untethered

[windfallcatch]

May 12, 2023

Aba. Bumati pa.

[windfallcatch]

April 29, 2023

I replied past midnight because i needed to gather myself first and i thought he would not reply back after. Here's how things went.

[windfallcatch]

April 28, 2023

I thought okay na ko. Pero parang ngayon lang ako talaga naiyak. It still hurts. But I have no choice but to continue on.

[windfallcatch]

Nov 2, 2022

Grabe. Ang sakit sakit na.

[windfallcatch]

Oct 23, 2022

We haven't been talking with easy for 3mos now. You have been cold to me and were continuously pushing me away. I'm really hurting but I chose to ignore.

I even let you use me whenever you need something only to be treated badly afterwards. I know I look lame to you by being like this but I rather have you be rude to me than gone. There were times when I almost break down but chose not to for it will seem more real once I allow myself to feel that way. Yesterday you did not even sent me a msge. Today the only msge you sent was "Busy" as if i don't know it well by this time.

____

4pm

Savvy came out of their room upon waking up.

Me: gusto mo ice cream?

S: yes.

M: wala naman si Tito Yen, sino na lang bibili?

S: hmmmm... Tito King.

I don't even know how she remembers you so well, even out of the blue, when you guys haven't interacted that much yet. Or maybe it's because I've been talking abt you a lot or because of the random videocalls we shared with her.

I miss my love. Nothing is ever the same now. I'm just deeply sad inside without letting the people around me know what is really happening. It's not too late to throw the lifesaver.

[windfallcatch]

Sept 23, 2022

Met his parents so i can hand the cake a bought for his sister's birthday. Since it's already dark, they insisted to drop me home. They will always be the nicest. 🥺🥺🥺

(It's also their first time to see where i live)

[windfallcatch]

I am "love" only when i'm needed.

Im not even asking for much. Not even a simple iloveyou after the late birthday lunch. I was not even called "love" that day. Not even after i handed my gift.

The next day came. I was "love" again. From morning till night we tried all sorts of ways to be able to communicate and purchase the program he wanted. We were able to purchase it eventually before sleep time.

The next day, no "love." Only telling me he did not have time, in a very (yet again) cold and distant manner.

The next day, i'm back to being "love."

🥲

[windfallcatch]

Sept 19, 2022

Went out to have some lunch after almost 2mos of moods and not seeing each other. Belated birthday celeb @Amanti's.

[windfallcatch]

August 27, 2022

Ja came by to vax some ppl then later on after everything was over, we were chatting while Papa was these.

At one point he said [NV] (partly-kidding but 100% serious as well despite the light tone), "Mag-asawa na kayo" and me to Ja, "Ako lang ba ibig nyang sabihin? Lol"

This is the 2nd time he brought up marriage to me while we were on the same spot, but this time with another audience. 🥲

If only.

[windfallcatch]

August 10, 2022

6:24am

Im on the way to the office. Been sad and cried some last night. Talked to Ja abt certain struggles i'm facing. I understand that you are busy but why is it so difficult for you to talk to me at times that i needed you? 🥺 But if you need me, i even take a leave at work. 🥺

Iniintindi ko naman yung mga ginagawa mo pero sana mafeel ko rin na iniintindi mo ko. 😔

[windfallcatch]

August 6, 2022

This might be very trivial for others but I'm having my period now so that excuses my being emotional + i'm in a bit of a funk lately.

So today I've seen our electric bill and it skyrocketed to 12,600+ for this month. The past months it had been 10k-11k and i was already having a heartattack.

I'm actually having a difficulty when bills go up coz i've been contributing the most to our household bills despite the fact that I don't stay at home so often. This is almost the same amount as my paycheck. 💸💸💸 Adding to this is my constant worry about long-time and new debts (CIMB, loans to Ninang and Mama, loan to my other friend, etc).

At times like this, I want to rant to you but my problems seem sooooo small compared to yours. It seems to be so minor that i'm complaining about a 12,600 elec bill while you are trying to catch up on millions of backlogs and payouts.

This makes me sad.

I hope we soon reach a point where money is not a problem anymore.

[windfallcatch]

August 3, 2022

Dinner tonight.

[windfallcatch]

July 31, 2022

While eating lunch with Mama

We were talking abd she said she talked to Ninong Rolly and he asked if I will not get married yet. She said, "Sabihin mo sa kanya, pards" jokingly.

She said he asked abt my age and said that I should already get married because he married late and was jealous of his friends who already had children.

This is also the first time Mama talked about this topic, albeit indirectly.

Told her we don't have savings yet and im still thinking about our bills at home.

Yesterday (July 30, 2022) Kim got engaged. And im both happy and sad... Or maybe jealous??? I realized that I don't care much if my friends get married. But her engagement made me realize that i'm more envious of girls who have already been proposed to. 🥺🥺🥺

[windfallcatch]

Last Friday (July 22, 2022), i haven't talked to him yet so the moment he replied before lunch i videocalled him even tho mostly he was not talking or sleeping. Then he dropped call which made me redial and out of his mood, he somehow hit his head strongly (in the wall and said that he even broke his phone???🥺)

Then he got raging mad abt how painful his head was, how i broke his things, how dizzy he was and needed to get checked in the hospital. I was truly guilty and deeply regret not giving him time to sleep. I just wanna spend time even just by watching him in silence. But he was really mad and received a lot of harsh words (altho maybe i deserved it that time). I was remorseful and truly sorry. 🥺🥺🥺

It's already Sunday and I still haven't called him without his permission.

(to be cont...)

[windfallcatch]

June 20, 2022 vs June 21, 2022

His moods really turn 180 degrees whenever there's some good news and some ray of light. Also, he's somehow less authoritative despite being tired from all the meetings since everyday brings him more reasons to keep pushing forward. This week is a win for us.

I super miss him tho.

As of writing, he's there in Baguio (June 26, Sunday) and finishing some transaction. Hope he doesn't forget my cake. 😽

[windfallcatch]

June 19, 2022

June 19, 2022

Been relentlessly calling/messaging my love since yesterday after he said he wanted to sleep around 4pm. Been worried sick.

This morning I had a bad dream: We were already married but seems like something in the processes was wrong which could make out marriage voidable. After a few months I was set up to be wed to another guy and I totally crying and in pain. I can literally feel the physical pain in my chest and i was crying so hard. Thank God, i woke up from it

Finally, my love called me and he said he hasn't risen up since he slept and I said he may continue resting and he said goodnight and i said it's already lunch time the next day. He's been asleep for almost 19hrs already.

I wish everything turns out fine. It pains me to see him restless and helpless. I wanted to go there so i can hug him and be with him but I know for now he prefers to be alone with his mind.

Ugh. I wish there is something more I can do for him.

[windfallcatch]

June 12, 2022

Coz u want me to stay healthy. Thank youuu!