WasteLandOfWishes

Never have I ever felt so alone. Crushed beneath the worlds hate. Facing all my fears. Here I am. Still Breathing.

[wastelandofwishes]

Did my face say "Waste My Time?"

Welcome back ladies and gents.

Part two.two. (Part 2.2): Literally here's a side story to the last part.About a month before the YouTube History/Porn Link leak, this girl whom I use to be friends with but this relationship split that off quick. To fill you in, she thought he liked her and he did not. Obviously he liked me, or I wouldn't be here today. So for some reason I had her blocked on everything social media wise except for Instagram. I knew she had a boyfriend and I showed my significant other that and then I realized that her boyfriend went from having legs to no legs and we were intrigued.

I allowed my s.o to unblock her and inquire about what happen. We ended up finding out that he wrecked her car and totaled it and also totaled himself. My s.o wanted to mess with her even though she was in a new relationship(not the one we inquired about). He wanted to just joke with her and be slightly flirty I honestly didn't care. I didn't think it'd go further than Facebook messenger. I was WRONG. It went as far as SnapChat and phone number exchange that I know of. This story took place DAYS before the YouTube/Porn Link leak.

I realize right now that I didn't tell you guys that many months before all of this and just a couple after his mothers lovely and welcoming lunch that a girl he spoke to the summer before we met still texted him every once in awhile. I know I hate to break my stories up right now and I apologize. Well, I told him to tell her to lay off as we were right at 6 months into our relationship. He wouldn't do it and she was being slightly flirty at times. So, me being the well I guess a**hole I am I took his phone and told her to back off that he had someone and didn't need anyone else. I figured from there it was over but he kept wanting to message her and apologize for what I said. I convinced not to but I guess it wasn't enough.

I was out one night with my cousin and he wanted me to join him at the "Gay Club" I had no problem with that. I guess my s.o did. He ignored me on all of his breaks because at that time he was working nights. He had texted this girl and I have no idea what was exchanged among them text wise because he deleted it. I only figured that out when he was mowing outside and his phone rang I figured it was his parents so I checked it, it was a Facebook messenger notification. I opened it and it was her! The first messaged in the chat was "Hey sorry my phone got shut off, I can message you here on WiFi on breaks." Okay, so they exchanged a handful of messages and she even told him he was handsome and how she missed him etc he didn't bother backing up the relationship at all. He continued to message her. I confronted him when he came inside from mowing. I guess you can say after that is when I started checking his phone periodically. After, that incident is when I became snoopy even though I hated being that way. He had broke my trust at that point and put me on edge. Now, to continue with the other story. Sorry for the brief intermission.

So, I was wrong to think it wouldn't leave Facebook messenger. I was in the kitchen with him and I was doing a small phone check and I found out there was an option for Locked Pictures and I ended up figuring out the password right there. He had screen-recorded him basically sexting her, but he would pause the recording when he would reply so I have no clue what he sent and it constantly hung over me. It drove me absolutely insane. Even after I questioned him over and over he said he never showed anything and that he did it for blackmail even though he didn't know her boyfriends name and he at this time already had re-blocked her. I don't understand it still to this day.

Essentially, STRIKE THREE AND STRIKE FOUR. I swear I was an idiot.

You know what I also just hated being the type of person to check his phone, but he wrecked the trust. As for me it ended up becoming a habit to check it constantly and after all the hurt I couldn't stop. I had no will to stop doing it. Things with him were always "off" and "not right" with stuff on his phone. Stuff he did, didn't make sense. I was just at a loss from the get go.

[wastelandofwishes]

Part Two: Do you believe in giving too many chances?

If you read part one then you know where this started and have been briefed on what is to come.

What would you do if you went from being extremely sexual with your significant other to being cold shouldered by them when they came home? That's exactly what happened to me. I didn't understand what had happened and I was trying to figure out what was wrong me. I'm too fat for him, I was thinking, or I wasn't good enough in bed. I wasn't satisfying his needs well enough. No, I was wrong. He had given excuses and they always changed each time I asked.

So I went on a dry spell of no intimate interactions and ended up finding out that he had a porn addiction. I was thinking why someone would do that all night at work, come home to someone who would jump their bones any second they could, and just brush them off to the side. I think it just hurt knowing or feeling that he preferred to pleasure himself to these pictures or videos of other people without ever feeling their warmth. I was disgusted and that battle took too long to end too.

After a heated argument he came to promise me he was done with it, we became a little more intimate and I thought it was settled. I was wrong. I was so so, wrong. He had to have done it the night before I came home in the morning. Well, he was in the kitchen and I was in the bedroom I picked up his phone and he was on YouTube in his watch history with a name typed in to delete the history, I assumed someone he used to know. I went to Facebook and searched the name up and it ended up being a Porn/Cam girl. I was furious I went into the kitchen and immediately confronted him with "who is this?" He told me "I don't know." I was so upset and felt so disrespected. I had checked his regular browser history too and why was I surprised that he let a link leak over from incognito? I could only think and feel betrayed from the promise. I should've left him then.

