refreshedspirit

Ironically, neither am I refreshed nor am I a spirit

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

I feel so small again,

that somehow my very being is unworthy to be given the goodness I have and shown the kindness I received.

the idea that someone could love me wholly and tenderly without me instinctively making myself smaller,

easier,

digestable,

seems so inconceivable.

oh, how terrified I am to find myself falling for someone who cannot love me the way I need to; to fall in the trap of attraction mistaken for love and to give, and give, and give — to lose my principles, values and every inch of my being that I am in the guise of love and the expense of myself.

but it’s so stupid too, for an up and coming spinster to speak of love.

God, I feel so small again,

so unworthy and undeserving of existing.

because I have yet to meet someone who knew how I needed to be loved

because I have yet to know how to love me.

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

I am defined. By all who comes my way. By my friends. By my foes. By my family. By you.

Call me strict and suddenly that’s all that I am. Call me lazy and that is all you see.

Said I’m self absorbed and an arrogant brat I become.

You needed a trustworthy leader, I became that too.

A blank piece of paper I was and you, the artist, the author. You painted and drawn, adding medium after medium, erasing and touching up until I became a version you wanted. An accidental flaw you would not take, and erase your work into remake.

At some point, this blank piece of paper became soft and easy to tear. So you flip to a new page, and left me useless and bare.

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

When my body starts to feel as though it’s about to get sick :

*alarms ringing in every direction*

*scrambled thoughts*

* feels like puking at every given chance*

*continuous headache*

*fuck sinus*

[drizzlingtears]

opening tumblr is like stepping into the woods at night and listening to the chaotic screams of wandering spirits

[weltenwellen]

Natalie Díaz, from “Isn't the Air Also a Body, Moving?”, Postcolonial Love Poem

[reveloser]

[starlightacademia]

"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being."

— Jack Kerouac

[wedarkacademia]

– Susan Sontag

[latibule-e-deactivated20231012]

— Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963”

[wedarkacademia]

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler than I've been to me.

~ Alanis Morissette, Sorry To Myself

[dark-romantics]

~ Courtney Peppernell

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

No one was born evil, we were made evil.

God, this world is terrible.

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

Nothing in this world is complicated, only misunderstood.

- Chloe Gong, Our Violent Ends

[reading-books-in-the-moonlight]

[caffeinatedsupernova-deactivate]

orange is so pretty how can you not like it shut up

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

Is tragedy upon ourselves the only way for us to learn compassion towards others?

- ri

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

Change is no loss Will, not always.

- Clockwork Princess, Cassandra Clare

[whenshethinkstoomuch]

Sometimes our heroes don’t make it to the end.

- Leigh Bardugo, in Ruin and Rising