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if i look back, i am lost
Andulka
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Xuebing Du
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@wingsofvitality
I just realized how much sadder you've gotten the longer you've been here
It isn't so much how much sadder I've gotten, it was the steady realization of "oh I can be mentally ill here without judgement?" and then just stopped hiding how much I hate myself and my life.
I usually don’t like saying this about my own kind most of the time, but this will always be an exception.
Feral succubi /incubi/concubi SUCK. I always dread being assigned missions where I have to take a few out because they’re so gross.
It sucks, yeah, but ya gotta keep in mind how dangerous they are. You and Reaper are damn heroes for keeping the peace when those things try to sneak into populated areas.
That’s true but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing if there are males around because they shake their creepy weird pheromone tails at me and then I have to fight them with brain fog and a painful boner because their regular creepy pheromones have at least triple the effect that my pheromones do at full strength
And that’s why Reaper’s there to help. She kills the males, you kill the females. It’s a win-win for you both since you’re both immune to the pheromones of the opposite gender with these things. Or rather, Reaper’s immune. You just have a vastly numbed out reaction to women’s attempts at seduction in any way.
Yeah, true… I just wish I could like…shut my brain and body off? Like SHII does a lot of the time.
Vitality Victuma have you forgotten why SHII is very strictly forbidden to do these missions he does the exact OPPOSITE of shut his brain and body off
No I Haven’t Forgotten That He Becomes A Bloodthirsty Mindless Fuck Machine Around These Creepy Things I Just Meant Like He Does In General Life Matters
I usually don’t like saying this about my own kind most of the time, but this will always be an exception.
Feral succubi /incubi/concubi SUCK. I always dread being assigned missions where I have to take a few out because they’re so gross.
It sucks, yeah, but ya gotta keep in mind how dangerous they are. You and Reaper are damn heroes for keeping the peace when those things try to sneak into populated areas.
That’s true but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing if there are males around because they shake their creepy weird pheromone tails at me and then I have to fight them with brain fog and a painful boner because their regular creepy pheromones have at least triple the effect that my pheromones do at full strength
And that’s why Reaper’s there to help. She kills the males, you kill the females. It’s a win-win for you both since you’re both immune to the pheromones of the opposite gender with these things. Or rather, Reaper’s immune. You just have a vastly numbed out reaction to women’s attempts at seduction in any way.
Yeah, true... I just wish I could like...shut my brain and body off? Like SHII does a lot of the time.
I usually don’t like saying this about my own kind most of the time, but this will always be an exception.
Feral succubi /incubi/concubi SUCK. I always dread being assigned missions where I have to take a few out because they’re so gross.
It sucks, yeah, but ya gotta keep in mind how dangerous they are. You and Reaper are damn heroes for keeping the peace when those things try to sneak into populated areas.
That’s true but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing if there are males around because they shake their creepy weird pheromone tails at me and then I have to fight them with brain fog and a painful boner because their regular creepy pheromones have at least triple the effect that my pheromones do at full strength
I usually don’t like saying this about my own kind most of the time, but this will always be an exception.
Feral succubi /incubi/concubi SUCK. I always dread being assigned missions where I have to take a few out because they’re so gross.
I’ve been in bed all morning, and I gotta say… I wanna get up so bad how does SHII lay around so much like it’s so easy
“All morning”...It’s literally only 8, bud. You’ve been up since 6 so it feels like an eternity, I get it. Still though, SHII and I are making somethin’ for ya, just take it easy a bit longer, okay?
Reblog if your muse has ever self-harmed.
Reblog if your muse has been sexually abused.
I’m at SHII’s house after I left a bar trip early. I left because some guys I THOUGHT were great people started eyeing some ladies nearby that got stood up and didn’t have a ride home and were thinking about making moves on them. I pretended to go over there to make the moves myself but actually warned the ladies what those horny pigs were planning and waited with them until they got a cab ride home. That isn’t even the worst part, though.
The guy I thought was the kindest of the fuckers told me I “wasted a chance with those prime females.” I never kicked anyone to the curb and ended a friendship so fucking fast like I did these assholes. And people say that INCUBI are braindead horndogs...at least we don’t call all women “fEmAlEs”...EUGH...
So I learned that one of the guys I’d been kinda casual with in the past and also helped him save up for his transition changed his name to Gaylord since he’s gay, the absolute fucking madlad.
11
11. was there anyone who was a shining light for your muse? Ie. was there any adult who they could genuinely rely on / trust?
In the end, the only one that was always around that Vitality truly, fully trusted was SHII. SHII is the one that's helped Vitality out of his worst lows, helped him feel less alone and scared, and that he had someone around that would never dare to take advantage of him at his weakest and most vulnerable. Sure he trusted Reaper too and didn't fear her, but she was literally the only woman he didn't fear for the longest time, so he felt scared to go to her for help despite knowing her first.
In the end, if it weren't for SHII, Vitality wouldn't be alive right now. As sad as it is to say it.
9
9. what coping methods (healthy or unhealthy) did your muse learn during their childhood?
It's been referenced a few times before, but Vitality used to self-harm a LOT in his childhood by cutting. His upper arms are COVERED in scars on the back of them so he could try and hide them easier, and for the most part he could since people don't tend to pay attention if they aren't super out there, not to mention he wore long sleeves or covered them with makeup often. He's only fully stopped the past year or two and is still fresh in recovery, so to say.
q’s for muses who had a… r o u g h childhood
( tw’s for trauma, child abuse, child neglect, and violence toward children )
does your muse blame themselves for their trauma?
does your muse suffer with nightmares of their trauma?
what triggers does your muse have from their childhood?
who in their life was most responsible for your muse’s trauma?
has your muse ever been officially diagnosed with ptsd, c-ptsd?
what was the worst / most traumatic moment in their childhood?
how old was your muse when they realized they had childhood trauma?
how does your muse react to being triggered? ( disassociates, becomes angry, etc. )
what coping methods ( healthy or unhealthy ) did your muse learn during their childhood?
does your muse want their abuser(s) to face consequences? Or would they rather forget any of it happened?
was there anyone who was a shining light for your muse? Ie. was there any adult who they could genuinely rely on / trust?
whats a inmon tattoo?
It's basically the symbol you'll see on succubi/incubi in their womb/lower stomach area. It'd be worthless to get that kind of tattoo since I already have a "lewd crest" show up there when I use that kind of power (it's also used as my family's crest in High Family affairs, oddly enough). That's a staple sex demon thing though, it's rarer to not have one when that power is used.
