No Mercy

Alex Smith sideblog for levitate ooc knowledge only

[yvesolade]

Maybe / I wasn't made right. / Even when I'm happy, I'm the wrong shape for this / house.

—Reyna N.A., from “No Windows”, in Thrice

[wheredurheartstay]

I hope someone just murders me while I'm at the beach.

[wheredurheartstay]

dear alex,

you're the fucking worst.

[wheredurheartstay]

ig stories dump

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requested by booksinthetrash

[misticbosuncrisublime-deactivat]

[samthesham]

This is my life, teasing alpha cock

[edgeandflow-deactivated20220101]

[wheredurheartstay]

Baby. You're sleeping and I'm here awake, looking between you and Carter both sleeping peacefully. I took a nap way too late in the day, and even though I had crazy nightmaresdreams and didn't sleep well, it was enough to keep me up tonight.

I'm not sure how I've entirely managed these last few weeks when I was home alone with Carter and you were out touring. But I'm so glad we came to see you bc I felt like I was going to lose it. I knew I'd have to be alone with him while you toured but I didn't think it would be so soon in his life. And, as much as I love being with you, I don't know that an infant is meant to be touring with a bunch of guys in a metalcore band. I know this tour is almost over but I know another will soon be coming. And I just don't know that I'm ready. I'll be ready for you because I could never ask you to not but I'd be lying if I said I thought you would've at least asked to not tour for the first year of Carter's life. Maybe you did and it just couldn't be done. Stupid of me to assume you wouldn't ask to be home with him.

Trusting my dumbass with an infant is crazy for anyone. I mean sure I've managed to do everything ok and Carter is still alive but I still can't help but feel like I have or will fuck things up.

At least before Carter I had learned how to function on little to no sleep day to day, because it sure has come in handy.

I don't know if it's because we're parents now or what, but being away from you this time was definitely harder than it has been in the past. So, I'll soak in sitting here with your head in my lap, playing with your hair while you sleep, praying Carter sleeps through the night so I can just sit here in silence just listening to your steady breathing.

I don't know what I did to deserve this, you, Carter, a family full of unconditional love but I'm so glad I've found it.

[drowsyspace]

[wheredurheartstay]

My shitty sleep schedule is back yay.

[mikeyjamesk]

me: guys… don’t worry, i’ll handle this

me: *ruins everything*

[bearinthebigsadhouse]

[wheredurheartstay]

two weeks. our whole entire life is about to change in like fourteen days. i’m so nervous. 

i won’t just be a husband, i’ll be a dad and wow. how is that even possible. i’m so sorry to my future child because i know i’m going to do so much wrong lol. 

[wheredurheartstay]

no going back now. i told him. i’m hoping it takes a little while. i’m hoping i can figure a way for me to get into therapy and work some of my shit out. i know he’s going to be so happy and that’s what i want more than anything. and if i fail at being a parent? i’ll do what i do best and runaway i guess.

[wheredurheartstay]

I think I'm going to tell Telle that we can start looking into adoption or whatever it is that he wants to do for a kid. I'm scared shitless about it but I want to make him so happy.