Weirdo's Weird Thoughts.

My Personal Blog with my own thoughts, special memories, other things.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

So lately, I've been extremely depressed. Like completely beyond words. But then something happened today. I messaged someone. Because I was worried about their well-being. Somethings were said and I finally smiled for the first time in awhile I legitimately had a smile across my face. So what I'm trying to get at here. This is just something I desperately need to get out.

So allow me to begin.

This first photo really sums this first part up. She knows this. Because I've literally told her my mind could be so far off in ADD land. That once she comes across my mind. Everything just slows down to beyond a point that I can focus. I don't know why it is but some how this happens when I think of her. She's the one I message when I'm overly anxious or so nervous I'm on a verge of a panic attack and she could say anything and it'd calm me down. It be like those moments where a monster is soothed by the beauty. But then I screwed it all up. Like I always do. My listening to myself tell me "I'm not good enough for her". I listened so well that I tried to off myself with no explanation to her or anyone. I didn't really think anyone deserved one. Like seriously everyone knows I'm a fuck up. I'm the master of fucking up. But she didn't believe that. By the time I came back it was a little too late for me.

She found someone new. So I then wrote a letter after I found out how happy she was. How she's happy now. To more or less stop myself from getting false hopes.

So I told her goodbye to any romantic notions of us being together. I mean it's been 3 years. Our story never got a ending. So I decided to let it all go. I couldn't keep myself holding on to something that might not happen. Because I love her to much to want to take away her happiness. I just want her to be happy even without me.

I know I can be difficult even on my good days. But for what ever reason this universe just keeps bringing us back together. I can't even not think of you for a single day. But I know you're happy, so I'm not going to interfere with it. But all I ask of you is if you ever read this. I'd like to have a chance like this with you someday.

I love you,

You're the calm to my storm.

The light in my darkness.

The sun on my face.

The last thought on my mind.

You're everything to me.

Love,

Forever and always

S.Jude

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

I'm posting the Scene and this quote because my next story is one of my important parts I need to put into words so my deteriorating memory starts to worsen.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

"Holden McNeil" Via Ben Affleck from Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

So bear with me here.

I'll be posting a new story, shortly. Something I feel a desirable need to let out in the open. So please bear with me as I jot this down.

I won't go into further details. But honestly I need to get this out of my head.

This gif is a exceptional view in to my mind.

My thoughts 99% of the time are like scrambled TV channels.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

Just a little FYI...

Hold on 1 sec.

*Turns music on.*

Okay now that I got my music attached.

Shew! *Wipes Forehead.*

I will constantly jump from one topic to the next effortlessly. I don't mean to do this. However; please be aware I'm a grown man living with adult ADD. I'm very bad for day dreaming. Please beware I'll probably take you along for the ride. My "Fiancee" says my phone is in my hands to much. So why not be constructive with it. So I'll probably write out my day dreams for y'all around the interwebs can read it.

Like my strange love of Sleestaks from Sid And Marty Krofft's Land Of The Lost! A great cheesey by today's standards sci-fi kids show from the 70s.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

Story Time #1

This is a little story from yours truly. It's a completely true story. Just as stated previously it's mostly true with names being changed. Now that I got all that out of the way.

Allow me to begin.

*Cough Cough* *Clearing throat*

Sorry about that y'all. I just took a hit off the old pipe. Gotta calm the nerves.

*Frantically Searching For A Song To Set to the tone*

(FYI if you want to listen along with me. The song is on YouTube under the video name Bart Sad or underneath this.)

So when I was younger I always couldn't wait for the moment I could drive. Just for the simple fact of being able to ride with someone. Well these days I don't drive. Or really ride anywhere. But it is what it is. But of you actually watch this video. It'll hit you in the feels with how much it'll invoke a memory that could potentially be a painful experience.

Do you ever just have one of those nights where you can't sleep for shit. All you can do is sit there and feel pain from things you can't possibly control? Or is just me.

Psst this will continue in a new thread.

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

Something very special to me. Lucha Libre or to the uncultured swine "Mexican Wrestling".

[weirdosweirdthoughts]

This Is New...

Hey this is my personal blog where you'll learn about more about the "Ramblin Grand Master". Me "Weirdo" as you get know over the course of our journey. These are some of my favorite things. You'll also learn about me through posts about memories. The names will be changed just like my own is. To protect their identities.