I have been completely open about it but I will remind you all anyways, i am obsessed with the side effects and consequences of severe obesity, especially medically.
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and I have gained 40+ heavy, obvious pounds since he last saw me at 380 in February. He didn't speak to me about my weight then but I truly am hoping he will this time. I've hit a weight few people hit and I feel it. Call me sick or fucked up, but I hope he tells me what I want to hear:
- "you won't make it to your mid 30s if you keep this up."
- "you are severely obese and endangering your health."
- "you are extremely heavy for your age."
- "your blood pressure/blood sugar/heart/lungs/kidneys/liver are all messed up because of your eating habits."
I hope he tells me he wants to see me lose weight in the next three months before my next appointment, and I put on more just to prove to him that I can't be stopped. I will eat myself to immobility. I will feel my heart flutter, my liver hurt, my kidneys squeeze, my limbs swell, my lungs wheeze, all from my obsession with food and weight. When he tells me to lose 50lbs, i put on 100. When he attempts to shame me, I'll store it in my brain to get off to later. When my organs fail and he tells me I had many chances to reverse this, I'll tell him that I had no desire to reverse this. I wanted all of this. Until my heart pops or my stomach does, I will always want this.
