I feel so small again,
that somehow my very being is unworthy to be given the goodness I have and shown the kindness I received.
the idea that someone could love me wholly and tenderly without me instinctively making myself smaller,
easier,
digestable,
seems so inconceivable.
oh, how terrified I am to find myself falling for someone who cannot love me the way I need to; to fall in the trap of attraction mistaken for love and to give, and give, and give — to lose my principles, values and every inch of my being that I am in the guise of love and the expense of myself.
but it’s so stupid too, for an up and coming spinster to speak of love.
God, I feel so small again,
so unworthy and undeserving of existing.
because I have yet to meet someone who knew how I needed to be loved
because I have yet to know how to love me.

















