An Ode to Adam Bryant
Once upon a time there was a boy named Adam
But that's not his real name, if you can fathom
He is actually Robert Adam Bryant
As a Tennessee native, his love of Krystal is giant
He should have rolled with the future Big Smo
Instead he found another way to put on a show
He rocked out with his band Simpleside
And left hundreds of fans satisfied
One thing he's very good at is procrastination
For many of us, that causes consternation
He loves Chipotle and pirates too
When Hannibal and Rubicon were canceled, he felt blue
Like Bobby, he puts it all on his back
He refuses to display his kidney stone on a plaque
His drink of choice is bourbon
But he'll down Rolling Rock if you urge him
Betty Draper he frequently kills
He watches Mad Dogs mostly for the thrills
When Breaking Bad ended, he was the one who sobs
He adores all things Sorkin, especially Steve Jobs
Yes, that includes Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
It had many more years left in it, just like Miss Blankenship
Sometimes he writes haylers, but his writing is usually butter than ever
His "Holy cow!" pun for Dig was his attempt to be clever
"Who's the Xbox? Who's the Atari?" was all him
He often goes on Starbursts runs on a whim
When he does interviews, he asks "Who am I gonna tell?" without fail
His all-time favorite superhero is Batman, from Keaton to Bale
My WALL-E laugh made him absolutely lose it
He inexplicably hates the goddess that is Cate Blanchett
But Connie Landers is who he hates the most
When we watched 12 Angry Men, he was totally engrossed
He likes to keep his brownie master wife away from us
And accepted being a Hufflepuff without fuss
Once he was so wasted, he said the time was 23rd Street
His drunk Kiefer Sutherland impression can't be beat
Getting us addicted to Big Brother was one of his goals
If he watched the feeds, he could fill in the holes
Last year, we founded Big Brother Book Club
But first, he had to watch the episodes but struggled to keep up
He loves to attend fights with his BFF Kyle
The jeans, white tee and button-down combo is his whole style
He's very smart but sometimes says things that make us fume
Like Fulton Reed being an outcast and "What is Room?"
Scott Caan called him "homes," but he's like his dad James
Or so a completely crazy person claims
His departure will leave us with a huge void
Maybe now he can find some to time to watch Freud!
We hope he will KITH with us, which to him is a point that is moo
But like our good Friends, if he had to, he'd pee on any one of you
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