possessive. After John and his control and manipulation I couldn’t even think about giving her what she needed. She wanted all of me and there wasn’t really anything there. She will find her way back.

Melissa,

We were something from the black album by Metallica.

My first wife found her scars in my back years later when applying suntan lotion, seven fingers she counts.

I never knew….. awkward smile as she stews in jealousy.

We did nothing but fuck, she outweighed me and tossed me around like a rag doll. She took charge, She would grab me and have her way with me…. Ohhhh struggle.

We never went out.

You, me and the Rottweiler that also out weighed me. We stayed in your room,we swapped fluids with the dog on the floor beside the waterbed.

She was so physical, such the aggressor, long curly blonde hair, dimples. Cute as fuck…. Ohhh struggle.

She was so dom, I definitely was so sub.

I remember her on top with my cock in mouth, I swear she was going to drown me. My sinuses would be so full when she finished grinding on my face.

I’m gasping for air, she used my face to have her first climaxes.

You slowly started to get in I think,

and I ran, I shut you out.

Consider yourself lucky.

Karen,

From the western part of the state.

She just moved here and our mother’s set us up on a blind date.

We kinda hit it off….. for like a week or three.

I think we were both to messy, we both had stuff. Her mother just left her father for another woman. I took her around and showed her my new life, her new home. I remember sitting on the rocks on the beach one night. That is really about it for clear memories. We had unprotected drunk sex and she got pregnant the very first time.

She gave birth to my only son and we hated each other by his birth.

I ran to the city for a while. Before he was born, adding fuel to her fire. We were Black and white with one grey dot that was our son.

I’m truly sorry for that.

He is the one that pays that price. I hope it weighs as heavy on her mind as it does mine.

We fought about the sunrise we fought about the color of water, we fought about everything. We managed to have court appointed visitation, We couldn’t agree on that either.

My self worth is in the negative numbers and I buy a bottle of sleeping pills.

Bottoms up.

Chase it with a six pack and it will all be over soon.

[wastedtalents]

Hannah,

I think this may be the hardest part to process, or not process. I have no intention to leave her here with everyone and everything else but she’s pivotal.

I’m just processing this shit and leaving it here, if you haven’t figured that out.

I’m tired and I don’t want to carry it anymore. I’m going to rebuild it here and hopefully walk away.

Hannah will always be with me I think, I just can’t put her down because, she changed everything.

I broke free because of her, for her.

The song by the cure “just like heaven” is playing in the background.

You move just like angels.

She was the first person to love me for the right reasons.

She was so pure, a little hippie angel from the vineyard.

She was flawless and I was immediately clay in her hands. Her mom was so animated, I think she was from New York, maybe ? Dad was French…. Idk. I remember her parents seemed to float around the house. It was so surreal, so foreign. Her father’s smile was enchanting.

She was an artist, a photographer an angel from haven.

I was a drunk, a pot smoking steel fabricator. Messy on the inside dirty on the outside. I have nothing because I’ve spent everything on keeping myself alive and dead, numb with drugs and alcohol.

I’m that alcoholic, just like my parents and I’m 18.

I can’t bring her home to John.

I can’t have the whole relationship in a car.

I called my mother to possibly get me out of the mess she left me in 2 years ago.

John Doe and I are starting to have a violent relationship. I’m done, and how dare I refuse him after all he’s done for me.

I ran ……

I left my little brother behind.

I quit drinking, the drugs stopped being put in front of my face.

Im back in the attic, another step parent.

This time I’m on the 3rd floor with a choice of bathrooms and staircases along the way.

He’s old guy, but he’s actually kinda cool?

I was educated in proper dining, which fork to use and when. Soup was a complete turn around and no we don’t drink from the bowl. I learned how to play the piano. Classical music was bellowing about the house.

Pictures of ships hang on the wall.

Huh….

Go figure

Normal people stuff?

Idk?

I’ll just be whatever it is you need me to be.

I had the entire 3rd floor for myself, well

The two of us.

If that sounds a little like a predator.

I’m not a predator.

We survived a massive hurricane together in that room.

We created the most romantic relationship I’ve ever had. The art, long walks taking pictures, thousands of pictures. The rocky horror picture show at the playhouse cinema.

I remember talking about the mural on the ceiling. Watching you look up, so beautiful.

I took a photography course and a third year of psychology at a community college, it helps me understand myself a little I guess. Everything was perfect, she was absolutely perfect and I adored her. We did everything together and we almost never disagreed.

We were out one day,

driving around in my Pontiac trans am

Loud ass hot rod, blood red with black interior.

I remember picking her up.

At some point she told me she had this small relationship with another kid at work, one of the boys at the playhouse got to her.

It was one night after a show. She was so into the arts. She worked at a very unique playhouse. Some very respected artists have come to perform here. It’s a small town, old charm thing and the mood can be very captivating I guess.

