Relapsing

he/him // active May 22 // dni if you post fatspo

[willtobethin]

Fuck it, these are my stats:

HW: 165

SW: 151

CW: 131

LW: 124

UGW: 97

H: 5'6

Binge free days: 1

[willtobethin]

Why are crackers actually the bane of my existence? I just ate 11 crackers in one sitting, surely that's a little excessive

[willtobethin]

Broke yet another week long binge today, terrified to see how much weight I've gained

[willtobethin]

Eating an apple after bingeing on 3000 calories of junk food because if I'm gonna overeat I might as well get some nutrients out of it. Self care.

[willtobethin]

I'm now 9kgs (20lbs) down, which means I'm officially under 60 kgs for the first time in 9 months !!

[willtobethin]

Just passed out lol that was embarrassing

[willtobethin]

Ate two pretzels yesterday and gained a pound, release me from my mysery

[willtobethin]

You'd have to be a real dumb bitch to binge for a week straight and then act surprised when you gain 5lbs. I am a real dumb bitch.

[willtobethin]

Might start posting food diaries again to hold myself accountable, because I have been bingeing so much recently

[willtobethin]

I know I say I'm gonna starve myself to death all the time and always end up bingeing a week later, but this time it's for real

[willtobethin]

Every time someone says "I could never be anorexic, I love food too much" a year is taken off my life

[willtobethin]

Wish I could chew and spit the fat directly from my bones

[willtobethin]

You will never catch me doing mountain climbers. I don't care how many calories they burn, I'd rather die

[willtobethin]

Okie this will probably be a long rant but this is my page so I'm gonna post it anyway lol

Every time I relapse, I tend to restrict intensely for two or three months then binge constantly for the same amount of time, sometimes longer. I've never been underweight, despite having had this godforsaken illness for six years. I'll lose twenty pounds and then gain it all back over and over again, it's an endless cycle and I have nothing to show for it. I keep thinking, if I could just restrict for a little longer, and not let one or two binges spiral into constant bingeing for months at a time, I might actually get to my lowest weight. I always try to lose a shit tonne of weight in a really short period of time, and then when I don't manage to reach this ridiculous goal, I beat myself up about it and the binge cycle begins. All of this is to say, I just binged for a week straight and the whole time was filled with the fear that I won't be able to stop. But I did. A binge doesn't have to be a spiral. Consistency in weight loss is more important than speed, I think. But what do I know

[willtobethin]

Might regress to my chewing n spitting era, at a low point in my life ngl

[willtobethin]

This shit is so gross oh my god

[willtobethin]

How do people live without diet soda.... I drink like six cans of diet irn bru a day, I get honest to god withdrawals, I can't remember what life was like before this addiction send help

[willtobethin]

Might regress to my chewing n spitting era, at a low point in my life ngl