Saturday November 4, 2023
I’ll never stop wanting to know the deepest depths of those I love the most.
I’ll never stop wanting those I love the most to know the deepest depths of me.
I envy those who don’t seem to care. I try to be them. Pushing every button in my life to try to find the one that they have. The one that doesn’t care so deeply, feel so deeply, hurt so deeply. But I can’t find it.
Maybe it’s etched in me. Maybe some of us aren’t born with a button, but instead a little hole in its place. A hole that will alway long to be filled. A piece that will always keep us craving understanding, honesty, connection.
Maybe that hole gets bigger throughout our life. Maybe we aren’t born with it after all, but it’s created through the hurt and the trauma. Maybe that longing to fill it only makes it bigger.
& maybe that’s what I’m experiencing right now.
I want to feel understood. I want to understand. I’ve never loved in a way that I love right now, and maybe that longing is setting myself up for failure, maybe it’s building onto the walls that I thought would be down forever.
Are my desires unrealistic?