I remember her slapping my face

Hard, because she missed the first time.

I remember her getting out of my car in her driveway, so mad I dumped her.

More walls go up around me and I’m messy someone get a towel.

We have talked once since, 12 years ago now

She said she was married, kid’s, said she was fat. Mostly she sounded like she was happy.

Really happy living in a little artsy town with her beloved family.

Good for you baby, you got away.

I know now will never love anyone like I loved her.

Still got your picture I stole from your portfolio…. Xoxo

[wastedtalents]

Sixteen!

Drivers permit and a sense of freedom are in the air. I can almost taste my freedom.

I whored myself all summer and Vanessa paid me with a set of wheels?

Yes I didn’t paint anything…. Well not with paint but I did apply a fair amount of bodily fluids both hers and mine about the house.

I’m just realizing that I serviced her all summer and she paid me with a car.

Her old car so the memories linger.

I’m such a tramp.

By the time I took possession of the car my mom jumped ship. She abandoned her youngest two sons. I have a little brother, half brother. He is like a little clone of me but with a different father. His blood relative is a monster.

I think he’s safe because of the bloodline thing but I’ll never be certain of that.

Anyway, I’m 16 I’m on my own. Mom found a million dollar home and an old navy ship captain.

God bless him, he’s up for a ride.

Worse that any ocean storm he has ever encountered.

I need to get a job to support my self in the new family arrangement. No money, no lunch at school. I landed a job at a gas station. I took the bus to school, walked in whatever weather 2.5 miles every day to work. Work until 9 when the Pedophile would pick me up.

First thing

Open a beer and light a joint because there is a price to be paid for the ride.

At this point I could probably consider myself an alcoholic but I’m waiting until I’m 18 to accept that title.

The alcohol and drugs made it easier to let go of myself enough to pay the price that needs to be paid for all this free stuff.

I pretended to pass out often. He would prop me up and fuck me, it was easier and faster that way. He’d be gone in 10 minutes or so, otherwise I was expected to cum and sometimes it took forever because

Well

I’m not gay and rape is a word often used to describe what you did to me.

I’m trying to get away, I’m flirting with this girl in school.

She’s patient, overlooks all my quirks and inadequacies. She seems to want me? But I’m stuck with no wheels

The relationship struggles to stay afloat on long phone calls and kisses between classes. It doesn’t last long as John purposely kept me from her, making it impossible to get out.

17 and I’m manning up. John and I are having massive blowouts because I’m not bitch anymore, I have a job…. I have freedom to move about without owning sexual favors to anyone.

I start to experiment with girls.

For real, with feelings, emotional attachment and my first love

Real fucking love for a moment

I think it’s the first time I truly understand what it is to feel love and to be loved. I’m 17

She’s beautiful, my beautiful Hannah I still have your pictures in my nightstand.

[wastedtalents]

Want to have a little more?

Great because I’m here to please you. There’s only three people that know this information. It’s my life’s secret

This is where it’s starting to get complicated, this is when a female takes control.

I’m 14 going on 15 and Vanessa shows back up……. My hero

John Doe is doing what a child molester does.

Pushing his seed, you nasty fuck

I think back now and wonder if she saw through his game. Two predators fighting over the same piece of white meat.

She was just dumped by a long time boyfriend. She’s so much older than me. Has a house etc.

Maybe it was the way I tended to her, it’s my fault I know exactly what makes her tick. I know her scent, I know her taste. Her nails in the back of my head.

She came back for me.

She wants me to make her feel something again.

John Doe is frustrated, he’s consuming, he’s truly trying everything to keep me for himself. But I’m not gay, dick really isn’t my thing and I’m starting to wonder….. wander……. the cute girls.

He’s pounded the confidence out of me, between him and my mother I really have no idea how to even approach a female.

Along comes a spider

Vanessa showed up one spring day, I forget where but we made plans to repaint her house. Strictly inside work, may take a good portion of the summer, she’ll pick me up and drop me off. My caring mother agreed and she pick me up often, mostly on the weekends,

she was so comfortable, so warm and soft. Her perfume, the cranberries playing in the background we were supposed to be painting her walls and trim but we just spent every day in bed having

the

most

incredible

sex.

This time I was orgasming too, we were testing the fuck out of her diaphragm.

So slow,

so passionate we were.

She showed me how and when and what to do with the penis whilst nestled in the vagina.

She had this opportunity to mold a perfect little fuck puppet and that she did!

I learned so much about passion. how to repeatedly make a female orgasm, how to make her feel like she wants to feel, something on a different level, not so generic.

Once you start I’ll do my absolute best to keep you there as long as you want. I just need a little time to figure you out and……….. well…….

Small circles and light pressure is always a great place to start!

Does she want the tip of your tongue or the whole thing gliding between her lips?

Both?

Sucking?

How hard do you pull? And where? But the variables are intense and change so always pay attention.

