Lloyd images used in board above from Pinterest by @randomagnes0210. Credit goes to @randomagnes0210.
Disclaimer: This and all works on this blog are a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. This work and all works on this blog are not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content, adult content and themes, language, etc. By reading this work or any works posted, shared or reblogged on this blog, you agree that you are at least 18 years of age.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The author(s) of this work claims not to own any characters outside of the OC(s; original character(s)) here within.
In addition, works posted on this blog are NOT to be reposted on any other website. This includes WattPad, AO3, fanfiction.net or any other entity of the like. I/We, the author and creator, DO NOT consent to have ANY work hosted on any third party app or site or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but from its original Tumblr source, it’s been reposted WITHOUT permission. REBLOG posts in exception.
By reading beyond this point, you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer, and ALL warnings posted here.
Warnings: Adult situations/themes, smut, sociopathic behavior, violence, NSFW, 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! (Warnings apply to all chapters.)
A @spectre-posts & @what-is-your-plan-todayCollaboration
What is Dead Masterlist
W/C: 4k
Chapter 6 – Libya is a Shithole
********************
You stood under the spray of the water, the shower refreshing after a sleepless and uncomfortable night on the yacht.
You'd stayed there with Claire all night. But with the sway of the current, you were anything but lulled to sleep. Your mind played multiple things over and over. Different scenes from your life in the past and possible scenarios of your future. Everything behind you hurt, while everything in front of you blurred, heavily.
You'd made Claire breakfast, a simple pancake dish and left her to eat while you headed to your room in the house. At the top of the stone steps, you glanced in one direction, looking at Lloyd’s closed door and inhaled deeply before turning the opposite way towards your suite and ultimately, your bathroom.
The water was inviting, cooler than you usually took it but it was for the best. You needed to feel something outside of the walls closing in around you.
What you hadn't expected to feel were the two arms wrapping around your frame from behind you and lips peppering your shoulder. The bristle of hair rubbing at your skin. A damaged right hand, void of its full use settled against your taught belly while a full fingered left crept over your right beast and around your neck. His thumb slid up your chin and rubbed against your full bottom lip as he turned your gaze towards his own.
Your eyes fluttered closed as your chest shuddered with breath. He spoke of nothing, nor did you as you let him take the lead.
Again, you wanted to feel something other than the bricks falling from the walls you built.
You knew this would make you feel good now, and later you’d regret it again. But right then and there you didn’t care.
He was soft where he knew you wanted him to be and hard when asked. His voice was in your ear as he claimed you against the stone wall, lips, and bristles against your skim to smooth over where his teeth nipped at you. His eyes, those piercing blue eyes bore into your own and sent a shiver down your spine unrelated to the quivering your insides felt as his cock filled you.
When it was over, he stayed, cleaned you up with care. He washed your hair, your back, soothing over tired muscles as best he could with his hands as they were. In that time, Lloyd said nothing. You didn't want him to. It would have ruined the moment, the quiet. And that was what you needed then.
Peace.
Because once the team and Six arrived, Jack would be onsite and everything as you knew it was going to change. Final pieces were going to be in play and from there, you didn't know what was next.
You didn’t know what was next for you, or him…or you and him. It was confusing and noisy.
"I'd expect Six and The Losers back within the hour." You pointed out. "Anything you want to tell me now before I get Ryan back here and this all starts moving?"
You felt him still, and he gave a slow exhale. “Way to ruin a moment.”
"Sue me." You took a quick breath, and don't think I already have an idea of what's coming. We have our plan. Jack has his. And once this goes public, Denny's fucked. But Brewer, she could walk with plea."
Your gut twisted as you debated your next card to show. Were you going to tell Lloyd your secret? Or were you just going to let Jack handle it and leave Lloyd in the dark? Truthfully, he didn't deserve the knowledge you possessed. But a part of you felt uneasy with the truth, for once.
“I’ll shoot her in the fucking head.” Lloyd replied flatly.
You nodded. "But you're supposed to be dead. So when this meet goes down, you aren't supposed to be there."
“And? Like we said, so what? I come back and I’m proof they tried to kill me…I was following orders, it’s simple. I claim immunity.”
Your eyes shifted to the ground at both of your feet. "Jack has proof."
“Proof of what?”
Slowly, your eyes shifted upward to meet his. The two of you were wrapped in towels in the middle of your bathroom. "Proof Brewer shot you, Two of your drones failed and fell into trees near the fountain where you fell in the garden. Its grainy, but it's proof she pulled the trigger."
“Since when!?”
You shrugged. "He said no one found it until I called him and he went back to the scene."
“Which was when?” he repeated his question.
"A few weeks after you showed up."
Lloyd looked towards the wall over your shoulder, then back to you. “Well, there’s even more proof she’s been in on it from the start and can’t weasel her bitch ass out of it.”
“She could still claim self-defense from what I’ve seen, we can’t hear what’s being said and it’s too blurry for lip reading analysis.” You shrugged, “so your only option if you want to be completely sure she’ll go down, would be to ask Gentry nicely.”
At that, Lloyd stilled. “I’d rather shoot her in the head.”
You sighed, “that’s up to you, you stubborn asshole. Regardless, all this combined with the evidence on the tape, it’s definitely enough to give you grounds to claim culpable deniability. Which means you’ll be free to sail off into the sunset on your beloved yacht either as a dead man, or a free and exonerated man, either way, no looking back over your shoulder.”
You left him standing there in his towel, in the middle of your room. You padded to the closet, looking for something to wear. Anything to garner a little space at the moment. You grabbed panties and a bra from your boudoir and let the towel fall to the floor. Then dressed in those, you emerged from your little fashion oasis as you finished slipping your worn tee over your head with your shorts in hand. "That drive gets into Jack's hand, you can cut your deal with him and be gone. Denny and Brewer get the pinch and it's over."
The smirk that floated his mustache was in humor. "You know it won't happen like that. Neither will go down quietly or without a fight."
You towel dried your hair, having slipped into your shorts while Lloyd spoke. "I'm not going around in circles with you. You have a decision to make and I'm being nice enough to give you the opportunity to do that. Figure it out, or I will make it for you."
There was a loud knock on your door, and you shouted in reply, "Yeah?"
"They're here," came the voice from the other side.
"That was quicker than the hour," Lloyd snorted.
"Get dressed, make your choice. This the beginning of the end," you tossed the towel inside the bathroom and walked past him.
His hand reached out for your arm. “Y/N…”
You stopped and turned to face him, "yeah?"
“You say I have a choice. What is that?” He asked.
You swallowed, hard, "like I said, you always loved your yacht. And your women."
He gave a soft scoff and shook his head. “There’s only one woman I ever loved. The rest…they served a purpose, nothing more.” He popped a shoulder. “Let’s go see what these fuckin’ assholes have to say.”
"Put your pants on first," you spoke softly and walked away.
**********
You padded across the veranda to meet the await team with a half-smile on your face. Jack was already there and while you frowned with the notion that Clay had called him prior to you, you didn't have to wait on him to arrive. Now you only had to wait on Lloyd to get dressed. A task in which you hoped didn't take an eternity because he wanted to be a shit.
"Well, you look a little tired and rung out, but seem intact given the chaos," you smirked as you approached your guys. "Jensen, how's your ass?"
“Perfectly peachy…” he grinned a little, “least it wasn’t my dick.”
"Malinois have a nasty bite," you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him close. "I'd be heartbroken if it was your dick. I'd sponsor the funeral myself."
“Be the smallest coffin ever.” Pooch grinned.
“Matchbox.” Cougar smirked from beneath his hat.
"Stop it," you giggled and swatted at Cougar as you pulled away from Pooch before hugging their sniper. "Mean, all of you." Then you turned to Clay and Jack, your grin in Clay's direction. "As promised, beer is in the bar. And my office is ready," you eyed Jack.
"Where's your roommate?" Jack flicked his brows from behind his shades.
"He'll be down. I wouldn't be a good host if I didn't greet you personally first."
You looked around and saw someone important was missing. "Where's Six?"
“Headed down to see the kid.” Jack replied. “Wanted to make sure your other lodger hasn’t overstepped the mark.”
"I can promise, not a hair harmed. I had made that deal with him myself. I wouldn't let anything happen to her."
"And you didn't," Court came walking up the stone carved steps. "Thank you. I'd like to think I owe you, but..."
"I think we're paid in full," you nodded. "You alright?"
Court nodded, and then smirked, “Claire said you stayed with her last night…and that she feels sick from eating gummy bears:”
"There's some Pepto in the bathroom in her cabin. She and our mutual acquaintance rotted their teeth a bit. And I let her be a kid," you shrugged. "And yes, I stayed with her. Let's get this over with, huh?"
“I’m sure you said something similar before our wedding vows.” Lloyd walked into the room, immaculately dressed, a hideous bright blue and green patterned polo shirt stretched across his chest.
"Jesus," Clay snorted, "what the fuck is that?"
“S’up Clay, fuck anymore girls young enough to be your daughter recently?”
"Fuck you, shit bag," Clay snorted.
“Oh for…” You walked off, mumbling and swearing as the two men set about bitching like children, "it’s always fucking circus, three rings and a fucking clown show."
“Oh please, sunshine, you hate normal!” Lloyd called after you.
"Listen, Trash Stash," Six sighed, "I'm tired, I've killed a lot of people and I'm ready for a break. So go inside and shut up."
“Erm, I have a trash beard now.” Lloyd pointed at his face.
"Barely," Court snorted and brushed by him with a shoulder check.
Lloyd snorted and watched him pass, chuckling to himself. He knew he’d just been a childish prick, but it had felt good.
Clay and his team seemed to make themselves at home and he wasn't sure he liked that. It was more indication that even more men in addition to the ones he'd already knew of had been here, and those names made him uncomfortable.
But he took a deep breath, this wasn’t the time or the place. And, he knew deep down he had no right to be angry about any of it. He was the one that had betrayed you and caused your breakup.
That stopped him dead in his tracks.
“Oh fuck off, Hansen, get a grip you soft bastard.” He mumbled.
**********
The Losers, Jack, yourself, Six and Lloyd sat in your office. It was a little cramped with such the crowd, but you would make do. This wasn't a party. This was the end of a mission. A debrief.
You gave Clay and his team their beers, or rather they helped themselves and found their way to getting comfortable. Jensen sat at your desk, his feet up in the edge. He dropped them quickly when you glared. Then you turned your attention to Court and Jack.
"We all know why we're here. Thank you, I'd like to say I owe you guys, but I don't know if I'll get the chance, so, Ryan can pick up the tab." You tried joking. "Minus a few ass chunks, I'm glad you're all safe. This wasn't an easy op, and it was all off book. Some in this room don't deserve the favor, and I'm beginning to think myself included."
There was a silence, and then Gentry held out the pen drive.
"Is it a copy?" You asked.
Gentry shook his head. "Much like the one I had before, Jensen said that it's a dead disk."
The four eyed, blonde agent looked over at you with a smirk, "you copy it, you encrypt the encryption. The deeper it goes."
With a sullen face, you extended your hand, and Gentry dropped the drive into your open palm. You chewed your cheek and turned to Jensen. You handed it over to him. "Play it."
Lloyd made a sound of protest, but it didn't sway your decision.
Jensen moved and tapped at a few keys on the ruggedized laptop he’d brought, the video soon popping up.
“There’s a lot of footage on here. And a lot of individual clips.” He spoke, “all of it…black ops,” he cleared his throat, “some that bargain basement Freddie Mercury himself appears in.” He glanced at Lloyd who flipped him off. With a chuckle, he typed a bit more. “As my good friend Samuel L. Jackson once said, ‘hold on to your butts." Jensen smirked and sat back after clicking on a file read player.
In real time, on a monitor on the wall, the eyes in the room viewed what he played out on the screen.
It was run of the mill, and nothing anyone in the room hadn’t expected. Assassinations, tortures, bombings. Lots of collateral damage, clearly all unsanctioned. Lloyd’s face among others littered the screen and files. Even Denny’s were among the faces of men filmed meeting in secret and receiving money. Articles flooded the screen as Jensen clicked on them, news clips, security footage, drone footage. All compiled neatly and clearly. Professionally to give no shadow of doubt as to who was behind everything on the drive.
Six stood in the corner, his arms folded over his chest. He’d seen all of it back in Prague when Maggie, a long-time friend, had first uncovered it for him.
"Well, that fills a lot of internal plot-holes," Jack sighed. "It's definitely dirty. You were the paid hit squad under CIA guise." He pinned Lloyd with a look. “Shadow government far beyond Denny’s paygrade." His eyes shifted between the two of you, "who was he answering to?"
“Beats me, I never answered to anyone bar him, and that’s the truth.” Lloyd replied.
"I've only ever known him as The Old Man," you stood and walked around a bit, the air in the room growing thick, even for you. "I just assumed for a long while it was Fitz. Until he was pushed out and the Sierra program was shut down. After that, I was on clean up and babysitting, reduced to desk duty and pushing papers around."
When the playback stopped, you stood still, no expression to your features, your arms crossed over your chest. Then you pushed off from where you leaned against the edge of your desk with a glance to Jensen, passing Jack as you went.
The footage showed what you expected, yet it hurt to see for some unknown ridiculous reason. Was it because it reminded you of the vile man your ex was? Maybe. Was it solidifying the fact that he wouldn't change? Possibly. Was it the proof Denny feared exposed? Absolutely.
You sought fresh air, so you walked out, leaving behind the loud voices in your office. The room felt like a tinderbox and yet, in the moment you didn’t care. You just needed to breathe.
You shuffled through the house and stood on the veranda overlooking the sea and the rest of your property. Jack's voice broke through your thoughts.
"Do you love him?"
Without looking at him you spoke, "Fitz asked me that once. He said, 'Y/N, do you love him? Or do you love the idea of loving him?'" You scoffed, "even then I couldn't answer him. I thought I did, and I think I did at one time. But...." You shrugged, swallowing and not quite meeting Jack’s eyes as you turned to look at him.
"Look, we agreed, Hansen is your problem when all this is over. I could take him in now if I wanted to. But I gave you my word…but give me the nod and…”
“He was following orders, Jack, and let’s not forget some of those missions you knew and were perfectly happy to go ahead.” You shook your head. “I’m not hanging him out to dry, as much of an asshole as he is, that’s…it’s not fair. He’ll decide what he wants to do, and you stick to our bargain. He either comes back from the dead, or he stays dead and assumes a new identity. Either way, you and the CIA leave him alone.”
