Ive Always Been Yours

Side blog for commander-in-gay. Basically putting all my terrible gay ass writing on this.

[ohgodohfuckidontknow]

eurydice - sarah ruhl

[ronandreams]

erin lecount, sweet fruit

[whiskeyfueledheart]

Some days I can only think of the people I have loved

I think of the girl I spent the last good summer with and how that love felt so free and so right. How it made the entire world brother by just having someone that knew me inside and out and losing her friendship afterwards killed a part of me that I’m only just now finding again.

I think of the best friend I never should have loved and how that love felt so hard and yet it was inside of my veins. How every part of my being felt like I was finding someone I’ve known for lifetimes. How we’d spend every weekend toeing that line and how it tore me apart but I’d also never felt so alive.

I think of the boy with brown eyes and orange hair that taught me what love was like, that taught me betrayal, that taught me the power of someone else’s skin on your own. How we’d always find our way back to each other like ships in the dark until suddenly we didn’t.

I think of the woman who promised me everything I’d ever wanted that only ended up turning into everything she said she wouldn’t. Of the promises of forever and the next day ripping it away while being with someone else.

Of the woman that walked into my life to show me something different only to turn around and take it all back so I no longer know where we stand at all. How I still have all this feeling inside of me that I have to choke down every morning but it’s getting easier to swallow.

How talking to my lovely summer girl years later feels the same but different and I can’t help but possibly think I never really stopped loving her all those years ago but I want nothing more in the world than to see her get everything she ever wanted while I cheer her on from a distance. How I know that it is my fault that our friendship ended and I hate myself a little more everyday because of that.

I think maybe love just, wasn’t made for me.

I’m just not good at it.

Not at keeping it.

I’ve always wanted too much.

[weltenwellen]

Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry

[thoughtkick]

“Everyone else isn’t you. It turns out that’s a huge problem for me.”

— Clementine von Radics, Things I Do When I Cannot Hold You

[thehopefulquotes]

“Here is the truth: It is hard to be in love with someone who is in love with someone else. I don’t know how to turn that into poetry.”

— Clementine von Radics

[mango-season]

F. Scott Fitzgerald / Clementine Von Radics

[unreadable]

[perfectquote]

“I have always loved too much, or not enough.”

— Dorianne Laux

[resqectable]

“If you’re tired of kissing me I’d better go.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[quotefeeling]

“You will search for me in another person, I promise.”

— Unknown

[vexheart]

[asvpfrenchy]

​

[omgsen]

Hand kissing is sacred, high romance and I think we need to revive it.

[dumblr]

I want someone who will sit on a rooftop with me at 2am, and tell me their favorite songs and their family problems, and how they feel about true love and flowers.

[notsosecretlygay]

oh to grab his hoodie to pull him closer when we make out and then dig my nails into his back when he kisses down to my neck

[k00k13butt3rkal1]

I don’t know what love looks like. Real love. I’ve never seen love that didn’t come with a price. Fear and bruises, or disappearing and empty promises are the only things I’ve ever seen come from relationships. No matter how bright love looks I always assume behind that glow is the truth.

Will anyone ever truly love me.

[b-yyearns]

i just wanna grab their face and smother them in kisses and it dissolve into a somewhat desperate makeout session, fuck that-

fucking desperate handsy can't keep our hands off eachother makeout session where honestly we should have remembered we need to breathe