thoughts of a yung jedi

live it learn it teach it

[whoisrenni]

Worst Parts of Growing Up

Does this thing have a character limit? ( i kid, sorta. )

Time doesn’t mean progress, it just means the telomeres have replicated more numerically. You can still feel just as stuck.

Everyone’s highlights are in your face all the time. How are people making seamless transitions through life’s milestones so effortlessly? Engagement, marriage, children, buying a house with the person they did the previous three things with. My brain has only been fully formed for THREE years for Christ sake and all of a sudden I’m expected to make decisions about a life partner and buying a 1.2 million dollar property. I mean, sure, I love leveraged debt as much as the next person - it’s the person that I think I have commitment issues with. Money flows, people go?

Nothing becomes clearer, in fact the road maps get more faint and none existence as life progresses. This is especially true when I don’t have conventional goals of getting married, having kids, hell or even the cliché Europe trip to “find myself”. Bitch I’m here, in line at Rexall buying Q-tips on sale.

Every choice feels so much more… heavy. Actions have more consequences, and no longer can you get away with things with a giggle and shrug.

You have to be comfortable with uncertainty and the fact that there isn’t a right and wrong decision. There just isn’t. You have to be okay with the fact that all decisions are grey. And I’m uncomfy with this.

All your childhood trauma begin surfacing because you become aware of it and the journey of “healing” and “self-parenting” is just that - a fucking journey that never fucking ends

Getting older sucks.

[whoisrenni]

everything everywhere all at once

“what if we never moved?” I was obsessed with asking my parents this question. Being generation 1.5 and shipped across the Pacific right before 3rd grade I went down a tangent in this universe, a version where dialogues of dreams are in English and Saturdays were for cartoons instead of prep class. In this version I was allowed to eventually quit violin and experiment with marijuana without the fear of being executed. In this universe I am also relegated to a society where my ethnicity will always precede my nationality in a way that exudes feelings of otherness, and the warmth of my extended family is only felt through the heat of a cellular device. For all the versions of life I have daydreamed about, and for all the versions of myself I will continue to scrutinize, it was all somehow captured in a very silly and extremely endearing film. Everything everywhere all at once. 

Through all the noise of wonders and wandering, we are forever stuck in one rendition of ourselves. How many deviances until I win the lottery? I’d like to be catapulted to that universe please and thanks. In which version of existence am I free from ennui and feeling strained dynamics with my family. Maybe I’d trade it all to be in the universe where I am an all-star point guard in the WMNA with the league record in MVP titles. But I digress. I am supposed to learn from the film to appreciate the the fleeting moments that make me feel loved, joy, a connection. Because in this otherwise meaningless moment of consciousness the only thing that truly matters is how we feel towards each other and what we do to connect. 

[whoisrenni]

So true

[whoisrenni]

Eric’s latte art of a heart ❤️🍪

[whoisrenni]

2am conversations

are the most honest. 

[whoisrenni]

2019-2020 feedback

“the patients like you, the families like you, the team likes you. You’re a ray of positivity on a gloomy day.” 

[whoisrenni]

the gay science

Do you want this again and innumerable times again? 

[whoisrenni]

[whoisrenni]

Uncle Tony, I wish you were still on this Earth with the rest of us. But it’s probably better that you’re missing this, you wouldn’t have bode well with the lockdowns, travel bans, and human misery. I miss you so much. 

[recaption]

[destroymylife]

[whoisrenni]

me in quarantine. 

[whoisrenni]

CoVid19 in 2020 

[whoisrenni]

Life at 25

Today I really kinda lost it.... I cried into my blankets because my guilt and anxiety fooled me into believing that the sadness belongs to me. I don’t want to own these default settings. They are not reality. I have overcome so much since I’ve moved to this country. It has been 17 years of learning, growing, adapting, and formulating myself. I am proud of who I am right now, I am funny, independent, smart, clever, kind, helpful, and loved. These are my truths and that is what I will be focusing on. 

[lundsandbyerlys]

How to Build a Cheese Board

The key to building a great cheese board is to have a nice variety of cheese flavors and textures to choose from. Here are some great options that are guaranteed to please!

Chèvre – Made from goat’s milk. Soft and bright. Triple Creme Brie – Creamy, buttery cow’s milk cheeses with an earthy finish. Manchego – A Spanish sheep’s milk cheese. Nutty and caramelly. Piave or Parmigiano – Dense, sweet and nutty cow’s milk cheeses. Blue cheese, such as Gorgonzola – Tangy and creamy cow’s milk cheese. Cheddar – This classic cow’s milk cheese is sharp and smooth.

Complete your cheese board with a variety of finger foods to complement the cheese. The more the better - get creative! Here are a few of our recommendations:

Salami

Olives

Pickled red onions

Dried apricots

Cherries

Blackberries

Honey

Pepper jelly

Fig jam

Crackers

Stop by our cheese counter for even more delicious recommendations from our cheese experts!

[whoisrenni]

His pleading eyes were so familiar. They weren’t almond shaped or shielded by hooded eyelids, in fact they were round and bulging. But that expression of concern for his daughter and desperation for financial security is one I have seen projected from my father’s eyes. The struggles of being in this country without any grasp of the language, the land, and the system. I hope I can help this family. 

[whoisrenni]

a haiku about my new marula oil

vanity is dumb grey is inevitable we’ll be worm food soon. 

[humansofnewyork]

“I didn’t feel anything.  It’s not even a holiday here.  I woke up early, walked through the streets, and listened to prayers on my headphones.  I might have bought myself a cupcake after dinner.  If I was back in Egypt, I’d have gathered with the whole family for dinner.  We’d have a specific type of juice, dried figs, dates, apricots in water.  On the way to the mosque we’d give all the children treats.  Everyone would speak to each other in the streets.  It’s quite beautiful.  You see all the happiness around and think, ‘Yes, it is Eid.’  But here I celebrated all alone.  My plan has always been to go back home eventually.  I knew if I wanted to go further in journalism,  I would need to study in the West.  But the plan was always to go back.  I always imagined having a family, and getting married the traditional way.  But I’m finishing my doctorate in November.  And now that it’s getting close, I’m not so sure.  It feels like maybe I’d be sacrificing myself for tradition.  I’d be like everyone else: becoming a mother, raising my children, and nothing else.  Maybe I could become a lecturer at a nearby university.  But there’s not a research culture.  It’s not about innovation.  You can easily get stuck teaching the same content for years.  I want to keep going to conferences.  I want to travel, not just for tourism, but to do something important.  To develop myself.  To share my ideas.  To have people say: ‘We learned from you.’  I don’t have to be better than everyone else.  I just want to contribute.  But at the same time, my mother is back home.  She’s all alone.   She’s growing old.  And I don’t want to miss this part of her life.  I’m not sure what to do.  But I need to decide soon.” (London, England)