“Fair…” Jack repeated, shaking his head, before he sighed. “What are you going to do about him?"
"I don't know. Right now I’m sticking to my plan. Bringing Denny down and then Lloyd can do what he wants.”
Jack nodded. "Give me four or five days to get everything in order like we agreed, before Jensen makes it go viral. Then I'll see you in DC."
"You have three, Jack, before all bets are off and I go to plan B."
Jack merely nodded, “three it is.”
You watched him go and then saw Lloyd hovering in the open patio door. He exchanged a glance with Jack, both men sizing the other in up for a second before Jack merely snorted and headed out.
Lloyd turned to you, “plan B, huh? What do you have that Denny wants?”
"Nothin’, I’m just gonna get him here and show him the footage myself," you stared right at him, almost through him.
“Right, you meant…okay.” Lloyd ran a hand through his hair.
“What else would I mean?”
“Me.”
That hurt.
He didn't trust you. After everything over the last couple of months, a whirlwind as it were, he didn't trust you.
"That's pretty cold, even for you," you shook your head. "After everything I've risked, after all I've done." You choked in the sudden emotions. Fuck you hated it right now. "Why would I do that?”
Lloyd shook his head, “you misunderstood me…I wasn’t having a go, I was…well, I wouldn’t blame you.” He popped a shoulder. “That’s all.
You nodded, then licked your lips, holding your bottom one between your teeth for a minute. “You have three days to decide what you want.”
Lloyd just nodded.
“Right, I need to feed these guys and send them on their way."
**********
You did just that, fed The Losers, a quick pizza, or five, and made sure that Jensen was aware of the deal between you and Jack. When the team left, he knew what he had to do and that Jack would be the one to give the 'go'.
Six and Claire were the last to leave, a private and secure flight awaiting them to a place you hadn't asked and didn't want to know. He had been non-committal about joining you all in DC, however you suspected it was a no-go. More a protective measure for more than just questioning, but Claire's safety.
"Take care of him," you hugged her tight.
She assured you she would and hugged you back, thanking you for keeping her safe.
"I keep my promises," you winked.
“Yeah, you do.”
“I’ll let you know when we’re through, although I suspect you’ll already know one way or another. Either way, you and Claire don’t need to look over your shoulders anymore.”
Both of you then looked at Lloyd who was busy filling a glass.
“A bullet would have gotten rid of him for you.” Court stated.
“I’m sick of going over it.” You sighed, “it’s all we seem to do. You know my reasons, I explained them when we first met in that cafe.”
With a soft smile, one you were quite familiar with, Court shook his head, winked, and joined up with Claire at the awaiting car.
You watched them down the drive and then turned back to head into your house.
The door felt heavy as it closed. The security detail you kept had been sent home before the team and Court left. It was near over. As you sighed with your back to the heavy wood, a voice broke through your thoughts.
"Vino, sole?"
Your eyes flew open, and you stared at Lloyd who stood with his still very loud shirt on and two wine glasses in his hand.
"So you do know how to speak fucking Italian."
“A little.”
"Yeah, I'll take the wine."
He held out the one in his left.
“Did you drug this?”
“What benefit would drugging you be to me?”
"The house, the boat, my money...."
With a smooth movement, he swapped hands and held out his right. You reached forward and took the left, anyway, necking a big gulp. Lloyd sipped his and took a deep breath.
You sighed. "I feel like I've aged fifteen years in the last two months."
“Well, if it’s any consolation you look pretty good considering that would make you fifty-two.” Lloyd shrugged.
You looked up at him, "how the hell have you lived this long?"
“Believe me, sunshine, I ask myself that question on a regular basis.” He sipped his wine.
"I'll call Loretta in the morning and have her clean the boat. Make sure it's restocked with provisions and your things moved into it. Carlo will still drive it for hire. You just have to tell him where you want to go."
"You know, I didn't say I was taking the yacht back, Y/N." Lloyd replied. "You gave me time to make a choice. And, whilst it would be a lot easier to stay dead, well, you know me. I've always loved dramatics. And rising from the dead sounds very dramatic. Sounds very.....me. Don't spoil it for me, Peach."
You held your glass out and eyed him for a moment before you shrugged.
"And just humor me, but you know I was actually liking what we had going on here. Would it be so fucking horrible to keep it going?"
"Oh my god, are you going soft?" you quirked a brow.
At that, Lloyd snorted and rolled his eyes.
There was a moments silence, and then he spoke again. ““I’m coming to DC. I wanna see Denny’s face when he realizes I’m alive, and he’s had a way to take down Brewer all this time and hasn’t even realized it.”
You took a deep breath. You knew that wasn’t a good idea, and also it wasn’t part of the plan. You also didn’t trust him. Didn’t trust him not to put a bullet between Brewer’s eyes.
“Kill her and you could be back on the run.”
Lloyd shrugged, “depends on whether Jack upholds his part of the bargain. I mean, I’ll technically have solved a problem for him…or maybe I’ll do it when she’s not expecting it…let her look over her shoulders for a few months…years maybe…she won’t see me coming.”
You necked your wine and stood up. “Three days." You turned your body to face him, "maybe we should make the most of it, huh?"
“I…” Lloyd snapped his mouth shut and strode after you, he didn’t need telling twice.
In about 5/10 years time, some of you are going to look back at what you have posted about another woman because some dude you will never even met has had the audacity to fall in love with her, and you’re gonna feel mighty stupid and ashamed, regardless of what happens between them.
Listed in order chronologically and designed to be read as such, however, as this is an epically long fic, with long chapters, it is split into parts which cover different storylines through the Infinity Saga. Please feel free to dip in and out.
Please pay attention to warnings at the start of each chapter.
Disclaimer: This and all works on this blog are a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. This work and all works on this blog are not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content, adult content and themes, language, etc. By reading this work or any works posted, shared or reblogged on this blog, you agree that you are at least 18 years of age.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The author of this work claims not to own any characters outside of the OC(s; original character(s)) here within.
In addition, works posted on this blog are NOT to be reposted on any other website. This includes WattPad, AO3, fanfiction.net or any other entity of the like. I/We; the author(s) and creator(s), DO NOT consent to have ANY work hosted on any third party app or site or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr, it’s been reposted WITHOUT permission.
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer, and ALL warnings posted here.
********************
Monkey See, Monkey Do Masterlist
Beta’d by and Co-written with @what-is-your-plan-today
Spectre-posts Masterlist
@wiypt-writes Masterlist
********************
Characters: Colin Shea x Reader/You
WC: 6.8k
Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of past relationships, parental death, Adult Content, Adult Situations, Swearing, NSFW 18+ (applies to all chapters)
********************
Soon mid-October fell away, and Halloween passed, the two of you on a normal routine with work. Colin had to work on the spooky eve, and you had a full day at the zoo yourself, proving you to be too tired to even head to your mom’s and pass out candy like you had in years past. Those little flutters you were feeling inside were getting strong and you would find yourself giggling as Jaxon’s movements felt a little funny. Colin enjoyed watching you finally embracing your situation yet would openly admit he was low key jealous he was yet to feel his son wiggle around your womb.
Once October was through, Thanksgiving seemed to appear in a blink. His parents hosted, for which you were thankful, and your mom skipped out. Your Aunt Linda offered to take her as her plus one on a cruise your uncle was no longer attending and after some gentle threats from you, she finally agreed.
When the two of you were settled in his parents lounge, full of turkey and happiness, you felt Jaxon again only this time it was more of a jab than a wriggled.
You gasped a little and grabbed Colin's wrist, quickly settling his hand to your belly.
“What…are you okay? What’s-oh my god!” His voice turned to a whisper as Jaxon gave another kick and he clearly felt it.
"There he is," you whispered softly.
“Oh…I…” Colin was lost for words.
You watched as he took in the moment. It was the first time that Colin had been able to feel your son, his son, move inside your growing belly. You took in his features, exceptionally soft right then, his beautiful blue eyes glittering with his unshed tears.
“I can feel him.” He whispered.
"Yeah," you nodded. "Pretty cool, huh?"
“It’s…it’s amazing…”
Jaxon wiggled and kicked for a long while, giving Colin a show that, in the end, made him yearn for the next kick. What made the moment even more special was that it was shared between only the two of you. His parents were finishing setting up dessert while Kelly and Justin were finishing up their portion of the dishes. Colin was supposed to help but when Kelly poked her head in to grab him she quickly backed away.
Colin bent over to talk to his son. “You gonna be a football player huh?”
"Maybe a rockstar?" You smirked.
“With a kick like that?” Colin looked up at you and grinned.
"Drummer?" You shrugged.
Colin laughed and sat up, his hand still pressed to your belly.
You smiled softly at him. "I think he wants pie."
“Does mama want pie too?”
"Pumpkin please."
“Sure.” With a final soft pat to your belly, he kissed you softly before he stood up and practically skipped to the kitchen.
His parents, Kelly and Justin were all in there, bustling around.
"Well you look like you won the lottery," Scott snorted.
Colin merely grinned, "I have. I just felt my son move for the first time."
“You did?”
Colin just beamed, "yep!"
“Aww.” Justin grinned, “I wanna feel the baby!”
"Well, I bet if you ask, Y/N will let you the next time he moves."
“She will?”
"You just gotta ask, pal."
“Now?”
"Uh, maybe?" Colin shrugged, "but lemme get her some pie and we can go see."
“You can wait.” Kelly laughed as she reached for the pies. “Now, which one does she want, Col?”
"She said pumpkin," he nodded.
“Alright.” Kelly cut a large piece and popped it onto a plate.
"Thanks, Kel."
"You keeping an eye on the time," Scott mentioned as Colin was ready to head back into the den with your pie and his.
He sighed, "yeah. I've got enough time to eat this." He lifted his plate a bit. "It's still okay she stays here tonight, right?"
“Of course!” His mom cut in.
"Thanks, Ma." He slumped his shoulders a bit. "I left her alone late on Halloween and now, I just feel bad. It’s our first holidays together and I'm working for them all."
"It's a small price for taking up the badge, son." Scott reminded him. "It'll pay off."
“When me and your dad first got together I think we spent approximately one thanksgiving together in five years.”
"Wow."
"Yeah, and we all know Paul took every holiday overtime shift he could just to avoid family things," Kelly stated a little bitterly.
“Well, I don’t wanna do that.” Colin shrugged, “hopefully I’ll manage at least Christmas or thanksgiving off next year. It’ll be his first after all.”
"Get through your rookie year and lots of opportunities will open."
“Yeah…” Colin nodded before he headed back through to you.
"Did you bake it?" You snorted, "that took a while."
“Sorry, I got distracted.”
You smiled, "it's fine, I'm only teasing. Where's everyone else?"
“Kitchen, no doubt they’ll be through soon.”
And true to word, the rest of the Shea clan filled in the couch and chair cushions around you as everyone tucked into their plates of pies and other baked goods. And very quickly, Colin's twenty minutes were up.
He sighed and looked at you. “I need to get ready and go.”
"That went by so fast," you sighed. "I'll go up with you."
“Okay…”
You cleaned up the plates and helped quickly rinse things for the washer before climbing the stairs to find Colin in half his uniform already. "I thought you were supposed to get dressed at the station."
“I’m only putting the bottom half on.” He shrugged.
You nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, "I appreciate your mom letting me crash here tonight. I just didn't want to drive home by myself."
“It’s fine, you’re gonna get breakfast made tomorrow, you know that, right?” He grinned
"Yeah, so I heard," you chuckled. "I feel spoiled. It's weird, you know? I thought I'd be more upset that I made my mom go with my aunt but, it's been great. I just want her to start to live her life."
“I’m sure she’s having a great time,” Colin zipped his bag up. “She said she was gonna call later, well depending on the Wi-Fi on board.”
"So she said, yes" you remembered. You took a good look at him and sighed, "come home to me, yeah?"
“I’ll always come home, baby, to both of you.”
You nodded with tearful eyes, "I know, I just gahtta say it."
Colin chuckled as he cupped your face. “I love you.”
"I love you too," you spoke softly.
With a soft kiss, he pulled back and picked up his bag.
“What time does your shift finish?”
"I should be home around midnight, if it's a quiet night.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Colin gently pulled you in close, "I'll expect you to be asleep." He pressed his lips to the crown of your head.
You shrugged, “I don’t sleep well without you.”
"I know. I'll check in on my break, okay?"
"Okay."
With a soft smirk, Colin kneeled and held the sides of your belly with both hands, "be good for Mom, okay? Let her rest." He pressed his lips into your shirt, just above your belly button and stood with a sigh. "Alright, I gahtta go. I love you, Monkey."
"I love you, too."
**********
November trickled away and the chaos of the holiday season was upon you. Colin couldn’t have been more excited.
It was his first Christmas with you, first Christmas together and his first Christmas as a soon to be father. Your due date would quickly be upon you in just a few short months from Santa's big day and Colin had plans of spoiling you both this holiday. The only gray cloud so to speak over it all was that he would head to work today and tomorrow on Christmas Day.
But you were both determined not to dwell on it and enjoy the time you did have.
So, in excellent Colin fashion, this morning, he woke you up with breakfast in bed and a grin on his face.
"What are you grinning for?" You chuckled dryly with sleep evident in your voice.
"It's Christmas Eve, babe!"
"And breakfast?" You looked down at the tray next to you.
"Gesture of good faith," he winked.
“Whaddya need good faith for?”
"I'm missing half of the next two days?"
You gave him a soft smile, “it can’t be helped, baby.”
"I plan on making the most of it until I leave for work."
You chuckled and did your best to sit up comfortably in bed. You were at the very beginning of your third trimester and things were getting more difficult to do each day. "Hey, my mom's coming over and we're going to your parents for dinner. It'll be alright." You fixed your tank top and pulled it down a little over your exposed belly. "So, breakfast in bed, tea..." you trailed off, "does this mean we're watching 'It's A Wonderful Life' in bed, too?"
For the past few weeks, you and Colin babe watched almost every Christmas film there is too see, creating a tradition so to speak for yourselves. Next on the list was the black and white classic and you were looking forward to doing nothing but being in his arms for the day.