If it’s the tip of your tongue she probably wants mostly clitoral stimulation…. Lots of light pressure. Then slowly as you feel her clit swell add more pressure in stages

Does she like the texture of your tastebuds or the silky smooth bottom of your tongue.

Decisions decisions……

We can talk about this more later. Once my penis develops a little more…..but in the beginning, the learning stages I had no real sexual desire so I’d just pay attention to her needs, soaking in all that important information and warm vaginal fluids.

I’m now 15 looking at 16

I’m in a real bad situation

I’m realizing that my childhood has been a sham…… I’ve been fucked literally by the people I’m supposed to trust the most.

I’m realizing my mother is about to change men again

Vanessa is opening my eyes to what I want, who I am inside without external control.

That’s a good thing right?

I can still feel her nails in the back of my head, I can still hear her moan and my cock is really hard as I dry hump the sheets

[wastedtalents]

So where was I?

The new roommate

The expansive attic space that was his new domain and the 13 year old boy to play with.

I’ll call him John Doe…..

This is the part that so deeply perplexes me.

We paired up, he had a new truck, he was giving me alcohol, we smoked pot. I’m 13 coming home drunk and high. Nobody cares….. nobody noticed.

It was just a little of this and a little of that, just a little so I wasn’t obviously under the influence when around the family.

Sometimes I even drank with the rest of them. Just a little…….

As time passed my tolerance increased and a little became my daily thing. At this point I’m just entering puberty. Things are different, they feel different, I feel different.

He’s on that like a cat pouncing on a rat.

I think he could smell it on me and the physical part of our relationship started to line up.

Don’t ever trust a man that asks if you want to wrestle after he’s pushed a few drinks on you.

Note to self…….

It’s been a year now and us two are like Forest Gump and Jenny. Peas and carrots…..

I’m really starting to drink, we go out every day and drink, smoke pot

14 years old

He’s setting up a camping trip

The pickup truck has a custom bed in the back now and a new Lear cap to keep the weather out.

I remember so well the first time

I remember I was so drunk

I remember the hot dogs rolling off the grill onto the ground, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes as I ate it off the ground.

I remember him that night showing me how the male anatomy worked.

I remember him masturbating and having me help so I understand how and what.

I remember his warm cum in my hands.

I remember him them moving to me, getting me aroused but I remember nothing more.

I think I passed out

Maybe blocked it out

Idk

It’s gone

But not completely forgotten.

Our relationship was very different

But we were family

He’s teaching me right ?

All families are like this I guess?

There is nothing wrong with it.

[wastedtalents]

Vanessa was fun, that’s not her name but I like the name…. Vanessa. She was gone by my 11th birthday and my mother’s marriage to my father was nearing the center of the black hole. Those were the last years of the summers down south. It’s when, once again someone different comes along to play with the little blonde boy.

Apparently my mom was quiet the little vixen

She had a few affairs in just a few years of our move to this place. The yacht club men and the real estate market was her top feeding ground. Fueled by vodka she was a force to deal with. She landed our neighbor one day after my father left. Yes ….. she destroyed his marriage from our house next door.

The new family landed in a house that was to small for the now two broken homes. My older brother left pretty quick, fresh out of college he was tail lights on his way back down south. My sister stayed for a while but found her way out on the back of another man.

So it’s me, mom and step dad. After the older brother left I finally get a room in the attic! I can stop sleeping on the couch in the living room off the kitchen!!

With this new expansive space came a room mate. My half brother moved in ….. although they never married that’s still the term I’m forced to use as I refer to him.

10 years my senior

He was also fond of little blonde boys.

In particular…… me I guess.

[wastedtalents]

Top reviews from the United States

Drayton Sawyer

XXX Verified Purchase

These washers are round and flat and delicious

Reviewed in the United States on October 29, 2020

You can use these washers to hold up to your eye and pretend that you are a submarine captain looking

through a periscope. You can also throw these washers at coworkers and blame it on Ricky, the shop snitch.

He ratted the night shift out when he found a joint in one of the tool cabinets. Next thing you know Curtis

(Heavy C) gets called into the supervisor's office and chewed out by our supervisor, Mel. Mel thought that

Heavy C (Curtis) would be stupid enough to leave a joint laying around the shop when everybody knows

that Curtis (Heavy C) isn't that stupid. The only reason that Heavy C (Curtis) was questioned by Mel is

because Curtis (Heavy C) and Mel used to get annihilated together in the parking lot after work until

Miquel qot into the forklift accident and the old supervisor, Larry got fired for trying to cover it up. Then

Mel got promoted to supervisor and there went all of the fun. So when Mel got promoted, they had to hire

somebody to take his old place and they hired Ricky. He's okay, but not a very quick learner. I saw him get

his sleeve caught up in a drill press one time. I think that he's from Michigan or Ohio or something