Strike two. I should've walked away. Why did I stay? To Be Continued.

[wastelandofwishes]

Realizing It's too late

Finally after overthinking and over analyzing every fight, it comes into perspective.

Part One: Do you believe in giving too many chances?

Ever flushed 2 years of life down the drain? Me too. Now, let's see if we can relate. TOPIC ONE Was I Oblivious?!Where do I begin here. Do I start with the fact he became super religious on me after officiating the relationship? or the fact that he chose porn over sleeping with me? Okay, well right before being official and just a quick heads up this is a #tmi situation. This was just before becoming "Official" in the relationship, we were very sexually active at this point. Honestly, probably a full month before and then right after he started wanting to go to church. Why I didn't see this as a red flag I have no clue but it was still fresh and we had to learn each other. We really did have a lot in common, for a short period of time. I say that for a short period of time because after the relationship was confirmed things changed. So, four months into the relationship(OFFICIALLY) his mother wanted to have lunch with me and I saw nothing wrong with that. It seemed to be a normal thing to do, I agreed. Instead of going out somewhere it was a home cooked meal at her house. That isn't necessarily a bad thing but I was in for a treat. She wanted to get to know me and learn my background I was fine with that. It started out basic with how we grew up and how we got where we are. She already knew about the past depression etc, and it was easy to lead with that. Shortly after filling her in on all of that, she was asking about my families religious background. She asked if I knew whether my sister was religious or not and all I knew was that my sister became more invested with her latest relationship and now husband. His mother than asked if my parents were religious, I said as far as I knew No. We already established that I wasn't religious. She told me that I needed to  save myself so that I can save my parents. The conversation turned into me getting preached at, I just sat quiet. I just isolated myself right there and was waiting for it to be over. I was more then ready to leave. I confided into my boyfriend about the situation and how I felt about it. He told me I should just try. I was furious as it was obvious that he was trying to change me. This became a growing problem, he kept changing his response. Eventually, he even said to use him as an example to live by, I lost it. I was confused, use him as example to live by but he spent 90% of his free time watching new movies or playing video games and what kind of life is that. He didn't study his bible and I sure the heck didn't pick up on that from the beginning because normally I would. I also want to make this clear prior to his mothers lunch and all the events of this relationship I was an open-minded person when it came to people and their beliefs. Now, I want nothing more than to put all of that into the void. So to conclude on this topic and side of issues of the relationship, a few weeks after the lunch I asked my significant other to go with me to talk with his mom and dad. He said he'd go only to sit their and laugh at me. It then took 8 months for anything to be said and I believe he took his mothers side of things. That weight has not left me, as it took too long for a slight conclusion of the issue.

[zodiacspot]

Read more about your Zodiac sign here

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[humansofnewyork]

“I was raised in a non-religious family, but certain experiences in life have caused me to connect with something that I can’t explain. Those experiences are like my paintings. The more I try to describe them, the more they lose their meaning.” (Buenos Aires, Argentina)

[zodiacspot]

More fun Zodiac facts here

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Rawrrr… :3

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[zodiacspot]

More fun Zodiac facts here

[zodiacspot]

What are your Zodiac needs?

[zodiacmind]

How To Romance Any Sign

ARIES: Up the excitement and the adrenaline to the max. Surprise Aries with a spontaneous trip or a secret party. Do something exhilarating together, especially anything Aries has never done before.

Ideal Date: Skydiving, wing walking or a sudden road trip.

Worst Date: The same place you went last time. Boring!

TAURUS: It’s all about the senses for Taurus. Think sensuality, luxury and indulgence. Highlight romance by creating a special place you return to again and again on special occasions.

Ideal Date: A high class restaurant, a spa retreat or a couples’ massage appointment.

Worst Date: Anything your Taurus doesn’t know about ahead of time. No surprises!

GEMINI: Communicate, educate or play – three golden rules for romancing a Gemini. Geminis love a party atmosphere and will be happy surrounded by people. Give Gemini lots to talk about.

Ideal Date: A busy bookstore, a party or a playground.

Worst Date: A stuffy restaurant or anything with an overly formal atmosphere.

CANCER: Home to meet Mom is top on the priority date list for Cancer if he or she is taking you seriously. Old fashioned romance is a priority too, so think glamor or tenderness. Or preferably both.

Ideal Date: Meet the parents. Failing which, a hand in hand stroll through the moonlight.

Worst Date: A rushed coffee – make more of an effort.

LEO: Think drama and impact when romancing a Leo. It helps to think luxury too, if you can afford it. If you can’t, pretend you can. Leo doesn’t do budget anything and won’t thank you for saving the pennies.

Ideal Date: A theater night, a fashion show or an exclusive, invite-only ball.

Worst Date: A night in. Leo needs to be seen.