"Yes, but, I need to give you something first," he kissed your lips softly. "Be right back." He settled the tray over your lap and hurried off.
In a matter of a few minutes, he returned with an envelope in his hand. He handed the paper over to you with a soft smile. "First gift." He stated.
You frowned only a little and took the offered envelope. You slid your finger over the seal and opened it. There were two pieces of paper inside. One, a gift certificate to a tattoo parlor in the city and the other a set of fingerprints.
You recognized the prints immediately.
"Oh Colin, how...." you began to well up.
"Rhona helped. She pulled his prints from his file and made me a good clear copy for the artist to use."
“I…this…oh I don’t know what to say!” You spluttered.
"You don't have to say anything, sweethaaat. Now, I know you can't go do it while Jax is cooking but, it's there when you're ready."
“Thank you,” you sniffed as you looked at the handprint from Ajax. You could get the whole thing, or just what you wanted to take from it. On that detail, you were still undecided.
With a soft smile, Colin leaned forward and kissed your forehead. "Now, let's eat before it gets cold."
He came around and settled into his side of the bed. With a flick of the wrist he had the television on and found your movie to start.
You happily ate as you watched the film, both snuggled under the duvet.
For his next trick, as Colin joked, he cleaned up breakfast and covered your eyes as he guided you down and across the hall to the guest room that would soon become Jaxon's nursery.
You paused at the door, “you didn’t do this already did you?"
"No," he shook his head. "Not exactly."
“Okay, I was gonna say....”
With a push of the door, you gasped.
Sat in the middle of the room, among color swatches walls and a random box of diapers was a glider, complete with ottoman.
“Oh…oh, Colin!”
"Sit, try it out." He encouraged with a fingertip push to the small of your back.
You beamed and walked deeper into the smaller room and sat in the new chair. It felt soft and plush, comfortable.
"How...when?"
"It’s been at my parents' for a couple weeks. Dad brought it over while we were out yesterday. I struggled with the damn thing up the stairs at 2am to make sure I could surprise you."
“You were so quiet about it! I didn't even know you got out of bed!"
"Monkey, last night a nuke wouldn't have woken you up."
"I love it, thank you,” you smiled as you gently rocked to and fro.
"I know. I think you built half your registry from it in the store," he chuckled and kneeled in front of you. He rest his arms on your thighs and his chin on your belly.
"Can I ask you though, why are you giving me my gifts now? It's not Christmas until tomorrow and you'll be home." Your fingers ran through his buzzed hair, and you watched as he closed his eyes and sighed softly.
"Because I want to. I've been so happy and so excited to spend this time with you, I couldn't wait." He spoke softly as he looked up at you.
His always honest emotions took you off your guard most times. You licked your lips and smiled at him. “I love you.”
"I love you too," he winked then kissed the inside of your wrist. "You hear that, bud? Mom loves me."
A little jut against your belly popped at Colin's chin.
Colin gasped and then grinned.
"He must be ready for your time with him," you grinned and rubbed your belly.
Since the notion of your pregnancy had settled on you both, Colin had been talking to your growing baby nearly every night. But since reading that at about twenty six to twenty eight weeks the babies could hear outside voices more realistically, Colin had been doing all he could to have conversations or moments with Jaxon. He'd read to him at night, sing to him or simply just talk to him.
“It’s a little early for a bedtime story, buddy.” He chuckled.
"Just talk to him. Or sing."
Colin smiled and cleared his throat.
A Christmas melody escaped his lips for a brief moment and Jaxon responded with flutters and kicks, especially against your kidney. For a while Colin talked and sang, the two of you just talking about nonsense really until you had to get up for a little walk to use the bathroom.
It wasn't late in the day, merely eleven, when you'd come downstairs for the first time. You wrapped your cardigan around you and plodded down the stairs in your slippers. The tree still smelled wonderfully fresh despite having picked it out a couple weeks ago and it glittered in the daylight even now with its white lights and random decorations.
You sighed happily as you wandered into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for you all.
A quick glance out the back door had you gasping. "Colin!" You threw open the door and stepped out onto the patio as flecks of white fell from the sky.
“Well, look at that!” Colin appeared behind you.
"This is great!" You opened your arms and giggled.
Colin folded his arms and chuckled.
You were a sight to see. Your hair still sleep messed, your cheerful grin, eyes squinted shut in delight. Your hands covered by your sweater sleeves and your belly peeking out from your tightly fit tank top. His sweats hung low on your hips and your slippers scuffing along what snow had already fallen.
“Baby…”
You dropped your arms and looked at him, "what?" You giggled.
“If you wanna play in the snow, you’re gonna need a jacket.”
"I...oh," you chuckled, "I'm coming in."
“You wanna play?”
You bit back a smirk, "no...yes. No! I want cocoa!"
Colin laughed, “alright…cocoa it’s.”
You snorted and ran back into the condo, stomping off the snow from your slippers and finally fixing your now slightly damp hair. "You want marshmallows?"
“Of course! What kind of person doesn’t have marshmallows in their cocoa?!”
"Serial killers and sociopaths." You answered with a straight and serious face.
“And am I either one of those?”
You squinted your eyes as if you had to think about it. "Well, what do you call a guy who dates a woman from out of the blue, knocked her up in the first three weeks of dating and asked her to move in a month later?" You smirked.
“Ouch…” he grinned.
You simply chuckled and pecked his lips. "You're crazy, but neither a serial killer nor a sociopath." And walked off to make the cocoa.
“I’ll take that…” he followed.
After you made your cocoas, Colin had made the perfect little spot on the couch for you both to cuddle up and just relax for a little while. He flicked Die Hard on and the two of you wound up having a very impactful discussion on why or why not the action flick qualified as a Christmas film. And, about half through, you fell asleep with your head in his lap and his arm around you, his left hand resting peacefully on your belly.
You woke with a start when Colin’s alarm on his phone loudly and obnoxiously went off
"Why?" You groaned. "Already?"
"Fahk," he grumbled and reached across the table for it. "It's my get ready for work alarm."
You made a noise as he apologized, “I’m sorry baby.”
With difficulty, you say up on the couch and rubbed your eyes, "I guess we gotta get up."
"Might be a good idea to leave a little earlier than I planned now that it's snowing."
You nodded and scooted to the edge of the cushion. "There's that too," you spoke as you stood.
Colin cracked his neck side to side.
With a hand to the small of your own back, you spoke softly, "I could use some help washing my back."
“Yes ma’am,”
With a wink you turned and headed for the stairs, Colin swirly following in pursuit.
He followed you up, his eyes tracing the soft way of your hips as you went. You shed your cardigan the moment you'd stepped into your room, kicking your slippers off as you passed the edge of the bed. Then with a sharp right, you set foot into the bathroom to start the water. Colin was shedding his sweater as he entered the bedroom. He caught you half naked by the time he turned into the bathroom, just as you were taking off you tank top, the final piece of clothing.
You saw the dopey smirk in his face and with a playful smirk of your own, you just rolled your eyes and stepped into the cubicle.
In five seconds flat he was joining you.
You hummed a little as his hands settled on your hips and his lips to your shoulder. "You know, I feel a little inadequate with the gifts I got you."
“Why?”
"I don't know, they're just not as exciting," you chuckled.
“Well, I already got the best present.” His hand softly stroked your belly.
You actually fluttered at his delicate touch. "Well, I tried," you joked.
“Mmmmm.” He hummed against your skin.
You reached over your shoulder and passed off your loofah, soapy and ready. "Could you take a dig at my lower back?”
“Achey?”
"Yeah. Little heavy in the front these days," you snorted.
“I gotchu…”
"Thank you."
With a kiss to your shoulder as his right hand took the loofah, his left moved to the base of your spine. You leaned with the palms of your hands against the wall as he began to work away at your skin, lathering up the soap but digging his thumb into your tender muscles.
You sighed as he worked at a particularly achy spot. "Right there," you winced.
Colin dug in a little deeper, not too much, but enough to make you moan softly. His lips kissed your neck. "Shhhh."
“Feels nice.”
"Good," he kept going.
You let him, your hands firmly planted on the tiles.
“I don’t wanna leave you tonight,” he sighed.
"I don't want you too either. But...."
“Least I’ll be back to open gifts in the morning.”
"Yeah, you will."
“Next year, I won’t be working. I’m manifesting it now.” Colin chuckled.
"Hey, it worked out for blue."
"Exactly."
After a kiss to his lips, you finished your shower, and Colin wrapped you up in a fluffy towel before you slipped into your robe. He grabbed a towel for himself and after roughly rubbing it over his buzzcut, he tied it round his waist and followed you into the bedroom
"Can I give you one gift now?" You asked.
“Errr yeah,” he smiled, nodding.
You smiled softly and went into the closet, coming out with a small gift bag. Colin sat on the bed, watching you as you headed back.
"It's not much, it, it's a start." You handed him the small gift bag.
He took it from you, and giving one last childish grin he opened it and pulled out the small wrapped gift from inside. A wrapped box that contained a velvet box and he frowned a little.
"Monkey.... Are you proposing?" He joked.
You smacked him with a throw pillow.
With a wink he opened the lid. His fingers gently plucked the guitar pick from the box, a smile spreading across his face.
"It's... Not much," you said again as you shrugged.
He turned it over in his hand and you saw his eyes focus on the letter on the back. “JSS.”
"I know gigs are over, but, you'll have a son to still play for, and me of course."
“I…” he looked at the amazonite shape in his palm as you smiled.
“It’s his birthstone, well, providing he doesn’t arrive a week early that is…”
"He won't," Colin stated, assuring you.
You smiled, “either way, I just thought it was cute.”
"It's more than cute, baby, thank you," he smiled softly. "I love it."
“Good, I’m glad.”
Colin leaned forward and kissed your lips softly. "I really don't want to go."
"I know."
He gave a little moan of dissent which turned into a little chuckle. “Ironic, all I wanted to do was join the police…now all I wanna do is stay with you.”
"Well, you know I'll be here as soon as you're off shift. And my time is ticking away until I'm forced behind the desk or kicked out for a while...." You say next to him and sighed. "We're making the most of it, right?
“Yeah…” he smiled softly, “we are.”
"So, I'm going to do my best to stay awake to wish you merry Christmas to your pretty face and we're going to sleep in and do our thing before we go to your parents."
“Okay, here’s the deal…” Colin grinned, “if you’re awake when you’re home then I’ll make us a real Shea hot chocolate, with real chocolate, cream and all the trimmings.”
Your face glowed with a grin, and you chuckled, "where was that earlier?" You leaves forward and kissed him softly. "Deal."
“Full disclosure, imma need to nip to the store for the supplies so you had to make do with the cocoa powder.” He chuckled.
"It's okay, it was still good," you glanced at the time, "baby...."
“I know. I’m going…” he sighed and with that he moved and stood up,
You watched as he dressed, this time having left his uniform at the station. So, in jeans and a sweatshirt he walked downstairs with you.
"Your mom's still coming over right?" He asked as he grabbed his go bag.
"Yeah, she should be here around five she said."
“Alright, then…enjoy whatever you’re doing and…I’ll see you when I’m home.”
"We're just doing the same thing we've done today, but she's making lasagna."
“Please tell me there’s gonna be some left for me when I come home….”
"Absolutely," you smirked and ran your hands up his chest, "be safe. Come home to us."
“Always, monkey,” he kissed the tip of your nose.
When Colin left, your mom wasn't far behind from arriving. As promised, she showed up at five with lasagna ready to cook in the oven and garlic bread for you to help make. You exchanged gifts, a tradition you always held with your parents. Your mom adored the chenille blanket you saved up to get her while she got gifted you with a beautiful sweater she'd found for you on her cruise. She'd tucked Colin's gift away, a lovely jacket, for safe keeping, telling you that she was bringing it to his parents for dinner the next day.
You ate dinner and sat around after, watching a movie and snacking on popcorn and chips. She talked to Jax about everything she could. At one point turning their one sided conversation to about your dad. It made you both tear up and share an emotional moment that felt bittersweet to have between you both.
“So, what time is Colin due home?”
“Close to midnight," your eyes flicked to the clock. "So far. There's always a chance he runs over. His shift ends at eleven."
“Hopefully not tonight, huh?”
"Hopefully," you sighed. "I'm starting to get really nervous about all this, Mom."
“Why, honey?”
"What if I'm not a good mom? What if...what if he....he won't but what if having Jax tears us apart. And Colin realizes that this was a mistake and being with me is a mistake. I don't want to think about it, because I know he'd be so hurt and upset by it, but sometimes I think he's with me because of the baby."
Your mom reached for your hand. “Oh my baby…” she gave your fingers a squeeze. “You really gotta stop thinking like that…”
"I know," you sniffled. "I do try."
“Do you really believe what you’re saying? That Colin is with you because of the baby?”
"Sometimes I just get lost in my head and think, this all can't be real, you know? Like what did I do to deserve him? It's been going so good but so fast....I..."
“Yes, it has.” Your mom nodded, “it’s been extraordinarily fast…” then she licked her lips, “I’ve never told you this before…but…before you, me, and your dad…we lost a baby
Your felt the frown in your brow as your jaw dropped, "what?"
“Mmhmm.” Your mom nodded. “We’d been together…oh, about six months when I found out I was pregnant…sadly, it wasn’t meant to be and we lost him or her four weeks after we found out, there was no heartbeat at our twelve week scan.”
"Mom...." your lip wobbled.
“Hey, it’s okay…” your mom smiled, shaking her head. “It’s just a part of mine and your dad’s story, but…you know, we made it. And I had the same thoughts you did at times, was he staying with me because I was pregnant? Did he feel trapped…but you wanna know something?”
"What?"
“I’m glad it happened how it did. I mean, don’t get me wrong it was awful going through it, but it made me realise very quickly what kind of man your dad was. He didn’t run, he didn’t make excuses…he stayed by my side, despite the fact we were both two dumb nineteen year olds living with another four teenagers in a shared apartment downtown.”
You blinked taking in what your mom shared. Never in your wildest dreams was this something you thought she'd ever tell you.
"I'm so sorry, Mom," you blinked again, and two tears fell. "I have seen the man he is and he's wonderful."
