As i walked with my friends going on different ways, i had goodbye with a wave, when i slowed down but no one heard , no one knew i left, no one looked back even just to see me when they are both in pairs and i’ve been odd out, i am sad. That’s why I’m shallow with my reasons. I thought a lot during my ride which started off with almost empty of passenger of vehicle, i started out waiting for the jeepney go full then the vehicle started, thoughts came running through my mind, knowing that the thing I expected which would have crossed one out in my bucket list will happen (somehow) but seeing one of my friends face unwillingly, i thought i have been pushing my ideals to them so hard.
After I did not attend to our planned outing, which they came i did not. The reason behind it was simply i’m not belong there. When the semester came back i felt that something had changed, i mostly feel sad in a manner where no one will notice but me, i feel so sad i don’t know.
One day I thought it’s normal. Everything came out the way i don’t wast it to be, disappointment comes, i disregard but i did not realize it just dwell inside my heart then one came again, the bucket list expedition and burst out thoughts keep coming. As the ride goes on while staring at the road moving, with the things around out the vehicle even knowing that those and me aren’t moving at all but the vehicle.
I want to be a character in a book where i know someone will know how i feel even if they don’t know me vice versa, how i wish there is a reader that could read my book full of my thoughts useless or not but someone can know, how i wish everything or even something can go the way i want, not short, no cuts, no regrettable, no one will forget.
I worry how I can easily will forget these sadness it leaves then it comes back when another happened it was like my inner self was locked inside the dark room where the only light i can see is the hole through the door knob. So great to think that these blank pages are filled with writings in black but when you give light to it, it will shine where you can see brightly. My thoughts on a dark page bucket list listed there are the things when you die, you did something ridiculous or worthy or fulfilling, whatever it is how weird i equated bucket lists to death.
I stopped thinking on my ride noticing the kid on my right weirdly again with his father on my front which wears a buttoned clothed but all the buttons are not fastened which shows his cyclic stomach and i listened to the tune to his son’s humming which i haven’t heard. The last thing i thought was, i want to write these unnoticed. The vehicle passed by my house everything stopped when i said i’ll go down, with my thoughts but not with my sadness. How i wish i could keep up a happy, mischievous facade going on. “Engulfed in the darkness, you can dearly see the light untouchable.” Why does small thought trigger a lot of emotions.
“When things that aren’t moving really moving, starts movings in a ride, thoughts also rides on.“
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