I don’t miss you anymore, but I miss the person I was before you. I miss believing in love. I miss not being scared. You took so much from me, even though you were only in my life for a short time. I think my other heartbreaks were different because, despite everything, I knew they loved me. I could deal with the hurt and the grief because I knew it wasn’t one-sided. But with you, I’m not sure — and I don’t think I’ll ever know.
You’ll never reach out and apologize or give me some kind of explanation for why you did what you did. I’ll forever be in the dark. I have to make my own closure.
I don’t cry anymore. I don’t lay awake at night praying you’ll realize what you lost and come back. I don’t wonder if you’ve moved on and feel sick to my stomach. I don’t overanalyze everything I did or said, or what made you want to leave. I don’t reread our old texts to remember what it felt like to be loved by you.
I do wonder if, when a man tells me he cares about me, he’s telling the truth. I do always wait for the other shoe to drop. I do still prepare myself for someone to switch up and leave. I do question if anyone can truly love me. I do always think I’m too much for anyone to stay.
So there are a lot of things I don’t do anymore because I’m over you. But there are still a lot of things I do because I’m not sure I’ll ever be over the way you treated me.