“There’s no need to be sorry.” She smiled gently and reached out to brush your tears away with her hand. “I don’t know if you and Colin will last forever, but unless he’s given you any reason to think otherwise, you gotta take him at his word, sweety.”
"I do. I... It's the stories I've heard. The jokes from Kelly and his family. The guys in the band. I mean I know people can change, Ma, I know that. And he has." You started rubbing your belly, a new anxious habit you picked up when you began to show. "I don't know if we'll be forever either, but I hope so. I've never loved anything like this, except, except Ajax."
“Everyone has a past.” Your mom smiled gently. “So what if he has been a…what’d ya say nowadays? A Fuckboy?”
You sputtered, "Oh my gahd, Ma!"
Your mom shrugged, “like I said, it’s irrelevant. He’s with you, you’re having a baby. And as far as I see it, you got two choices.”
"Stay or go?" You snorted.
“Basically. “ your mom shrugged,
"I wanna stay, Mom," you took her hand and placed it on your belly. "It's all I want. And we're building this life together. I just, I'm sorry, I just get scared."
“And getting scared is normal, it’s fine and part of life, but you gotta rationalize it.”
"My whole life I wanted what you and Dad had," you felt the baby move and your mom's eyes lit up as she felt him kick at her hand. "But then I think about what happened to Dad and I...I overthink."
“Well, we’re all guilty of that.” She moved her hand a little.
You smiled as you felt her follow Jaxon's movements. "I don't dare mention it to him again. We got into a fight over it, and I said horrible things. I don't want him to think I don't want this and I'm the one just sticking around for ease on myself."
“It’s hard, I understand…but part of being in a relationship, and being an adult for that matter, is not letting these intrusive thoughts rule your life.”
You nodded. "This is all...new. I am the first major relationship I've had since college and it's....it's a lifetime commitment one way or another. Obviously, not to beat a dead horse, but at lightning speed. Sometimes I can't wrap my head around it."
“And maybe you never will, there are somethings in life that never make sense…”
Again you nodded, this time with a little yawn.
“I think you need to go to bed.”
"I promised Colin I'd stay awake," you chuckled. "He promised me hot cocoa, a Shea special."
“How long till he’s home?”
"Midnight, hopefully."
“So…” your mom looked at her watch, “that’s three hours…why don’t you nap a little then? I can read and I’ll wake you.”
"Ma, that's late to go home," you smiled softly.
"Y/N..."
"Okay, just a little nap, I suppose."
“It’s Christmas Eve, let me spend as much time with you as I can.”
“You’ll see us tomorrow…”
“Yes but…this is the last time it’s gonna be just me and you,” your mom winked,
You couldn't deny her that, not with the way she said it and how it made you feel. She was right, it was the last Christmas it would be just the two of you. A thing you'd both grown accustomed to the last couple years. You simple nodded and instead of going up to bed, you settled into your side of the couch and led your head on a throw pillow.
Your mom looked at you and then chuckled, patting her lap, “lemme stroke your hair like I used to when you were little and wanted to try and stay awake for Santa…”
With a soft smile, and some difficulty in sitting up, you turned to lay your head in her lap. She quickly tossed a throw pillow down for you and as you lay down, her fingers gently stroked through your hair.
“You always used to fall asleep like this, and then your daddy would carry you up to your room. And you’d wake up in the morning, always so mad you hadn’t caught Santa…”
"I miss him so much more now," you spoke softly.
“He’d be so happy,” your mum spoke, softly.
"I know."
“And incredibly proud…”
"I hope so. I wondered at first if he'd be upset, you know, with my situation. Thinking I was throwing my life away. Being careless."
“I’m sure he would have had his worries, and probably voiced them, but he would have supported you, no matter what. Same as me.”
You nodded against the pillow.
"Now rest, cupcake," your mom spoke soothingly.
And you did, for seemingly you blinked, and your mom was gently shaking you by the shoulder.
"Y/N," her voice stirred you.
You slowly came to finding Colin standing over you and your head still in your mom's lap.
"It's 12:01, Merry Christmas, Monkey," he spoke softly.
You frowned as you sat up slowly. "You're home! Ma! I was supposed to be up before he got back!" You rubbed your eyes.
"I'll still make you hot chocolate, baby," Colin chuckled.
"Merry Christmas," you peered up at him with a soft smile.
Colin stooped to kiss your head and smiled at your mom, “time for a Shea special hot chocolate before you go?”
"I'd love one."
“Coming right up.” He grinned, and with a wink he stood straight and headed to the kitchen.
You took in a deep breath, almost in relief and your mom smiled softly and pat your thigh.
"See, safe and sound." She whispered softly.
“I know…”
Colin indeed made your hot cocoas and when through, your mom headed home. It took the time for her to text you that she was home and safe for Colin to come down from his shift and settle himself in for bed. The two of you cuddled into bed, his chest to your back, his arms around you and hands settled against your belly. Nothing felt safer to you these days than that.
Come late that morning, you were up before him, having to use the bathroom. So, you smiled to yourself and let him sleep, making your way downstairs to have a snack and see about making him some coffee for when he woke up.
He stirred an hour later, and you heard him whistling the chorus of “fairytale of New York,” as he wandered down to find you.
You were sat on the couch with a fake fireplace on the television, your tea in your hands and blanket over your lap. The tree was lit, and gifts were delicately wrapped under it.
“Hi,” he smiled, settling down next to you,
"Hi, I made you coffee," you smirked. "I waited to eat, I had a snack though."
Colin smiled and kissed your cheek. "Can we open gifts first?"
You giggled, "Yes, but you owe me a better kiss than that."
“Oh, I think I can do that…”
He kissed your lips tenderly and sweetly before pulling back. "Good morning, son." He bent and kissed your belly. Then, he popped up from the couch and clapped his hands together, "Presents!"
You smiled and allowed him to have his moment as Santa, passing between the two of you his few remaining gifts as well as the last few of yours.
"You first," he winked and sat next to you on the couch.
"You first, you countered.
"Monkey!"
"Fine!" You giggled.
You looked at the three wrapped gifts ready and pondered, before you picked up the smallest one.
"It's so dainty," you giggled. When you unwrapped it, it was a small box with a velvet box inside.
You opened the box, and your moth dropped open at the beautiful earrings inside. "Colin...."
"Do you like them?"
"I love them," you smiled softly.
You looked at the studs, three diamond stars arranged in a line.
“One for each of us,” he smiled,
You bit your lip, "I'll wear them tonight."
“Please do.” He smiled softly.
You set the small box aside and moved to your next gift.
It was a shoebox sized box, and you gently tore open the paper and beamed as you saw it was a package of your favorite spa style bath and shower and skin care
"Oh my, this is perfect."
Little were you aware that Colin's sister booked you an accompanying prenatal massage and facial.
Colin smiled and then waited as you picked up the next one, which was a flat thin one, and felt like a photo frame. You looked at him, and then turned it over in your lap and opened the paper. It was indeed a picture frame, but the picture wasn't one you recognized before.
The frown on your brow made him chuckle. "My parents have a cabin in Vermont."
“I…Vermont?”
"Yeah, it's more like a family cabin, but," he spoke softly. "I asked for a weekend. It'll extend my probation a little more but...."
"I...."
"Kelly says they call it a baby moon?"
“Oh, Colin!” You smiled at him, “this is amazing.”
"Last little hurrah as just us," he shrugged. "Not that we've had much of that but..."
You licked your lips and looked at the photo again, before you glanced back up at him, “can we go see Ben and Jerry?”
"Oh absolutely!"
You grinned and rubbed your belly. "Hopefully when we go there's still snow."
“Well, I was thinking sooner rather than later than later.”
"Oh," you looked at him softly. "When?"
“Just after new year’s, subject to approvals.”
"That's, I can make that work, yeah."
“Yeah?”
"Yeah, I'll put in for it tomorrow."
Colin smiled and leaned over to kiss you.
"You've spoiled me so much!"
“You’re the mother of my child, and the woman I love,”
The sentiment made your heart flutter. "I love you," you admitted.
Colin kissed you again.
"Open your gifts!"
With a smirk, Colin picked up his first package.
It happened to be the biggest one and you sniggered at him, "No. That one last."
Playfully, he set the large gift down and picked up the smaller wrapped one. "Is this one okay?"
You nodded.
Colin tire open the paper and immediately laughed as he read the box cover. "Dad Jokes. Hilarious jokes for the whole family." He calmed his laughter to a chuckle with a big grin, "this is perfect!"
"They'll come in handy," you chuckled with a smile.
Colin picked up the last of the smaller gifts and looked at its rectangular shape, flicking a brow. "Hmmm," he hummed. Opening it, his expression grew soft.
"I...I don't know how you feel about journaling, but," you shrugged, "I thought it'd be something cool for Jax to have when he's older."
“I think it’s a great idea, I love it…” he looked at the cover of the “one line a day” five year memory book. “When do I get to start it?”
You shrugged, "I don't know. That's up to you. The way it works I guess is there's five lines per calendar day, so one like a day and you can go back and reflect."
“Think I’ll start from the day he’s born, I mean I would say the day we found out but…I can’t remember every day since then,” he grinned
"I can't remember two days ago, let alone that!"
Colin grinned and then looked from the journal to you. “Thank you.”
You nodded.
He picked up the last gift again and gave a little grunt. "It's heavy."
"A little."
With a flick of his brow, he tore the paper. "Oh...Y/N, this...." Colin was speechless. He stared at the matted and framed collage in his hands.
The 20x24 frame displayed his band's photo as they played at Cheers for their final show. The bar logo was added in the upper corner offset from the photo while a napkin from the bar and Colin's guitar pick from that night sat nestled in a corner of it. On a gold metal plate was engraved the band's name and the date of their final performance.
“Something for you to hang up, so you can always see the moment…”
Colin set the frame down against the couch and cupped your face, brining your lips to his for a slow, long kiss. He pulled back and sniffed, "that is the best gift I've ever gotten."
You smiled, your eyes filling with tears.
"Fahk, Monkey, I...." He kissed you again. "You're amazing."
“I try….” You felt your cheeks heat a little at his praise.
"I've got one more for you, well for him," Colin nodded to your belly. "Then I'll make us some pancakes." He peck your lips with a sniffle and a smile, practically leaping to his feet. He hopped over to the tree and pulled a gift from behind the other ones.
You watched him, as he gave you a huge, dopey grin.
His outstretched hand held a nondescript gift bag in red and green. You took the offering and plucked the tissue. Dipping your hand inside, you pulled out another picture frame.
The photo of the two of you was from New York and you were standing in front of Colin, who's arms were wrapped sound you tight, his left hand resting against your then invisible bump, with the city skyline behind you both. It was taken at the top of the Empire State building.
"For his room," he beamed, "when we finish it."
“Oh…I love it.” You smiled up at him.
"Good. Merry Christmas, Y/N." Colin kneeled at your feet.
Disclaimer: This and all works on this blog are a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. This work and all works on this blog are not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content, adult content and themes, language, etc. By reading this work or any works posted, shared or reblogged on this blog, you agree that you are at least 18 years of age.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The author(s) of this work claims not to own any characters outside of the OC(s; original character(s)) here within.
In addition, works posted on this blog are NOT to be reposted on any other website. This includes WattPad, AO3, fanfiction.net or any other entity of the like. I/We, the author and creator, DO NOT consent to have ANY work hosted on any third party app or site or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but from its original Tumblr source, it’s been reposted WITHOUT permission. REBLOG posts in exception.
By reading beyond this point, you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.
Warnings: Adult situations/themes, smut, sociopathic behavior, violence, NSFW, 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! (Warnings apply to all chapters.)
A @spectre-posts & @what-is-your-plan-today Collaboration
What is Dead Masterlist
W/C: 4k
Chapter 5 – Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Not Dead
********************
You stood in the situation room while the Libyan op unfolded before you. CCTV and op cams gave images across the screens while comms were filling the room and your ears. You were trying to focus on one screen, but there were too many. The yells and noises and sounds of explosions made your ears hurt. Your heartbeat grew faster as your husband's voice came over comms. It was a secret you shared, your marriage, only two others in the room aware of your nuptials.
A string of expletives hit your ears and you felt Denny shift a little.
“How the fuck did they know we were coming?”
"I don't know, the intel was solid," you stated.
“We’re gonna need exfil…and fast.”
"Sanders, exfil update?" You looked over at a member of your team and glared at their screen.
"Hostiles coming in three-sixty, I need air support before we can get them out."
“Fuck!” Denny slammed his fist on the table, “this was supposed to be in and out…I knew I should have run this one off the books “
"I got it!" Sanders shouted, "Alpha, Bravo....exfil twelve mikes due south-southwest at 2200."
You felt the lump in your throat. You’d known as soon as Carmichael had told you this was an on the books operation that something was likely to go wrong.
That was on Denny, getting careless. Someone up the chain was watching him, so he was having to tread carefully, keep everything to the rules.
And sometimes when you couldn’t break or bend the rules a little, it made it hard work.
:"Boston is down, I repeat Harvard is hit.":
And then, your world span.
Your eyes drew toward Denny and then to Suzanne, but your face remained stoic. "Fuck," you rasped.
“How bad is it?” Denny asked.
:"GSW to the left side, through and through, between the plate, medics on him. Bastard says it's a flesh wound.":
You grit your teeth.
"Air strike in route, pop smoke and head for exfil. Bravo to follow."
You kept listening, following their movements in your mind.
"Confirmation of smoke, continue to exfil. Air drop in sixty seconds."
It was the longest sixty seconds of your life.
"Sir, we have contact." Sanders announced.
“Patch me through.” Carmichael insisted.
"Base to Alpha, check in Alpha."
:“Roger…Alpha reporting.”:
"Asset report?"
:“Secure.”:
"Casualty report?"
:“Four minor and one…alleged flesh wound,” there was a hint of amusement in the voice, “pretty big flesh would though…”:
"Can Harvard make the exfil?"
:“Yeah, he’ll be alright. We got him hooked up to an IV and bandaged.”:
"See you stateside, Alpha."
:“Roger that.”:
Denny turned and looked at you, he closed the few feet of steps and spoke lowly. "He'll be fine. They'll get medical once back at base and head home."
