Leaders of the Frontline

DISCLAIMER: This is the sideblog for Violet Chachki, everything you see here is for ooc knowledge and use only.

[whatisyourdxsire]

God, things feel right again. I’m happy.

[whatisyourdxsire]

Hey let’s cry over something that’s completely not your fault and you didn’t create but you have to deal with the aftermath, that seems logical. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

We were having such a good night, too.

hahahahaha. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

You say you feel disconnected but I am not entirely sure what else I can do. We’re with each other most of the time and I know and have felt a little off too but I don’t know what I can do to like make it better. I’m kind of at a loss.

I don’t want to say I’m depressed but I just don’t feel 100%. I’m always tired, I’m off too but I love you. I always love you. If there’s anything that I feel, it’s love, for you. But you’re off more often than not here lately and I don’t want it to be a competition or my needs to surpass yours.

I’m tired, and I”m sad. And I’m trying.

[whatisyourdxsire]

I’ve never understood why Dane has always been so hesitant in the bedroom because god knows I can be needy and wild. I had no idea. It makes so much sense to me and I can’t help but to cringe at all the times I may have pushed or been too much. 

He told me not to feel any differently, that what we’ve been doing is fine but I can’t help but to wonder if I’ve ever asked for too much. If I nearly made him cross a line he didn’t want to.

God, I hope not. I love him so much and I love him entirely more than stupid needs and desires that can be pushed to the side. Loving him is enough, our sex life is enough. I just want to make him feel whole and comfortable at all times.

He means the world to me. To think that he’s had to suffer through anything like this absolutely wounds me. I want to protect him from the world.

[adirabennett2-blog]

original art, photography, and writing by @miel-et-sel

[whatisyourdxsire]

Me: I'm worth more than sex

Hypersexuality: bitch what

[whatisyourdxsire]

well, fuck.

There’s just something about pointing out to your fiance that you need to get laid on a fucking constant basis so you feel somewhat desirable that just kills the mood, doesn’t it? 

My self worth resides solely on fuckability and I’ve not grown up enough yet to really sort that shit out.

now it’s a fucking chore. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

I feel so manic all of a sudden.

Like, I want to kiss you and tell you that I love you but I also want to push you down onto this bed right now and fuck you for a week straight. I’m not sure where this has come from but it’s a damn mood right now.

I am so needy, tonight what the fuck.

[whatisyourdxsire]

Honestly I’m so lowkey until someone actually comes for one of my friends. I’m so tame and calm but the second you step on my toes, it’s all bark AND bite. I dare someone to challenge my loyalty, I love my friends so fiercely, don’t you dare. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

Planning this date was fun. I finally feel on Dane’s level. He’s always been so good at the romantic stuff, always been the one to surprise me. As soon as he mentioned boats and wanting to do a date like that I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I couldn’t keep it a surprise, but I asked him if he wanted me too. Naturally, he wanted to know. I can’t wait to spend a luxurious evening with him , sipping on wine, looking at the stars and having a small yacht all to ourselves for 24+ hours. 

I feel like I can plan these grand things and dates because it’s something that I would love to be surprised with. I know we’re two different people and sometimes he might not like a date that I would like or a surprise that I would like but for him to be my soulmate, I think our desire pretty much align most of the time and if you do something big for someone it’s very hard for them not to be appreciative and I have to remind myself of that. It doesn’t have to be grand, it doesn’t have to be perfect as long as I’m keeping my partner happy and feeling loved that’s all that matters. I guess that’s why I was so quick to take this one as soon as he mentioned it. 

I want to make that effort. I hope it’s perfect. I feel like it will be. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

I am glad Matt and I seem to have patched things up - although I don’t really get the insistence of wanting to talk about those years ago. I know you’re never going to understand why I was mad at you because you were so involved with yourself that you didn’t stop to think how I was feeling. I’m just not going to waste my breath on something that really doesn’t matter any longer to someone who has a predisposition to misunderstand and/or make it about himself. I’m good, honestly.

I have no need to really talk about it either because what does it matter? I’m happy and in love with my own relationship and he should be, too. We’ve already made up from those months of not talking - what difference does it make now to talk about it? We did a few months ago when we started talking again and that was that. 

Anyways. I love my life, I love my new friends and I love how well everything is going lately. I’m just repeating myself honestly.

[whatisyourdxsire]

Reaching out and making more friends was honestly the best thing I could have done for myself. I feel a lot more social and actually enjoying legitimate conversation instead of stale hi how are you’s and it’s been really worth it to get to know people a little better. It’s actually really refreshing not to isolate myself so much and be around good people are care about your happiness and wellbeing.

Matt did end up reaching out and we talked through things and I do feel better about the situation. I hope that it continues the way it’s going, because I’m still a bit wary. It’s always really good until it’s not and I get too depressed getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down later. Fingers crossed honestly but we had such a good talk earlier and I understand kind of isolating myself when I’m not happy that I can’t be mad at his coping methods, I’m just going to be sad if the same thing ends up happening.

Dane is amazing, as always. We keep talking about renovations to the house since we did up our drag room and installed our aquarium and it makes me so happy that we have these memories that we will always be reminded of in our household. I am just a firm believer in fate and how everything has just fallen together like it has. Not without effort, that’s for sure but this right here? The part that’s enjoyable is effortless. I feel so confident and secure in my relationship. We talk things out like adults when we disagree and come back to them if they get heated. He’s never raised his voice at me or undermined me or made me feel like my opinion didn’t matter. These things are so important to me as I know I have a strong personality. We just fit like puzzle pieces. I can’t help but feel as if he were truly made for me.

I am so in love. I am so content. It terrifies me because I don’t feel like it can get any better than this. Life always has a way of making me feel like I’m “too” happy. Like something could happen at any moment where I might lose it all. 

[whatisyourdxsire]

OOC SIDENOTE:

Please keep in mind that just because my character has beef or is not happy with your character that it doesn’t mean I, as a writer, have beef with your writer!!!!!! If you feel any certain way about things and stuff please feel free to come to me out of character and we can discuss an issue like adults.

[whatisyourdxsire]

I tried reaching out and playing nice but that obviously went well. Zombie queen will always be a zombie queen. Matt is and will always be caught up in his own life and what he’s going on to truly be a decent friend to me. And like, I’ve always known that but those first few years we were doing shows together and all was well and I was the one making the effort all the time. 

Noted. I will not be making an effort anymore. If he’s not going to make any effort to keep in touch then I won’t either. I’ve made friends just being on the dash and enjoying other people’s content and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my love life. I feel something big is coming and I know Dane’s got his plans. I just couldn’t ask for anything better.

It’s hard to be mad about fake friends when you realize you never really lost anything isn’t it? It was artificial, you don’t really lose anything when there was nothing there.

[whatisyourdxsire]

Honey....

oh, honey.....

“ it always amazes me when people choose to date someone who regularly puts down all of their interests… like isn’t that exhausting because it’s definitely not normal or healthy by any means “

take your own advice girl because from the shit that I hear this has Danny written all over it. Not to be a shady bitch but uhhhhh practice what you preach.

[whatisyourdxsire]

Girl not everyone wants to hear about your sex life and/or how many ever “cuddle bunnies” and dates you’ve got as soon as you pop up in a conversation with someone!! can we talk about the weather or being on tour or literally anything else.