my journal ❤️

isinya curahan hati seorang Uci

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Time passing isn’t an apology. (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[crucifiedhereticprincess]

healing does not require pretending it never happened.

[prawitamutia]

ya Allah, sampaikan permohonan maafku kepada orang-orang yang pernah aku sakiti. bahagiakan mereka ya Allah. jadikan mereka lupa atas semua luka yang pernah aku tinggalkan di hatinya. bantu aku pula untuk memaafkan mereka. bersihkan hatiku, hilangkan segala penghalang antara doaku dan iya-Mu.

maafkan aku. maafkan aku. maafkan aku.

[whenthelightsleeps]

The Way I Learned to Love

I once searched for a love that arrived like fireworks

loud, blazing, gone before I could understand

what my heart was clinging to.

I thought that was the only way

a pulse could remember it was alive.

But then you came differently:

like a heartbeat returning to its original rhythm,

like oxytocin settling quietly into my bloodstream,

teaching my body that calmness, too,

can make a soul tremble.

You never promised me heaven.

You simply made the earth feel safe to stay on.

With you, I stopped being someone

who always wanted to be lifted off the ground,

and slowly became someone

who longed to come home.

We didn’t carve vows into the sky,

nor beg the stars to witness us.

Instead, we traded smaller things—

things quieter, but truer:

a glass of water waiting by the bed,

your hand on my back

when my breath forgot its way,

a gaze holding mine just long enough

to say without speaking:

stay… I’m not leaving.

And maybe that is the purest form of devotion:

to be a place where my body can rest,

where my thoughts return to their shape,

where restless chemicals soften,

and oxytocin rewrites the language of my skin.

So now, when the rain begins,

I no longer wait for lightning;

I wait for the moment your fingers find my hand,

and the world shrinks to just two people:

you and me—

two bodies that understand intimacy

doesn’t always need sound,

only heartbeats answering each other gently.

Because love, in the end,

isn’t about who burns the brightest—

but who remains

when the sparks turn to warmth,

and the warmth is enough

to make the whole world feel like home.

[whenthelightsleeps]

Lipstik Merah

Dulu, lipstik merah terasa seperti sesuatu yang harus dijauhi—terlalu mencolok, terlalu mengingatkan, terlalu banyak cerita yang ingin dilupakan. Bertahun-tahun berlalu, warna-warna lembut menjadi pilihan aman, seolah memberi ruang bagi hati yang masih belajar bernapas tanpa beban.

Lalu, entah bagaimana, pada suatu sore yang biasa, tanpa rencana apa pun, jari-jari menemukan lipstik merah di antara benda-benda yang lama tak tersentuh. Ada jeda sejenak di depan cermin, seperti melihat sosok lama yang pernah merasa rapuh. Tapi kali ini berbeda—tidak ada keraguan, tidak ada bayangan yang menekan. Hanya seorang perempuan yang akhirnya memutuskan, tanpa drama, tanpa perlu alasan besar.

Saat warna merah menyentuh bibir, perasaan itu muncul—hangat, seperti pelukan pada diri yang dulu sempat takut. Seperti bisikan lembut yang berkata, "Aku sudah melewati semuanya. Aku baik-baik saja." Dan untuk pertama kalinya dalam waktu yang sangat lama, merah itu terasa benar-benar miliknya.

[whenthelightsleeps]

Cozy night call for the perfect combo: a good book and a warm cup of tea 📚🍵