Again, you nodded. It wasn’t like you didn’t know how ops went, on or off book. You were a part of this team for a reason.
“Go, take a moment…pull it together.”
With a crack of your neck, you fixed your suit jacket and walked out of the situation room. Things weren't out of the woods yet. Both teams had to make the exfil point twelve miles out. And wounded.
You hit the call button for the elevator, suddenly desperate for air.
It took you to the top level where you climbed a set of stairs for roof access and flung the door open. The helipad was empty as you neared the edge of the building.
You stood looking out at the buildings which made up the HQ campus.
"FUCK!" You screamed.
You’d barely been married for four weeks. You’d begged him to tell Denny to shove his mission, to take more time to settle into your new life together. Your two week honeymoon was now but a distant memory.
All that concerned you now was contact once they made it back to base, and that could be hours, if not into the next day.
“I’m gonna kill you, Lloyd,” you grumbled.
A flesh wound by his terms gave you no mere definition of how bad the damage really was. A month into marriage and you were going to have to switch bed nurse.
In sickness and in health…
You hadn’t expected that to be tested so soon.
“Fuck me….”
You swore sometimes that the world was just taking the piss out of you. The door to the roof slammed shut. You spun on your heels.
"Comms went dark. They'll check in once exfil breaks air space."
You nodded.
"I fucking told him to tell you there needed to be more time," you spat at Denny.
“Look, you know as well as I do he wouldn’t listen anyway!”
"It doesn't matter! You sanctioned this on book and it's a mess. It's on you."
Carmichael inhaled, before he gave a soft chuckle, “my my, you really have gone soft…”
You simply turned your nose up, "my feelings don't change despite your opinion of me."
Denny merely shrugged. "Y/N....."
Denny's voice faded out and another's echoed in the space in your head.
"Y/N...." Lloyd’s fingers snapped in your field of vision. "Hey?"
You blinked and stared at him, "what?"
Lloyd's eyes stared. “Where dy’a go? Away with the fuckin’ fairies or…”
"Libya." You cut him off as you licked your lips and swallowed,
His eyes locked onto your own. A flicker of remembrance flashed across his face and his mustache twitched. Scoffing he rolled his eyes, and asked you a question to which he dammed well knew the answer; “why that shit hole?"
Before you could respond, the radio static interrupted the two of you and Clay's voice came over the line.
“Tango Lima One to Red Cat, we’re in position.”
“Red Cat?” Lloyd scoffed and you glared at him.
“We could hardly use Gentry’s actual code name now, could we?”
"But Red Cat?" He rolled his eyes, "pussy."
“It was randomly generated.” You rolled your eyes as you listened to Clay and Gentry trading minimal information. “And he’s likely had more pussy than you have as of late…”
"I've had quite a bit of yours."
You ignored him.
"Asset acquired," Gentry's voice broke through.
You exhaled and looked at Lloyd.
“Yahtzee.” He smirked.
“Oh, we may have a problem, ” Jensen’s voice cut over the comms. “Some real unfriendly looking dudes heading our way with even more unfriendly looking dogs.”
"Red Cat, you copy?" Clay fired back.
“Yeah I heard…Plan B…”
“What’s Plan B?” Jensen asked.
“I’ll tell you when I know,” Gentry spoke, “radio silence. I’ll reach you when it’s safe. Head to the exfil point. I’ll see you there.”
"Fuck," you swore under your breath. You hated radio silence.
“Control freak.” Lloyd grunted.
You glared at Lloyd, but you were interrupted by a knock at the door.
“I thought I-“ you wheeled round, ready to give your security hell when you did a double take as Jack Ryan stood there, arms folded.
“Not gone quite according to plan as you hoped, I see.”
Lloyd gaped at the man for a moment, before he composed himself. “How the fuck did you get in here?”
“He’s on the safe list.” You said, softly.
"Howdy, Sunshine," Jack smirked.
"Fuck you," Lloyd hissed.
"What are you doing here, Jack?"
“Would you believe me if I said I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in for a quick hello?"
"Nope." You smirked.
“Good, because that would be stupid,” he chuckled as he stepped into the room. He took a deep breath, looking around before he turned to you. “I wanna see this footage, this asset Six has gone to obtain with my own eyes before it goes anywhere else. That's why I’m here.”
“You’re a day too early,” Lloyd rolled his eyes, “they're not due to exfil yet.”
“He knows…” you snorted as Jack merely winked, “see, unlike you he doesn't come early, unless it’s part of a plan.”
Lloyd audibly grumbled.
"You know me too well," Jack smirked. "I suppose I should change my habits."
"Not all I hope."
“Is there anyone in the CIA you haven’t fucked?” Lloyd growled at you.
"Loads actually," you replied nonchalantly.
He gave you a sneer before there was another knock and this time you turned to see Claire.
“Sorry, I…I was…” she trailed off at the sight of another new face and instantly, to your surprise, she moved into the room and to the left, putting Lloyd between herself and Jack. An extremely odd and strange thing to do considering what your sociopathic ex had put her through.
"What's wrong?" You blinked and redirected your attention to her.
“I errr, I was hungry and…”
“Bored?” You offered.
“Yeah…” her eyes flicked to Jack, and she frowned, “hey, I know you…”
"You do? Funny, I only know you by picture and name."
“There’s a name for these kind of websites…” Lloyd stated as he examined his hand for a moment, before folding his arms.
“You’re such an asshole,” you rolled your eyes. “Come on, Claire, I’ll get you something to eat and then set a movie up for you, how about that?"
"Yeah, okay," she nodded and followed you out of the room. You popped your head back in, "don't kill each other, I like the decor."
“Yeah, I really like what you've done with the place,” Jack looked around, before he met your eyes. “The pool looks great. Love the ratan.”
You curled your lip around your bottom teeth and walked off.
Lloyd watched you go, trying to hide the flicker of annoyance he’d felt, because he knew that was why Ryan had said it. Insinuating he’d been here previously, in his fucking house. Well, what had been his house before you’d fucked him over in the divorce.
And the fact he felt so annoyed, unnerved him.
"So, what's it like being dead?" Jack questioned with a maddening smirk.
Lloyd looked at him and flicked a brow, “less peaceful than I anticipated.”
"You think this will work? Y/N's plan of exposing Carmichael and Brewer? They're hard to crack. He's had it out for her for a while."
“You tell me, you guys worked together enough.”
"You're the one that was Denny Carmichael's go to, until you weren’t of use. Surely, your Harvard buddy has a soft spot somewhere. A chink in the armor."
"Don't forget where you came from, either Jackie boy. As for Denny, when there's blood in the water, he sinks his teeth in," Lloyd spoke. "But, that drive, whatever is on there, has him spooked."
“And you don’t know what’s on it?”
“He didn’t tell me in detail, just that it was evidence of things he shouldn’t have done. Let’s cut the shit, Jack. We all know he’s been sanctioning off the record ops for years, but a blind eye always got turned because it benefited the CIA and the establishment. The Old Man.”
"Are you on these tapes?"
"Probably every single one of them. And if I were alive, which I'm not," Lloyd emphasized, "I don't doubt he'd use it to save his own ass and burn everything he's touched along the way."
Jack took a deep breath, “Hansen, we may have turned a blind eye to one or two, but not the murders and the collateral damage. That's not my style.”
"You here to arrest a dead man, Jack?" Lloyd held out his hands, what was left of them both anyway, and mimicked being cuffed. "I don't think that would go over very well with the missus."
“Oh, she’s still your missus?” Jack remained still, his left brow quirked a little.
Lloyd felt the hairs on his neck bristle, and he struggled for a response that was clever. So, in the end, he settled for a good, old fashioned, straight to the point, “fuck you!”
"The two of you done measuring who's dick is bigger?" You stated as you walked back into the office.
Both men turned their attention to you but before they could answer your comms crackled.
“Tango Lima One…base…do you copy?”
"Base to Tango Lima One, go ahead."
“We’re en route to the exfil. Jensen is missing a chunk of his right ass cheek thanks to a very, very angry Malinois.”
“And I thought cats were the ones you couldn’t trust.” Jensen groaned slightly in the background.
“How much damage did you cause?” Jack spoke.
“Hey, Gold One.” Clay chuckled. “Cougar dispatched a few with stun rounds, they’re taking a nap, no lethal casualties. We’re meeting him and Pooch there. Was easier to split off.”
“Remember what we agreed.” Jack said, “the exfil leaves at the scheduled time, no matter who is there.”
Clay gave another wily chuckle, “you should know me well enough now to realise the losers have a plan a, b, c, and d. We’ll be in touch when we’re back on friendly soil. Make sure there’s a couple of cold ones ready.”
You took the earpiece from your ear and set it on the desk. "You heard the man, stock the bar."
“You sent the bartender home.” Lloyd scoffed.
"And your chef."
“I’ll order a pizza.”
"What's your next move, Y/N?" Jack ignored the banter between you and Lloyd.
“My next move is to trust Clay and his team to get Six here safe and sound. Then we’ll see what’s on the drive.”
"And what if you don't like what you see?" Jack asked.
“You mean him?” You nodded to Lloyd
"Whatever it may be," Jack shrugged.
“We’ve had this conversation.” Lloyd cut in. “Worst case, I stay dead. Best case, I claim immunity because I was following his orders.”
"Give us the room," you stated.
Jack merely inhaled and then nodded. “As you wish…” he started to the door before he stopped, “that wine fridge of yours still well stocked?”
"Not you, Jack." You didn't budge in tone or stance. Your eyes flicked to Lloyd, "go."
“Me?”
"Go."
“Fuck off!”
You just sent him a glare that he somehow knew it wasn't to be messed with.
“Fucking…whatever…” he scoffed, turning on his heels. “Pair of assholes…”
"At least his dick is bigger, and he has all of his fingers."
Lloyd smirked as he cast a look over his shoulder, “you didn’t complain about either of those things the other night.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose and breathed deeply as Lloyd disappeared. Jack just stared at you.
"Don't look at me like that." You groaned.
"You two need therapy."
"This isn't some Mr. and Mrs. Smith bullshit." You sat upright and leaned over your desk towards Jack. "Look, Six knows what's on the drive. He knew long before I sent him for the copy. So, consequently, I know what's on the drive, in a minimalist fashion." You took a breath. "Four was carrying around Carmichael's dirty laundry. Assassinations, torture, bombings. Each of them unsanctioned. But you knew at least that. Or you wouldn't be here. So, I have no doubt my fingerless, mustache wearing ex-husband is on that drive. And now that he's not here, why are you, Jack? And I mean, really.."
“I told you. I want to see it for myself before it blows up.” Jack took a deep breath. “Look, Y/N, I told you I’d help. I want Carmichael and his bullshit out of the CIA as much as you. But…”
“Damage control.” You nodded.
“In a fashion, I need to know what is going to go public before it does, so I’m prepared. The CIA needs to be able to come out of this looking clean or…” he exhaled, “it's a matter of national security, Y/N. I still have to do my job one way or another.”
You nodded, then with a deep sigh you stood and walked over to where you had once stored your photo album you'd thrown at Lloyd. You grabbed a bottle of scotch and two glasses.
“Without the CIA, our homeland security would crumble, and I can’t let that happen. But I promise you, I’m not here to stop you. I just ask that you trust me, like I have you through this process. And in exchange for you playing this my way…I’m here to offer you a little something else, so to speak.”
You handed Jack his glass, "I'm listening."
“Brewer.” He stated simply, taking the outstretched glasses
"She's a shit shot and the reason for my new roommate. What about her?"
Jack smiled, “I’ve suspected since this shit went down she had something on Denny and from what you just said, I appear to be right.”
“She shot Lloyd. Because with him alive there was someone else who could prove Denny was bent. With him gone, she’s the only one that knows, the only one that could blow him outta the water. That’s why he’s promoted her.”
Jack nodded, “figures. And let me guess, she’s keeping Six quiet by using the girl. Or at least she was until he busted her out.”
"Bingo."
“You didn’t tell me any of this.” Jack chuckled as he sipped his drink.
"If I play my full hand, Jack, that can leave you culpable. And I told you, this doesn't exist until it's over and it's leaked."
“So here’s the plan.” Jack looked at you, “we leak the video, Jensen can make sure it’s everywhere it could possibly be before the CIA get a sniff through their usual sources. We take Denny down, publicly. Show the world we don’t stand for this crap… and then we offer Brewer an ultimatum.”
"She'll be a tough nut," you snorted. "She's conniving, methodical. She’s learned a lot from watching Denny all these years. I'm sure she's sucked his dick a time or two, as well."
At that point, Jack pulled out his phone. “It took me a while, but I got hold of this not long after you called. You’re not the only one who can play with things close to the chest.”
You took the offered phone and looked at the screen. Your eyes widened as you saw the still on the screen. Brewer, gun raised in the moments before she discharged the bullet that had taken Lloyd down. It was grainy footage, but clear enough to prove it was her. You pressed play and watched as the bullet hit Lloyd square in his chest, sending him backwards into the fountain.
“How…I mean…”
“Security drones.” Jack said simply, “turns out one had taken a dive into a tree nearby, but the camera was still running. No one saw it, until I went to have a look at the scene the day after you called.”
"Jesus, Jack, this.....this changes everything."
“Why?” Jack asked
"Because she's up for murder with this," you handed him back the phone. "In a way. I....thank you, for this."
“She isn’t up for murder if the victim is still alive.” Jack shrugged, “but that’s your call. To me, this is security, leverage. I’ve no proof she knew what Denny was up to, and I can’t take her down for that. I can take her down for this if that’s what you want. This is my tradeoff for being allowed that few hours to prepare for the shit storm.”
You licked your lips, "thank you, Jack. I do owe you."
"I want to see that drive," Jack took a final sip of his scotch and set the glass down on your desk. "Save Lloyd, or don't. Let me know what you decide. I'll see you in the morning."
"You staying here?"
"Not with my life."
"That's fair."
“Let me know when Tango Lima and Violator get back. I’ll see myself out.”
"I will."
With a final nod, Jack turned and left the room.
******
Lloyd watched Jack as he made his way to the door. When you didn’t emerge from the study, he stood, wincing a little as he did so, and headed to find you. He pushed your office door open and found you sitting at your desk, two glasses of scotch of you and your fingers once again rubbing your temples. “So…he wasn’t in here long enough for you to fuck…”
"Don't."
