Pʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ғɪɢʜᴛ

[weaponsconnoisseur]

I’m going to do a quick pin just in case bc I love tyran Ironhide and no one can take him from me.

This blog is in serious need of a makeover. pls don’t look at me.

my main is @one-shall-fall if you need me for anything.

until then, i am a ninja. you dont see me. i roll out of ur peripheral and aim my cannons at ur head. shhh.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

hatchetratchet​:

I unfortunately know too much about the World Wide Web and its vast well of Internet humor.

Ironhide enjoys spending time with the Lennox child far too much and usually… requests I help find things to entertain her while we

“babysit”.

Oh, just call her Annabelle.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

Would you consider ever dating anyone else?

Hmm. No, I don’t think so. I don’t want to leave Ratchet behind again.

I’ve already made that mistake once. It’s not one I wish to repeat...

[weaponsconnoisseur]

Two guesses this time. Ratchet or Optimus. Or both of them.

Ratchet.

...But it’s a little complicated nowadays.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

Married to Chromia right?

Very wrong.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

HE IS MARRIED.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

Excuse me—It has come to my attention that one Willian Lennox has been having many Thoughts about you. One such example, and I quote, "He's [Lennox] inside Ironhide all the time anyway-" Please help him, for all our sakes.

...

[weaponsconnoisseur]

gonnacounttothree​:

“Wow. So helpful. Shocking that you aren’t the advice ‘bot instead of Optimus.” He shivered a bit, metal rattling against metal, before grimacing at the noise and frowning up- not near as high as usual, he wasn’t used to being this close- at Ironhide. 

“….I…don’t know, actually. You lose track of things like dream cars when your best buddy is a talking truck who drives you places. And do we even have anything that’s not being used by someone else? Because if I come out of this looking like Skids or Mudflap I’m rioting. I’m recruiting Whirl and starting a riot.”

His engine revs in a good-natured chuckle at William’s dry take on the situation, as well as Ironhide’s not-very-helpful suggestions. But that was a good point―it was probably best that Lennox didn’t look like another bot around here, if only for the convenience of scoping him out among the others. It’s not as if the Decepticons would know any better if they decided to paint them with missile fire.

“Well, now I hope you do turn out to look like them. They’d welcome you with open arms, you know.” No they wouldn’t. They’d absolutely haze William and he knows it, and it would be a hilarious sight to witness.

“Hm...” Ironhide strokes at his chin in contemplation. What for would suit someone like William Lennox best...?

“Truck?” He ultimately offers unhelpfully with a smirk. Transforming one of his arms to pull out the massive cannon that decorates his forearm, he motions to it with an excited tilt of his head. Not that Lennox would have one of those on-transformation. But what he possibly didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

gonnacounttothree​:

“I know, and I haven’t tried.” He almost falls as Ironhide moves away, yelping before he catches his balance in a way entirely too undignified for a man of his stature. His legs are too long, everything’s too big and heavy- and he’s freezing again, almost too scared to move. 

“I don’t know either of those, either.” He suddenly looks very alarmed, grabbing onto Ironhide again. “What if I am stuck this way? I mean, no offense to you, but I liked my old face.” Nevermind that he hasn’t looked into a mirror yet. “And I also liked not hitting my head on things.” 

“Then learn to duck,” Ironhide dismissively retorts, ever so helpfully, while taking in the rest of his formerly-human comrade’s appearance. Lennox certainly looked like a freshly forged bot right out of the construction line. All protoform and protometal, no distinctive armor to set him apart from any other newly-forged. This could be a problem; Lennox was extremely vulnerable like this.

“You’ll need to scan something. Otherwise the dirt and dust from this planet is going to make you mad with itching. There should be plenty of things around here for you to choose as an alt-mode. Any preference?”

[weaponsconnoisseur]

gonnacounttothree​:

“Magic?? I don’t even know anymore.” 

He’s just gonna….lean against the truck. And stare off into the distance. “… how many times can I hit my head before there’s permanent damage? And how do you walk without worrying about crushing us??”

Ironhide’s fixates on Lennox with a bewildered gaze―the weight feels real, so it’s not some form of illusion. Not a hologram, at least. He could picture Lennox pulling a stunt like this if he ever found the means.