VIRGO: Sophisticated but not showy is Virgo’s style in all things, including romance. Avoid tons of people, but do something where Virgo can show off his or her intelligence or knowledge. Preferably something clean.

Ideal Date: A library, a health spa or a lecture.

Worst Date: Anything which involves getting dirty. Ugh.

LIBRA: Sociable, charming Libra is easy to romance and will be delighted with any efforts you make to be romantic. He or she is easy going on a date and will try anything at least once.

Ideal Date: Whatever you wish, so long as it’s done with love and affection.

Worst Date: A family dinner – too much potential for rows and discord.

SCORPIO: Romancing a Scorpio means getting very moody, very intense and very private. Get it wrong and you’ll know about it. Something deep and meaningful always goes down well, but not too many people please.

Ideal Date: An obscure art installation or poetry recital, or a midnight beach walk.

Worst Date: A party, or any kind of enforced jollity.

SAGITTARIUS: Outdoors. Outdoors. As much as possible, outdoors. Romance a Sagittarius out in the open air, no matter what the weather. Sporting activities are a good bet, as is anything involving animals.

Ideal Date: A wildlife park, a clifftop walk, a ball game.

Worst Date: Dinner in an uptight restaurant. Sag needs freedom.

CAPRICORN: When Capricorn fits romance into their busy schedule, it had better be good. High quality outings fit the bill, but so does some pampering at home after an exhausting day. Help Capricorn relax.

Ideal Date: Home-cooked dinner and candles, or a cosy fireside chat.

Worst Date: Sports or anything too adrenaline packed – Capricorn is tired!

AQUARIUS: Romancing an Aquarius is an intellectual adventure; they don’t care about the surroundings, so long as the company is good. Try to give Aquarius a new perspective to feed their imagination.

Ideal Date: Hot air ballooning, caving or an obscure museum.

Worst Date: Meet the parents – commitment turns Aquarius right off.

PISCES: Romancing the ultimate romantic can be a challenge. Keep Pisces’ dreams alive by spending time near water, or in secluded but beautiful places which whisper romance and speak to the Piscean soul.

Ideal Date: A lakeside picnic or a romantic tryst in a tiny rustic church.

Worst Date: A busy city café – too much noise, too many people, just too much.

More Zodiac Here

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[zodiacmind]

Why You're Still Single

Aries: The very same self-assured nature that seemed like a siren song early in the relationship with an Aries quickly turns annoying. An Aries needs to tone down his or her ego and “me first” attitude during the occasional compromise if a relationship is going to last. 

Taurus: Don’t assume your partner will remain loyal if you stop looking after your appearance or get too lazy about trying to ignite romance. Stubborn Taurus partners also tend to hold grudges and allow resentment to grow after the same fight happens repeatedly. 

Gemini: If cheating is a pattern in your relationships, it may be that Gemini trait coming out. Dating a Gemini can be confusing for his or her partner if the Gemini reinvents his or her personality too often, which can send pursuers running for the hills. 

Cancer: A Cancer has the danger of mentioning scary things like marriage and kids too early in the relationship. Cancer partners tend to be clingy, causing their dating partners to feel smothered and want to back off instead of relaxing into the embrace of love. 

Leo: As a Leo, you argue with your lover in a relationship because you care. But a confused dating partner might feel that the Leo is constantly picking battles, which can become tiring. A Leo can remain single when winning personal battles is more important than winning someone’s heart. 

Virgo: That gorgeous creature that you wish would ask you out on a date may not even believe that you are interested since Virgos are so shy. A Virgo also tends to give up too soon and never call back a date if even the slightest thing - real or imagined - goes wrong. 

Libra: The dating life of a Libra can be a disaster if he or she keeps picking lovers that are “broken” and need to be “fixed.” In fact, a Libra might subconsciously seek out people who are bad for him or her, and then fall into a trap of becoming manipulative or deceptive. 

Scorpio: The delightfully caustic wit of a Scorpio can turn to nagging in a relationship, which can cut it short. A Scorpio can have an “all or nothing” picky attitude that shoots down potential dates. Some Scorpio lovers can become controlling, which causes their mates to run.

Sagittarius: Are your standards just a little too high? Then you might just be a Sagittarius. Sure, you deserve the very best, and you don’t have to settle for anything. But refusing to think anyone is good enough for you is not attractive. 

Capricorn: A Capricorn can be aloof and even jealous until his or her confidence has been won. Unfortunately, that takes a lot of time and persistence. A lover can easily become frustrated and bored before being able to appeal to the traditional values of a Capricorn. 

Aquarius: An Aquarius is opinionated and doesn’t try to hide his or her quirky nature! This can be delightfully cute early on in a relationship, but the constant conflicts that the Aquarius can’t let go become destructive over time. 

Pisces: Are you still pining after an ex? Then you might be a Pisces, whose self-sacrificing nature can build resentment, and who might not end a bad relationship. A Pisces can keep choosing lovers who use him or her, causing the single life to be revisited again and again. 

Source: Horoscope