“Right…”
"Despite it being none of your business, Jack and I haven't slept together in a long time. Our relationship is strictly professional these days. What do you want? Other than to nag at me and continue to torture me until you disappear and never return."
Lloyd narrowed his eyes, before he opened his mouth, and then closed it again. “Whatever.”
"Honestly, Lloyd, what do you want?"
“Nothing. I’m going to bed.”
You picked up Jack's unfinished drink and dumped it into your own glass. "Good night, then."
Lloyd rolled his eyes, “don’t choke on that, will you.” And with that, he turned and left.
“Fuck," you again groaned. You stared at your screens. There was nothing to be done until Tango Lima set foot back at the rendezvous point. Jack's drone footage was good leverage against Suzanne. You knew that much. You also had no doubt that what Six and the Losers were bringing back would bury Carmichael. And with Ryan's damage control, the CIA would come out squeaky clean. It seemed like a win-win on all sides.
So why did you have that horrible, bubbling sensation in your stomach?
You knew why. And you didn’t want to admit it. Because when this was all over, it meant that Lloyd would be gone.
And whilst you hated him, and you knew that him leaving would be the best thing for your mental health, that the two of you were toxic, it hurt.
It hurt all over again, and you were fucking angry at yourself for feeling that. Having him here brought up too much, and way too fast. The vile hate you had worked. It worked for a long time. Then he showed up bleeding on your fucking ratan. And you felt, felt everything all over again.
"Nope," you scolded yourself. You shut down your feelings and grabbed the glass and bottle from your desk, carrying it with you.
“Are you okay?” Claire’s voice startled you as you past the den, you had completely forgotten she was there.
"Jesus," you gasped. "I...I'm fine. Are you ready to go back to the boat? I'll walk you there myself."
“Erm…yeah, okay.” Her voice was a little quiet as she looked at her hands and then stood up.
"Claire..." you ducked your head and looked down at her, "Six is fine. He's on his way back."
“It’s not that…well, a little…I’m glad he’s okay…”
"Then what is it? You can tell me."
“It’s…I don’t like being there on my own.”
You smiled softly. Your eyes shifted up towards the stairs and then back a t Claire. "I'll stay with you."
“You will?”
"Sure."
Claire beamed back. “Thank you!”
"C'mon."
With a grin, Claire jumped up and joined you.
You walked down to the yacht with her, your bottle of scotch and glass still in your hand. However, Claire wasn't empty handed. You told her to grab snacks and things from the kitchen and take them with.
Little did you realize, you were being watched.
Lloyd glared sullenly out of the window at you. He would have been lying, which he's grown good at, if he didn't admit to feeling the shift between the two of you.
And it, too, made him uneasy.
There were too many involved in your little plan for his liking. From the little group of Losers, to Six and now Ryan. Too many pokers in the fire.
He didn’t like fires and he didn’t start fires that he couldn’t control or put out.
He watched as you boarded with Claire and ventured out of sight. He downed his scotch and turned away from the window and took a deep breath.
Fuck the plan, the minute he had Denny and that bitch Brewer in his sight, he’d shoot the pair of them.
“The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse. This is why you were chosen. Because the strong man who has known power all his life, may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows… compassion.”
Disclaimer: This and all works on this blog are a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. This work and all works on this blog are not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content, adult content and themes, language, etc. By reading this work or any works posted, shared or reblogged on this blog, you agree that you are at least 18 years of age.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The author(s) of this work claims not to own any characters outside of the OC(s; original character(s)) here within.
In addition, works posted on this blog are NOT to be reposted on any other website. This includes WattPad, AO3, fanfiction.net or any other entity of the like. I/We, the author and creator, DO NOT consent to have ANY work hosted on any third party app or site or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but from its original Tumblr source, it’s been reposted WITHOUT permission. REBLOG posts in exception.
By reading beyond this point, you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.
Warnings: Adult situations/themes, smut, sociopathic behavior, violence, NSFW, 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! (Warnings apply to all chapters.)
A @spectre-posts & @what-is-your-plan-today Collaboration
What is Dead Masterlist
W/C: 4k
Chapter 5 – Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Not Dead
********************
You stood in the situation room while the Libyan op unfolded before you. CCTV and op cams gave images across the screens while comms were filling the room and your ears. You were trying to focus on one screen, but there were too many. The yells and noises and sounds of explosions made your ears hurt. Your heartbeat grew faster as your husband's voice came over comms. It was a secret you shared, your marriage, only two others in the room aware of your nuptials.
A string of expletives hit your ears and you felt Denny shift a little.
“How the fuck did they know we were coming?”
"I don't know, the intel was solid," you stated.
“We’re gonna need exfil…and fast.”
"Sanders, exfil update?" You looked over at a member of your team and glared at their screen.
"Hostiles coming in three-sixty, I need air support before we can get them out."
“Fuck!” Denny slammed his fist on the table, “this was supposed to be in and out…I knew I should have run this one off the books “
"I got it!" Sanders shouted, "Alpha, Bravo....exfil twelve mikes due south-southwest at 2200."
You felt the lump in your throat. You’d known as soon as Carmichael had told you this was an on the books operation that something was likely to go wrong.
That was on Denny, getting careless. Someone up the chain was watching him, so he was having to tread carefully, keep everything to the rules.
And sometimes when you couldn’t break or bend the rules a little, it made it hard work.
:"Boston is down, I repeat Harvard is hit.":
And then, your world span.
Your eyes drew toward Denny and then to Suzanne, but your face remained stoic. "Fuck," you rasped.
“How bad is it?” Denny asked.
:"GSW to the left side, through and through, between the plate, medics on him. Bastard says it's a flesh wound.":
You grit your teeth.
"Air strike in route, pop smoke and head for exfil. Bravo to follow."
You kept listening, following their movements in your mind.
"Confirmation of smoke, continue to exfil. Air drop in sixty seconds."
It was the longest sixty seconds of your life.
"Sir, we have contact." Sanders announced.
“Patch me through.” Carmichael insisted.
"Base to Alpha, check in Alpha."
:“Roger…Alpha reporting.”:
"Asset report?"
:“Secure.”:
"Casualty report?"
:“Four minor and one…alleged flesh wound,” there was a hint of amusement in the voice, “pretty big flesh would though…”:
"Can Harvard make the exfil?"
:“Yeah, he’ll be alright. We got him hooked up to an IV and bandaged.”:
"See you stateside, Alpha."
:“Roger that.”:
Denny turned and looked at you, he closed the few feet of steps and spoke lowly. "He'll be fine. They'll get medical once back at base and head home."
Again, you nodded. It wasn’t like you didn’t know how ops went, on or off book. You were a part of this team for a reason.
“Go, take a moment…pull it together.”
With a crack of your neck, you fixed your suit jacket and walked out of the situation room. Things weren't out of the woods yet. Both teams had to make the exfil point twelve miles out. And wounded.
You hit the call button for the elevator, suddenly desperate for air.
It took you to the top level where you climbed a set of stairs for roof access and flung the door open. The helipad was empty as you neared the edge of the building.
You stood looking out at the buildings which made up the HQ campus.
"FUCK!" You screamed.
You’d barely been married for four weeks. You’d begged him to tell Denny to shove his mission, to take more time to settle into your new life together. Your two week honeymoon was now but a distant memory.
All that concerned you now was contact once they made it back to base, and that could be hours, if not into the next day.
“I’m gonna kill you, Lloyd,” you grumbled.
A flesh wound by his terms gave you no mere definition of how bad the damage really was. A month into marriage and you were going to have to switch bed nurse.
In sickness and in health…
You hadn’t expected that to be tested so soon.
“Fuck me….”
You swore sometimes that the world was just taking the piss out of you. The door to the roof slammed shut. You spun on your heels.
"Comms went dark. They'll check in once exfil breaks air space."
You nodded.
"I fucking told him to tell you there needed to be more time," you spat at Denny.
“Look, you know as well as I do he wouldn’t listen anyway!”
"It doesn't matter! You sanctioned this on book and it's a mess. It's on you."
Carmichael inhaled, before he gave a soft chuckle, “my my, you really have gone soft…”
You simply turned your nose up, "my feelings don't change despite your opinion of me."
Denny merely shrugged. "Y/N....."
Denny's voice faded out and another's echoed in the space in your head.
"Y/N...." Lloyd’s fingers snapped in your field of vision. "Hey?"
You blinked and stared at him, "what?"
Lloyd's eyes stared. “Where dy’a go? Away with the fuckin’ fairies or…”
"Libya." You cut him off as you licked your lips and swallowed,
His eyes locked onto your own. A flicker of remembrance flashed across his face and his mustache twitched. Scoffing he rolled his eyes, and asked you a question to which he dammed well knew the answer; “why that shit hole?"
Before you could respond, the radio static interrupted the two of you and Clay's voice came over the line.
“Tango Lima One to Red Cat, we’re in position.”
“Red Cat?” Lloyd scoffed and you glared at him.
“We could hardly use Gentry’s actual code name now, could we?”
"But Red Cat?" He rolled his eyes, "pussy."
“It was randomly generated.” You rolled your eyes as you listened to Clay and Gentry trading minimal information. “And he’s likely had more pussy than you have as of late…”
"I've had quite a bit of yours."
You ignored him.
"Asset acquired," Gentry's voice broke through.
You exhaled and looked at Lloyd.
“Yahtzee.” He smirked.
“Oh, we may have a problem, ” Jensen’s voice cut over the comms. “Some real unfriendly looking dudes heading our way with even more unfriendly looking dogs.”
"Red Cat, you copy?" Clay fired back.
“Yeah I heard…Plan B…”
“What’s Plan B?” Jensen asked.
“I’ll tell you when I know,” Gentry spoke, “radio silence. I’ll reach you when it’s safe. Head to the exfil point. I’ll see you there.”
"Fuck," you swore under your breath. You hated radio silence.
“Control freak.” Lloyd grunted.
You glared at Lloyd, but you were interrupted by a knock at the door.
“I thought I-“ you wheeled round, ready to give your security hell when you did a double take as Jack Ryan stood there, arms folded.
“Not gone quite according to plan as you hoped, I see.”
Lloyd gaped at the man for a moment, before he composed himself. “How the fuck did you get in here?”
“He’s on the safe list.” You said, softly.
"Howdy, Sunshine," Jack smirked.
"Fuck you," Lloyd hissed.
"What are you doing here, Jack?"
“Would you believe me if I said I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in for a quick hello?"
"Nope." You smirked.
“Good, because that would be stupid,” he chuckled as he stepped into the room. He took a deep breath, looking around before he turned to you. “I wanna see this footage, this asset Six has gone to obtain with my own eyes before it goes anywhere else. That's why I’m here.”
“You’re a day too early,” Lloyd rolled his eyes, “they're not due to exfil yet.”
“He knows…” you snorted as Jack merely winked, “see, unlike you he doesn't come early, unless it’s part of a plan.”
Lloyd audibly grumbled.
"You know me too well," Jack smirked. "I suppose I should change my habits."
"Not all I hope."
“Is there anyone in the CIA you haven’t fucked?” Lloyd growled at you.
"Loads actually," you replied nonchalantly.
He gave you a sneer before there was another knock and this time you turned to see Claire.
“Sorry, I…I was…” she trailed off at the sight of another new face and instantly, to your surprise, she moved into the room and to the left, putting Lloyd between herself and Jack. An extremely odd and strange thing to do considering what your sociopathic ex had put her through.
"What's wrong?" You blinked and redirected your attention to her.
“I errr, I was hungry and…”
“Bored?” You offered.
“Yeah…” her eyes flicked to Jack, and she frowned, “hey, I know you…”
"You do? Funny, I only know you by picture and name."
“There’s a name for these kind of websites…” Lloyd stated as he examined his hand for a moment, before folding his arms.
“You’re such an asshole,” you rolled your eyes. “Come on, Claire, I’ll get you something to eat and then set a movie up for you, how about that?"
"Yeah, okay," she nodded and followed you out of the room. You popped your head back in, "don't kill each other, I like the decor."
“Yeah, I really like what you've done with the place,” Jack looked around, before he met your eyes. “The pool looks great. Love the ratan.”
You curled your lip around your bottom teeth and walked off.
Lloyd watched you go, trying to hide the flicker of annoyance he’d felt, because he knew that was why Ryan had said it. Insinuating he’d been here previously, in his fucking house. Well, what had been his house before you’d fucked him over in the divorce.
And the fact he felt so annoyed, unnerved him.
"So, what's it like being dead?" Jack questioned with a maddening smirk.
Lloyd looked at him and flicked a brow, “less peaceful than I anticipated.”
"You think this will work? Y/N's plan of exposing Carmichael and Brewer? They're hard to crack. He's had it out for her for a while."
“You tell me, you guys worked together enough.”
"You're the one that was Denny Carmichael's go to, until you weren’t of use. Surely, your Harvard buddy has a soft spot somewhere. A chink in the armor."
"Don't forget where you came from, either Jackie boy. As for Denny, when there's blood in the water, he sinks his teeth in," Lloyd spoke. "But, that drive, whatever is on there, has him spooked."
“And you don’t know what’s on it?”
“He didn’t tell me in detail, just that it was evidence of things he shouldn’t have done. Let’s cut the shit, Jack. We all know he’s been sanctioning off the record ops for years, but a blind eye always got turned because it benefited the CIA and the establishment. The Old Man.”
"Are you on these tapes?"
"Probably every single one of them. And if I were alive, which I'm not," Lloyd emphasized, "I don't doubt he'd use it to save his own ass and burn everything he's touched along the way."
Jack took a deep breath, “Hansen, we may have turned a blind eye to one or two, but not the murders and the collateral damage. That's not my style.”
"You here to arrest a dead man, Jack?" Lloyd held out his hands, what was left of them both anyway, and mimicked being cuffed. "I don't think that would go over very well with the missus."
“Oh, she’s still your missus?” Jack remained still, his left brow quirked a little.
Lloyd felt the hairs on his neck bristle, and he struggled for a response that was clever. So, in the end, he settled for a good, old fashioned, straight to the point, “fuck you!”
"The two of you done measuring who's dick is bigger?" You stated as you walked back into the office.