“...Usually the humans scatter. It’s easier for them to avoid us than for us to avoid them. And mostly we stay in vehicle form when around too many of them, to avoid just that.

"...You’re going to be stuck on base with us now, you know. Can you even transform? Is this temporary? How long is this going to last?” Now he’s moving away from the former-human, grabbing an arm to lift and examine. He’s still skeptical this is real.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

@gonnacounttothree

ironhide help

“H... How did you―?”

This can’t possibly be real. It’s not physically possible in the first place.

...but in the off-chance it is, they’re going to need Ratchet for this one.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

He.

What.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

      How does one say innocently that they found a container full of lobster sitting in the street and just took it?

[weaponsconnoisseur]

gonnacounttothree​:

“Yes, Mom.” There’s no venom to his words, even as he clicks the seatbelt into place. His hands instinctively go to the wheel- not for control, he knows much better than that, but a wary precaution of the wrong, prying eyes getting a glimpse- nevermind that they were on base. 

“Did Google tell you that usually it’s because there’s a kid trapped under the car?” He glances up at the rearview mirror, baffled again by Cybertronian biology- not that he’d ever voice it. He was sure Ratchet had explained this to him at some point. “This isn’t an invitation to run anyone over, by the way. Even if you weren’t heavily armored, hysteric strength isn’t something you should mess with. It pushes your body past your physical limit- that’s an out shoulder at best, torn muscles at worst.”

When he catches sight of William looking in his rearview, Ironhide adjusts it to act as if he’s watching the human in return and follows his eye movements. But when sufficiently satisfied for his passenger’s safety, Ironhide rolls into a slow drive so as to not upset the tonnes of water being dragged behind him. Best not to have it roll. He doesn’t think even he could recover from that. ( nevermind the dress down he’d get from Optimus Prime and the Commander once they found out where, precisely, Ironhide got this little vessel of gifts. )

But soon enough, they’re both on their way to the mess hall.

      “Hmm... they never talked about the aftermath of their feats, no. Still, it’s impressive, even if it’s short lived. Who knows. Maybe you will all eventually upgrade to use that capacity of strength without requiring extremes. Like when you upgraded from your old frames―the neanderthal? I think your current modifications seem more balanced. When do you plan to upgrade again?”

[weaponsconnoisseur]

gonnacounttothree​:

The door just barely clips him, but Will still falls dramatically to the ground, the same as he did with Annabelle when she was younger. He’s fine, of course- he knows Ironhide had seen him playing around with his daughter enough to see the drama for what it is- but he still holds a hand over his heart in mock betrayal, both at the fall and for the comment. 

“And here I thought I could trust you. Me? Soft? Truly, more crushing words have never-” 

Nope, no, there goes the straight face, and he’s rolling his eyes as he climbs into the offered seat. “The day I can move several hundred pounds of water like that is the day I decide I’ve done enough with my life and retire, I think. Some of us don’t have the brawn for moving that much weight.”

His side mirror adjusts again to keep William in-sight as the soldier dramatically falls to the ground, and it fills him with a warm pulse of contentment. It was strange... all his life he had known the field of battle and enjoyed the glory of combat. But lately he had been finding more enjoyment in simply existing around Lennox and his family than bearing weapons against enemies. It just... didn’t feel the same anymore.

But this...

      “Hrm... Perhaps. Though I have heard stories of humans achieving what they consider to be... impossible feats of strength. At least that is what your World Wide Web tells me. Like your females lifting cars. You should work on that.” As the human positions himself in the truck, Ironhide revs his engine loudly but remains in place.

After a brief pause, he lightly adjusts his seating to give William a bump.

      “Seatbelt. Anabelle made me promise not to drive unless you had one.”

[weaponsconnoisseur]

hatchet-ratchet​:

Well, you’d be right.

I can’t decide if I’m pleased you knew that or disappointed you didn’t try.

      “I―”

...

Well now he’s not sure if he should have done it anyway despite knowing he’d get hit. It would have been worth it.

[weaponsconnoisseur]

hatchet-ratchet​:

Why don’t you make me.

...That’s a trap and I know you’re just going to hit me with a wrench.