Both men turned their attention to you but before they could answer your comms crackled.
“Tango Lima One…base…do you copy?”
"Base to Tango Lima One, go ahead."
“We’re en route to the exfil. Jensen is missing a chunk of his right ass cheek thanks to a very, very angry Malinois.”
“And I thought cats were the ones you couldn’t trust.” Jensen groaned slightly in the background.
“How much damage did you cause?” Jack spoke.
“Hey, Gold One.” Clay chuckled. “Cougar dispatched a few with stun rounds, they’re taking a nap, no lethal casualties. We’re meeting him and Pooch there. Was easier to split off.”
“Remember what we agreed.” Jack said, “the exfil leaves at the scheduled time, no matter who is there.”
Clay gave another wily chuckle, “you should know me well enough now to realise the losers have a plan a, b, c, and d. We’ll be in touch when we’re back on friendly soil. Make sure there’s a couple of cold ones ready.”
You took the earpiece from your ear and set it on the desk. "You heard the man, stock the bar."
“You sent the bartender home.” Lloyd scoffed.
"And your chef."
“I’ll order a pizza.”
"What's your next move, Y/N?" Jack ignored the banter between you and Lloyd.
“My next move is to trust Clay and his team to get Six here safe and sound. Then we’ll see what’s on the drive.”
"And what if you don't like what you see?" Jack asked.
“You mean him?” You nodded to Lloyd
"Whatever it may be," Jack shrugged.
“We’ve had this conversation.” Lloyd cut in. “Worst case, I stay dead. Best case, I claim immunity because I was following his orders.”
"Give us the room," you stated.
Jack merely inhaled and then nodded. “As you wish…” he started to the door before he stopped, “that wine fridge of yours still well stocked?”
"Not you, Jack." You didn't budge in tone or stance. Your eyes flicked to Lloyd, "go."
“Me?”
"Go."
“Fuck off!”
You just sent him a glare that he somehow knew it wasn't to be messed with.
“Fucking…whatever…” he scoffed, turning on his heels. “Pair of assholes…”
"At least his dick is bigger, and he has all of his fingers."
Lloyd smirked as he cast a look over his shoulder, “you didn’t complain about either of those things the other night.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose and breathed deeply as Lloyd disappeared. Jack just stared at you.
"Don't look at me like that." You groaned.
"You two need therapy."
"This isn't some Mr. and Mrs. Smith bullshit." You sat upright and leaned over your desk towards Jack. "Look, Six knows what's on the drive. He knew long before I sent him for the copy. So, consequently, I know what's on the drive, in a minimalist fashion." You took a breath. "Four was carrying around Carmichael's dirty laundry. Assassinations, torture, bombings. Each of them unsanctioned. But you knew at least that. Or you wouldn't be here. So, I have no doubt my fingerless, mustache wearing ex-husband is on that drive. And now that he's not here, why are you, Jack? And I mean, really.."
“I told you. I want to see it for myself before it blows up.” Jack took a deep breath. “Look, Y/N, I told you I’d help. I want Carmichael and his bullshit out of the CIA as much as you. But…”
“Damage control.” You nodded.
“In a fashion, I need to know what is going to go public before it does, so I’m prepared. The CIA needs to be able to come out of this looking clean or…” he exhaled, “it's a matter of national security, Y/N. I still have to do my job one way or another.”
You nodded, then with a deep sigh you stood and walked over to where you had once stored your photo album you'd thrown at Lloyd. You grabbed a bottle of scotch and two glasses.
“Without the CIA, our homeland security would crumble, and I can’t let that happen. But I promise you, I’m not here to stop you. I just ask that you trust me, like I have you through this process. And in exchange for you playing this my way…I’m here to offer you a little something else, so to speak.”
You handed Jack his glass, "I'm listening."
“Brewer.” He stated simply, taking the outstretched glasses
"She's a shit shot and the reason for my new roommate. What about her?"
Jack smiled, “I’ve suspected since this shit went down she had something on Denny and from what you just said, I appear to be right.”
“She shot Lloyd. Because with him alive there was someone else who could prove Denny was bent. With him gone, she’s the only one that knows, the only one that could blow him outta the water. That’s why he’s promoted her.”
Jack nodded, “figures. And let me guess, she’s keeping Six quiet by using the girl. Or at least she was until he busted her out.”
"Bingo."
“You didn’t tell me any of this.” Jack chuckled as he sipped his drink.
"If I play my full hand, Jack, that can leave you culpable. And I told you, this doesn't exist until it's over and it's leaked."
“So here’s the plan.” Jack looked at you, “we leak the video, Jensen can make sure it’s everywhere it could possibly be before the CIA get a sniff through their usual sources. We take Denny down, publicly. Show the world we don’t stand for this crap… and then we offer Brewer an ultimatum.”
"She'll be a tough nut," you snorted. "She's conniving, methodical. She’s learned a lot from watching Denny all these years. I'm sure she's sucked his dick a time or two, as well."
At that point, Jack pulled out his phone. “It took me a while, but I got hold of this not long after you called. You’re not the only one who can play with things close to the chest.”
You took the offered phone and looked at the screen. Your eyes widened as you saw the still on the screen. Brewer, gun raised in the moments before she discharged the bullet that had taken Lloyd down. It was grainy footage, but clear enough to prove it was her. You pressed play and watched as the bullet hit Lloyd square in his chest, sending him backwards into the fountain.
“How…I mean…”
“Security drones.” Jack said simply, “turns out one had taken a dive into a tree nearby, but the camera was still running. No one saw it, until I went to have a look at the scene the day after you called.”
"Jesus, Jack, this.....this changes everything."
“Why?” Jack asked
"Because she's up for murder with this," you handed him back the phone. "In a way. I....thank you, for this."
“She isn’t up for murder if the victim is still alive.” Jack shrugged, “but that’s your call. To me, this is security, leverage. I’ve no proof she knew what Denny was up to, and I can’t take her down for that. I can take her down for this if that’s what you want. This is my tradeoff for being allowed that few hours to prepare for the shit storm.”
You licked your lips, "thank you, Jack. I do owe you."
"I want to see that drive," Jack took a final sip of his scotch and set the glass down on your desk. "Save Lloyd, or don't. Let me know what you decide. I'll see you in the morning."
"You staying here?"
"Not with my life."
"That's fair."
“Let me know when Tango Lima and Violator get back. I’ll see myself out.”
"I will."
With a final nod, Jack turned and left the room.
******
Lloyd watched Jack as he made his way to the door. When you didn’t emerge from the study, he stood, wincing a little as he did so, and headed to find you. He pushed your office door open and found you sitting at your desk, two glasses of scotch of you and your fingers once again rubbing your temples. “So…he wasn’t in here long enough for you to fuck…”
"Don't."
“Right…”
"Despite it being none of your business, Jack and I haven't slept together in a long time. Our relationship is strictly professional these days. What do you want? Other than to nag at me and continue to torture me until you disappear and never return."
Lloyd narrowed his eyes, before he opened his mouth, and then closed it again. “Whatever.”
"Honestly, Lloyd, what do you want?"
“Nothing. I’m going to bed.”
You picked up Jack's unfinished drink and dumped it into your own glass. "Good night, then."
Lloyd rolled his eyes, “don’t choke on that, will you.” And with that, he turned and left.
“Fuck," you again groaned. You stared at your screens. There was nothing to be done until Tango Lima set foot back at the rendezvous point. Jack's drone footage was good leverage against Suzanne. You knew that much. You also had no doubt that what Six and the Losers were bringing back would bury Carmichael. And with Ryan's damage control, the CIA would come out squeaky clean. It seemed like a win-win on all sides.
So why did you have that horrible, bubbling sensation in your stomach?
You knew why. And you didn’t want to admit it. Because when this was all over, it meant that Lloyd would be gone.
And whilst you hated him, and you knew that him leaving would be the best thing for your mental health, that the two of you were toxic, it hurt.
It hurt all over again, and you were fucking angry at yourself for feeling that. Having him here brought up too much, and way too fast. The vile hate you had worked. It worked for a long time. Then he showed up bleeding on your fucking ratan. And you felt, felt everything all over again.
"Nope," you scolded yourself. You shut down your feelings and grabbed the glass and bottle from your desk, carrying it with you.
“Are you okay?” Claire’s voice startled you as you past the den, you had completely forgotten she was there.
"Jesus," you gasped. "I...I'm fine. Are you ready to go back to the boat? I'll walk you there myself."
“Erm…yeah, okay.” Her voice was a little quiet as she looked at her hands and then stood up.
"Claire..." you ducked your head and looked down at her, "Six is fine. He's on his way back."
“It’s not that…well, a little…I’m glad he’s okay…”
"Then what is it? You can tell me."
“It’s…I don’t like being there on my own.”
You smiled softly. Your eyes shifted up towards the stairs and then back a t Claire. "I'll stay with you."
“You will?”
"Sure."
Claire beamed back. “Thank you!”
"C'mon."
With a grin, Claire jumped up and joined you.
You walked down to the yacht with her, your bottle of scotch and glass still in your hand. However, Claire wasn't empty handed. You told her to grab snacks and things from the kitchen and take them with.
Little did you realize, you were being watched.
Lloyd glared sullenly out of the window at you. He would have been lying, which he's grown good at, if he didn't admit to feeling the shift between the two of you.
And it, too, made him uneasy.
There were too many involved in your little plan for his liking. From the little group of Losers, to Six and now Ryan. Too many pokers in the fire.
He didn’t like fires and he didn’t start fires that he couldn’t control or put out.
He watched as you boarded with Claire and ventured out of sight. He downed his scotch and turned away from the window and took a deep breath.
Fuck the plan, the minute he had Denny and that bitch Brewer in his sight, he’d shoot the pair of them.
Disclaimer: This and all works on this blog are a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. This work and all works on this blog are not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content, adult content and themes, language, etc. By reading this work or any works posted, shared or reblogged on this blog, you agree that you are at least 18 years of age.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The author of this work claims not to own any characters outside of the OC(s; original character(s)) here within.
In addition, works posted on this blog are NOT to be reposted on any other website. This includes WattPad, AO3, fanfiction.net or any other entity of the like. I/We; the author(s) and creator(s), DO NOT consent to have ANY work hosted on any third party app or site or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr, it’s been reposted WITHOUT permission.
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.
********************
Monkey See, Monkey Do Masterlist
Beta’d by and Co-written with @what-is-your-plan-today
Spectre-posts Masterlist
@what-is-your-plan-today Masterlist
********************
Characters: Colin Shea x Reader/You
WC: 3.5k
Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of past relationships, parental death, Adult Content, Adult Situations, Swearing, NSFW 18+ (applies to all chapters)
********************
As offered, Colin stayed for one beer and headed across the Burroughs and back to Hyde Park. It was dark by the time he'd come back, narrowly dodging his mother as he'd done so. He'd already fucked up and accidentally told his dad the sex of the of the baby, he wouldn't be able to keep it from his mom.
The condo was still dark and there was no sign you'd emerged from the bedroom. So he kicked off his Converse at the bottom of the stairs and climbed. He opened the door to your room and peered in.
You were on your side, with your back to him. Quietly, he entered the room and came round to you. The light from the hall cast a glow in the room and he could make out your features. Your eyes were open, but they appeared puffy, your cheeks were wet and when you saw him you sputtered.
“Oh, baby…” he sighed as he sat down.
You only cried more.
“Come here…”
You sat up and leaned into him.
He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," you cried into him.
“It’s okay….shhhh.” He softly soothed you. “It’s okay….”
"I ruined the day. I got in my head, and I messed up."
“I forgive you…” Colin chuckled, “not that there’s much to forgive.”
You sniffled and sat back, tears still pouring from your eyes. "I don't know why I have this feeling in the back of my head. We both grew up in two very stable, loving homes," you spoke through your tears. "You've never been more than just there and...I messed up. And what I said, about Ally, that was cruel."
Colin sighed, "yeah, that one actually hurt, Y/N."
“I’m sorry.”
"I know. I forgive you." He cupped your face and thumbed away the rear streaks on your cheeks, pressing his lips to your forehead. "But we gotta talk about this. Because I don't want to keep doing this."
You nodded.
“I don’t know what else I can do or say to make you realise I’m naht going anywhere.”
"Nothing else. You do enough. I...this is on me, Colin. I'm just...."
"Thinking too far ahead and over thinking for no reason." He settled his hands on either side of you. "I am not leaving. I won't do that. And we if get into a spot where something isn't working, we’ve got to work through it. We've got plans, Monkey. Plans I intend to see through, baby."
You swallowed and nodded.
"I love you. I love our son. And that's not going to change. I'll say it one more time, and I can only hope it sticks. I have never felt like I do with anyone in my life than I do with you. It has scared the shit out of me, excited me and brought me so many emotions I’ve never experienced. We're together for whatever reason fate had planned and I'm here for it. Was it fast? Yeah, but we're not the only ones ever to fall so quick. Has it been a huge adjustment? On every angle possible. And we have a lot of growth and road ahead. I know you don't need a ring, but one day, I told you, I'm asking. You already sorta said yes anyway if you recall a certain bathtub conversation,” Colin sighed. “But I am committed, Y/N. The most committed and connected I've ever felt to anyone or anything on my life."
“Okay….” You whispered softly. “I know…”
He nodded, "last time were doing this, alright?"
You nodded, "yes."
Colin leaned forward and kissed your forehead, "freshen up, I'll make us dinner."
"Okay," you said with a shake to your whisper.
When Colin moved to get up, you grabbed his wrist, "I do love you," you spoke softly. "So much it's scary and exciting."
“I get it, I feel the same, sweetheart.”
You nodded and let him go.
Taking a moment you eventually got up off your bed. You washed your face and rinsed your mouth out. Then you headed down to meet Colin. He was already putting together your requested earlier sandwich and making you some tea. You felt sheepish, embarrassed but better. You sat at the bar on a stool and leaned into it, your arms folded and resting on the top of the counter.
“Turkey, pickle, slaw…anything else?” He asked
"Erm, blueberries?"
Colin arched a brow. “Really?”
"Yeah." You nodded.
Colin obliged and made you a side of blueberries to snack on while you had your sandwich. The baby enjoyed the sweet fruit for as soon as you ate them, he began moving around.
"I heard you leave," you said softly. "Where'd you go?"
“My parents.” He replied honestly.
"Oh," you bit your lip and nodded.
“Just had a beer with pops…talked.” He smiled.
"About me?" You shyly smirked.
“And me.”
"I see."
“Honey…” he sighed.
"Yeah?"
“It wasn’t what you think, I was just worried and didn’t know what to do or how to make it better.”
You sighed. "I messed that up, I messed today up. I'm so sorry, Colin," you set your sandwich down. "This should have been a happy day and I let my head ruin it for you, for us."
“It was just a blip, nothings ruined it.” Colin beamed, “we found out he’s blue…manifesting complete.”
You spluttered a little, "blue. A boy." Then you thought of something, "I'm calling in sick tomorrow. I'll tell Rona I just need a day to rest. She can cover for me."
“Okay…are you not well?”
"I'm fine. I just want a do over on today. Spend a better day with you."
Colin smiled softly, “okay.”
"Can I tell you something?"
“Of course.”
"I'm not doing well with this not seeing you stuff. It's weird and obsessive. It’s brought out things in me that I didn’t think I’d feel. But it's only been the first week and it sucks."
Colin gave you a soft look. “I get it…I’m not exactly a fan myself.”
"Glad we're in agreement. So, I'll text Rona and call my boss after I finish this sandwich. Then, tomorrow we can go to the bakery together."
Colin nodded, then he grinned. “Have you looked at your sandwich yet?”
"No." You frowned.
He arched a brow and you peered at it before you burst out laughing. True to word he’d made a “blue” sandwich, coloring the slaw with food dye.
“Gender reveal sammich!” He grinned. “That’s gonna earn us millions.”
"Get the marketing team."
With a chuckle he leaned forward and pressed a peck to your lips.
The two of you ate dinner in relatively comfortable silence. You enjoying your sandwich and tea while he had a beer with his. Then after a nice shower, Colin set your bedroom up for a movie in bed completely with complimentary belly lotion rubs and him talking to your bump.
You watched as he did so, speaking softly, lovingly, at your stretched skin. His lips would brush by every few words, tickling you. He talked about what he hoped your son would look like, if he'd play sports or enjoy music. If he'd like to swim or something else. He talked about if your son would "like animals as much as your mom".
It was in that moment you decided something that made your heart ache and swell all at once.
"I want to take you somewhere tomorrow," you said quietly, only slightly interrupting their father son bonding time.
“Yeah?” He looked up.
"Yeah," you said softly.
“Where?”
You bit the inside of your lip, "just somewhere."
“Okay…well, I’m all yours.”
"I know," you smiled.
You went back to watching the movie while he finished up his little chat.
*****
After a delicious pancake breakfast in bed, you and Colin were dressed and out the door. And begrudgingly so, Colin let you drive to the destination you had in mind to start your day.
“Stop sulking.” You grinned.
"I'm not," he protested.
“You are!”
He just stared.
"We're almost there, then you can drive the rest of the day."
“Okay…”
You drove towards your childhood home but veered away from the streets you'd have used to get there. Instead, about ten minutes after you should have gone right instead of left, you were pulling into the grounds of Newton Cemetery and Arboretum.
"I want you to meet someone."
Colin blinked. “You bought a Ouija board?”
You chuckled a little with a soft smirk, "no, but kinda wish I had one sometimes. Come on."
You shut the car off and exited, pushing your sunglasses up your nose a little and wrapping your duster around you a little tighter.
Colin hopped out and joined you, clicking the fob to lock your car and offering you his hand. You took it but led the way.
Respectfully weaving along a walking path towards a particular row of gravesites, you softly spoke.
"This might be weird. If it's weird, I'm sorry. But I wanted him to know." You stopped walking and stood in front of a beautifully cut stone, the engraving a legible but artistic script. "Meet my dad."
Colin blinked as he peered down at the stone, his hand squeezing yours. He read the inscription, ‘Jackson "Jack" Michael Y/L/N, Devoted Husband, Beloved Father, Friend.’
You smiled softly as you reached forward. “Hey Dad, someone’s here to meet you.” You dusted off some leaves and sighed, "he's, uh, this is Colin. He's my boyfriend and your grandson's dad." Your voice cracked. "You're gonna be a grandpa."
Colin’s hand tightened once more around yours.
"I just...it seems weird, no it's definitely weird, but okay we can go now."
“Hey, no…” Colin said gently. “We can stay as long as you want.”
"I don't know what else to do or say. I've never done this before," you sighed.
“Me neither, but if it’s comforting to be here…”
"Can we just sit, for a little bit?"
“Of course…where do you wanna sit?”
"Here," you nodded to the patch of unclaimed grass near your dad's epitaph.
Colin helped you down before he joined you, sitting by your side, his shoulder touching yours
"I hate that you don't get to really meet him, and I hate that he's going to miss so much," you touched your belly.
“I get that.” Colin sighed, “I’d have loved to meet him. Although, I bet he may have wanted to rip my head off given the fact I knocked you up 3 months down the line.”
"Yeah, maybe, but maybe not," you sighed. "If you think about it, I guess he's the reason we're here now. I'd still be in San Diego if he hadn't gotten sick."
“Tell me about him.” Colin said after a pause.
"What more do you want to know? Surely, we've talked about him." You chuckled a little. Colin just kept looking at you. "Uh, okay, well, he loved the Red Sox and 70s and 80s bands. He was a brilliant mind, great biologist. He loved teaching at Tufts. I think he loved being a dad, too, you know. He just made everything we did an adventure. He hated pineapple on pizza, said it was a disgrace to good food. He drank beer with dinner unless my mom was having wine, then he had wine, and always a scotch in his office when he worked late at night." Your eyes were misty, "he was funny, gahd, was he funny. He never gave up, you know, right to the end. He stayed the same as long as he could, until he couldn't."
Colin slipped his arm round your shoulders and kissed your temple.
"He didn't want me to come home. Told me I had to stay. It was the biggest fight we'd ever had. I told him I wasn't going to be across the other side of the country while he died. I couldn't live with myself."
“I’d have done the same.” Colin assured you, “and I know that deep down he will have appreciated you being there.”
"He did. He told me so. We were sitting in his office before hospice came and...he said that it was the best argument he'd lost."
Colin smiled.
"So, anyway, that's my dad."
“Yeah…and I think it’s a cool name for a boy…”
Your eyes peered up at him, "I don't want to upset anyone in your family."
“Why would they be upset?”
"I... I don't know!" You chuckled. "Because it's my dad's name and not yours or his or something not family related."
“He’s gonna have Shea as his surname? Or…or is he not?” Colin asked, “because…some women don’t…if we’re not…”
"He's your son, Colin," you sniffled, "he's going to be a Shea."
“Then he has a family name.” Colin shrugged, “so…”
"Colin," you whispered. "Are you sure?"
He nodded. “We’ll call our next one after my grandma or something…”
"Next one?"
“Well…he needs a friend!”
You smiled softly, "I suppose he will."
Colin grinned.
"I guess he just needs a middle name. But I'm sure we can figure that out later. We have time."
“You pick it.”
You looked at him, "me? He's getting my dad's name, don't you want to pick something?"
“I did pick your dad’s name.” Colin grinned, “maybe we give him my dad’s too?”
"Jackson Scott sounds nice," you nodded. But your face appeared in thought. "What about in honor of you? Something you like or want."
“He gets my last name.” Colin shrugged. “I like Jackson Scaaaht.”
"Then," you paused and glanced over at the stone. "Jackson Scott Shea it is."
Colin’s grin grew even bigger.
"That's it then," you smiled, "like everything else in our relationship, fast decisions. It's a boy and he has a name."
“I like that he has a name though.”
"Yeah, I do too," you nodded. There was a bit of silence and you sighed. "We should go. We got stuff to do for dinner. And I might need a nap."
“If you’re ready to go…”
"Yeah, yeah I am."
“Okay…” Colin stood up and helped you to your feed
"Bye, Dad," you touched the top of the stone gently. "I love you, see you soon."
From the cemetery, Colin headed for the bakery first before the market. They were able to quickly fill with blue frosting a dozen vanilla cupcakes, masquerading the filling with white frosting and blue and pink sprinkles. Then, the two of you headed for the market where you couldn't decide on what to make. Eventually, you decided to throw together kebabs and sides for a simple feast. The pair of you made it together, giggling and laughing as you went
Before long, with everything set in the fridge, and ready for later, you told Colin you were going to lay down for a half hour, just on the couch to relax before everyone came.
Colin smiled and said he would sit with you and watch a little tv
You were fast asleep the second he started rubbing your thigh.
Colin glanced over at you and sighed through his nose and smirked a little with a twerk of his lips.
What a couple of days?
A boy.
A son!
And he had a name already.
Colin looked you over as you slept on your side, your hand nestled against your temple, your arm tucked under you. You wore leggings and a long sweater, your bump changing the shape of your silhouette. He smiled softly to himself. Life was pretty good.
He nodded off himself it seemed and the two of you were startled when there was a knock at the door.
“What…oh…door.”
"Crap!" You stretched realizing the time.
Colin stood and answered the door as you came to your senses.
“Hi!” Your mom beamed.
"Hi, Ma," you stood and hugged her.
She squeezed you tight and kissed your cheek
"Do you want some wine or something else? Thanks for coming over. I just woke up, so I'm a bit of a mess," you sighed fixing the couch pillows.
“Hey, it’s okay, stop fussing.”
"Right," you nodded.
Before you could speak further there was the bell and Colin opened the door again revealing his parents, Kelly, and Justin.
It was momentary chaos.
But you and Colin settles into a groove while everyone helped themselves. The moms and Kelly were trying to get the baby's sex out of you as you worked on the sides for dinner. Meanwhile, Scott and Colin were outside warming the grill.
“All okay?” Scott asked
"I think so," Colin nodded. "You didn't tell, Ma did you? Because I didn't tell Y/N I accidentally told you as I poured my heart out.”
“No, secret is safe.”
"Thanks, Pop." Colin looked relieved. He glanced at the door to the inside, "he's got a name."
“Already?” Scott smiled.
Colin beamed, "yeah.”
You stepped out and onto the patio with the tray. "Justin is begging for dessert before dinner."
“No can do…” Colin grinned. “Those cupcakes are special.”
"Which is why he wants to eat one."
"No." He snorted and took the tray, "ten minutes, these will be done, and we can eat."
You chuckled and stood on your toes to kiss his cheek. “You boys okay for a drink?”
"I can wait. Pops?"
"I'll wait, thank you sweethaat."
You headed back inside with a smile. As promised, food was ready in ten minutes, and you were all scattered around the dining table and breakfast bar.
Justin attacked his food with gusto. "This is so good, Aunt Y/N."
“Hey, I cooked it!” Colin scoffed.
"Justin, bud, we talked about the whole Aunt thing." Kelly rolled her eyes.
"It's okay, Kelly," you smiled softly. "I'm as close to his aunt now more than anything."
Justin just shrugged as he carried on. "When can I have a cupcake?"
“Justin!” Kelly snapped, “I warned you before. You can wait.”
"As soon as everyone's done, okay, bud?" Colin chuckled. "I know you're excited. I was, too, when we went to find out."
You smiled at him as he gave you a wink.
Your mom was the first through and smirked, "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm stuffed and could go for a little sweet treat."
General noises of consent were murmured, and Justin fist pumped.
"Then I guess we're moving on to dessert," you joked. "Colin, could you grab them?"
“Sure thing!” Colin went into the kitchen cubical and grabbed the tray of cupcakes, passing them around to his mom, yours, Kelly, then his dad and Justin. You took yours as he sat down and the two of you waited for everyone to dig into the dessert. “Okay, first one to find the middle…and no cheating by sticking a fork in or your finger!” Colin grinned.
Your eyes flew to Justin, it was a challenge any kid would accept.
He grinned.
"Go!" You stated with a smile.
In one huge, nearly choking hazardous bite, Justin took down half his cupcake.
“Jesus Christ!” Kelly face palmed
"Booo!" He spoke with his mouth full, waving the half-eaten cupcake in the air so everyone could see the blue icing in the middle.
“Oh…oh my god!” Your mom gasped.
"It's a boy," you tearfully whispered.
Cheers and voices suddenly all spoke at once. Colin squeezed tour hand as the two of you stood to accept hugs and kisses.
"Oh, my sweet girl, a boy," your mom wept.
You nodded, "they said he's growing great and is healthy. No congenital issues that they can see, and heart is strong."
“Oh…this is amazing!” Kelly beamed as Colin’s mum wiped her eyes.
"Don't cry, Ma," Colin snorted as he teared up himself. He hugged her close and then looked at you. You somehow knew what he wanted to say and so you nodded.
"We've, uh, we've already picked out his name, too," he said proudly. "Spent the day out and talking about it, we just figured it out."
“You have?”
You both nodded, "we have."
"Jackson Scott Shea." Colin stated. It sounded perfect coming from his lips.
Your mom’s hand flew to her mouth.
"It was Colin's idea, Ma," you cried a little.
"But we're gonna fix the spelling a little."
"We are?" You frowned.
He winked, "we are." He grabbed the whiteboard from the fridge and wrote it out. "Jaxon Scott Shea. For Jack, Dad and Ajax."
You blinked.
"If you like it, if not, we spell it like your Dad."
“No, no I love it.” You sniffed.
Colin beamed, "Good." He then glanced at his dad.
Scott was standing there with his eyes red and teary. "Really?"
“Yeah…”
"Oh, bud," Scott sputtered.
Colin sniffed a little as Scott wrapped him a big bear hug and squeezed him.
"Sweetie..." your mom wept. "He'd be so happy."
Your lip wobbled, "I know, Ma. It's... We.. I went to see him today. We, we went to see him today."
“You did?”
"Yeah," you whispered with a nod. "He had to know, you know."
"You know what this means don't you?" Justin interrupted, "I gotta find a Hershey bah!"
Colin grinned, “keep it buddy.”
"Yeah, I guess team girl has to pay up, huh?" Kelly snorted.
Well, just dropping in to say that within the next couple months, @what-is-your-plan-today and I have not one, but two maybe three updates coming your way! Personal lives are busy AF right now, IYKYK. But, we'll give you a hint in the gifs at who's up next for updates!
